What you like...
written by faithful-lie
reviewed by SouthWest

Title: 6/10
I’d like to hear how you intended the title to relate to the story, beyond its connection to the title of the song you took inspiration from.  The line in the song that stuck out to me in relation to this story was the first part of, “If you give me what I need, I’ll give you what you like.”  For me, the story centered more on Yoongi’s wants and needs, then it did on Jimin’s.  In the beginning of the story, Yoongi wants to give Jimin what he likes, but by the end, he realizes that he needs more than what Jimin can give him.

Some formatting corrections: All the words need to be capitalized.  Throw out the dot.dot.dot.

Plot: 24/25

                10/10: Setting
                Setting was great.  I thought you did a great job choosing scenes and locations.  Each scene had a purpose in carrying the story forward.

Other than that, the physical setting of your story isn’t nearly as important as the emotional setting and you do such a wonderful job of setting the emotions of each and every scene.  For example, the first paragraph of the story is wonderful.  Beautiful sensory details.  I love that you chose to focus on the external details and the emotions rather than the X rated content.  And you use all of this to lead us to the main conflict on this story: “Because Jimin only treats him this way at times like this.”  Wonderfully done.

                5/5: Originality
                Definitely original.

                9/10: Believability
                Definitely believable.  The situation and Yoongi’s moment of clarity, all believable.  But Jimin isn’t quite…  I’m not sure whether the story needs it or not, but by the end, I’m happy that Yoongi is strong enough to throw Jimin out of his life, but I’m curious as to what’s happening in Jimin’s life.  Why did he decide to ask Yoongi to date, why was he with other people, what is he going to do now without Yoongi?  I would much have rather the epilogue be about Jimin than about Yoongi.

Characterization: 32/35

                4/5: Presentation
                As I mentioned earlier in ‘Setting,’ the physical setting isn’t as important in this story as the emotional and that applies to the presentation of the characters as well.  I do like how you’ve thrown in little bits such as their hair color and one of them re-dying it when the other hasn’t.

However, as I explain later in ‘Diversity/Purpose’ this only applies to Yoongi, Jimin, and Taehyung.  There is zero presentation of any of the other characters you mention.  They’re mentioned only briefly, so yes, they don’t need much presentation.  But if that’s the case, you need to reconsider whether or not you really need them in the story.

                10/10: Development
                Yoongi’s development is really well done.  On the other hand, Jimin’s is lacking.  The story ultimately works without it, because Yoongi is really the main character and the thus the only one whose development is essential.  But there’s so much emotion seeping from Jimin’s character that I would love to see more development in his character as well.

The end of Chapter 5, when they both agree to stop: I really like this scene.  But I’m confused about Jimin.  You write this as if he’s hurting too.  Then at the end of Chapter 6: This is a really powerful moment for Yoongi.  To have the strength to send Jimin packing.  But again, I don’t understand Jimin, his actions or his words.  You do a good job throughout the story of highlighting things that make us think that there’s hope that Jimin does or could feel the same as Yoongi even when Yoongi thinks it’ll never happen.  But then there’s this scene and I’m not sure what you’re trying to say with it.  I’m starting to think that Jimin is trying to cover something up, maybe something out of his control.  Maybe in this scene, he’s just trying to say whatever he can to convince Yoongi that it’s not that big a deal.  You’ve wrapped up Yoongi’s story really well.  But when it comes to Jimin, you’ve definitely left me with some questions.  Like I said earlier, I would have rather the epilogue have been about Jimin, instead of Yoongi.

I’m going to throw this in here too: I love your use of dialogue.  For example, at the end of the first chapter, you use Jimin and Taehyun’s conversation to explain Jimin and Yoongi’s “relationship”.  It was really a great use of dialogue.

                18/20: Diversity/Purpose
                I didn’t have a problem with Jimin or Yoongi’s characters.  Even Taehyung’s character is okay.  But I’m not sure about the other guys.  The scene with all of them works if you’re familiar with all the members of BTS, but I’m not sure if it works when the reader doesn’t already know all their names.  There was no introduction for any of them, they were just there in name only.  And they served no real purpose in the story.  Taehyung does: his conversation with Jimin explains their relationship, he’s the one that forces them to talk in Chapter 5.  What purpose do the other guys serve?

Writing Style: 29/30

                10/10: Narration
                I love your writing...

                10/10: Consistency/Flow
                It flows really well.

                9/10: Spelling/Grammar
                Even though you don’t follow normal grammar rules…  Which is perfectly okay, because the writing is consistent and flows well, thus it doesn’t cause a disruption in the reading of the story. There were a couple of spelling/typo mistakes I want to point out, though:

End of Chapter 2: It should be friends, not friendship

Second Part of Chapter 5: skillfully, not skilfully

TOTAL: 91/100

Reviewer's Notes:

Overall, I really enjoyed this story.  Your writing drew me right in and carried me straight though the story.  The first time I read it, I didn’t really stop to ‘review’ anything, I just had to keep reading.

Something to consider: The first line in the story starts with, “He doesn’t really know how to follow…“  I highly suggest cutting this.  I don’t even know what it means, but the next sentence is so much more effective as a first line.

Some other points to consider:

I’m not quite sure if these lyrics you’ve added to the beginning of each scene are needed…  It seems like it was a great form of inspiration for you, and I like that you credit the song for the inspiration.  But I’m not sure what adding the lyrics is really adding to the story.

In regards to the epilogue, again, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say with this scene.  It seems kind of bitter sweet.  There’s someone with him and he seems like he could be happy, he’s smiling at the end.  But he’s standing in the rain fully clothed, with rain water filling his glass of wine.  That doesn’t strike me as ‘doing well’.  It strikes me as trying his best to move on, but he’s still stuck on Jimin.  I’m also a little confused.  Does he know the person on the ground waving at him?  Or is the person that was waving to him the person that’s now inside?