Concealed Identity
written by KaihleeLo
reviewed by Julie_Cavi

Title: 10/10
I personally love it when a story has something from it or it's plot as its title, lol. It gives a homey vibe for the story I suppose. 

Plot: 34/35

                5/5: Originality
                The plot for this story is well thought out, I could tell how much work and thinking you put into this story, you even had many other review shps give their opinion on this story. This story has a lot of different elements in it and with stories and works nowadays you will see lots of different genres clashing but you have that all in a balance and it works out quite well. 

                9/10: Believability
                The cool thing about writing in the historical genre was that any of this could have happened. From the romantic aspects to how the characters talked and interacted was well done. The believability factor for this story is almost through the roof. Sure there could be some things to be re-written, but otherwise nice job. 

                10/10: Narration
                The exceptional use of adjectives and describing characters and settings made the narration for this story. How you used third person omniscient was so well crafted it made myself feel like I was watching this all happen over the characters. Good job on this. 

                10/10: Setting
                I think it was pleasant that you added the year before each chapter. Then you defined the settings (notably settings that were changed) of that chapter beautifully. And the transactions for each setting was made simple and not over complicated. 

Characterization: 32/35

                8/10: Development
                Development for characters in a story can either go one of two ways: bam! They dramatically changed or it was a slow gradual build. For me, you did both to your characters. For Yoomi, in ch. 5, it was such a twist that she killed the king and confessed it to Inpyo, like you had the subtle hints of how she killed the king, but then you turned right around and made her this blabber mouth and telling her ex-lover of her plans. That seemed more of what might happen in a k-drama you know? In fact, this story at times felt like a k-drama, lol, since you did have some actors and actresses as some characters. Well, otherwise, the story is doing fine so far for the development, can’t wait to see what happens in the next coming chapters,lol. 

                4/5: Presentation
                The presentation of your characters was creative, you described them very simply which was new to me. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think with the foreword and the chapter with the cast and characters, there was too much going on. Plus I don't want to call it a cheat, I personally hate it because there was too much going on and lots of pictures in those chapters. Tone it down just a bit. But your characters were perfectly written. 

                10/10: Diversity
                You sure did have a lot of different characters in here. There were many good choices and you wrote these characters well. Good job.

                10/10: Purpose
                Even if the characters were minor or the main characters, each one had a purpose to fill and they all completed it. You wrote them well enough to have that mission accomplished. 

Writing Style: 15/20

                6/10: Spelling/Grammar
                Your grammar was really weird to me. I found myself correcting it as I was reading your chapters. There'll be instances where you use the wrong verb tense and it's confusing since you would do that multiple times within the paragraph. Ex: ch.3 “... Left Yoomi’s timid mind in a jumbled.” Since you are writing in the present, you won't need the past tense of jumble. Especially in chapter 3, you have many other words that are in past tense when they shouldn't be. Another thing is you're missing some definite and indefinite articles. Sentences can still make sense without a, the, and an but it's proper to use them. There were minor spelling errors in the beginning chapters that gradually got worse then it started to fluctuate in later chapters where spelling mistakes were small then noticeably bad. If you could find a good beta to fix those mistakes or if you could do it yourself that would make the story flow much more smoothly. Otherwise, I like the use of italics to distinguish between past and present and your use of adjectives feels like you were there during this time period.  

                5/5: Consistency
                Besides your spelling mistakes, the consistency within this story was superb. Even though you had other little subplots going on, you marked them all off with that cool sword so they wouldn't get disorganized.

                4/5: Flow
                As I said above, your transactions were well met and the story wasn't in any huge ruts Not sure if this goes into flow or consistency, but there was one part that i should point out: in chapter 4 where Inpyo sneakily came to see Yoomi and she was surprised, you jumped into her pushing him into a room, and not how he got down in order for Yoomi to push him. Small interactions like that are key.  

TOTAL: 91/100

Even though the story isn’t completed, you are doing very well so far. You do have many mistakes you need to fix and as I have pointed out above, if you need to try and find a beta or try your best to fix those mistakes yourself. Your world and characters are very well thought out and you are doing an amazing job. But like I said before, the first chapter with all the pictures is a little distracting and gives a bit of the story away so try to tone it down a bit. Can't wait for the upcoming chapters. And now, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, you can always message me. Good job and keep on writing~

(if you need help with the past verbs and what not I have some website recommendations if you would like to check them out)