When the rain falls out the window, the hidden memories drench my heart

The person I thought I forgot clearly floats up in my head instead

My love, my love, my love who I long for

My love, who I call out as loud as I can but can’t hear me

My love, my love, my love that I miss

Just your name alone cuts me, my painful love, my love

When the darkness comes out the window

The hidden memories light up my heart

My love, my love, my love that I long for

My love, who I call out as loud as I can but can’t hear me

My love, my love, my love that I miss

Just your name alone cuts me, my painful love, my love

The moments we laughed together

Now I let it go but

My love, my love, love I am grateful for

My love, that stays even if I erase everything

My love, my love, my precious love

I will cherish you until my breath runs out, my love, my love

[MY LOVE – LEE JONGHYUN]

Amber practice was done earlier than she had expected. She rushed over to the club as soon as she was done. As she opened the door she heard his voice. His melodious voice drifted toward her. It reminded her of the good times they had shared. She loved sitting there listening to his voice when he practiced or decided to sing to her.  Time would slowed and in that moment all Amber would felt was a sense of calm washing over her, like there was no one but her and Jonghyun in this world.

Those were their better times; times when Jonghyun wouldn’t press on her or rushed her along. It was a time where she could relaxed and enjoyed the time she spent with him. She loved it when he sang to her. There were times when she would fell asleep to his voice, her head in his lap. Those were the times, times that couldn’t be brought back.

There were so many people in the club today. So Amber stuck to the back of the club, mostly in the shadow. She listened to the lyrics, to his voice, to the emotion, and to the heartbreak that he seeped through the music. The guilt that she felt all this time crashed down on her like waves. It knocked every breath out of her. The melodious music started to suffocate her.

Amber couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to breathe. She slowly staggered out from the club. The crisp night air hit her. It felt like breaking through the surface of the water. She gasped for more air, trying to inhale as much oxygen into her lungs as possible.

She felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes. She had hurt someone that cared so much for her. All the good memories they had shared imprinted itself into her brain. The tears wouldn’t stop. It didn’t matter that some passerby were staring at her.

When she accepted him, when she said agreed to go out with him it wasn’t because he saved her. The reason that she agreed to go out with him was because she saw that he could make her happy when he promised to always be there by her side. She saw a glimmered of a bright future with him. However, somewhere along the way he became so overbearing and she realized too late that her heart was somewhere else altogether.

That was also the reason why she’s avoiding Kyuhyun. Tonight would have be the first night she met him since that day she ran to him. He took her into his apartment without a word. He didn’t ask her any questions. He just sat there on his bed next to her, his arms around her, as she cried and cried into his chest until she fell asleep. She cried so much that night. She cried for Jonghyun, for herself and for Kyuhyun.

How it all did ended up this way. Why did her choice made her hurt someone that she came to cared dearly for. She deserved the treatment that Jonghyun was giving her. She didn’t expect him to forgive her, but she had to talk to him. To explain why they were in this messy situation and apologized to him, face to face.

The sound of the crowds streaming out from within the club brought her back out of her reverie. Amber was about to step back into the club to look for Jonghyun when she saw Seohyun stormed out of the club with Ryeowook running after her.

Amber didn’t know what had gotten into her, but the air around the couple made her stopped where she was and hid.

Ryeowook encircled his hand around Seohyun’s wrist and spun her around to face him. He pulled her away from the front door and closer to where Amber was hiding, “Would you stop.” Ryeowook hissed.

The even-tempered, calm and always the voice of reason, Ryeowook was now replaced by a red faced, eyes burning with anger, Ryeowook instead. It was an odd sight for Amber.  Amber couldn’t see Seohyun because her back was to her.

“Stop what?” Seohyun spat back at him.

Ryeowook sighed, “You know what I’m talking about, Seohyun. I love you. I would gladly spend the rest of my life with you if that makes you happy, but …” He loosened his hand around Seohyun’s wrist and then finally let it go.

Seohyun’s voice sounded pleading to Amber when she finally spoke, “I want to marry you, Ryeowook. I really do.” She reached over and held his hands in hers. Amber saw Ryeowook’s face soften.

“I love to marry you too,” He paused, nervously gnawing at his bottom lip. “But you’re not happy. You can’t concentrate on our relationship because you heart is somewhere else.”

“I …” Seohyun started, but Ryeowook shook his head with a knowing look in his eyes. She stopped.

Ryeowook looked at Seohyun with a sad smile upon his face, “I love you and that’s why I have to let you go. I don’t want to, but I don’t want you to marry me with regrets. You need to set your affairs together. When that is done and if you still want to come back to me I will be here waiting ... always”

Seohyun sighed, “She will never look at me that way, Ryeowook. I have no chance with her. I don’t want to destroy my friendship with her because of my unrequited love for her.”

Amber was curious as to who Seohyun was talking about. Amber knew Seohyun better than anyone.  She was a reclusive and barely had any friends since she was a child. Seohyun had always kept people at arm length. Amber and Donghae was the expectation, until Amber introduced her to Ryeowook, Kyuhyun and Jonghyun. Amber saw Seohyun opened up to Ryeowook, as if she knew him for her entire life. She was happy when Seohyun and Ryeowook announced that they were getting married. Now she wasn’t sure.

That sad smiled returned to Ryeowook’s face. He encircled his arms around Seohyun and brought her into his embraced, “You have to do it. Good things are always the things that are worth the risk. I will be here for you. Whether you fail or succeed. I will love you no matter what.”

Amber heard a sob escaped from Seohyun, “Do you think she will understand. Do you think she will be my friend after she found out that I love her? Not in a friendship kind of way, but in a lover kind of way.”

“You know her better than any of us, Seohyun,” Ryeowook her back gently up and down. “From the amount of time I know Amber, she will forgive you even if she can’t return that same feeling.”

Amber was stunned. She felt like the blood in her body had turned to ice. Her friend, her best friend was in love with her.

“Our lives are such a mess,” Ryeowook muttered. “All of us, Kyuhyun, Jonghyun, Amber, you and me.”