Against the Time
written by Angel110
reviewed by Librarian

Title: 6/10
It is not a bad title but it is not a great title, either. The 'the' is unnecessary; "Against Time" would be the same time, cutting out the unneeded word. However, the title is not very unique. There are a lot of stories in which the title is going against time in one way or another. 
It fits to the story well enough, though once again, it is so generic that it could have fit a suspenseful story no matter the plot.

Plot: 24/35

                2/5: Originality
                I cannot say how many stories like this are out there, though it is probably thousands, because I have read quite a few myself. It's not an original plot nor does it really bring any new twists to the party. I did appreciate how you ended it, instead of a perfect pink bow; that was different from probablly 3/4 of the other stories of this plot. However, the plot was easy to predict and there was nothing truly new about it.

                6/10: Believability
                I had some trouble with the believability in this, due to the way that the events escalated so quickly and seem so contrived. I know, technically you only had 24 hours to tell the story, and yet it felt like it went too fast and too impossible to be believed. It would be better if you set up the story before hand and really built up to that 24 hours to live thing.

                10/10: Narration
                The narration was nice, though there were some tense switches that really pulled my attention away from the story itself. I will discuss those later on in the grammar section. The way that you tell the story is nice, I like how you tell everything in a very straightforward manner. In a strange way it felt like I was reading the synopsis of an action movie (not a bad thing at all!).

                6/10: Setting
                I think that you could describe your setting a lot more, there were a lot of times when I was confused over where they were and what the places were supposed to look like. Adding a lot more description would make your story come to life, like when Tao met LuHan and was taken to the place, I had a really hard time picturing it. Like, where were they? What kind of building? What did the inside of the building look like? Without those kind of answers, I was left very confused.

Characterization: 17/35

                2/10: Development
                Well you had only 24 hours to make them all develope, and honestly speaking, it wasn't enough. I didn't feel a connection to the characters, I couldn't bring myself to truly care about them, because there was nothing to their growth or their development. I have read another of your stories and the characters were great, so I truly think that it is because of the whole 24 hour limit that you gave yourself. If you had set up the scene (Tao has only 24 hours to live) and then cut back, say, a week prior just to show Tao's life and character, that would have been better.

                2/5: Presentation
                Once again, the description suffers. If I didn't know who EXO was already, I would never be able to picture them. Sure, LuHan looks like a deer, but HOW? What kind of clothing do they wear, how do they carry themselves, what hints of their personalities can we gain from their habits?

                5/10: Diversity
                The diversity is okay, though some of them feel like copies of one another. Like, what was the point of mentioning the names of the first three bodyguards who got shot?

                8/10: Purpose
                The purpose wasn't bad, I appreciated that you didn't throw in every member into the story just because they were in a band together. However, there were some that really just felt unnecessary.

Writing Style: 17/20

                8/10: Spelling/Grammar
                Your spelling and punctuation are done nicely, as well as the fact that I liked how wide of a vocabulary you have. However, you had a lot of tense switches (had-has, is-was, did-does). Those are very distracting and make it hard to focus on the story. The use of a beta reader to help you to recognize and fix those issues would definitely be advised; we have an affliate now here at the Library whose profile is linked on the foreword.

                5/5: Consistency
                Your writing stayed consistent throughout.

                4/5: Flow
                The only major flow I could see in your flow was not exactly your flow, but once again, the 24 hour time limit. Everything seemed too fast.

TOTAL: 64/100

First of all, I am very sorry about how long this review took. It was passed around from reviewer to reviewer due to personal issues until I took it over. I hope that my pointers have really helped you and I look forward to seeing your response.
I admit to still being confused. How did Kris and Tao know one another? Why was Kris his protector? What are they? Who was after them? Why and how do they have those abilities? If you would use your story to explain this more in depth to your readers, it would help a lot.
You said that you were wondering why you didn't get comments, and yet I noticed that you do have quite a few. I think that a lot of EXO stories don't get many comments, especially when it is a oneshot, and so I don't think that it is anything wrong with your story and instead, the fandom itself. I am sorry that you're not receiving as many as you would like, but don't let that negativity affect you. =)