A,N: This chapter was rewritten!

The woman from before entered the room again and Lillie tried to act innocent event though it was impossible with all the boys around her watching her eat. The woman, probably one producer of the show started giving them instructions and suddenly they all shifted their attention away from Lillie and to her. Lillie was thankful to them but much more relieved now that she didn’t have Jinki’s worried eyes on her. It was good that she didn’t enter while she was in Jinki’s embrace too.

It was apparently time to record the show and Jinki looked at Lillie. She wondered what she would do now. Would she be able to wait for them there and finish eating? She smiled with her cheeks full but before she said that she could wait Jonghyun spoke.

“Can she watch the recording?”

The woman nodded and Jonghyun made a sign for Lillie to follow them. Jinki seemed to like the suggestion too and even though he kept a safe distance from her she caught him looking at her several times while they walked down the corridor. He still seemed worried about her and she smiled trying to comfort him. She no longer felt weak and even though she was probably still pale she felt way better now. Besides she still had another bread to eat.

The recording studio wasn't as big as Lillie imagined it but still it was impressive seeing a close up of the familiar scenario she was used to viewing on her tv. Several crew members moved around the studio getting everything ready for the moment when cameras would start rolling. Several people Lillie knew from magazines and tv shows were already getting ready, taking their seats. Jinki and the other members followed their examples and Lillie looked at everyone stunned. Everyone was incredibly beautiful, way more than they looked on screen.

She let herself stay behind, near a table full with several objects that could be useful for the makeup coordinators and the crew. Several bottles of water, paper tissues and yet no food. Lillie frowned because she could eat something else.

Her gaze moved to Jinki that was now on his seat beside Taemin that had a cordi nonna fixing his hair. Jinki was looking her way too and frowning slightly probably trying to understand what she was thinking or trying to see her in the dark since all lights were lit above them.

He blinked one eye on her direction and Lillie gasped covering , her heart jumping on her chest. Jinki could be such a tease and she always melted when he flirted with her. Lillie looked around her and once she was sure no one was noticing she stick her tongue out at him.

He frowned a small smile danced on his lips and she ignored him trying to find a place to sit since the recording was going to start soon.

Lillie end up finding a place to sit, a small stoll, and she watched the recording for a while. She always heard that recordings took a long time, that they would sometimes took a whole afternoon to record a one hour of show.

She was bored after a while, tired and still hungry. Jinki would look at her once in a while and that would give her some strength but soon her stomach was growling again.

Much to her relief and of the guests a break was announced. Idols, actors and mc’s left their places and coordinate noonas and managers approached them either to give them water, fix their hair or retouch their makeup.

Two actresses approached her talking amicable between them, one of them fetching a bottle of water herself. After a while - they never noticed Lillie’s presence - they walked further away. They were elegant, tall and very beautiful. Their skin was immaculate and they seemed so delicate and feminine. In everything so different from Lillie. That was the kind of women that lived in Jinki’s world.

Even if Lillie did a full plastic surgery procedure and a strict diet she would never get closer to that kind of women. She was too clumsy and awkward to be like that woman.

Jinki was busy now, no longer looking her way speaking with a man she didn't recognize but apparently was a famous singer. One of the actresses approached him and they both spoke to her. He must have said something funny because the woman laughed and touched his shoulder briefly, something that Lillie didn't miss.

She watched them talk, jealousy and insecurity settling inside her. She hated that feeling above everything, she didn't want to be like the man who ruined her life. Jealousy could be a cancer that turned you into an awful person. And insecurity….she knew that she didn't stand a chance competing with women like that.

Lillie couldn't let her inner demons destroy her life so she decided to avoid that situation instead.She also needed to find more food and she could go to the bathroom too. Hopefully once she was back the recording would be almost over.

Lillie approached the coordi helping Jonghyun with his makeup and asked her where the bathroom was. Acting as if she didn't knew Jonghyun or anyone in the room she left the studio taking her time, meeting some other familiar faces along the way. It was surprising that no one asked what she was doing there, as if she was invisible.

She had to walk more than she thought and coming back from the bathroom was done even slower, only stopping to buy some food from a vending machine. She passed in front of the door that lead to the studio but didnt stop, instead kept going until the end of the corridor where the emergency stairs were. She opened the door and sat on the stairs, enjoying the silence. Slowly her heavy heart and doubts were dissipating. She was exhausted and the only thing she wanted was to go home and rest.

Lillie took her phone from inside her bag and checked her missed calls. Jinho and Jules.

She really didn't want to talk with Jinho,recently his attention and care scared her and made her uncomfortable. So she ignored the call and called her friend instead.

"Lillie finally! I was worried! "

"I'm alive!" Lillie joked trying to sound cheerful.

"Hmm ... your voice is strange!"

"I'm being silly again, sometimes I wonder what Jinki sees in me.” Sometimes wasn't the right word. Everytime she thought about it she couldn't find a single reason for his affection towards her.

"You're fantastic Lillie and it’s love! Sometimes there are no reasons! Besides you both are idiots! "

“Stop calling my boyfriend an idiot!"

"Exactly Lillie! Your boyfriend! Stop being silly! Are you with him? "

"Ahhhh you could say that! I'm in a television studio seeing him record a show! "

"WOW! That's awesome! I’m a bit jealous. Can you get me some autographs?”

Lillie ignored Jules request and jumped to the real reason she called her. She needed to talk with someone about it. “We had our first almost argument today.”

“Oh, about what?”

“How I’m insecure about his feelings and he said he loved me.” only remembering his confession and the tender moments after it made her heart beat faster.

"So it's all good now?"

"Yes!" It definitely was and she was the only one trying to sabotage their relationship.

"And why are you talking to me? You should be seeing the show! "

"No! I was feeling…” She was ashamed to say that she was jealous. “...Tired. Decided to rest a little before going back.”

“Lillie don't do this to you. Trust your boyfriend a little more.” He also asked her to trust him.

She ended the call and opened one of her mobile games to burn some time and not think about silly things. Hopefully the recording wouldn't take much longer.

Lilli stared at the screen of her phone. She only had 20% of battery left and only one hour and a half have passed since she decided to make the emergency stairs her hiding place. She played 4 different games, braided her hair and undid it, sang the chorus of some of her favorite SHINee songs and read a flyer singing the text of it with the Dream Girl tone. She was extremely bored and maybe it was time to go back and confront her insecurities.

Jinki, her amazing almost perfect boyfriend - at least too good for her - would be surrounded by those beautiful women and she would have to watch them smile at him and interact with him. That wasn't much different from when she was a fan, but the difference was that she loved him, not as an idol, but as a man. The truth she always tried to tell herself was that even though he could interact with women like that he still chose to be with her. So she surely had some worth. Right?!

Lillie chuckled feeling ridiculous and stood up. She was hiding all that time, acting as if she was a poor heroine of a lousy drama when in reality she was the luckiest person in that building. Jinki wanted her as his girlfriend!

Once Lillie entered the hallway ready to go back to the recording room she saw an agitated Jinki striding down the hallway in her direction. She hesitated, biting her lower lip wondering if she should act as if she didn't know him but he didn't seem to want to stop or act as if she was no one, his eyes looking fiercely at her. Was he upset?!

He sighed seeming more annoyed than upset and before she had time to speak he grabbed her by one hand, opened the door to the emergency stairs again and pulled her there with him. Lillie gasped and tried to explain but instead, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. She hugged him back and caressed him over his expensive sweater.

“I was worried, so worried I couldn't focus on the recording properly.” He pulled away and stared at her face before placing his hand on her forehead.

“Are you feeling better? You don't have a fever right? You are still so pale!”

“You should be careful! Someone could have seen us!” She answered instead pulling his hand away.

“Why did you leave the studio? Are you really alright?”

“Yes, I just ...I had to go to the bathroom and then made a phone call to Jules and I didn't see the time pass.”

He frowned as if he truly didn't believe her and Lillie lowered her gaze to the floor feeling pressured to tell the truth. Jinki impatiently stared at her and she started to feel even worse. He probably had to go back to the others and she was stalling the inevitable.

“Actually...at the time it seemed like a better idea to wait here.”

“Why?”

“Because you were busy and I didn’t want to disturb you.” It wasn't entirely a lie.

“Sometimes you are so obstinate!” he mumbled still a little suspicious. “We are done with the recording and we can either go back with manager Minho or you can wait until I change back to my clothes and we can go out on a date….unfortunately on foot.”

Going on a date, walking together holding hands like a normal couple was something she always desired and Lillie beamed at him, completely forgetting all the worries she felt earlier that day.

“Of course I don't mind but…” She couldn't help but worry “What if someone sees us?”

“Trust me, I know how to walk around incognito. Without makeup and wearing a mask, no one will recognize me. Will you wait for me outside? I’ll meet you there as soon as I can.”

“Yes.”

Lillie placed her hand on the door to leave but Jinki grabbed her arm.

“Promise me that you will not disappear again! No more craziness today…”

Lillie giggled awkwardly “Aigo, are you, my mother, now?!” She joked the smile dying on her lips quickly when the door to the emergency stairs right beside them was open and one member of the cleaning staff entered holding a mop and a bucket.

Lillie stepped aside swallowing hard panicking a little while Jinki greeted the lady politely, a gesture that was purely genuine to him.

“Oppa, I’m truly your fan!” Lillie blurted out making him blink his eyes confused with her bright girly voice “I was wondering if you could give me a sign for my little sister. She is also a fan…”

She watched through the corner of her eyes while the cleaning lady walked down the stairs completely ignoring them and Jinki's lips parted into a huge teasing smile.

“That was dangerous…” Lillie whispered, letting go of the acting. “Go and change clothes. I will be waiting for you like a good girl. I promise.” She placed her hands on his back and pushed him towards the door but Jinki turned around and gave her a quick peek on the lips.

“See you soon!”

She smiled at him and stayed by the door watching him go until he was out of her field of vision.

Even though he said he would be as quick as he could she still waited outside for a long time and her hands and nose were freezing. She rubbed her hands against each other and blew on them when her phone rang. The caller was Jinho again and she frowned.

“Hey…” Someone spoke behind her and Lillie turned around coming face to face with a man wearing a mask and a beanie. She still could see his eyes though and she could never mix that voice for someone else, besides he was wearing the coat she returned to him.

And inside the coat’s pocket was the letter. Lillie blushed remembering what she wrote on it, and what he probably read by now.

He leaned forward looking at her phone that was still vibrating on her hand and Lillie canceled the call. The last thing she wanted at that moment was to explain to him who Jinho was.

“It’s only a coworker, not important.”

“Are you perhaps cheating on me?” He asked raising one eyebrow adorably, a few strands of his blonde hair escaping the beanie.

“NO!” Lillie’s heart jumped on her chest, a habit from the past.

Jinki laughed amused with her reaction and she bit her lower lip. It was only him teasing her. If he was her ex-boyfriend he wouldn't be only joking for sure.

“I’m kidding! Relax ...but what a relief that you aren’t!” She could imagine him smiling behind the mask since his eyes turned into two half-moons as she loved.

Jinki grabbed her hand on his, sliding his fingers between hers. Even though his hand was warm he didn't complain that hers was freezing, instead, he pulled it to his coat’s pocket.

"Let's eat something delicious!"

“But this time I’m the one paying!” Lillie insisted, in her eagerness squeezing his hand in hers which made him chuckle “You promised last time that you would let me pay!”

“Very well….” He sniffed cutely rubbing his nose and she furrowed her brow wondering if he was getting sick. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have a date outside when it was that cold. “Where are we going?”

“A wonderful place. We need to take the bus there. There is a stop down the street!” Lillie pulled him in the direction of the stop wanting him to hurry up so that he wouldn't stay in the cold long.

“The bus? Waaaa…” His eyes shined a little “I haven’t taken the bus in so long!”

“So it’s going to be fun!” She pulled him until the bus stop. Few people were there and none looked at them for more than a few seconds.

Lillie started talking with him about her week and the fansign and the recording and he barely answered a little worried that the mention of SHINee with his voice would make someone recognize him.

A bus passed by and everyone but them entered it so Lillie and Jinki took the opportunity to sit at the stop now alone. That rare moment of solitude outside was like a blessing since they could be themselves without worrying that his identity could be recognized.

“The bus will be here soon!” She informed him and he smiled nodding his head. He didn't care how long it would take, he was happy to be with her, holding her hand that was now warmer thanks to him. He also loved how she was enjoying the control she had on the date, deciding what they would do and in a way taking care of him.

He sighed dramatically and complained because of the cold before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She frowned hating that his hand left hers alone in the coat pocket but the way he pulled her against him made her melt completely.

“Your coat is very thin, you must be freezing.”

“I'm fine!” She purred nestling against him “I wish we could do this more often!” Skinship was something so scary to her before but when she was with Jinki all of her past fears vanished. She felt safe with him and desired his touch. It was something so new and therefore fascinating to her.

Jinki leaned his head against hers. “I thought you caught the bus every day to work.”

“No, you idiot!” He laughed at his own joke “I meant going out like a normal couple!” He knew exactly what she meant but it was much more fun to . He loved how her cheeks would get red when something fired her up, how she raised her chin and her eyes gained a new light when she scolded him and called him an idiot in a sweet intimate familiar way as if they knew each other for a longer time than they did. Maybe it wouldn’t make much sense to others but it did to him. He didn’t believe in soulmates but he believed in people whose personality and nature clicked well with you. And Lillie clicked well with him, very well. They were different and yet it seemed like they connected well.

“We can do it more often from now on. Once I’m done with this album promotion I will have more time. If you don’t mind going out with a guy that always wears a mask and stays away from crowds that is.”

She the seat to look at him and wrapped her arms awkwardly and yet lovingly around his neck. She kissed his chin, the closest uncovered place to his mouth. Even though it was such an innocent kiss her cheeks were pinkish and he smiled.

Skinship was something that she always made her blush, that she always had a hard time doing spontaneously but once she did it was the cutest ever.

“Now tell me…” He caressed her cheek, his hand moving down to her neck tickling her and disappeared between her hair. “Why did you leave the studio?”

He knew she was lying and Lillie swallowed hard leaning her head against his shoulder so that he wouldn't look into her eyes once she answered the question.

“Because I was feeling insecure.” She moved her fingers down his black sweater, an item probably given by a fan. He once told her that half of his wardrobe was gifts.

“Did I do anything that made you feel like that?”

“It’s not what you do…” She sighed risking a gaze at him. He wasn't upset or annoyed but seemed a little sad “You are handsome, y, smart, talented and you have the most beautiful smile, so when I see you with a woman that seems to match so perfectly with you I can't help it.”

He frowned “You were jealous of the women at the recording.”

Lillie did not confirm it but her silence was all the confirmation he needed. Jinki took off the mask and Lillie widened her eyes looking around.

"What are you doing?"

His hand on her head pulled Lille to him and she barely had time to close her eyes before his lips touched hers. His lips were warm against her cold ones and the sensation was amazing. He kissed her slowly taking his time savoring her, ignoring the world around them and the risks of his actions. She grasped his sweater and as if he read her desire he pulled her closer against him, warming her up. When the fans compared Jinki to the sun, Lillie always agreed to it. And now, after she knew Onew as a man she was 100% sure that he was indeed like the sun, warm, sometimes explosive in passion and bright. After a while he pulled away, his nose rubbing against hers.

“Your nose is cold.” He whispered his lips touching hers again in a short kiss. Lillie swallowed hard, the desire growing up inside her again, something awakening on her, something ual. Lately, every time he touched her she wanted more, every time he kissed her she forgot about everything. It was insane to think that the woman that once thought that she was frigid was now feeling desire, was now wanting to have with a man. Not a man, but Jinki.

“Yours is cold too.” She answered back caressing his cheek, covering his face from the world, keeping him only for herself even if only for a few seconds.

He smiled, his fingers moving on her nape making her shiver in pleasure.

“Lillie you are an idiot!” He said suddenly standing up. She looked at him confused while he pulled the elastic of his mask around his red ears again. His ears always became red when they made out and she smiled happy that she was the lucky woman that knew that intimate curiosity about him.

“The bus is here!” Jinki said offering his hand to her and Lillie placed it on his. He once again used his coat pocket to warm it and they both entered the bus. While they walked down to the back seats Lillie realized that she was indeed an idiot.

She was the reason his ears were red, the reason his hand was warm and the reason he was riding a bus after such a long time.

It was hard to correct her way of thinking when it has been years of insecurities and violence when she was told thousands of times that she wasn't worth it, that no one would ever care for her. It wasn't be something that could be changed in a few weeks, however, she could see a small sparkle, some hope.

Maybe she truly deserved that, maybe she could be his girlfriend.

An hour later Jinki and Lillie were entering the same park where they met before, holding a paper bag of Macdonald's and a blanket she bought at a store.

"When you spoke about taking me to a nice place I didn’t think it would be MacDonald's."

“Well, this month was a little harsh on my bank account!” She looked at him apologetically, “I know it’s not good for your diet but I wanted something that would be fast and different from what we ate together until now. I mean, we haven't eaten hamburgers yet?!”

He couldn't argue with her and he didn't mind anyway. They stepped into the middle of the trees leaving the path and stepping into the grass. She shivered slightly and he groaned preparing to take his coat.

“No way!” she stopped him immediately “You can't be sick!”

“But you are going to freeze!”

“I won't ...you can hug me.” She cleared still not used to say things like that “You really can't get sick now. I also have a blanket!”

“I prefer warming you myself!” He grinned loving the way she pressed her lips together feeling embarrassed.

Still with a smile on his face Jinki placed the blanket on the ground and sat over it. She followed him and started taking the food out from it. Jinki looked around to be sure but the park was practically deserted and it was dark enough where they were so he risked taking off the mask. He had to eat anyway.

"So what did you think of my letter?" Lillie asked soon after when he grabbed his hamburger. Doing it in the middle of dinner was strategical since she could hide her embarrassment behind the food.

However, his reaction confused her.

"Letter? What letter?"

"Didn’t you read the letter? I wrote you a letter today. It was inside the bag with your coat!"

"I haven’t seen any letters there. “ He frowned betrayed. Did it get lost or maybe it was with the pile of letters he got from the other fans and haven't had time to read. Yes, that was probably where it was.”What did it say?"

"Nothing!" She giggled awkwardly trying to brush the subject away. No way she would say out loud the nonsense she wrote in it.

"Nothing?!” He tickled her side making her almost drop one fried potato “Tell me what you wrote!”

Lillie ignored him eating her food instead.

“Hey are you going to tell me or not? Do I have to take it from you by force?”

“Force??!” Her voice almost failed her and she studied Jinki’s face. He was only joking and that sentence that was once scary for her was only a joke to him. He blinked his eyes after a while noticing the uneasiness in her expression. He wasn't the best at reading the mood but he wasn't an idiot. Sometimes Lillie seemed scared, retrained as if small things that happened made her remember something painful. He wanted to ask her what it was but at the same time, he was scared to know it.

She smiled, the mood lightening up again. “Are you threatening me? Should I be afraid?!" A shiver ran through her spine, a solo remembrance of what he made her feel before and at the same time a sign of being cold.

“Aish!” Jinki complained, removed the food from his way and pulled Lillie closer to him. She crawled next to him confused, but instead of letting her seat by his side he made her sit in front of him, her back to him. She was going to ask what he was doing but he wrapped his arms around her placing his legs around her, warming her up with his body.

She didn't say anything, all of her body tingled. It still surprised her how well they fit together, how well she felt in his arms, so close to a man like that. He placed his chin on her shoulder and restarted eating as if nothing happened as if it was comfortable like that.

"This way you won’t be cold." He explained noticing how motionless she was with her hamburger in her hand, her body tense against him. Lillie cleared and tried to relax. It was always hard for her to imagine herself so vulnerable in the arms of someone, let alone a man, but with Jinki was different and after reminding herself that her whole body relaxed and she ate again.

After a while, the contact between their bodies was affecting her in another way and unknowingly to her it was also affecting him. Lillie’s hair smelled nice and he wanted to kiss her neck, inhale the scent of her skin also.

To forget about the ual attraction he was feeling he tried to find a topic to talk about but Lillie was faster.

"That actress on the recording today was very beautiful!” she said, the first thing that came to her mind, the thing that bothered her that afternoon.

"Hum...Not my type! " He gave it a quick thought and brushed the subject away.

"What is your type then?"

"You!"

Lillie turned halfway to look at him an incredulous expression on her face. "Very funny!"

Jinki finished his hamburger and munched on it taking his time.

"We already had this conversation!"

They did talk a little about it but she wanted to know more about the kind of women he liked. Maybe to see if the actress from earlier that day could count as competition.

"Before you knew me what was your ideal type?"

Jinki grabbed one french fry and bit it thinking carefully, a smile escaping his lips.

“I don’t think I truly have one. Of course, there are some women I find attractive, some actresses or singers I find beautiful or y but I always change my mind. So I often see myself saying different things when people ask me that. You can check my interviews. My ideal type keeps changing on them. I think in the end the only thing I need is someone with a beautiful heart that accepts and loves me and that laughs at my jokes.”

Lillie bit her lower lip thinking if she met the requirements and he laughed.

“And that's you!”

“I am honored to meet the requirements.”

“What is your type?” He asked after teasingly smiling at her. “Do I meet those requirements?”

Now that he asked her, she realized that maybe she also didn't have a clear type.

“I like...men with a good sense of humor.” he grinned “And…manly and yet cute.” He made a serious y expression and then quickly smiled cutely making her almost choke on her fries. “I also like caring humble guys and…” Someone who made her feel safe loved and gave her strength.

“And that's all me!”

“Yes. That's all you!”

“So…” He caressed her back slowly making her heart skip a beat “Are you going to tell me what you wrote in that letter or not?”

“I thought you forgot all about it by now.” Lillie groaned wanting the subject to die.

“I have a good memory!" He held onto her tighter and Lillie blushed. His breathing on her neck was making her tingle inside.

"If the letter is lost it means that it was not meant to be read." she stated in a tiny voice.

Jinki didn't answer but she could feel his lips smile against the skin of her neck before he kissed it. Lillie closed her eyes losing all her ability to eat or think or do anything properly.

Unconsciously she leaned her head against his shoulder giving him more access to her exposed skin.

His lips parted and his tongue her skin softly making her bit her lower lip, a small moan escaped her lips next and his hands left her stomach and moved to her hair. He slowly unbraided her hair.

"I like it when you have your hair loose! I love your hair!" his confession against her ear, the combination of his husky voice and his caresses were making her feel funny again, the ache and need inside her grew.

He brushed her hair away from her neck and kissed her, again and again, pulling her sweater down her shoulder a little so that he could kiss it too.

His fingers moved over the strap of her bra and even though she was exposed like that she wasn't cold, instead her skin was warm. He pulled at the strap to kiss the skin underneath and Lillie grabbed his other hand that was back around her, resting on her tummy. He the skin of her shoulder in a sweet kiss and she let her head fall to the side again allowing “Vampire Jinki” to give her a hickey. He took his time as if he was savoring her and then grabbed her by her waist and helped her turn on his lap to face him. She rested her legs around his hips and blushed deeper because their position was very intimate.

Jinki’s mouth found hers and Lillie closed her eyes and placed her hands over his chest, her heart hammering in her chest.

Their lips separated and he leaned his forehead against hers his eyes closed while he breathed deeply as if he was trying to calm himself down.

“You bit me.” Lillie declared in a low voice.

“Hm?” He opened his eyes to look at her and her heart tingled with the passion in it.

“Vampire Jinki…”

He chuckled finding the name funny and pulled away from her.

“Yes, I did leave you a small mark.” As if to highlight his words he touched her over the sweater on the place he gave her a hickey before. “I did it in a place where no one will see this time. Only me!” He smiled proudly, his bunny teeth making him look cute. That mix of iness with cuteness always made her insane.

"Anyone can see if I use a more low-cut sweater..."

"In the middle of winter? You won’t! It's our secret!"

He moved over the blanket and Lillie watched him curious take out his cellphone from his pocket.

"What are you doing?"

He turned it to her planning on taking a picture but Lillie looked down immediately hiding under her hair.

"Just one picture!"

"Not now! I must be blushing and my lips are red..."

"Exactly! An after kissing picture with you looking y! "

"No!" She leaned her head against his shoulder hiding.

"Lillie! I only want a picture of you! I don’t have any! I want to be able to look at it when I miss you!”

After a confession like that she wouldn’t be able to say no.

"Alright. Just don’t show it to anyone."

She tried to comb her hair with her fingers and Jinki watched her enamored.

"Should I smile?"

"One smiling and the other kissing me! Alright?“ Jinki puckered his lips so she could give him a kiss for the camera and Lillie giggled embarrassed before kissing his cheek instead. He frowned looking at her disappointed.

"Next time! Something for you to look forward to!”

He grinned and checked the pictures he took.

"Next time I want a real kiss and a video with you singing to me and doing aegyo!" His demand made her shake her hands and head.

“No way! I’m no singing and definitely no aegyo. I’m terrible at those.”

“Aigo...every girlfriend should do that to their boyfriends at least once.” He teased rubbing his ear pouting slightly and Lillie pushed his shoulder playfully.

“I can’t do that...it’s embarrassing.”

“Vampire Jinki would be so happy! And you don’t sing badly. I've seen you sing at the noraebang before! "

"You are the one who should sing to me!" She complained wanting him to give up on that idea.

"And I did sing today. During the recording for the show, I was singing for you until I realized you weren’t in the room anymore!"

"Oh. I didn’t know..."

"Well, you lost your chance!” He placed his hands behind him on the blanket and leaned back. “When the show airs you can always watch it like everyone else.” His words hurt her because it placed her at the same level as a normal fan, very far away from the actresses that watched him sing live that afternoon.

Lillie touched her neck sadly. “You could sing now…”

"I can’t! The moment has passed!" He said acting cold.

"Don’t be like that!"

"If you ask with aegyo I can think about it!"

Lillie frowned and started collecting the trash from their dinner and placing it inside a paper bag.

“Are you upset?” he asked touching her neck gently.

“No.” She stated clearly angry.

“I'm just curious to see you do aegyo. You know I will sing to you in the end.”

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. Her ex-boyfriend was manipulative and he always used several tricks to make her do what he wanted. Jinki wasn't like that right?! He did love to but…

“I’ll sing to you. Don’t look at me like that!” He poked her nose cutely.

Lillie cupped his face with her hands and smiled cutely, trying not to puke with the sweet way she was talking. “Oppa…” She said cringing immediately. Jinki pressed his lips together and she had a hard time deciphering if he was liking it or finding it funny “Sing for me please.”

Done. She would never get used to that.

To finish it Lillie kissed his cheek.

Jinki covered his lips and took a deep breath “Well that was...special!”

“Don’t say anything!” She warned him embarrassed.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and furrowed his brow thinking deeply “Now you deserve a song that fits you.”

Lillie hugged her knees and waited.

"Even if I try to avoid you, I can’t find a place to hide" The lyrics of Lucifer came out of his lips and Lillie pushed him back making him fall back and lay over the blanket.

Jinki laughed out loud while she complained.

“My whisper is not the Lucifer!”

He stayed there motionless and after a while pulled her down beside him. Lillie gasped laying her head over his stretched arm and stood still. Moments like that when he pulled her closer to her, their proximity still startled her.

"Close your eyes!" He asked.

"Why?"

"Only open them when I tell you!"

"Is it a game?"

He nodded and she closed her eyes in anticipation, moving her fingers over the blanket nervous.

For a while nothing happened and then she felt him move beside her and very softly over her she heard him sing.

“Did my eyes go bad?”

She recognized the song even though he was singing it at a slower rhythm. It was Colorful.

“The moment your hand touched me, everything around me is colored In the white and coldly frozen world, the moment my eyes went blind You make my life colorful”

His voice was so beautiful and perfect and his lips touched hers briefly in a soft kiss. It was a romantic and moment for her and Lillie’s breathing accelerated.

"Open your eyes and look at me!" he asked before singing again.

“I think you’re magical! I think you’re wonderful Because of you, my heart is colorful In the black and dark world, the moment I try to close my eyes”

He kissed her again and she fervently answered back until he pulled away to sing one last line, more a whisper than anything.

“You make my life colorful!”

Lillie blinked her eyes looking deep into his, unable to put down in words what she was feeling. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, making him fall over her into an intimate hug.

"You make my life colorful too!" she confessed, burying her nose in the curve of his neck.

They stayed for a few minutes embracing each other, his hands drawing patterns on her back going up to her head and moving on her hair.

She wanted to cry. Her chest was filled with love and she never felt as special as she did at that moment. Once she was told that no one would ever care for her and yet Jinki seemed to care and she didn’t want to let go of him ever. To let go of the way he made her feel. He was so warm and his caresses didn’t make her uneasy. She felt safe.

The soft toy he gave her was a miserable substitute for him. Lillie was embarrassed but she truly wanted to take Jinki to her bed, to hug him to sleep, to allow him to kiss her and touch her in a way no man ever did. But for now, only hugging him was enough.

"Are you okay?" He asked seeming worried, his lips next to her ear.

"No!"

He moved away from her and held her face with his hands.

Her eyes were humid and he frowned.

"Are you crying, Lillie?"

"No! I'm just a little emotional. That's it! I never thought that in my life, one day, you would sing just for me!"

"Emotional as a fan?" he asked seeming disappointed.

"No! Emotional as a corny girlfriend! " Jinki chuckled and sat upon the blanket. She did the same slowly as if she didn’t want to let go of the moment they just shared.

"This was only the first time! You will have more opportunities to hear me sing and cry!"

"Good to know!" She hugged herself and shivered.

"You are cold! We should go home!"

As much as she wanted to say no, he was right. That was a very long day and she was exhausted, so much had happened that day.

He insisted on taking her home and after putting the mask on again they left hand in hand to her apartment.

For Lillie that short walk home was like walking on clouds. It all seemed so unreal. Jinki loved her and he even sang for her and they shared a romantic moment. Her body and heart seemed to belong to him also and all of it was too good to be true.

They arrived at her apartment too soon for her taste and Lillie hugged the blanket against her chest as if it was him instead. He didn’t release her hand and they stood at the entrance to her building.

"Do you want to go up?" Lillie asked, the idea exciting her and leaving her nervous.

"Better if I don’t...Next time!" He smiled and she lowered her eyes to the ground wondering if he could read her uneasiness every time they became more physically if he could sense that something was wrong with her.

"Thank you for everything!"

"Thanks for dinner!" He replied.

He squeezed her hand not wanting to let go. "Tomorrow you must take care of yourself and eat well!"

Usually, she was the one telling him that. "Yes! It won’t happen again! Eating is not a problem for me!"

"I hope so! Well until tomorrow then!"

"See you tomorrow!"

He dropped her hand hesitantly and took a step back, but his eyes didn’t leave her.

Lillie shortened their distance again and kissed him.

"I love you! Dream of me!" she heartily confessed looking into his eyes and then turned around and ran inside the building.

He smiled his lips. She had to lose that habit of saying she loved him and then run away.

Onew entered his bedroom, took off his coat and threw it on the bed.

The boxes and bags filled with gifts from his fans from the fansign earlier that day were filling one big part of his bedroom. It was always like that after one. And now it was his turn to go through everything, organize it and put it away. Many of the soft toys he would bring to his parents' place or donate to institutions. Letters he would save in boxes and...Letters!

Lillie’s letter was somewhere there mixed with thousands of other letters. Jinki peeked inside several of the boxes until he found one that was filled only with letters. It would be a hard task to find hers since he wasn't even sure if she put her name in the envelope.

He searched for the bag where his coat was instead but the letter wasn’t there. He shook the bag just in case but nothing. Jinki looked at the pile of gifts disappointed. He wanted to know what Lillie wrote in that letter.

Maybe he should call her, ask once again what she wrote. She probably would stubbornly not tell him but he could still try. Jinki sat on his bed and searched for his phone in the pocket inside his coat. Much to his surprise, his fingers found a piece of folded paper. He took it out and stared at it. It was a simple torn sheet from a notebook and he had no idea how it end up in his pocket.

He unfolded it and read the few lines in it. The silly lines Lillie wrote and the realization that that was the letter made him laugh out loud.

That was the weirdest letter he ever received.

"From your Tokki, I love you!" She wrote on it.

At the same time, it was the best letter ever.

Lillie lied down on her bed listening to colorful. She her computer and listened to the song in repeat mode over and over again. But even though it made her recall more vividly the time she spent with Jinki, it wasn’t the same as listening to him sing it to her. She hugged Dubu, the soft toy he gave her, against her and rolled in the bed satisfied.

After a while, she lifted the soft toy in the air and looked at it.

"You naughty tokki! You managed to steal my heart!” The soft toy didn’t answer back, but she giggled as if it did, as if it was the real dubu, her boyfriend that was there in front of her.

Her phone rang and Lillie sat up grabbing it immediately because as fate it was the person she was thinking about.

"Yes?"

"Hello oppa! I know you must be surprised to see me here, but I really needed to return the coat because I wear it every day."

Lillie widened her eyes realizing that Jinki was reading her letter out loud on the phone. He found it!

"Hey, I struck off the last part."

"It's still readable. I can read it! You could have kept the coat if you liked it so much!"

Lillie flustered realizing how weird she sounded in the letter. "You called me to tell me that I'm a ert?"

"No! I called because I had to reply to your letter." Jinki took a deep breath “Actually I wanted to see you! I miss you and you're so wonderful! It makes me a little jealous of how you smile so much at everyone! You need to smile brightly at me too!” He finished reading it.

"Stop reading it!” She punched her pillow embarrassed.

"I love you too, my Tokki! That's my answer."

Lillie lied down on her bed and placed her hand over her chest. She did feel very loved earlier that night.

"I know..."

"Lillie, are you listening to colorful?"

She forgot to turn off the music and that was as embarrassing as him reading her letter out loud.

"I---well---" She quickly sat up on the bed and rushed to turn off the music but it was too late. On the other side of the line, Jinki giggled.

"You can’t stop thinking about me!"

"Big Headed Jinki!"

"Do you know how many times I looked at the pictures I took of you before I called? I went all the way back home looking at them! You're so beautiful! "

Did he mean that?! It didn’t sound like false praise but she wasn’t used to that, she didn’t know how to react. "Oh, don’t be like that."

"Why?”

"Because you are deceiving me! I might start to believe it! "

"Deceiving you? We need to have that talk again about you being beautiful?"

The last time he tried to convince her that she was beautiful things did heat a lot.

"I think it might be best." She bit her lower lip uncertain of what she was doing. Who was that person that didn’t mind flirting with a man?!

"Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Maybe!"

"Next time we're together we should talk about this!"

"Is that a promise?"

"Maybe!"

Lillie covered her lips so that he wouldn’t hear her giggle. That teasing was new to her and surprisingly she loved it.

The front door of the apartment opened and Lillie heard Jules enter.

"Next time you can say you love me and not run away. I don’t bite!"

He did bite though. Lillie touched the place in her shoulder where his hickey was.

"I’ll try!" If they stayed together for long she would get used to it.

“Sleep well! I'll call you tomorrow! "

Lillie bid him farewell and then joined Jules in the living room. She was leaning against the kitchen counter, her back to Lillie.

"Jules?"

Once she turned her face was a mess, smudged eye-liner ruined her features, her eyes red from crying.

"It’s over Lillie! I can’t do this anymore! I broke up with Minjae!"

Jules lied down on Lillie’s bed and told her through tears what had happened. She found out texts from Minjae's ex on his phone. He was meeting with her and had hidden it from Jules. That could only mean one thing, he was cheating on her. This time it was serious and Jules couldn't forgive him anymore.

Lillie heard it until the end caressing her hair, letting Jules accuse Minjae, cry over how much she liked him until she fell asleep exhausted.

She wanted to tell Jules that it would get better. But some wounds remained forever. She knew that. That was why she only listened to Jules unable to give proper comfort.

She had learned it the worst way and at the time no one was there to listen to her cries, every friend she had left her because she pushed them away. Blinded by fear, believing that she didn’t deserve any friendship or love others wanted to give her.

One person, the one who promised to take care of her and love her, lead her to become that awful weak version of herself but at the time she couldn’t see that. Her eyes were filled with so many tears that she could barely see anything. Often it was hard to breathe, it was hard to feel or exist.

Her ex-boyfriend was that person, the one she feared above everyone else. The reason she had to leave.

Jinki and SHINee was the reason South Korea was chosen. She was there now and surprisingly she was able to smile again because she met people who took her away from darkness. Jules was one of them, offering her a helping hand when she was alone and desperate. And then came Jinki.

If she found hope, Jules could too. Maybe someday she would find someone like Jinki was to her, maybe have the same luck she had.

Wow what a mess this chapter was. Sadly while uploading this I erased the previous chapter and ruined everything. T__T

Now I must rewrite part of it again. The part that took me ages to rewrite before. I'm so sorry for the trouble. I wish I knew how to recover it *sobs*

Song for this chapter: