Note: wow it's been over a week. well here's an update because i felt bad about not updating...i don't really know what to do right now with this story, so this chapter is kind of crap, but i mean...here you go. i'm so so so sorry again for 1. a horrid chapter and 2. not updating, but i'll work harder to think of new things soon. thank you for the support<3

Kai breaks the kiss eventually, running his hands through your hair again and giving you another electrifying kiss.

"Let's go home, ___________. I don't want you and our daughter to get sick," he says, tender love in his eyes.

"Okay," you agree tiredly and you go back inside to tell your mom.

"Mom, I'm going home," you say. She looks at you with your swollen lips and completely soaked clothing and smiles.

"Good. I'm glad you've come to your senses. I'll see you and Jongin later," she gives you another hug despite the fact you're soaking wet. You stride out of your mom's house and see Kai waiting for you outside .

"Uh, Jongin, how did you get here?" you ask, a little confused that his car is nowhere to be seen. He walks over to you in the rain and wraps his arm around you. 

"I parked around the corner so I wouldn't like freak you out or something," he says considerately, giving you a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"You still kinda freaked me out, Kai," you snicker good naturedly, feeling filled with happiness being with him. He nods. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to." You both walk around the corner and he doesn't let go of you. You reach his car, and he opens the door for you in a gentlemanlike manner. You slide into the car, dripping water everywhere. Kai goes around the car and sits in the drivers seat, turning on the car's heat. 

"I'm so sorry, ________," he whispers, looking at you with intense emotion. You reach over and put your hand on his knee.

"Stop apoligizing, Jongin. It isn't your fault. Blame won't get us anywhere," you respond gently. "I know that now, and I'M sorry about that. Let's just...forget about it."

"I don't think we can, _________," he replies softly. 

"What do you mean?"

"Even though I love you with my entire being, marriage isn't easy and being together won't be easy. It never will be. I learned something the other day in church. I don't mean to preach to you or anything, but I learned that our life here is so so short and wasting it is the worst thing you can ever do.

I learned that a lot of the time, people on earth will survive but they never really live. People are willing to die and they're willing to suffer pain for what they believe in, but a lot of times they aren't willing to LIVE for what they love or LIVE for what they believe in.

Why is it it's so easy to give up your survival than sacrifice your actual life? We've promised we're willing to die for each other, and I know I would die for you. What scares me is the fact we live so much for ourselves, we never really do live for each other, or for our relationships. 

I want to stop making life about me and how I feel and more about you and how you feel. I've been willing to die for you every day, but I haven't been doing a good job of living for you. I know I can't live without you, so I'd die for you. Even THAT'S selfish. Even if it's giving up my physical being for you, it's still because I can't live without you and dying for you would be easier for ME. What I need to do is live my life for you and our baby, and I realize that now. 

 I'm going to start living for my relationships, not for my own benefit. Anyway, I love you so much and I'm sick and tired of making everything about me.

I think we should start by getting help..."

You stare at him. His profound, deep statements make shivers run up your spine. It's weird to hear your husband speak like that. He's always been strong in his faith, (Note: yeah, Kai's a Christian or Catholic apparently) but he's never spoken so philosophically to you. You nod slowly. 

"Help as in...?"

"I think we should get marriage counseling. Even if we aren't fighting right now, we need help. We married young, we're having a baby young. We need help, don't you think?"

"Yeah..." you think hard. "I guess it wouldn't hurt." 

Kai looks relieved that you're agreeing to it, and he starts to drive home. He turns on the radio and you both tap along to the music pensively. You think about his words and you can't help but feel very touched by them. He's right.

People spend their lives kind of dragging themselves through it and even having happy relationships, but in reality they're satisfying themselves. True love in its purest form is rare, you suppose. True love means not just willing to sacrifice your body but your entire life. 

You want to sacrifice your life for Jongin too. You want to live your life for you child and stop living selfishly. You think long and hard about how you've been living, and emotion overcomes you. You break down in tears. Kai looks over, alarmed, and pulls over to the side of the road.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He lovingly places his hand on your back while you cry and rubs your back smoothly.

"I...I'm such a selfish person," you sob. Stupid pregnant lady hormones. Maybe, just maybe though, it's some sort of sign you really need to start living like Kai talked about.

"We all are," he says comfortingly, humming a song Exo wrote called "Baby Don't Cry" softly. You continue to cry, leaning your head against him across the middle of the car. "If we all weren't selfish, the world would be a lot different." 

"Does anyone actually know real sacrifice?" you cry. 

"God knows." 

"Are you being serious or are you using that as a common expression?"

"Both," he sighs. He decides his preaching time for the day is up. "The only thing I'm sure of is that I love you." 

He doesn't know what to say anymore, really. He looks deeply into your tearful eyes, and wipes away a tear that's threatening to fall down your face. 

"I want to be unselfish," you say tearfully.

"Me too. Let's get through it like we're gonna get through everything," he says with another sweet smile.

"How?"

"Together."

note: Not trying to force anyone into a certain religion, but this IS my story so if people are going to get offended by a mention of religion, then you don't need to read it. I'm truly sorry if I offended anyone by mentioning it, but I am not sorry for writing it. I am  not trying to force it on you, (did I say anything about you having to believe?) but i expect you to be tolerant and respectful. I've already gotten messages about it and I updated like 10 minutes ago. If you don't like it, sorry again, but I'm not going to change it. It's not like I'm writing a Bible here, I just made a reference to a religion, and I didn't think so many people would get so worked up about it.

Thank you for your respect. Again, this is my story and if I want to mention God once, I will. Otherwise, I can just end the story if too many people are going to hate on me for it. 

Thank you.