You went back with Jay to your penthouse at 8 p.m. He goes to his work room to work on some papers the moment he enters the penthouse while you walk towards your room and cleaned up.

30 minutes later, you walked out of your room and sit on the couch, taking a look at your penthouse before you decided to take a tour around the penthouse you've been living in since your parents died.

You decided to sit on the swing at the side of the penthouse and hug your knees. This place is too big, you always thought. And you miss the large yet homey house you used to live. You're not saying you're not satisfied with your new home but somehow, it doesn't feel as 'homey' as the previous house. 

If you can choose comfortably, you'd rather live in a small villa Jay bought in Jeju Island last year. 

You took a deep breath and sighed. it's a bit cold today, reminding you it's just few weeks before autumn. Seasons change so fast, you think, but you're stuck in this life people think as 'perfect'. You envy your best friend Yongguk who has been a visionary, thinking steps ahead with huge dreams.

Speaking of him, you wonder if he's back in his apartment yet. All of your trainee live in Park Resident, on floors below your penthouse. It wasn't as big as yours but still it cost a lot of money if you want to rent it but Jay insisted to let them live there. 'I want them to be comfortable so they'll be able to work their best.' he always said whenever people asked him about his decision on making his artists, trainees, and staff live in the apartment, for free. 

"Why are you here?" Jay's unique voice startled you.

"oh. i was just thinking...." you smile and watched the black sky.

"there's no stars in Seoul..." you mumbled, making him chuckled.

"Of course. We can go to Jeju on holidays if you want..." he said, sitting next to you and wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

"hm... Oppa, do you think i can be happy?" You asked out of the blue.

"you're not happy right now?" he raised his eyebrows.

"It's not like that... it's just that... Yongguk oppa has so many dreams and he was so happy whenever one of his dream came true... I never have any of that.. All my life, it's like everything is right in front of me.. I want to know the happiness he felt...." you said.

Jay can't answer his sister's problem. He was more confused on why you think that way. He'd give anything for you and still you want to feel the hardships.

"anyway, i think i better sleep now oppa. Good night." you kissed his cheek before you returned to your room to prepare for another day.

***

2011/08/28 sunday

By Seoulchae