Where The Heart Lies
written by Luwrivir
reviewed by -Tigress-

Title: 10/10
Upon reading most of the story, I didn't get why you'd name it this. And then I finished it and it all makes perfect sense to me. Not only do you tie it in all the way through the story with the ship's name, but you give a second meaning with the ending. The name for the story doesn't particularly stand out but there is nothing wrong with it, either.
Grammatically speaking, the word 'the' should not be capitalized (Where the Heart Lies).
Your story title was unique, though! I only found one with a similar(ish) title, and so that is really nice!

Plot: 23/35

                5/5: Originality
                When I first started reading, I assumed that your story was going to be one of those typical ones where the rich brat falls in love with the poor kid and their lives change forever. Up until the of the story, I still felt like it would be that kind of story. And so I was very pleasantly surprised to finish reading the story and find that it did not end in a way I could have predicted at all! It was so original and so nicely done!

                7/10: Believability
                I gotta say first off! When you first mentioned the time period and the fact that LuHan was a street boy who wrote in a diary, I was like, oh please, that's so unrealistic, where would he have learned to read?!? And then you addressed and answered that with a really believable answer! I really loved that!
There were some moments that were unrealistic but had to happen for the sake of the story. The ending (that I don't want to spoil here!) was unexpected but I could see it happening, he really wanted to save the diary. The issues I had with it were, firstly, the part with the little girl was unnecessary... have him go back to get the diary and that be it. Him pushing Sehun onto the boat was enough to show his good character. Secondly, how did the diary survive? Wouldn't it be ruined in the water? And so while I think the ending is lovely, I cannot help but to mark it down just because of that since the story revolves around the diary.

                8/10: Narration
                I quite enjoy the way that you tell a story, I can tell that you really want to have an underlying theme to your story beyond the surface impression that it would give readers. There were some lines that I really enjoyed and I wanted to quote them for you but I realized that you did not make your story text selectable! So suffice it to say, the way that you narrate the story leaves quite an impression. The questions and insights that you presented of human nature really struck me and I very much enjoyed that. There were a lot of grammar mistakes, though, that really detracted from the story itself. I'll go over that in the grammar section though.

                3/10: Setting
                I do think that you would benefit from more description in your story. That will help the readers to envision what is going on in your story better and really become invested. I DO understand that from a first person point of view (in the diary) it isn't easy to describe the setting, but you can do it! For instance, when LuHan first arrives on the ship, have the diary describe it in like, the awe that he would be telling of it because he has never seen anything like it before. And then in the parts that are of the man reading the diary, you can describe the setting a lot more. What does his room look like? Where is he reading the diary?

Characterization: 31/35

                10/10: Development
                The developement is not easy to rate since this is all through the writings in a diary, but from what one can see in the writings, I liked it. We can't see much of LuHan's developement because no one really notices the changes in themselves through less than a month, but through his eyes we see changes in Sehun and that was really nicely done.

                1/5: Presentation
                Now this is where I need to knock you. I have no idea what the characters look like, what their habits are, etc. Mentioning their appearance will help solidify them to your readers, be it the way that Sehun chews on his lip when he is thinking, or the way that he speaks with a slight lisp. All of these things help the reader to better see the character and feel closer to the story.

                10/10: Diversity and 10/10: Purpose

                I loved how you only used a few key people to drive your story forward. They were necessary, they were diverse, they were important. Very well done.

Writing Style: 11/20

                3/10: Spelling/Grammar
                There were a lot of mistakes throughout your story. For instance, if you're writing of yourself and a person doing something, it is correct to say, "person and I" (i.e. Sehun and I talked a lot yesterday). There were some oddly used words (asked me something that I didn't expect to yesterday... <-- you would need to place 'hear' between to and yesterday, or remove the word 'to' and leave it at that). There were tense switches quite often (was is past tense, is is present tense). In all honesty, there are a lot of grammatical mistakes and sadly that does detract from the enjoyment of your story, because my mind was automatically correcting them in my mind as I was trying to read. However, you have a good story here, I really think that with the help of someone who would point out what the mistakes, tell you how to fix them, and teach you how to avoid them in the future, you could have a really amazing story. Please don't just shrug off this part or think that no one will help you so you shouldn't bother improving! We are affiliated with a beta-reader here (Meleodiseu, the link to her profile is on the front page) and she would be of a lot of help to you. Please consider it!

                5/5: Consistency
                Jumping between the diary and the current day was done actually really nicely, I was not confused and it felt smooth. That's not an easy thing to do in a story in which you jump from one narrative (third person) to another (first person) so this was really well done!

                3/5: Flow
                I have to say, the grammar mistakes did detract from the flow of the story. There were places that felt really choppy while others flowed really well. However, as you learn to correct the grammar issues, that is going to fix itself!

TOTAL: 75/100

I have to say, I am not much of a fan of EXO. I was not looking forward to reading your story, and yet as I got deeper into it I found myself really enjoying it. As I said, the grammar mistakes were sometimes hard for me to wrap my head around, but all in all that is something that you can fix and you can learn from and so I really liked this story. It's so unique and refreshing in a sea of romance stories (pun not intended). I will say, your trigger warning is not needed. The scene that you are concerned over is a moment of fear but it's nothing explicit or even implied (since he was saved) and so I think that you could remove that warning safely. =)
Thank you for sharing this story with us! I hope that my pointers help!