a/n:

1. SUR - TO THE - PRISE! I'm updating again two days after the last one, yup!

I started to write this right after I finished the las one, and thought that it would take

a long time to write, because it's kinda long and kinda serious, but then I sat there and 

couldn't stop writing OTL Finished this in 2 days

2. This is ANGST-ish (?), idk, there are tears everywhere :/

I tried to make it not too long, and stay in 3500++ words, but idk if that makes it rushed ._.

3. I honestly like this one, not that it's super great, but after the fail in the last extra, i feel like

this is how this story was meant to be LMAO so, ENJOY~!

That was not what Junmyeon expected to see when he opened the door to Minseok’s bedroom when he was about to wake the younger up for school. He thought he would meet with overslept Minseok, still hugging one of his plushie and would have to play tug of war with him using his comforter. Instead, he was met with Minseok who was awake, with bloodshot red eye like he had been crying all night, curling and hugging himself as small as possible. Junmyeon always thought that after months, he already saw all the worst of Minseok, because, how worse it could get really? He already saw Minseok crying, angry, screaming, throwing tantrum, pushing him away, being scared and hurt, and anything hdn1e could imagine happened to a boy as young as eighteen. Or so he thought. But that morning, he realized that no, the worst has yet to come.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Junmyeon rushed to the side of Minseok’s bed and kneeled beside it to take a better look of his face. He didn’t have enough time to get shocked over the state of his boyfriend, because panic and worry had took all of his sense and mind. “Are you sick? Are you hurt anywhere?” He reached out his hand to cup Minseok’s cheek to check whether if he had any fever or just anything, really. “Minseok, what happened?” He found himself at that state of helplessness again, whenever he felt like he couldn’t be any help.

“I want to sleep,” Minseok whispered with rough voice, he surely did cried the whole night. “I just want to sleep, Junmyeon…” His voice was shaking, and fresh tears rolled out of his usually beautiful eyes, but that time, they were just looked so sad. “I can’t sleep… I want to sleep…” He said desperately.

That time, Junmyeon finally could guess what was happened, “It’s the nightmare again, isn’t it?” But even so, never once he ever saw Minseok in that state after a nightmare.

“It’s… the worst… I—I can’t sleep Jumyeon, I just—” Minseok tried to speak, “I can’t never escape from them, can I? They will forever live inside my head, right? I thought they were gone already…” His voice got even more desperate if that was even possible. “I can’t live like this, Junmyeon…” He finally said and buried his face in his pillow.

To be honest, Junmyeon sometimes wonder, how could Minseok live with all of the trauma, fears and rejection he had for basically his whole life, because he was sure, that he surely couldn’t handle all of that. But to actually hear Minseok saying that made him shaking to his bone. “Oh, baby…” He stood up and climbed into the bed, scooping Minseok on his way, and lied there with him. He could felt the damp pillow under his cheek, and his heart hurt, because, when he was sleeping at night, Minseok was alone and crying by himself. “Please don’t say something like that, please…” He pleaded. His mind and feeling was all over the place, he felt guilty, angry but also worried, and his brain keep thinking about how he could make the situation better, but he couldn’t think of anything. So what he did was just pulling Minseok into a tight hug, whispering comforting words of how everything will be okay and how much he loved him, until the younger finally fell into a deep sleep.

==========

It was several days later when Junmyeon was feeling uneasy and stopped in front of his own apartment after a study session that lasted until late. Minseok had told him that he was feeling unwell and took an early leave from work and would just sleep right after he got home. But as he stared at Minseok’s apartment’s door, he felt an overwhelming feeling of wanting to see Minseok, even though the younger was probably sleeping already. So, without much thought, he walked to Minseok’s apartment instead, just to see him, he thought, and he would leave after he saw him.

Minseok’s bedroom door was slightly open, wide enough for Junmyeon to be able to peek inside. He was quite shocked when he saw Minseok was still awake, sitting on his bed cross legged and twirling something on his hand, something that later would bring their relationship to its biggest test.

“Minseok?” Junmyeon pushed Minseok’s bedroom’s door open slowly. Actually, he probably wouldn’t get all suspicious if Minseok’s reaction wasn’t as if a confetti bomb exploding next to his ears. The younger was so shocked and quickly hid the thing in his hand behind his back out of impulse. “Why are you not sleping?” He asked and tried to approach Minseok in normal pace despite of his curiosity, but he could clearly see the fear in Minseok’s eyes. “What is that?” He finally asked.

Minseok was trying to look at anything but Junmyeon’s eyes, and he was clearly shaking out of fear, “It’s—It’s nothing.” He was stuttering. He always stutters when he was nervous and he knew, Junmyeon knew about that better than anyone. And he wasn’t exactly ready to face Junmyeon’s reaction if he found out the thing he grabbed so hard behind his back.

Junmyeon was curious, and he wasn’t really in the mood to play push and pull that time, so he approached Minseok closer and lowered himself before grabbing Minseok’s hand behind his back and took the thing in his hand that was apparently a medium sized bottle. He wasn’t being rough or anything, he was just softly taking the thing out of Minseok’s hand, it was just, Minseok knew all to well that there was nothing he could do at that time, so he just gave up.

After reading the label on the bottle, Junmyeon’s expression changed entirely, it was a mix of worry, fear, shocked and a bit of anger altogether. “What is this?” He asked Minseok, his breath somehow became irregular. Having a doctor as one of his best friends, Junmyeon knew exactly what was inside the bottle, but he wanted Minseok to tell him directly. “I asked you, what is this Kim Minseok?” His voice rose when Minseok didn’t answer him right away. He wasn’t a rough person to start with, more so with Minseok, he always made sure that he never said anything hurtful nor raising his voice to Minseok, but that time, he just lost it. “Minseok!”

“Those—those are—” Minseok was really in the verge of crying, and guilt was the only thing that prevent him to do so, “Those are sleeping pills…” He finally answered to Junmyeon’s question and he squeezed his own hand harder.

It took Junmyeon less than a second after Minseok answered him before he grabbed Minseok’s hand roughly and dragged him to the bathroom, he knew it must be hurt, because he was hurting too. All the way to the bathroom, Minseok was crying and keep apologizing, just like a child when they were about to get punished by their parents. “Junmyeon, I’m sorry!” He pleaded in between sobs, “Please Junmyeon, I’m sorry!” One could say that Junmyeon didn’t have to react that way, but after hearing what Minseok said few days before, how could he be calm?

Once they were in the bathroom, Junmyeon dumped all the pills inside the bottle into the toilet and flushed it down while Minseok was still sobbing and apologizing, drowning the dangerous pills down the drain. But as if he couldn’t think straight nor hearing Minseok’s pleads, he then dragged the younger under the shower and turn on the cold shower over Minseok’s head, he didn’t even care even when the cold water also making himself wet. Again, he always thought that he was already prepared of anything regarding Minseok, but no, how could he be prepared from something like that? Never, even for a second, he ever thought that Minseok would do something like that. “What were you thinking?!” He yelled, “Do you know how dangerous that thing could be?!” He lost it completely already. “If you have a problem, you tell me about it! Do I mean anything to you at all?!” It wasn’t anger, really. He wasn’t angry at Minseok, he was worried and, to be honest, scared.

The cold water made Minseok breathless, “I’m sorry Junmyeon—” He tried to talk despite of the chill, “I wont do it again, I’m sorry!” He was struggling between catching his breath and talking, “Junmyeon, I’m sorry! It’s cold!”

Just then, Junmyeon finally back to his sense and turned the shower off and watching as Minseok slide to the floor. He spent a couple of seconds, watching Minseok cupping his own face with his small shaking hands and sobbing trough the cold before joining him on the floor and hugged him to his chest. “Why did you do that Minseok?” He whispered and realized the tears on his own face, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why can’t I make you happy?”

“I’m sorry…” Minseok could only apologize, “I’m so sorry…”

After Minseok’s sobs subsided, Junmyeon pulled him up and took a set of dry clothes for him and told him to change and wait there while he changed his own clothes and took a hairdryer from his apartment. After he came back, he sat Minseok on the bathroom counter and stood between his knees as he dried Minseok’s hair using the hairdryer. It took him longer than needed, because Minseok was still crying a little, and every time tears rolling down Minseok’s cheek, he would stop to erase them away, and kissed Minseok’s forehead, or cheek, or lips, or just wherever to calm him down. They were still in silence even when Junmyeon made a cup of Minseok’s favorite hot milk tea and a fed him a bowl of soup to warm him, ignoring the fact that he himself was cold too. That time they could really feel what action speaks louder than words meant.

“Tell me,” Junmyeon whispered softly when they were already settled under the comforter, he refused to let Minseok go any further than inside his arms, but Minseok didn’t mind, “Have you ever think about taking them?” He wasn’t even sure whether if he was ready to hear Minseok’s answer to his question.

“I just want to sleep, Junmyeon…” Minseok answered, also in low voice, “I just want to sleep… But I thought one wouldn’t be enough…” He answered honestly. “And then—and then I started to think how much should I take, and at one point, I wondered how many would be too many?” He paused a little, “But then, the image of you finding me in the morning when you’re about to wake me up— I just—I can’t do that. I can’t do that to you.”

Junmyeon closed his eyes and squeezed Minseok tighter in his arms, he just couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine that scenario.

==========

Jinki’s smile when he saw Junmyeon walked trough the café’s door was soon disappeared when Junmyeon was closer and he could saw his face better. A worried expression was all over his face, replacing his previous smile as soon as his best friend took a seat in front of him, “Junmyeon, what’s wrong?” He asked, genuinely worried, he never seen Junmyeon so serious before.

Junmyeon opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to find the right word to start his story, before deciding to just go straight to the point, “I—I found out that—that Minseok kept a bottle of sleeping pills last night.” And he waited for Jinki’s reaction. He called Jinki after work and told him that he wanted to talk, because he really needed to talk to someone, and he couldn’t think of anyone else. Because, not only Jinki was his best friend and older than him, but he knew Jinki was very wise too, so hopefully, he could stopped him from going crazy.

“What? What for?” Jinki’s small eyes were doubled in size, he was shocked too with the information. He only met Minseok once, but to his eyes, Minseok was sweet and looked quite bubbly despite of being quite.

“I don’t know! I know recently he got nightmares again, but sleeping pills? You know how dangerous that thing could be! I don’t even know where the hell he got that thing from!” Junmyeon ran his hand trough his own hair, “I just—It drives me crazy, and I can’t be at ease if I don’t see him, hyung!” He exhaled loudly, “Even at school today, I kept looking for him just so that I know that he was okay, and I—”

“Calm down Junmyeon,” Jinki cut Junmyeon’s speech midway because the younger looked like he was hyperventilating. “Did you ask him what was he going to do with those pills?” He asked calmly, trying not to make Junmyeon hyperventilates even more.

Junmyeon nodded his head, “He told me that he just wanted to sleep, but he didn’t take any of them because—” He paused a little when he got to the difficult part, “Because he imagined me finding him in the morning… And now, I can’t get that image out of my head.” The last part came out in a whisper. “I thought we were fine hyung,” He continued, his tone became low and sad, “I thought we were okay… But now, I feel like we were back to zero again.” A tear he didn’t knew he was holding rolled down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it with his palm. “I’m not even sure whether if he’s actually happy to be with me.” He couldn’t lift his head up and only staring at the screen of his phone, where he put Minseok’s smiling, happy face as the wallpaper, he suddenly missed him so much, “I yelled at him, hyung… I made him cry…”

“You did what you need to do Junmyeon… Sometimes we did something we didn’t meant to towards someone we love, not because we’re at them or hate them, but because we care about them.” Jinki said with his calming voice. “And it’s not true if you said that you were back to zero again. Rather, it’s actually a big step in your relationship with him. If the two of you can get trough this, there will be nothing that can break you apart in the future,” he tried to convince his best friend. “Look, as much as I wish I could see him more, I know I only met him once so far, but, just by the way he looked at you, I know he loves you no less than you love him. If he loves you that much, what makes you think that he wants to leave you like that, or at all in that matter?” He was genuine with his words, and he knew Junmyeon knew that too. He reached his hand to grab Junmyeon’s forearm that was placed on the table as a supporting gesture, “I can see that he is happy to be around you, trust me on this, but more importantly, trust him, Junmyeon.”

They bid their goodbye with a promise that Junmyeon would bring Minseok hang out with them more often. Their group of friends might be small, mainly just Jinki, Kibum, Kyungsoo, Junmyeon and sometimes Tao, but Jinki was sure that all of them were very supportive of Minseok and genuinely liked the boy (well, Tao was still a bit questionable, but Kibum could and would smack a little sense to his skull), and it would be good to bring him into a positive environment. Junmyeon agreed to it, but there was still a doubt burdening his heart.

==========

Minseok walked with heavy steps into Junmyeon’s apartment. It was Friday night and as per usual, he would sleep over at Junmyeon’s place and would have some midnight snacks before bed. But it was slightly different that night. After what happened to them the night before, there was this awkward air surrounding them and for the first time, he felt a bit distance from Junmyeon, he had disappoint Junmyeon and it scared him so much that it probably would end their relationship.

“Hi baby!” Junmyeon greeted like he always did, “I didn’t hear you coming, I’m just about to fry some fries for you. Do you want hot chocolate or milk tea with this? Oh! I also bought your favorite animal crackers if you want.” He blabbered, trying to act as natural as possible, despite of what happened. He was determined to get trough that situation just like how they always did in the past.

Minseok bit his lips and stood still few meters away from Junmyeon, he didn’t know what to do or what to say even though there were so much he wanted to say. He knew Junmyeon was trying to get trough the situation by acting like how he usually was, but that was not right. They needed to talk, Junmyeon needed to hear what he actually felt, they couldn’t just pretend that nothing happened. So he took brave steps and decided that he had to do his part as one half of that relationship, “Junmyeon,” he called out, and as soon as Junmyeon turned his body around, he came forward to hug the man who had sacrificed so much for him. That was not what he planned in his head, he wanted to talk, but as soon as he saw Junmyeon’s face and feel that he hugged him back, he couldn’t help but to buried his face in the crook of Junmyeon’s neck and started to cry.

“What’s wrong, Minseok?” Junmyeon asked softly, he also cried himself, whenever Minseok was hurt or cry, he couldn’t help but to cry too. “Hmm? What is it baby? Why are you crying?” He pulled Minseok tighter into the hug.

“I—I just want you to know,” Minseok forced himself to stop crying and talk, because he needed to say what was in his mind, “I want you to know that—that I’m—I’m happy to be with you.” He was still struggling with speech, “All I want is to be with you, I will never go anywhere without you, nor I will ever go to a place where there is no you. You—you understand th—that?” And he could feel Junmyeon’s small nod. He pulled away from the hug just enough to look into Junmyeon’s eyes, “I was wrong. You asked me what was I thinking, I wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking and I was stupid, and I’m sorry. I—I will never do anything like that again, I’ll talk to you, I’ll listen to you and I’ll do everything you tell me to, so please—” He let out a sob, “Please forgive me…” And as soon as he finished he started to cry again.

Junmyeon felt like a huge burden was lifted from his heart, and pulled Minseok back to a hug again “Thank you…” He whispered, that was everything he needed to hear and more, “Thank you… And yes, I forgive you.” He wanted to tell Minseok that it was not his fault, but Minseok really felt guilty, and the only thing that could make it better was to let him hear that he forgave him.

==========

“Junmyeon…” Minseok called out softly and Junmyeon responded with a low hum. They didn’t go straight to bed, instead, they sat in the dark living room in silence and darkness, Junmyeon hugging Minseok from behind and buried his nose on the top of his head while the younger was just brushing Junmyeon’s forearm that was resting on his stomach using his thumb. They were just enjoying each other’s presence, it was nice and very peaceful.

“We—we are okay, right?” Minseok asked.

Junmyeon lowered his head and kissed Minseok’s shoulder over his shirt, “We are… We’ll get trough this just like any other time.” He answered confidently.

Minseok turned his neck to see Junmyeon and was welcomed with Junmyeon’s smiling face that was getting closer and closer to his, and he couldn’t help but smiled too. And when Junmyeon finally captured his lips in a soft kiss, his heart was racing in his chest like it was their first kiss all over again, and he wondered whether if it was healthy, just to realized that he didn’t even care. He was happy, and their relationship was fine if not going even stronger, and that was all he cared about.

Maybe Jinki was right, Junmyeon thought, instead of going back to zero, they were actually taking a huge step in their relationship. They would get stronger knowing that no matter what happened, they would never leave each other’s side. They had laughed and cried together countless time, and with each laugh and each tear, they and their relationship grew.

Junmyeon was young, and Minseok was even younger. People would say that what they had between them was just temporary and they were too young to know what love was. But what did they know? Age was truly just numbers for them, and has nothing to do with what they feel to each other. They had been trough more than what people older than them been trough and they still by each other’s side. If that couldn’t convince other people that what they had was real, then nothing would. And it was fine by them.

a/n: So, how is it? Not that bad, right? OTL

I feel bad for making them cried a lot T_T