I feel surprised with my self, my feeling. how can i be not supportive for and being jealous.
so i'm going to the hotel with uncertain feeling. when Sehun call me later in the night.
" I'll have a party first with my team, i'll come to you as soon as i finish this." he talk to me with extreme excitement, i can hear his happy voice clearly.
" No, don't come, i'm tired Sehun-a let's meet in Seoul." I talk to him with low voice.
" But, you come here for meeting me right? i really want to see you." He talk to me again with a sweet tone.
" I'm really tired, beside my flight is in 4am tomorrow morning, i really need some sleep." I talk to him again.
" Really? allright, then." I can heard some dissapoinment in his voice.
" see you, in Seoul." I'm ready to cutting off the phone when he call my name loudly.
" Suzy-ya! i find you in section D, you wear your black jacket, a gift from Luna, right?" I feel surprised when he talk like that.
" woooah, thats good." I just reply him shortly.
" have a good sleep." i cutting off the phone first, after Sehun talk to me.

I don't know, what am i doing. am i mad to him, for winning an award? absolutely not.
It feels more like, i'm angry to myself, so i let my self suffer for not meeting him.
I don't want to talk to Sehun in this situatiion. I'll be so careless and hurt him maybe. I know my self very well.
This is so not me, this is so not Suzy. Maybe my greediness over my dreams is just too much. But yeah i'm jealous of Sehun for winning tonight, that's a fact.

I'm arrive in my apartment in 9, i feel tired, really tired. I decide to watch TV and enjoy some of my free time. Once i turn it on. The news about yesterday event is everywhere.
About Sehun who won an award, i still not congratulate him for winning. I don't know, i'm even telling a lie to him. Because now i'm thinking maybe things is better left unsaid.
In the afternoon, Luna is coming over to my apartment. Actually, i don't really want to meet her, because she must be asking about Sehun, and i don't like that.
Luna is coming with her brother, bringing some food to cook.
" I heard Sang moon is going to Japan." Luna ask me about my brother.
" Ah yes, he's going there for a vacation." I answer her shortly.
" Noona, are you going somewhere?" I can hear Joon, Luna's brother talk to me from the living room.
" No, why?" I answer him shortly.
" Your luggage, is here." Joon talk with low voice while walking to the kitchen.
" Ah really? are you going somewhere?" Luna asking me once again.
" I'm not, i was planning to go with Sangmoon to Japan, but i feel tired so i'm not."  I ask them while smiling.

" I'm tired for having get together with you only." Joon talk to us when we're eating our dinner.
" You don't need to come then." Luna seems annoyed by her brother and talk loudly.
" ah, really both of you have similiar personalities always torturing your brother, i'm sad Sangmoon is not here."
He said it right, me and Luna always torturing our brothers yet we loved them so much.
" I miss Sehun hyung too." I stop from my eating when joon mention his name, Sehun.
I get up from the table and searching for my cellphone in the bedroom.
I'm look at it screen two messages from Sehun.

have you arrived?
That's the first message.
Are you mad?
that's the second message.

and that's it, i don't know ho to response, yes i've arrived. But i don't know if i'm mad or not.