In Heaven

written by Whitetigeress
reviewed by BloomingApril

Title: 8/10
I'm positively surprised by the title! I have to admit that I misjudged it at first as the word 'heaven' is a rather overused word when it comes to the whole angel-demon concept. But I love how you managed to make it unique, to make it truly fitting for your story. I love the idea of naming the exhibition 'In Heaven'! That was really smart ;) Your description isn't very specific and didn't really capture my interest but I love that combined with the title, it at least scratches at the surface of the central topic (which would be the heaven-hell concept). Also, I love that the reader can understand the title both literally and figuratively, very good. Also, after finishing reading, I always go back and look over the foreword again and, wow, it just makes so much more sense now and I get it on such a deep emotional level after following Dae on his journey to literally 'save his love'! It's a well chosen title, the only critic is that you have to read the story attentively to really understand just how fitting it is and to appreciate the thought behind it and sadly you can't expect that.

Plot: 30/35

                5/5: Originality
                The topic isn't a rare one and I have seen and read millions of stories about angels and demons fighting or loving each other and in my opinion those are way too cliché at least most of the time. In spite of all that I give you 5/5 for originality. I think you took a new and fresh approach on the theme and it makes me think that the other stories only so much as broached the subject whereas you created a very interesting route humans have to walk down after death. Great job!

                8/10: Believability
                So this was difficult for me. I love the way you focused on the figures of the story and their feelings. The thing is you had a few characters who were, in a way, bound to a specific place, for example, Ji-Hyo has her gallery and Taehyun's bakery is absolutely adorable. The problem is that I couldn't imagine them outside of their own little worlds... They are somewhat two-dimensional due to the fact that their location is important, to such an extend, for the characters and the impressions they give the reader, which takes away a bit of their believability.

                9/10: Narration
                First of all, I love your narration! You are somehow able to make Seunghyun's darkest and most emotional moments seem real, not over-the-top or too dramatic and I love that you didn't focus on the tragic moment of death as much as on the deathly dullness which comes after for those left behind. You're very good at capturing feelings and describing them! Life became literal hell for Seunghyun (which is kind of ironic haha) and it made me uneasy how he spiralled down into self-hatred and doubts. He was so desperately trying to hold on, it really broke my heart. Well hidden between all the sadness were also happy moments in which his longing for Dae was pushed to the background, only to be crushed by his sadness just a few hours later. It's a very realistic way of coping with grief. Very well written! :) I also really liked how you described Jiyoung as somewhat incompetent to do his job as an angel and supported that image with how he wore his hair in a not very angelic fashion, somehow that detail got stuck in my mind.

                8/10: Setting
                I think the story is lacking a bit in the description of simple tangible, physical things like their apartment and sense impressions such as the actual smell of Daesung's cologne or the taste of NamCat's famous chocolate cupcake, adding those and personalizing what Seunghyun missed, would have made me sympathise with him and his grief for such seemingly unimportant things in a deeper way. You make up for it by varying your writing style to match the characters' feelings, I don't know if you do it intentionally but I love how your descriptions differ from very specific to somewhat vague depending on the mood of a situation. 

Characterization: 31/35

                10/10: Development
                (I think I went real crazy on this one :D) In the story you talk about Seunghyun and Daesung being like light and darkness, contrasting to the core and this is amazingly represented by your writing in the story. Seunghyun's character obviously changes a lot, going through different stadiums of grief he deals with a lot of internal and external conflicts and as the story nears its end the reader realizes that, although, he didn't stop loving Dae and certainly did not stop missing him either, he learned how to live without him until they meet again in heaven (which is absolutely heartwarming). Dae, in contrary, seems to have no character development at all. His kindness is ethereal and unyielding, his character seems to be frozen and, in my opinion, that is only logical. Not only does that give him the fitting aura of an angelic, celestial being which stands the test of time, it also brings out the differences, the contrast between him and Seunghyun perfectly. Great job! I think this aspect of your story is absolutely fantastic, I also appreciate how even every side character grew by dealing with the loss of a brother, lover, friend.

                4/5: Presentation
                I noticed that you sometimes (extremely seldom) reduce a character to one distinctive feature or character trait at first glance which is sad because it makes them plain and too easy to understand and nobody is ever that easy but that is also human. Still, you should pay attention to adding multiple layers to a figure, like something you can't see on first glance such as a nervous habit or a quirky, weird sense of humor. It is literature and characters of literature are often desperate, knotted pieces of art, not meant to be obvious or easy to understand. However, you did a great job on letting the reader trying to figure out a character, including all of its quirks and habits and the way they work, with how they act and react.

                8/10: Diversity
                Just yes. I honestly don't know what to say. Awesome! So many different and unique characters to love! Although some of them were more likable and complicated than others and I did notice with which characters you tinkered more (which is absolutely understandable), you did great ;)

                9/10: Purpose
                Almost every character has a purpose and often there's a personal connection with either Seunghyun or Daesung (or their supernatural matches), some more than others. Later in the stories you mention a lot of angels that got a bit confusing as they didn't play a big role or even mattered for the plot. Despite that, the characters are still tied to one another and nobody falls out of place.

Writing Style: 18/20

                9/10: Spelling/Grammar
                I noticed near to none errors to begin with so the following things are minor problems :)
Simple spelling mistakes were so rare I can't even remember if there were any tbh... :D To make your writing even richer in variety you could use more infinitive and gerund constructions but, hey, first class writer problems right here. Concerning a few conjunctions you used to begin phrases or to describe relations... A few of them sounded a bit strange to me... You should check that.

                5/5: Consistency
                I have nothing to say about the consistency, take it as a compliment :)

                4/5: Flow
                I am not a fan of changing perspective as it takes away quite a bit of fluidity but I can understand why it was needed in this story and I get where you come from so it did not disturb me that much while reading. Otherwise, you did great once again and I can only compliment your writing!

TOTAL: 87/100

Thank you for requesting!
 
Personal note:
'In Heaven' was an adventure for me. I enjoyed it so much (I subscribed to the sequel already oh my god) and I want to congratulate you on the overall level of your writing. So many aspects of your story were superb and I actually had some difficulties to find flaws :) I didn't even like the ship Todea before I read this story, moreover, I did not even know of its existence but I grew to love the characters! Your story was unique and surprising and I will definitely read it again in the future. Character development/description is what you're best at in my opinion and I greatly advise you to either continue or start focusing on that part of writing. I've lost a person dear to me before and your writing brought me to tears more than once, simply because the way you described Seunghyun's thoughts and feelings, it was so familiar. The scene where Minho arrives at the hospital after Seunghyun saved his brother's boyfriend got me bad >< I hope you are not speaking from experience and are simply good at capturing feelings.
I hope, you understand my review but if you have questions concerning anything I said, you are greatly welcome to ask in the comments down below or just PM me.
You have captured my interest and I have big expectations for the sequel! 
BloomingApril