This is the new year eve, and the last day of gayo daejun. I turn off my cellphone the entire night.
and i'm pretty sure that Sehun is confused and angry about my behaviour, but what can i do, the things that my manager said several days ago is circulating and repeating in my brain.
I can't get over it.
I don't really remember the show at that night, because the thought that this can be the last day i met Sehun in this year won't go away from my head.

And after the show ended, i remember that we, all the artist supppose to go down from the stage while taking turn. But the thing is, suddenly Sehun grabbing my hand and dragging me while running to some corner.
I feel surprised and i don't really know if people see that or not.

" What are you doing?" I talk to him as soon as he facing me.
" why are you keep avoiding me? and how about your phone? you throw it in some trash can?" He talk to me with low voice, but serious tone.
" is dead, i forgot charging the battery." i just talk to him shortly while looking around, afraid people will see this.
" what is wrong with you?" he looks so furious i can see it from his eyes.
" Sehun-a, i want to call all the things off." I suddenly talk like that to him, i even feel surprised by my self.
" excuse me?" He suddenly talk to me in formal form, and look at me with his intense gaze.
" i'm breaking up with you, right now." i talk to him with low voice.
" what?" He look surprised and walk closer to me.
" i can't do this anymore."
" why?"
" I'm tired of your careless and stupid act, that's too dangerous, i can't handle it." i talk to him with serious tone too, i don't want to separated with him in pitiful way.
" I'm not doing that anymore, Suzy-ya."
" but you know what happened to Luna? to Daeun? that's not their fault you know." I talk to him again with my deep gaze.
" why are you bringing other people to our problem?"
" They're not other people, they're people who told to die several times because your act. They do nothing wrong"
I can't believe that i bringing that talk to him, when Luna and Daeun is really inrelevant with our problem.
" you stayed close with Daeun on our graduation day, had some interaction with her and now see what happened to her? she's bashed by people, when she's not even reach her dream yet. she just known as your bestfriend, as your classmate."
" i feel bad for her too, i didn't mean it that way." He start to talk with low voice, but yes, he still angry to me.
" and Luna? she's not even an idol, but she's getting told by people to die."
" why all that things is problem with you? you don't even know Daeun, and Luna is not having any problem with that."
I feeling it, my heart hurts, my eyes is hot.
" that's all happend because of you, you keep trolling your fans by saying that you love them forever and you can't live with them, and things like that, but yet you betray them, you're having relationship with me."
I start to crying and talk with low voice, Sehun seems surprised when he see me cry.
" I know you, that can't be the reason right? tell me the truth Suzy-ya." He start talk to me with that sweet tone, he walk towards me and touch my cheek.
" that's the reason, i don't like you anymore that's it." I talk to him while wipe my tears, i'm ready to walk away from him when he pull my hand and looking into my eyes.
" tell me the truth." he talk to me and i can't contain my feeling anymore, i just crying out loud on his shoulder.