Soulmate Timer
written by strawberrychoc
reviewed by TimelessStories

Title: 10/10
As soon as you read the title you are hinted about the plot. The title itself is interesting. It's fresh and it makes you want to have a look at the story.

Plot: 24/25

                10/10: Setting
                The place in which the story takes place is both a common and uncommon place at the same time. High school AU but with your own twist of sci-fi! It's interesting and as a reader you don't know in which direction the story is heading.

                5/5: Originality
                The story itself is very original, not many other writers I've come across have tried this prompt.

                9/10: Believability
                The story is believable, but I would like to see more details that will matter in later chapters and/or in the end of the story. (Though it's to early for me to tell what will matter later in your story).

Characterization: 30/35

                5/5: Presentation
                The characters are well presented. You are told what they're like but not in a info-dump kind of way.

                10/10: Development
                As of yet there isn't a lot character development but there is some in the part where she wakes up with the timer implanted and from there on out she seems to change in such a way that aids the story.

                15/20: Diversity/Purpose
                Again it's a little hard to tell as of yet but I think you show the key character's purpose but to me they seem a little bit similar.

Writing Style: 23/30

                8/10: Narration
                The story narration is good but it would be better if you removed some unnecessary details such as when the main character is cleaning a table and it is described how the crumbs feels in her hand. Instead try to focus on what really will matter. Things that are vague enough to be nothing but will be necessary information for the reader in future chapters.

                7/10: Consistency/Flow
                The flow of the story is a bit slow but it is to be expected since it's only the first chapter of many I believe. It would help to shorten some sentences down to make it easier for the reader. "Your dad must be calling you about his work right?" This sentence is a bit drawn out. Try to shorten it and possibly make it more vague to wake questions and curiosity in your readers.

                8/10: Spelling/Grammar
                The grammar and spelling is mostly good with a few exceptions.i instead of writing "the new invention" use "a new invention" since since the character has already mentioned it is of importance. Also I would recommend changing the structure of following sentence: "God has already planned out her destiny" try to change it so it sounds more natural " Good already has her destiny planned out" for example has. Better flow and won't slow down the story.

TOTAL: 87/100

Reviewer's note: I think this story has a lot of potential! Hopefully you don't take my constructive criticism too much to heart. I hope I didn't offend you :)