You take a deep breath, and wipe your eyes while you begin to take in the letter.

______________,

You taught me the definition of love, __________. You said to me during our wedding vows that meeting me and falling in love with me made you realize what love is. You said love was the "funny feeling [you] always got," the "way that the smallest things [I] do bring happiness to [your] heart." You swore that "love is the feeling [you] had for [me] that day [you] thought [you] would lose [me]." You promised me that "[you] could never live [your] life without [me]." You said that you know "without [me], [you'd] be nothing."  

You assured me that to you, your definition of love is me.

There's no other thing or person in the world I ever want to be but your definition of love. 

I remember every word of our vows. I remember every beat my heart skipped when we stood up on that altar and I was bewitched by how beautiful you looked in that dress. I remember everything about you.

I remember how my heart pounded the day you tripped over me; the first time I saw you. That was totally awkward, and I never would have believed how much I could love that girl I accidentally pushed against the wall.

I remember the way your voice coaxed me out of the coma and the way your lips met mine when I awoke.

I remember the fear and the joy that overtook us when we found out we were going to have a baby. 

I remember how much you hate spiders and love puppies. I remember the way you'll bite your lip when you concentrate hard and how you will tuck your hair behind your ear when you read.

I remember the time I publicly humiliated you when I danced Growl shirtless after you tried to publicly humiliate ME.

I remember the cookie dough fight we had that left our kitchen dirty for weeks afterwards.

I remember our first kiss. It was in front of everyone and it was the first and last kiss to send sparks jolting up my spine.

I remember that you recalled that my "laugh, smile, hugs, kisses, words, caring heart, and ability to put those [I] care about first" is love.

You told me this in front of all our families and friends and we swore forever the day we got married.

I will cling to your promises everyday until the moment I draw my last breath, and I want you to know that. I told you many things too on that wedding day.

I told you that "you're the reason I keep going." You still are, __________. You give me hope. You give me hope that I can be a better man and that I'm not just surviving, but I'm truly living.

With you, I truly live. I told you in my vow that "we'll never have to be apart, because love is one of the only things without an expiration date in this world that's always changing."

My love for you and that quote is the most honest and sincere thing I can ever say and convey. I told you, from the bottom of my heart that "you're the reason I have the will to get up when I fall." I was in a dark place before I met you, ________. Everything seemed pointless and I felt like I had nothing. When you came into my life, I realized that I needed to get my act together to be a person that deserves to call you theirs.

I mentioned that "I want nothing more than to be able to call you mine the rest of my life, and for us to have a family and grow old together."

That offer still stands, my angel. It will stand for eternity because nothing in this world is difficult enough or big enough to destroy my love for you. We've been through a lot and I'm not saying things will ever be easy. That doesn't matter to me though, because we never swore we would lumber through life easily. 

We both know that our marriage has been and will continue to be difficult, but that doesn't mean it isn't a beautiful thing. We can't leave a blank next to our definitions of love, _________. We need to be able to fill each other's names into the blanks in our hearts.  Sometimes the most beautiful things in the world come out of darkness. We can grow through the pain and mistakes together, my beautiful wife.

Please, come back to me and know that you'll always be my definition of love as I hope I can be for you as well. We can only add to our definition of love, we cannot take it away. Someday soon, we can add our daughter's name to that definition, but I can't even think of erasing yours.

I understand that you're angry and hurt and I understand we're going to need to work hard at this marriage thing, but as I've told you before, love can overcome even the most difficult situations.

I'll stand by this notion forever, just like how I'll stand by you forever. 

I'll love you and be by your side forever, ____________, and I hope you can love me forever as well.

Always and forever.

XOXO,

Kim Jongin

You stare at the letter and sink into the bath water, reading some lines over and over again. You let the warm water soothe your sore muscles and aching bones. Emotions come flooding through your body, and you instantly want to be in his arms again.

You're not angry at anyone but yourself. You need Kai....Your daughter needs Kai, and you cannot believe how stupid you were to think either of you could ever be happy without the other. You spring out of the tub, throw on jeans and a comfortable blouse, blow dry your hair hastily, and walk downstairs to your mom.

"Hi," she says cautiously, wondering what the letter said. You hand her the letter to read wordlessly, and she purses her lips.

"You could search a billion lifetimes for a suitable man, and you wouldn't find one that can compare to your husband, __________," your mom tells you, handing you back the letter. "Jongin loves you with his whole heart and you love him and the thought of you two separating is ridicuous." She lays a loving hand on your stomach. 

"Go fix your marriage. Not just for you and Kai, but for your baby too. She'll need her umma and appa," your mom's eyes get misty. "You know how important an appa is." 

You nod, and look out the window, seeing rain pour down. You limp outside, not caring about the downpour. You walk over to your car, and your heart skips a beat 

"Hey beautiful." Kai looks up at you, sitting against your car in the pouring rain. He stands up. 

"I guess you read the letter," Kai says, rain dripping from his head as the water pours over both of you, making it hard to see. "I thought you would read it sooner and I was really hoping you'd...well I don't really know why I came here...I just had a feeling. I don't know...I just want---"

You interrupt him by wrapping your arms around his neck and standing on your tip toes, engulfing his mouth with yours in a rough, desperate kiss. 

Kai smiles into the kiss and kisses you back with equal passion.

He runs his hands through your soaking wet hair and you wrap your arms tighter around his neck, the rain continuing to drench both of you.

Like you care.

You kiss him like your life depends on it, and he continues to use his lips to play with yours, warming your cold, wet body with his hot kisses. 

His large, full lips don't fail to drive you crazy as he pulls you as close to himself as possible. You run your hands through HIS wet hair, barely able to see through the raging rain.

Kai gently lifts you up, leaning you up on top of the hood of your car while rain falls even harder around you. He continues to kiss you lovingly and with more passion than you believed should be possible from one man.

One man who you love so dearly.

THE man who you will continue to love so dearly until the day you die.