Chapter 17: Why can’t I stop?

“! ! ! this!”

L rummaged his fingers into his hair in frustration. This was what he wanted. It was what he needed. Space. Distance. Avoidance.

But now that Jaeun has finally told him that they could never be friends, his heart couldn’t accept it. He couldn’t accept the fact that he fell for someone who couldn’t be his. He fell for someone who’s in a relationship.

“Dude, she’s not yet married.” Hoya beamed at him as the three of them – L, Sungyeol and Hoya – gathered around the living room.

L gave him a look and Hoya just shrugged. “I bothered someone since Elementary, remember?” The latter beamed. “And now she’s married and I’m still bothering her.”

Sungyeol gave him a disgusted look. “Eew, Lee Howon! What the hell are you thinking?” He scolded Hoya who just laughed at him.

Hoya chuckled. “Dude, bothering her doesn’t mean I’m stealing her away from her husband, duh? I’m not that dumb to sacrifice my handsome face to just be other man.” He explained.

“Then why?!” Sungyeol hysterically asked.

Hoya rolled his eyes. “I just want to be in her life even though I am not the center of her attention. Do you get it?” He asked. “I’d rather be her second best than be someone else’s first because, in the end, I chose her. My heart belongs to her and the only time that I would give up is when she asks me to, or if I have found another girl to love more than her.”

L and Sungyeol looked at their friend who just uttered the cheesiest words they have ever heard in their whole lives.

Sungyeol snorted. “Dude, you’re gay. I think you should stop hanging out with Woohyun or Sungjong already.” He shook his head and received a pillow on his face.

Hoya threw him another pillow. “Just shut up!” He beamed. “What I’m saying is, it was wrong of L to avoid her.” He started then looked at L. “Dude, liking her means you have to take care not take her heart.”

“But-“

“’Love is not selfish,’ as quoted in the Bible.” Hoya interrupted L’s time to talk.

L and Sungyeol looked at Hoya, then, to each other.

Hoya raised his brow. “What? Can’t believe I’m starting than the two of you combined?” He mocked and the two rolled their eyes.

Hoya smirked. “Myungsoo, don’t hang out with Sungyeol a lot,” he beamed. “You’re usually a genius person, right? Don’t let your brain cells to waste.” He beamed earning a smack from Sungyeol.

L looked at Hoya. “So, it’s not foul to become friends with her?” He asked his friend.

Hoya shook his head. “If you wanted to be more than friends, it’s not that bad either,” he beamed. “It’s not like she’s married or anything. But,” he paused and looked at L. “If you wanted to be more, prepare yourself to get hurt.”

L nodded. He knows that when he starts to like someone else, he wanted to be more. That’s why he tried his best to avoid her in the first place – because he wanted more and he knows that he couldn’t get what he wants.

She couldn’t be more than his friend.

He couldn’t be the only person in her heart.

It’s that sad situation that makes him hate why they even met in the first place. If he had to fall for her in this kind of situation and condition, he shouldn’t have met her on that fateful first day of work. He shouldn’t have picked on her. He shouldn’t have bickered with her. He should’ve just let her go after the police office.

If it wasn’t because of his playful and evil side, this would’ve never happened. He shouldn’t have fallen for her. He shouldn’t be this stressed out on her.

“Liking her doesn’t exactly mean you’re stealing her away. It still depends on you, Bro.” Hoya continued. “Do you want to be more than just liking her or continuing to be close to her by being friends?”

L thought for a moment. If he had this conversation with Hoya a week earlier, he would’ve accepted and saved the friendship Jaeun was offering him. But now, it’s over.

It finally came from Jaeun. They can never be friends.

L shut his eyes and messed his hair up. “I could be her friend. I could just be her friend.” He repeated.

“Kim Myungsoo!” Sungyeol scolded his dramatic introduction.

L sighed and shut his eyes. “She could never be just a friend to me. I would never be contented of having her just as a friend.” He continued and his voice is starting to crack.

His friends stared at him in worry.

“I’ve finally started to feel something for a woman after how many years. Yet I’m freaking stuck with this situation! I am so mad about the bad timing! The bad situation! The bad condition!” L screamed in frustration.

“I only want her, hyung. I only want Kwon Jaeun.”

--

“Jaeun!” L’s heart started to race upon hearing Jaeun’s name. He just got out of his office and about to grab some lunch.

He looked at Yoonmi who’s calling Jaeun to her desk.

“Mr. Wu replied!” Yoonmi beamed.

L looked how Jaeun got so delighted upon hearing the news as she literally ran over to her desk. She looked so adorable. Damn, the last time L checked, she wasn’t this adorable. But now…baaaam! She freaking looks like L’s future. He knows it.

He stopped for a moment and watched Jaeun with narrowed eyes as she read the e-mail before jumping up and down in delight. He bit his lower lip to ke