a/n: do you know how long i procrastinate on writing this?

and after that long time.. i can only get this OTL i'm really sorry, this is far from what i expected

and no matter how i tried to fix it, it's still weird and feel rushed T-T

I'm SO SORRY !

Minseok cursed under his breath when wind blew hard and some dust entering his eyes. He was on his way home from Luhan's place after doing homework together. Initially, he was about to ask Junmyeon to pick him up, but the elder’s phone was turned off, probably ran out of battery, so he decided to just walk.

He was about two blocks away from their apartment building when he saw Junmyeon's car parked in front of a small cafe. That wasn't the usual cafe they usually go to, so Minseok was kind of questioning why Junmyeon's car parked there. He decided to look into the cafe, because what else you would do when you ran onto your boyfriend's car, he just wished Junmyeon wasn't with teachers from the school.

Probably, it would be better if Junmyeon was indeed there with some teachers from school than with the person Minseok saw. Junmyeon was there with Chanyeol, Junmyeon's ex. They were sitting on a table for two, and talking about who knows what, but Junmyeon was laughing at whatever joke Chanyeol threw at him. What hurts was they looked really good together. Chanyeol was wearing a pair of expensive looking suits, probably just came from whatever fancy job he had, while Junmyeon was wearing a light blue button up and jeans, they looked really good.

There was this feeling you felt when you got a bad news, maybe when one of your family got into an accident, or when you failed your important test, that feeling as if your heart just fell to your stomach. That was exactly how Minseok felt that time.

Maybe it would be okay if Minseok just greet them, it's not like they never met before, and it's not like Chanyeol didn't know him. But that time, maybe it was the shock or more probably was the jealousy, Minseok just let his instinct to navigate him all the way to his apartment, because his mind was occupied with a lot of other things.

===========

“Minseok! There you are!” Junmyeon walked into Minseok’s apartment when he didn’t find him waiting at his apartment as usual.

Minseok bit his lips, not really sure about how he felt still, and just hugged his knees tighter to his chest instead of answering Junmyeon. His eyes were glued to the TV, which he lost interest in since a long time before, while Junmyeon walked closer, still oblivious of what happened.

“Hello, Precious! How was your day?” Junmyeon asked as he settled himself on the couch beside Minseok, after he kissed his temple in progress. Only after he was greeted with a silent Minseok, he knew then that something went wrong. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked softly, as he pushed himself forward so he could take a better look of his boyfriend.

“Nothing.” Minseok answered low and short, eyes still glued to the TV.

“It’s not nothing if you’re acting this way,” Junmyeon brushed the hair away from the younger’s eyes, revealing his feline eyes, that were glossy by then.

“I said it’s nothing.” Minseok answered with even lower voice.

“Minseok, you’re not a kid anymore. You know that if there’s something wrong, you need to talk about it.” Junmyeon coaxed.

Wrong words.

“What?” Minseok snapped his head to face Jumyeon, startling the older of the two. “So you think I’m too childish?” His tears were at the brim of his eyes. “Then leave! No one force you to stay!” He raised his voice for the last sentence, and with that he got up from the couch and ran to his bedroom.

If he was being honest, Minseok didn’t really sure why was he so angry. He saw Junmyeon with his ex at the café, but it didn’t mean that Junmyeon cheated on him or anything. They could just meet as friends and talked about some friendly things, because, in fact, they were friends. But maybe that was what it was. All these times, he was being jealous of Junmyeon’s past. Not only Chanyeol, not only to one person, but the life Junmyeon had before they met. Because to him, his life started when he met Junmyeon, only then he started to live, because before then, he just merely survived. Junmyeon was all of his life, and his happiness. Sure, one can argue that even before Junmyeon came, he had Luhan and Yixing, but Junmyeon was a whole different story. He was never as happy as when he was with Junmyeon, and the thought of Junmyeon felt happy without him in his past, with other people, made him so upset.

It took Junmyeon about two seconds to progress what was just happened. He was utterly shocked by the way Minseok’s reacted. That was not the first time Minseok got angry, but the other times, at least he knew why Minseok was angry. Still confused as to what happened, he followed his boyfriend, but the younger locked him out. “Minseok!” He called, but didn’t get any reply from inside. “Minseok!” He called louder.

“Go away!” Minseok shouted his reply.

“Open the door please!” Junmyeon pleaded.

“I said go away!” Minseok still didn’t budge.

Junmyeon squeezed his eyes out of frustration, “No!” He had no plan to give up. “You do know that I don’t care if I have to call people to break this door if you don’t come out, don’t you?” He insisted. “And you do know very well that I can do that!” He raised his voice at that point.

It was a few seconds of silence before Minseok opened the door harshly from inside, startled both of them. Junmyeon tried to take a step closer but Minseok stepped back as he did that, leaving him confused.

“Where were you?” Minseok asked.

Junmyeon thought he was ready with all kind of questions and reasons, but that? “Me? I was at school.”

“Why did you turn off your phone? Why were you so late?” Minseok asked again, eyes hard from trying to not cry.

To say that Junmyeon was confused was an understatement, because Minseok didn’t usually like that. Minseok didn’t usually angry over some simple things as him turning off his phone or coming home late, because both of them know that he didn’t usually bring his charger and he often late because he had meetings or consultation. “I told you I was at school.” He said simply.

“Lies! I saw you at the café with Chanyeol!”

Junmyeon was shocked because he didn’t expect Minseok to know about that. “I was—I was just happened to meet him there. We just talked, that’s all!”

“If you just talked, why did you lied?!” Minseok kept raising his voice out of anger.

“Because this is exactly how you will react if I told you the truth!” Never once Junmyeon ever raised his voice that high at Minseok, even just imaging it felt painful for him, but then, he was just so frustrated at how Minseok acted over small thing.

“Fine!” Minseok lower his voice again in a sarcastic way, “So I guess it’s my fault that you were lying then?”

“That’s not it! I don’t want you to get hurt just because you know I met my ex, because I know you will, even though we didn’t do anything!”

“It didn’t matter!” Minseok shouted, “You lied! That’s what all is about!”

“Of course it matters!” Junmyeon cut him off before Minseok could continue, “Of course your feeling maters to me!”

Another silence.

Junmyeon took a small step forward, silently praying in his heart that Minseok wouldn’t back up. Minseok didn’t. So He took some more steps until there wasn’t much space between them, and grabbed the side of Minseok’s head with both of his hand, forcing him to look deep into his own glassy eyes. “Why can’t you trust me? It’s been months!”

Minseok let the first tears rolled down his cheeks, “I was betrayed for my whole life.”

Junmyeon exhaled, he pressed his forehead onto Minseok’s and squeezed the tears out of his own eyes. He was always the calm one out of the two, but frustration and fears finally beat him to it, “You just need to trust me,” he tried to speak with a firm voice as another roll of tears rolled down his already wet cheek, “I’ll do everything for both of us, I just need you to trust me. I’m afraid that I will lose you if this keeps going like this, and I can’t lose you. Oh my God, Minseok! I can’t lose you. I can’t!” His last sentence came out as a whisper, before pulling his boyfriend into a bone crushing hug. “I will do anything and everything for you, but at the same time, there were only so much I can do.”

“I’m sorry.” Minseok apologized in a weak whisper. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. But you were once happy without me in your life, while you are the only happiness in my life. I hate the thought of it. It’s selfish and it’s childish, but I only want you for my self, I want all of you just for myself.” He said honestly.

“But I am! I’m all yours to have, you can have all of me just for yourself.”

“I’m sorry—” Minseok finally hugged Junmyeon back, “I didn’t mean it. Don’t leave me please, I’ll die if you do.”

Junmyeon pulled away from the hug to see deep into Minseok’s eyes, “I’m not going to leave you even if you told me to.”

It was so sad yet so beautiful, of how they could love each other so much yet there was always this thing between them they should fight so hard to overcome. They both knew they love each other so much, but there were always these what if-s that haunted them. It was not even their fault. It wasn’t their fault if Minseok had trust issue. It wasn’t their fault that Junmyeon didn’t find him sooner. It wasn’t their fault that they love each other, that, was not even a mistake.

When Junmyeon peppering small kisses all over his face while chanting words of comfort as “It’s alright” and “Everything will be okay”, Minseok knew, both of them knew, that things will be okay.

Junmyeon looking deep into Minseok’s eyes one last time before pulling him into a long and sweet kiss, taking his time to taste him. Minseok’s lips were salty from the tears, but they were not sad, they have each other, what was there to be sad about? They were relieved, that they finally be able to be completely bare themselves and being honest with each other. And after then, they were sure that nothing can come between them.

a/n: I'll just stick to total fluff u_u I'll try to make something better next time, but still, comment? T~T