It was the end of autumn and the wind was cool and crisp, indicating that winter was just around the corner. Amber tugged on her jacket as she wrapped her arms around herself to keep warm. The Han River flowed by as she watched. It was late and the sun had set. The streetlights reflected of the dark surface of the river.

“Are you cold?” Kyuhyun stepped up beside her and handed her a warm cup of chocolate. Amber took the warm cup with both of her hands. The warmth from the cup helped warmed up her hands.

“Thanks,” she said as she took a sip from the cup. There was an air of awkwardness between them. Amber didn’t expect anything less. They haven’t seen each other since the incident with Kikwang. They had talked over the phone once or twice. They had sent text messages and tweeted at each other, but the subject of those conversations had no consequences. What they were about to talked about did. It was a conversation that could change their entire friendship.

“Here,” Kyuhyun had unraveled the scarf from around his neck and placed it around Ambers. “I know you’re cold, but this should help.”

The soft cashmere material brushed against her cheeks. Kyuhyun’s light cologne reminded her of the good times that they had spent together before everything had gotten so complicated. She glanced sideway at Kyuhyun. He smiled at her and she smiled back. She turned back to watched the view of the river in front of her, “I’m going to miss this city.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow right?” Kyuhyun said as he took a sip of his coffee. He remembered that she preferred the sweet taste of hot chocolate over the bitter taste of coffee.

She nodded, “What about you? When do you leave?”

“Next week,” he stepped closer to the edge of the walkway, toward the river. “I’m going to miss this city too you know.”

“It’s not like we will never be back here again.”

Kyuhyun looked over his shoulder at her, “When do you think you will come back here again?”

Amber took another sip of her hot chocolate as she thought about it, “I don’t know.”

Kyuhyun ran his hand through his dark brown hair and turned to face Amber, “I don’t know either that’s why I have something very important to tell you.”

Amber smiled sadly back at him. His gazed was intense. His dark brown eyes bore into her soul. She stood, rooted to the ground as she waited to him to continue. A part of her sensed what he was about to say.

“I love you, Amber.”

Those words hung in the air, as the two of them stared at each other. Amber tried to let it registered in her head, in her mind, and in her heart. She couldn’t deny that a part of her that was thrilled when she heard those words out of his mouth. However, she had already made her decision. She had chosen a path for herself and she would not be indecisive and changed it just because Kyuhyun finally realized his feeling toward her.

He took a step toward her. He took her hand in his, “I love you. I know that this might be too late. It took me a long time to realize how I feel toward you. It took even longer for me to work up my courage to confess to you. You’re friendship is very important to me and I was afraid that my feeling toward you would change it and there was also Jonghyun to considered.”

Amber felt a twinge of pain in her heart. She loved him too, but she can’t say it. Somehow those words were stuck in . She bit down on her lips nervously, “You’re friendship is very important to me too, Kyuhyun. I’m very thankful to have you in my life …”

“But …” the pain in his eyes were palpable. He knew what she was about to say and it hurt Amber deeply to hurt him this way.

“But …” she paused and pulled away her hand from his. “… Our path in life is leading us in a different direction. With everything that had happened I want to do this without any distraction. I know I’m being selfish and I know by doing this I’m hurting you, but I not ready for that kind of relationship right now. I’m sorry.”

Kyuhyun stood there and stared blankly at her. Amber knew that she had damaged him in ways that she could not fix. However, she knew that this was better for them. If she accepted his love for her it would not be because she fully loved him, but it would only be because she didn’t want to hurt him.

Amber had gone over her feeling and thought about it in every minute of her waking moment. She learned that she does love Kyuhyun, but somehow she couldn’t shake Jonghyun out of her mind. There was that lingering feeling that she had toward her ex and she knew that it was not fair to Kyuhyun. She couldn’t give her heart fully to him. She needed time to mature, time to learn and time to get reacquanted with herself.  

That was her decision, a decision that she would have to live with for the rest of her life.

“I’m sorry,” she said again as she turned and walked away from him. Those were her last words to him. The tears that had held in during their conversation started to fall as soon as she turned away from him. He didn’t come after her and she didn’t expect him to. Was this the end of their friendship? That was the only thought that ran through her mind as she let herself cried.