Clovers
written by Kangmin Bread
reviewed by SouthWest

Title: 7/10
I like the simplicity of the title and it fits the story very well.  However, it’s the same title as the manga you drew inspiration from (adding the ‘s’ and making it plural doesn’t really change it).  I would have liked to see a title that illustrates the uniqueness of your story, instead of highlighting its connection to a published work.  Also, despite having just read the whole story, when you say ‘clover,’ my first thought is still of the green plant.

Plot: 20/25

                8/10: Setting
                Your descriptions of the physical setting are okay, no real problems, but there’s so much untapped potential.  By adding to the descriptions of the physical setting you could really bring this incredible world to life and help us feel like we’re really in it.

The chronological setting was an issue though.  The transitions from chapter to chapter really need to be worked on.  I needed more explanation at the beginning of each chapter to explain where the characters are new in relation to where we left them in the last chapter.  You dive into each chapter as if it’s a new story and I get lost.  I don’t know how much time as passed since the end of the last chapter.  It takes a while before you explain where the characters are now.  It’s a little disorienting.  Then in the last chapter, you start with, “Two days later, at an odd hour in the morning…”  and I’m like, yes!  Finally!  I know exactly how long it’s been since the last chapter.  Now, you don’t want to word it exactly the same way in every chapter, but I did like having something like this in the beginning of the other chapters.

                3/5: Originality
                I can’t give you full points here because it’s based off the manga.  And, having never read the manga, I don’t know what you’ve taken from it and what is your original idea.  But for those readers that have read the manga, I’m sure they can fully appreciate how you’ve incorporated your own characters into this world.

                9/10: Believability
                This area was good for the most part.  But you could definitely take more time to make the world really come to life.

One other thing I want to talk about here, in Chapter 3: Imprisoned, you talk about a “bomb” that’s in Sungmin.  Why is it called a bomb?  Is that something you decided or does it come from the Manga?  I kept thinking it’s going to explode and blow Sungmin up, but that’s not at all what you describe.  The name is a little misleading.

Characterization: 33/35

                5/5: Presentation
                I like how you describe Sungmin in the first chapter without saying his name.  You don’t give names until Youngwoon learns them.  You do that with Kyuhyun and Yesung at the end too.  I liked that.  We got to really see the character for who he/she is in your story before we’re told who the idol is.

                8/10: Development
                I enjoyed the development of the characters.  Youngwoon is basically brainwashed at the beginning but piece by piece Sungmin shows him the truth.  And then we learn an even bigger truth about Youngwoon’s powers.  I would have liked to see more development in their romantic relationship though.  More explanation on how Sungmin fell in love.  And did that change when they met?  Did it not change?  Did he fall deeper in love?  Why?  How?  Show us more of this.  Show exactly what Sungmin is going to miss when he leaves Youngwoon behind.  The more precise the details the more believable the emotion.

                20/20: Diversity/Purpose
                No problem here.  All the characters are different and have a purpose to keep them in the story.

Writing Style: 28/30

                10/10: Narration
                You have a great writer’s voice that shines through your writing.  Language-wise, there are a few awkward sentences that I mention later, but other than that everything was good.

One thing I do want to say here, though, is that I could have used a little more in the ending.  You talk about the future, but you don’t mention Sungmin at all.  I could have used a line about Youngwoon hoping that one day, he and Sungmin would live in a world with no Bubble.

                10/10: Consistency/Flow
                Other than the jerky transitions between chapters, this was good, too.  The story as a whole flowed really well.

                8/10: Spelling/Grammar
                There were a few problems, but overall, really good.  One problem has to do with capitalization.  For most of the story you capitalize One-Leaf Clover.  But in the Description its, One-leaf clover.  I also saw some One-Leaf-Clovers.  Any of those would be fine, but you need to be consistent.  If you’re going to capitalize all 3 words, you need to ALWAYS capitalize all 3.  If you’re going to use those hyphens, use them consistently.

Also, in the Description/Forewords, there’s some awkward wording: “blue caged birds” should be “caged blue birds” (in the first, the cage is blue; in the second, the birds are blue).  “Throughout search” should be “Thorough search.”  “Mirroed surface” should be “mirrored surface."

Some I noticed in the first chapter:  “On a small puddle” should be “In a small puddle.”  “How does he look like,” should be “What does he look like?"

In Chapter 6: The Four-Leaf Clovers, “didn’t bother dressing a shirt” is really awkward.  Try “didn’t bother putting on a shirt."

TOTAL: 88/100

I really enjoyed this story.  I was impressed with just how much story you were able to tell in only 6 chapters.  My main concern with the story is that it is geared towards readers that are already familiar with the Manga.  Those that haven’t read it don’t know what of the story is yours and what comes from the Manga.  Overall, it’s a great read!!  Let me know if you have any questions about the review or would like feedback on something I didn't mention.  Thank you for requesting~