The world around her was a blurred of motions. Amber vaguely remembered how she got to the hospital from Kikwang’s house. There was no recollection of how this warm cup of coffee – steam rose from its contents – came to be in her hands, her blood stained hands.

She remembered Kyuhyun sitting beside her, talking to her, ensuring her that everything will be fine, but her mind was elsewhere and Kyuhyun was nothing but a comforting presence beside her. She watched as the hands of the clock ticked down the seconds, the minutes and the hours.

Amber finally snapped out of it when she saw the doctor walked out from the surgery room’s door. She jumped to her feet as the doctor walked closer to them.

His face looked grimed and Amber’s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. Amber braced herself for the worse, but a weaken smile escaped the doctor’s lips, “He has lost a lot of blood and we lost him for a minute, but he is stable now. We still want to monitor him, because he’s not entirely out of the woods yet. However, we have moved him into our intensive care unit. He should be waking up soon. You guys can wait to visit him there.”

Amber felt a sense of relived washed through her. Once she found out that Kikwang was going to be okay the world around her started to clear. The fact that the doctor lost Kikwang for a moment during the surgery didn’t matter, because in the end Kikwang had made it through.

Amber knew that she was being selfish, but she didn’t want to carry around that guilt if something terrible happened to Kikwang. If he died it would’ve been her fault. That was how she felt and no one would’ve made her feel any differently.

She turned back toward Kyuhyun. She saw the worried in his brown eyes. Without think she reached over and took his hand. There was a brief moment of shock shown through his eyes, but it was gone within a second. He entwined his fingers with hers and they stood there.

Amber was thankful that Kyuhyun was there for her. If it wasn’t for him it might have been too late for Kikwang. The fact that she froze when she saw the pool of blood on the ground will forever be embedded into her mind.

Kyuhyun didn’t say a word, but he guided her toward the bench that they were seated upon a minute ago.

Amber took a seat and pulled out her phone from her pants pocket. She stared at the phone in her hands. She needed to call Kikwang parents, but something within her was stopping her from doing so. She didn’t understand it.

Kyuhyun took the phone from her, “I’ll do it.”

“But …”

“No, I’ll do it,” he browsed through her contact list and found the number. Pressing the called button, he placed the phone to his ear. He glanced at Amber and with his free arm he wrapped it around her and pulled her closed to him. She embraced his warmth and let the tears fell. What happened here was my fault. That was the thought in her head.

[-][-][-]

Amber wanted to stayed and wait for Kikwang to wake up, but Kyuhyun had called Seohyun to come and picked her up. He had said that she needed to clean up, which she did. She stood under the warm shower, scrubbing the blood from her arm, her body and under her finger nails.

The memories of the event earlier kept replying in her mind. There was so much blood and she couldn’t do anything and she hated herself for it.

A soft knocked was heard at the bathroom’s door and a soft whisper from Seohyun, “Amber, Kyuhyun called. He said that he was finally got hold of Kikwang’s parents. They are on the next flight back to Seoul. Are you okay in there?”

Amber slowly shut off the water. The cold air hit her bare skins and sent shivers down her spin, “I’m fine.” She slowly dried herself with the towel. She put on the clean items of clothing she brought into the washroom with her.

As she stepped out from the bathroom Seohyun pulled her into a hug, “You’re not okay. I know you’re blaming yourself right now, but Amber this was not your fault. You have to understand that what Kikwang choose to do here was not because of you.”

“But …”

Seohyun let go of the hug and face Amber with her dark intense eyes, “There’s no BUT and he did what he did because he’s a coward. With his back up against the wall that was the only way out he thought was necessary for him. You know what I’m saying is right.”

Amber sighed, “I know, but …” Amber ran her hand through her wet hair as she walked pass Seohyun toward the front door. “I froze Seohyun. If Kyuhyun wasn’t there Kikwang might not be alive right now.”

Seohyun grabbed her purse and her car key, knowing where the younger girl wanted to go, “No one know how they will react in that type of situation. What happened is in the past. The fact that he’s still alive should lessen that feeling of guilt you have.”

The two of them walked out the door. Seohyun turned and locked the door behind her. Amber was already half way down the hallway when Seohyun caught up with her.

“Seohyun,” Amber said her voice solemn.

Seohyun glanced sideway to look at the younger girl, “Hmm?”

“I think …” Amber paused. “ … I’m going to accept this offer the coach gave me. I’m going to move to Europe.”

“What?” Seohyun stopped and spun Amber around so that they faced each other.

“I’m going to accept the request from Czech Republic.”

“Why?”

Amber looked down at the ground, unable to maintain eyes contact with Seohyun, “I need a fresh start, Seohyun. I hope that I can find it there.”

Seohyun knew that Amber was avoiding looking back at her because she was crying. Seohyun knew that the younger girl felt that she could no longer controlled her life from here and maybe this move might be good for her, but she was running away from one thing that Seohyun believed to be very important to Amber, “What about Kyuhyun? He loves you. He told me himself he loves you and I know how you feel toward him.”

Amber kicked at the floor and a small smiled escaped her lips, “Even if he did, our fate just never seem to match up. When I loved him he was deeply in love with someone else. When he started to have feeling for me I was in a relationship. We are not destined for each other, Seohyun. Also, this opportunity is once in a life time thing. I’m not going to let a boy keep me away from it.”

Seohyun wanted to say something more, but Amber already turned around and walked toward the elevator. Amber had made up her mind and nothing anyone said or do was going to change it.