It Was Only Just A Dream
Broken Promises
When Kikwang walked out of the room, people were swarming him, mostly s but Kikwang didn’t see anything. He just walked away without speaking, holding onto tiffany’s ring in his hand.
Kikwang saw their manager in the van, wordlessly, he got into the van and without saying anything, the manager took him back to the dorm.
Kikwang went straight into his room and to bed. The next few days have been a blur, he didn’t leave his room once but Yoseob came in once or twice. He tried talking to Kikwang, but after a couple of fail attempts, he just sat next to Kikwang and the two sat in comfortable silence.
“Tiffany’s funeral is being held soon. Bruce was wondering if you wanted to say anything?” Yoseob asked him one time. Kikwang shook his head absently.
He has no need to say anything to her he already didn’t say. He said everything he needed, even if he didn’t, he wasn’t going to share what he wanted to say to her in front of all the people he doesn’t know and he bet they would move on like nothing happen the next day.
“Get yourself together” Yoseob mumbled another time, Kikwang just stared.
People tried to reach him but Kikwang never wanted to answer. Someone said vaguely that tiffany’s funeral was tomorrow. Kikwang nodded before going to sleep.
Kikwang was in a field filled with tiffany’s favourite flowers and the sky was clear of clouds. It was the bluest he’s ever seen it.
“Oppa!” Kikwang whirled around and got a fright when he saw tiffany standing there in a cream summer dress, smiling brightly at him.
“Tiffany?” he asked. When she nodded her head, Kikwang broke into a run and took her into his arms, squeezing the life out of her.
“Oppa! I can’t breathe! Omg!” tiffany laughed when he twirled her around in circles, when he settled her down, she took his hand and took off running.
“Where are we going?” Kikwang asked, keeping up with her easily. Tiffany just giggled.
When they stop running, tiffany collapse onto the field and pulled him down with her.
“You know, it would be more fun if there were clouds. So we could spot animals in the sky” tiffany said. Kikwang didn’t say anything and just looked at her, taking her healthy image in. Her rosy cheeks and soft lips. There was no sign of bags under her eyes or the dryness in her cheeks. She looked like she did 6 years ago. Healthy and happy.
“Stop looking at me funny, you ert!” tiffany slap him on the shoulder playfully. Kikwang caught her hand and pulled it towards his lips.
“Please tell me this is real” he said, closing his eyes. When tiffany didn’t answer, Kikwang opened it and the smile on her face disappeared.
“Oppa, this is a dream” Kikwang nodded absently, still not willing himself to believe it.
“It’s your funeral tomorrow” he said, not looking at her. Tiffany moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest.
“Am I being cremated?” tiffany asked. Kikwang nodded his head and cleared his throat.
“Good, that's what I want. Are you going?” tiffany asked again. Kikwang nodded and hugged her tighter.
“Its not soo bad oppa. You didn’t really lose me. I’m here. In your heart. You can dream about me and we can hang out” tiffany said lightly.
“But it’s not real” Kikwang protested.
“Life isn’t fair” tiffany said in a small voice.
“Nothing is”
“Just promise something oppa” tiffany said, she got up from his chest and looked at him in the eyes.
“What?” Kikwang asked.
“Move on, live your life. Don’t stop because I stop. You’re better than that” Kikwang wanted to protest but tiffany shut him up with a kiss.
“Promise me. Okay? It’ll bring both of us peace” tiffany held his face in her hands; Kikwang closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them.
“Yeah, alright. But I’ll always love you” he said. Tiffany smiled brightly at him.
“I’ll always love you too” she kissed him again, this time when he opened his eyes, Kikwang was back in his room.
*************************************
There were more people who turned out at the funeral more than people turning up for the wedding, which Kikwang fail to understand.
He sat in the front row and smiled at people who spoke to him. Jiyong was there, not looking any better than he did.
“How have you been?” Jiyong asked. Kikwang stood straighter and nodded his head.
“I’ve been better...you?”
“Same. Look, I apologise for getting between—” Kikwang cut him off with a pat on the back. Jiyong looked at Kikwang in astonishment.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s over” Kikwang said. Jiyong nodded his head and held out his hand. Kikwang shook it with a small smile. Jiyong returned it.
“So what now for you?” Kikwang asked Jiyong just for conversation sake. He’s sure he would never see Jiyong after this, which was a good thing.
“Going back to America and figure stuff out from there” Jiyong answered. Kikwang nodded before sticking his hand out.
“Good luck” Jiyong nodded and shook his hand one more time before walking away.
“Its time” Bruce said next to him. Kikwang swallowed thickly and nodded his head.
The ceremony went well; many people have things to say about his tiffany. Jiyong had talked about the six years they shared together. Kikwang tried to ignore the irritation of the way Jiyong was talking about tiffany. Kikwang had the urge to go up there and brag about all the things they did together since they were little kids with milk teeth. A sudden memory came to him and it bought a soft smile to Kikwang’s lips.
“OPPAA!” Kikwang could hear tiffany coming from the living room of his house. Kikwang’s mum was in the kitchen cooking lunch and his dad was in there helping her. Tiffany flung the door opened and came running at him.
“Gezz, tiff, that's my door you almost broke” tiffany ignore him and jump from one foot to the other excitedly.
“what do you want?” Kikwang asked.
“My tooth came out, there was soo much blood” tiffany opened and showed him the gap of where the loose tooth use to be.
“Ew, that's gross” Kikwang said, it was still red.
“As soon as it came out, I ran straight here. Do you like it?” tiffany showed Kikwang the small piece of tooth in her hand. Kikwang, being a curious boy, couldn’t resist taking a closer look at the small tooth.
“That’s cool. My teeth are still loose.” Kikwang stated as he wobbled his tooth. Tiffany looked at it closely, took a step back and punched Kikwang in the mouth. His scream of surprise and pain echoed the house. His mum and dad came running out.
“What happened?” his dad asked, looking from Kikwang to tiffany.
Kikwang was still holding onto his mouth, he could taste the blood in his mouth but didn’t dare to swallow it. His eyes got a little blurry from unshed tears.
“I punched Kikwang in the mouth so his tooth would come out, like mine” tiffany said truthfully. Kikwang’s dad busted out laughing, causing his mother to giggled, which made Kikwang want to cry more.
“It’s not funny” Kikwang said through bloody lips.
“Oh, dear. Kikwang, come with mummy. Let’s wash out your mouth” Kikwang followed his mother to the bathroom while Kikwang’s dad shoot tiffany a wink before going back to tend the food in the kitchen.
Tiffany ran to the bathroom to see Kikwang spitting mouthful of blood into the sink. Tiffany saw the blood and started to cry.
“Oppa, I’m so...so...sorry...I didn’t...mean....to...hurt...you” tiffany rubbed her teary eyes and won’t look at Kikwang because of the shame she felt.
“Tiff, don’t worry about it. The tooth was going to come out anyway, you just sped up the process” Kikwang said to her as he came over. Tiffany stopped crying for a split second before throwing herself on Kikwang. Kikwang stumbled back from the sudden attack but steadied himself and returned her hug.
“Oppa, I'm sorry. Next time when I have a wobbly tooth, you can knock it out”
Kikwang blinked away tears and concentrated on the ceremony. He didn’t cry when tiffany was put in the furnace, he didn’t cry when smoke came out from the chimney, he didn’t cry when people hugged him for reasons he couldn’t understand and he also didn’t cry when Bruce handed him tiffany’s most prized possession. Her ballerina’s music box. She always wanted to be a ballerina but Kikwang guessed her sickness had stopped her from doing so.
“I’ll be heading back to America and try to...move on” Bruce said before he wiped his eyes. Kikwang was a little surprised. He had never seen Bruce cry before. It had been very fascinated to him.
“Do move on Kikwang. Live your life for her” Bruce clapped Kikwang on the shoulder before pulling him in for a hug. Kikwang let his tears fall as he returned Bruce’s hug. They stayed like that for a short time before Kikwang broke off and bid him good bye.
In the van, no one spoke a word. Kikwang closed his eyes and clenched tiffany’s music box. Kikwang wanted to open it and listen to the music he heard so many times before. He could remember the day she got it, she ran over to his house barefoot and put down the music box and started to twirl around in circles.
“What are you suppose to be?” Kikwang could remember asking her.
“Oppa~, I'm a ballerina! And this is my first showcase!” Kikwang could remember her pouting lips as she crossed her arms. Kikwang started to apologise to get rid of that pout but nothing would do.
“What can I do” Kikwang whined. Tiffany wore a cheeky smile before telling him to start copying her. Kikwang refused and saw her eyes started to mist over.
“OK! FINE!” he said and all afternoon, they danced and danced. Whine the box over and over before dancing all over again.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Doojoon’s voice broke Kikwang out of his little state. Kikwang shook his head and wipe the tears that he felt on his cheek.
“I need some time” Kikwang said suddenly. “I need to get out of here, go somewhere”
“But there's someone you should see first” Yoseob said.
“Who?”
“Jessica” Kikwang looked out the window and sees her waiting at the front of the apartment.
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