everblue
written by Katakatica
reviewed by Yeoniebb42

Title: 7.5/10
I haven’t the slightest clue why but I have mixed feelings about the title. It is certainly original and it fits very well with the story – Luhan goes from a world without shades of blue to an eternity of seeing the complete palette of the world. But why, oh why, do I have so much trouble trying to recall the title every time? I praise short titles because they’re meant to be easier to remember and I find that there is beauty in simplicity but this title is sadly quite forgettable in spite of its strong connection to the story. I wouldn’t advise you to change the title over this trivial matter however, I would strongly recommend you to capitalise the ‘e’ in ‘everblue’ for the sake of grammar.
On a side note, I’m not a very big fan of the foreword. The lone sentence in the description is beautiful but it’s overshadowed by the foreword which was incomparable in content and shattered my initial interest in the story. I think it wouldn’t be a bad idea at all to spruce up or completely change the excerpt in your foreword and perhaps consider adding a background?

Plot: 15.5/35

                1/5: Originality
                One’s ability to see only certain colours and that ability being changed by a soulmate is definitely something that is overly used in this particular au. To be quite frank, there weren’t many aspects of this story that were noticeably distinctive. I was waiting and waiting for that big twist or a special something that would turn the whole thing around – perhaps when Luhan and Sehun discovered that they were soulmates – but it didn’t happen.

                4/10: Believability
                I really don’t know where to begin with this. There were many plot holes in the story and although I adore open endings and leaving things unsaid, I can’t help but feel as though it wasn’t done very neatly here. Since the second chapter wasn’t technically a part of Everblue as you mentioned in the author’s note, I won’t mention my thoughts on the sequel although I did read it.
First of all, how did Luhan and Sehun know that they were soulmates? There was no spark when Sehun hit Luhan upon their first meeting and the fact that Luhan blushed over Sehun’s handsomeness doesn’t seem to be a valid answer to me. Sehun just casually brought up that “fate played a trick on them” as casually as he would bring up their exam schedule.
And another thing about this scene, aren’t their responses rather odd? Luhan finally found the soulmate he has been longing for all this time yet he didn’t seem particularly joyful about it. Sehun, too, treated the situation extremely strangely; he made everything overly formal and there was an uncomfortable air of awkwardness about it. It just didn’t make sense that after that awkward exchange, Luhan could happily think about Sehun with love and adoration.
Oh, and the test that Sehun constantly mentions. What test? Is it a dystopian thing wherein all supposed soulmates are supposed to prove and confirm that they were meant to be? Or did the school demand that Sehun proves that he genuinely loves Luhan and isn’t just trying to cause trouble? This isn’t something that you can just leave the readers to decide on; it has to be explained because the readers have no idea what it is.

                5/10: Narration
                At the moment, I believe that your performance here is satisfactory. Your writing is a little on the plain side and at times, your writing style would vary so it was difficult to really grab a strong feeling from it. I think you definitely have room for improvement though so keep working hard!

                5.5/10: Setting
                Sadly, you didn’t describe the setting very often so I often had to rely on my imagination quite a great deal to add the extra details needed to vividly paint an accurate mental image. However, in the scenes where you did provide details about the setting, especially when it came to describing nature and the colours that Luhan saw, you did quite nicely. Well done!

Characterization: 15/35

                3/10: Development
                Hunhan is my ultimate OTP but why was it so hard to ship them here? Because we hardly knew them and what we did know didn’t make sense. Their personalities could hardly be developed when they didn’t even seem to have definite traits. Luhan was quiet and difficult to understand (although that might have more to do with the fact that he’s mute rather than generally shy or afraid of backlash) from beginning to end and Sehun was so erratic to the point that he was almost random. It would have been nice to see them develop as people and see the changes that finding each other would have on their personalities.

                2/5: Presentation

• You described Luhan and everyone’s feelings towards Luhan in a manner that made feel compelled to pity and relate to him but I really couldn’t. So he’s a mute? So what? I like to think that that’s supposed to make him stronger although that was not the case. I really feel that his disability was completely unnecessary in this story and had it had more purpose in the story, Luhan’s personality could have really gone a long way and led us to love him without thinking him pathetic in any way. But if he’s just lingering around feeling sorry for himself and waiting to be bullied then that doesn’t make him endearing. It makes his character pointless.
• Sehun’s character was…hardly a character at all! Everything he said or did was completely random and I do not mean that he was spontaneous or fickle, no. He was strict one second, caring the next, flirty for a moment and then abruptly serious. (???) He really needs to chill. Choose one particular personality for Sehun and stick with it. Don’t just make him do whatever like a person who is out of his mind – that makes him even more difficult to relate to, let alone like. I must stress that there needs to be consistency within the characters.

On another note, I know that one is not meant to use a character’s name several times (e.g. Luhan did this. Then, Luhan did that. Luhan also did something else.) but my point is that you hardly mentioned their names and I was often confused about which character was performing which action.

                3/10: Diversity
                One thing that Luhan and Sehun had in common as characters was that they were difficult to understand and that is only because they were very underdeveloped. You need to give each character their own special qualities to allow them to stand out. I really wanted to relate with the characters but I simply couldn't...

                7/10: Purpose

•                 First of all, I must say that Baekhyun truly serves his purpose as comic relief here because out of all the characters, I found Baekhyun to be the most pleasant.
• Now, when it comes to Luhan and Sehun, they were both necessary in the story, of course, since they’re the male leads. Apart from that though, there wasn’t much of a point to them. If you wanted Luhan to be depicted in a pathetic manner, you should’ve shown his development into a stronger person. And Sehun? There was nothing about his character that stood out enough to be a main character.

Writing Style: 12/20

                6/10: Spelling/Grammar
                Your spelling and grammar wasn’t dreadful but you did have quite a few mistakes here and there. It was most prominent in your foreword, actually so I’d advise you to do some proofreading and perhaps consider having a beta reader look over the story? I’ve heard that The New Library has a beta reader (Meleodiseu) as an affiliate so it’d be best for you to request for her services.

                3/5: Consistency
                To be fairly honest, your writing style wasn’t as consistent as I would’ve liked. Most of the story followed a particular style but somewhere between the middle and the end, something changed and I began to feel tired and less interested in Luhan’s perspective. And the main reason I felt this way was that it felt as though you yourself had gotten tired of writing! It is very important to stay true to one’s writing style and not stray away from beginning to end.

                3/5: Flow
                The main thing that made the flow somewhat choppy was the fact that the transition of scenes wasn't as smooth as it could have been. I would advise you to analyse your story yourself as a reader and add the additional details you yourself would've wanted to see. Good luck!

TOTAL: 50/100

Thank you for sharing this story with me. I hope you find my review helpful! I may have come off as a little harsh but my only intention was to give you the in-depth review you requested for and provide you with constructive criticism that would help you have a story that you're 100% satisfied with. I hope you keep writing and I wish you the best of luck!