The sound of the phone vibrating on the table echoed within the recording studio. It rang and vibrated for a long while until one of Jonghyun’s band members – that the company had gathered and created – picked it up and threw it at him, “Either you pick up the phone or turn it off. It’s annoying.”

The bassist, who was sitting beside Jonghyun on the couch smirked, “He’s trying to avoid his girlfriend. What a heartless guy.”

Jonghyun shot him a threatening glared before turning back to the first member – the main vocalist and leader – that had threw the phone at him, “Sorry, I thought I turned it off.” He hit the off button without looking at his phone and tucked it into his back pocket.

The leader of their band sighed, “We’re leaving for Japan next week. You guys better take care of you problem before we leave. Also, the day before we leave we are having a small showcase at a club. Invite some of your family and friends.” He glanced at Jonghyun before heading back into the recording room. “Let’s start from the top.”

Jonghyun felt bad for his band. He knew that those words from his band leader and friend were directed at him. Since that day he tried to propose to Amber he had been avoiding her. She had called him, texted him, showed up at his apartment and even his company, but he turned her away every time.

She had apologized to him multiples time through her text messages and voicemail. Jonghyun wasn’t mad at Amber. He forgave her long ago, but he just couldn’t stand the notion of finalizing his relationship with Amber. He didn’t want to let her go and if he avoided her, knowing Amber, she would never let him go until the issue between them is resolved.

It was too late when Jonghyun realize his mistake in their relationship. He knew that it wasn’t just his fault that everything tuned out this way, but he believed that at least sixty percent of the problem came from him. It came from his insecurities in their relationship. He felt threaten by Kyuhyun’s presence in Amber’s life. He was never sure if Amber agreed to go out with him because he saved her or she really did care for him.

Jonghyun knew about Amber’s feeling toward Kyuhyun, but he felt that the between Kyuhyun and Amber would never be more than that of close friendship, because Kyuhyun had a girlfriend. However, everything changed when Kyuhyun broke it off with his girlfriend.

Jonghyun started to notice the way Kyuhyun would looked at Amber. The subtle glanced, the adoration in his eyes and the fact that Amber seem to light up every time she was neared him. Jonghyun felt threaten, which led him to pushed. He pushed too hard and too fast that he broke the preciously fragile relationship he had with Amber. She chose to be with him and Jonghyun knew that he should be happy, but his rationality was ruled by his insecurities.

What he told Amber about the company letting her come to Japan with him was a lie. The truth of the matter of was, if his company knew about his relationship with Amber they would told him to break it off before he left for Japan. Jonghyun didn’t want that. He didn’t want to leave Amber. He wanted his career and Amber at the same.

Therefore, he came up with the plan of marrying Amber. The company wouldn’t be able to say no to him if he wanted to take Amber, his wife with him to Japan. If not Amber would still be legally tied to him. It was selfish of him, he knew that, but he couldn’t stand the thought of losing Amber. He realized that he had been going at it the wrong way all along.

The damage was done. He knew he was making it worse by avoiding Amber, but he didn’t want to lose her. He would hold onto to her no matter how small a thread he was holding onto.

(-)(-)(-)

A week had past. It was the night that Jonghyun and his band was set to perform at the club. A make shift backstage area that the club had erected. Black curtain separated the area from the stage and hung on either side of the stage to form a room. Jonghyun stood, shuffling from foot to foot when Seohyun stepped through the curtain, “Nervous?” She asked him.

He nodded, “Is everyone here?”

Seohyun smiled weakly, “Ryeowook and Kyuhyun are here.” She paused.

The knot in Jonghyun’s stomach that he had felt earlier tighten itself tighter at the pit of his stomach, “She’s not here is she?”

Seohyun shook her head,“She wanted to be here, but she had to practice. However, if I was her I wouldn’t want to show up here either.” There was a flashed of angered in her voice. “You avoided her all this time. You’re lucky that it’s Amber. If this was some other girl she would never talk to you or still cared about you like she does.”

“I …” Jonghyun felt guilt. The nervousness that ran through him increased.

“Why do you say all these things now, Seohyun?” Ryeokwook appeared behind her with his hand resting on the middle of her back. “The boy is nervous can’t you see it? You’re making things worse for him.”

Seohyun pouted and turned to walk out of the backstage area, “Whatever, I’m going to get a drink. Good luck Jonghyun, that’s what Amber would say if she was here.”

Ryeowook gave Jonghyun an apologetically look, “Good luck.” He patted Jonghyun on the back before running after Seohyun.

Jonghyun got on the stage. They played a few songs. They were received well by the crowd, which included his friends. Kyuhyun gave him a two thumb up every time he looked at him. He tried not to look at Kyuhyun, because every time he did he thought of Amber.

Jonghyun asked his band to perform his new song that he just wrote. They agreed. Jonghyun was nervous, but he felt that this was his first step to letting Amber go. He wanted her to be happy, because he wanted to see the person that he loved happy, “This is a song that I wrote for someone that is still precious to me. The song is called My Love.”

He sang and the crowd in the club swayed with him. Once he finished the sound of hand clapping erupted. The band said thanks to their fans and told them to look forward to a better band when they came back from Japan.

Jonghyun looked around in the crowd; he searched, even if he knew that she wouldn’t be there. His felt his heart breaks into a million tiny pieces.