He went home, weak, tired, pitying himself and all. He hurriedly grabbed his phone and checked Sungyeol’s last message.  “Something important.”

“So this was it, huh?! Fxck it Sungyeol!” he screamed his lungs out. “You… you left me too. Why?! WHYYYY?!!” he was crying and he was so angry. He blames himself and got angry at Sungyeol too. Why didn’t he told him soon enough that he was leaving? He should’ve at least gave him a warning.

“Myungsoo!” his mother went in his room and stopped him from breaking things. “What’s the matter?” his mother hugged him and comforted him. “Myungsoo… please. Don’t be like this. We only have each other.”

Myungsoo loosen his grip. “Really? I don’t feel like it.” He was still crying but at the same time, he was still angry. “Myungsoo, what are you saying?”

“I don’t even feel like I have a mother. You’re useless.”

His mother was taken aback, stood up and turned around. “I’ll let this go because you’re emotions are high. Dinner’s ready.”

“Oh fxck dinner!” He yelled.

“Myungsoo…” she turned to him again.

“No… you don’t care about me. You’re not here. I’m suffering right now and all you care about is dinner? I’ve been through a lot of hardships and you don’t even have any idea.”

“Myungsoo. I can’t talk to you properly right now. Even before! I don’t know how to approach you. And yes, I do know. Sungyeol always tell me.” She said as she was trying to hold back her tears. “Ah. You mentioned him. That great Sungyeol. His great isn’t he? He left me too.”

“Myungsoo. That’s you’re problem. You shut everyone out even you’re mother!” she broke into tears. “I don’t know how I can approach you because you always seem heartless and soulless. You don’t let me know what the problem is or what you’ve been going through…”

“Because you don’t care! That’s it!” he said with his eyes shaking. “What? I shut everyone out? You shut me out! Heartless and soulless? That’s you!”

“The moment dad left us, you didn’t care about a thing. You cried and cried. All day, all night. You didn’t feed me properly, I go to school hungry, walk to school feeling weak but you didn’t know! I was so young then but it felt like I was abandoned completely!” he argued.

“How would I know if you didn’t even tell me what you were going through?!” she answered back, still in tears.

“How would you know? HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?! THEN JUST FXCKING ASK! Isn’t your job as my mother to know what your kid has been going through? How his day has been? Was he sick? Is he still doing a good job in school? Does he have things he needs to pay for school? I fed myself, went to school with you just pointing where the money is, worked to have enough money for us. Why? Because you don’t care about me at all! You can live without eating? I can’t.” his tears fell.

“Myungsoo. We both suffered. I was so shock, I don’t know how I can get through it. It was the same with you and Sungjong. I love your father very much. I almost died… but right now, I’m okay. I’m trying to get back to you if you would just let me…” she was calming down.

“Don’t talk about suffering. If there’s someone who suffered more, that’s me. You know why? My youth days were hell.” Myungsoo glared and went out.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry Myungsoo. I’m sorry… I was so stupid… I don’t know if I can still raise you… I don’t want to lose you but... I wasn’t sure if keeping you would be good for the both for you. I don’t know if you would still live. I don’t know if I can see you still asking me about school fees… I was hurt. I was your mother yet I was there sitting like a complete fool.” She said hugging him.

Myungsoo loosen his mother’s grip. He went back to his room and shut the door down. They both cried. Myungsoo self-reflected a lot. Was it good to make his mother go through these? He forgave her long ago. But what he was feeling earlier made him say and blurt these things out.