Jinki felt sick. He didn’t eat enough at lunch time and since then he didn’t have time to eat, but the only thing making him feel sick was knowing that behind the door of that room, the woman he loved was probably crying and it was all his fault.

He opened the door and peeked inside. Lillie was lying in bed and stared at him not showing any signs of surprise. She probably heard Jules yelling at him, a few minutes ago; telling him how irresponsible Jinki was from promising something he knew he hardly would keep.

But it wasn’t entirely his fault. Jinki even talked with manager Minho and persuaded him to help. Unfortunately they started practicing for SWC3 and he couldn’t skip practices. Today they spent all day recording the vcr’s to show at the concerts and sadly Onew couldn’t escape it. He saw her calls and he should have called her back but he didn’t have time and besides he knew she would be upset with him and he couldn’t have that talk on the phone. Jinki was also coward, he was afraid she would cry on the phone and he couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t hear her crying knowing he wasn’t able to hug her.

“I’m sorry!” he said entering the room and closing the door. Jules was right and he knew it and he was afraid she would storm into the room and yell with him again. She looked crazy and he was afraid of her most of the times. When she started cursing in French Jules was the scariest person ever. 

Lillie didn’t say anything and just covered her head with the purple covers of her bed. Jinki sighed sadly and leaned against the door watching her hiding for him.

“I’m really, truly sorry. I know I say this to you a lot and lately it’s even worse. I know I’m disappointing you all the time. I’m the worst boyfriend!”

She moved and sniffed a little and he smiled because that was her way to tell him that she didn’t agree on that point. She was adorable and he was always screwing things up.

“I’m not perfect Lillie. I know I was your idol and you say all the time that I am, but I’m not. I shouldn’t have promised you something that wasn’t certain. I should have been careful and protected your heart. I’m an idiot but I love you so much.”

Lillie didn’t move and he moved to the bed stopping inches from her.

“Please just forgive me. I’ve spent all day recording vcr’s and dancing and you were in my mind all the time….”

She didn’t move and he started to panic.

“You probably don’t believe me but it’s true.”

Jinki was talking to a wall since she didn’t move. He grabbed the cover and she grabbed it too, both pulling in both ends and he had to give up because he didn’t want to hurt her more than he already did.

“I’m so sorry!” he cried touching his temple. “I’ll do anything to make you forgive me!”

“Go away please!” she said with a tiny voice from under the covers.

“I can’t! I can’t leave this room knowing that you hate me!”

“I don’t hate you” she said moving under the covers a little. “I love you…that’s why it hurts…”

He frowned in pain and pulled the covers again. Lillie didn’t resist this time because she was hiding her face with her hands, maybe even crying.

Your puffed up lipstick, your moody face, your icy eyes
Your smile that’s thicker than darkness
You’re breathtaking, making me go crazy

“Then talk with me. I’ll take the pain away like you take mine.”

“I don’t want to make with you right now!” she said sobbing.

“No!” he shook his head and caressed her hair. “I don’t mean that…I…please let me help you…”

“I just want to be alone …”

“No.” he shook his head again.

“It hurts so much Jinki…”

He kept caressing her hair not knowing what to do. His own heart was hurting too.

“Stop crying Lillie…please!” he also felt like crying too. He was never good with women. Jinki was afraid he ruined it all for good. Key would help him. If only he could talk with him.

Then it hit him. Jinki was in a similar situation like that a long time ago. There was something he could do. It was risky but she needed to do that. Key was his savior after all.

Jinki grabbed her wrist gently and pulled her.

“Come with me.”

“No…” she sobbed trying to release her arm “I want to be alone!”

“No! Come with me! I want to show you something! It will help the pain go away…”

She didn’t react and he grabbed her in his arms surprising Lillie. She shook her legs grumpily but he didn’t release her.

“You are going to fall if you keep doing that.” Jinki warned her, holding her closer to him so he could grab her better.

“Put me down then!” Lillie said yelling, her eyes wet with tears.

“Do you want me to put you up on my shoulder? I will do that if you don’t stop!”

Lillie stopped right away, circling his neck with her arms so he could grab her better. She didn’t want him to hurt his back because of her. Lillie was upset but his wellbeing was still more important and the idiot knew it because she could see the victorious smirk on his face. Besides she was wearing a dress and that would be beyond embarrassing.

Jinki looked at her for a few more seconds and she looked away upset and embarrassed. It was her first time being held by him and it was weird and she was heavy. He didn’t complain or say anything and walked with her carefully back to the living room where Jules stared at them with open. Where they playing the newlyweds couple role-play or something?  

However Jinki didn’t stop there and walked to the front there.

“Can you please open it for us?” He asked Jules who seemed stuck to the floor staring at them.

“You are taking her outside like that?”

He nodded and Lillie pouted.

“It’s the only way!” He said resolutely.

“Where are you two going?” Jules asked and Lillie didn’t say a word, hiding her face on his neck.

“Healing time!” Jinki answered stopping at the door waiting for Jules to open it for him.

He moved to the elevator with Lillie still in his arms and Jules watched them until the doors closed.

How weird were they?!

The trip down was silent. Lillie closed her eyes, inhaling his scent and for once the pain didn’t go away. It was even worst being in his arms. She couldn’t stop thinking about what she could lose, about what she would lose if they told everyone they were dating. It was excruciatingly painful, like her heart was exploding with pain.

“Please put me down!” she asked confused. Part of her wanted to be in his arms, but the other part wanted to be away from him. Maybe she was really upset with Jinki.

“I can’t. You will run away to your room and ignore me again.”

“I’m heavy! You will hurt your neck again. Put me down!”

“NO!” he stubbornly answered staring at her face inches from him. “I need to show you something!”

“I won’t run away! I promise. I’ll go with you wherever you want to take me, so put me down!”   

“Ok.” He carefully put her down and hesitantly she released his neck avoiding his gaze.

You might disappear if I touch you
You might fly away if I call out to you
 

Jinki tried to grab her hand and she moved it slightly. Is heart broke a little but he didn’t say anything.

He walked to the car, stealing glances at her, trying to be sure that she was still following him.

Jinki opened the door and she sat on the passenger’s seat like she did so many times before. But this time she looked outside the window and avoided him.

He the radio, his hand shaking, and choose a random song.

He hoped his plan would work out. He didn’t know what to do if it didn’t.

Jinki parked the car at a dark street with few people and Lillie came out from it curiously staring around her. Somehow that street looked familiar.

“Can you give me your hand?” he asked a little afraid of her rejection but this time she didn’t deny it.

He guided her to a couple of stone stairs and she knew immediately where she was when Seoul appeared in front of her. A couple wood old benches and some trees completed the image.

It was the place where they started dating. The place he kissed her for the first time.

Jinki was trying to be romantic and use old memories to make her forgive him.

How sweet of him to think that it would solve anything.

She felt like crying even more. Was he torturing her?! Showing how stupid she was to start dating him? To believe that they really had a chance together on that night, months ago.

Seems like you’ll turn off but not
Seems like you’re teasing me, standing on my head, laughing at me

They walked to the stone wall and Jinki watched her instead of looking at the city.

“I don’t understand how this is going to help!” Lillie whined staring down at the lights.

“Scream!” he said releasing her hand.

“What?”

“No one is here!” he looked around checking if his words were true. “Remember when I said Key used to come here? He took me here once, when things weren’t going well for me.”

“I see…”

“He made me scream. No one will hear us here and at the same time you are screaming to the whole world what you feel. That’s what I did, just like him, and I felt better. So do it too….scream Lillie. Tell everyone what you feel.  Call me names, hit me...just do whatever you need to feel better again.”

She stared at his eyes. He was being sincere. He believed that screaming would help her.

It wasn’t a trip back into the past and the day everything started, it was a kind of therapy that somehow worked for him in the past.

“Scream what you want. Pretend I’m not here!” he said stepping aside leaving her facing Seoul alone.

Seoul…the city to where she ran away and found love; the same city that was going to take him away from her.

“I don’t know what to say!”

“I hate Lee Jinki!” he suggested trying to help her “He is an idiot!”

“I don’t hate you!” she said angrily “BUT YOU ARE AN IDIOT!” she screamed surprising herself.

“I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT!” suddenly she knew what she had to scream. “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU MADE ME WAIT FOR YOU! I HATE IT! I HATE THAT YOU ARE NEVER WITH ME WHEN I WANT! I HATE THAT I CANT SEE YOU WHEN I WANT! I HATE THAT I CAN’T SAY WHAT I FEEL TO EVERYONE AROUND ME!”

She stopped recovering but didn’t look back. Somehow he was right; she was feeling better; that was helping.

“I HATE THAT WE CAN NEVER BE A NORMAL COUPLE! I HATE THAT I HAVE TO SHARE YOU WITH EVERYONE! I HATE THOSE STUPID MAGAZINES…OH I HATE THEM SO MUCH! SAYING YOU ARE DATING THAT WOMAN! AND THE RING…AHHHHHHHH!”

She swallowed, tears on her eyes, tears that she didn’t even notice that were falling. She was so relieved though, to take all that away from inside her.

“IM SO AFRAID…” her voice failed her and she kept going without screaming “you will stop loving me someday! I’m afraid something will come between us! I love you Lee Jinki!”

She quieted down, hurting and he caressed her shoulder making her look at him.

“Are you done?” He was expressionless as if she didn’t just confess all that in front of him. However that wasn’t a surprise to Jinki. He probably knew that all along.

“Yes…” she trailed off while he pulled her aside gently and took her place staring at the city at his feet.

She wondered what he screamed years ago. The pain he had to release…

“Are you going to scream too?” she asked surprised and he nodded “What are you going to scream?” 

“You would be surprised, but I think what I want to scream is pretty similar to what you just yelled. I also hate that I can’t be with you when I want. I hate that I can’t take you out to meet my friends without people staring. I hate that I can’t kiss you in public, or simply hold your hand. I absolutely hate that I’m always hurting you because of my job; I hate that we aren’t a normal couple and I can’t take you to a damn coffee shop without a stupid mask on and…I’m also so afraid to lose you Lillie. Because I know it will be all my fault if I do, and I will never forgive myself for that.”

He didn’t look at her all the time he was speaking and didn’t notice the way her expression changed.

Lillie was selfish. She only thought about her feelings, worries and insecurities when he was also suffering on the other side.

Dynamite – your cold eyes
I discovered the reason to live
With your fingertips like the fireworks
Come to me before it’s too late
 

“Oh I’m so sorry!” she said back hugging him. He turned around pulling her to his arms, letting her sob on his shoulder.

“Sorry?” he asked confused caressing her back.

“I’m so selfish.” He kissed her hair, caressing it softly while she cried. Jinki was glad she was at least crying on his arms now.

Lillie felt awful. All that time whining about how much she was suffering away from him and she never once thought about how much Jinki was missing her too. Probably more since he couldn’t see her on a youtube video or on a TV show. And he was trying really hard to be the boyfriend she wanted and she couldn’t see that all along. He wasn’t perfect and she didn’t mind because she wasn’t too.

“No you are not!” he hugged her tighter against his chest. “Then do I still have to scream it?”

“No!”

He felt relieved, he wasn’t sure he would be able to. His throat was hurting more than ever and he was starting to get worried.

“Am I forgiven?” he asked carefully.

“No!”

“Oh!”

His disappointment was evident and she caressed his surprising him. Feel it ~

“HEY!”

She giggled moving away and he grabbed her arm pulling her back to him.

Jinki stared at her for a while, searching for the girl he kissed for the first time almost a year ago, on that same place.

She looked so different now. More beautiful, less mysterious, happier, his...

He was so glad he kissed her that night. Everything could have been different if he didn’t.

“Make a list of things you want to do Lillie. Whatever date or romantic crazy fantasy you want to do I’ll do it. Let’s make so many beautiful memories together that you won’t have time to think about the sad ones.”

“Are you for real?” she asked, her eyes shining.

“Yes. And also…I promise and this time I’ll do it right, I’ll take you somewhere nice for a vacation!”

She suspiciously looked at him and he frowned. The city needed to witness that promise.

“I SWEAR!”

He screamed, his voice failing, but it was worth because she kissed his cheek.

“Ok. I believe you! Let’s sit!” she said before grabbing his hand and pulling him to the middle of the grass.

Jinki sat on the green grass staring at her and she sat by his side.

“Ehhh?” he was clueless about her intentions but he should have predicted them. That was the same exact spot he bravely kissed her for the first time.

This time, Lillie was the one who moved closer to him and kissed his lips.

They were cold, but Jinki didn’t mind. It was special!

He caressed her shoulder, his hand moving to her neck, her soft skin and making her move away because his fingers were tickling her.

The countdown festival has started
You can expect good things, watch over me
Come closer into my dream
The heat rises, feel it

 

He admired her for a while, brushing her hair away so he could stare at her face and she smiled back weakly.     

“I wanted to be the one kissing you this time.”

“Are you ok?” he asked noticing how pale she was.

“I may have not eaten anything since breakfast….” She said leaning her head on his shoulder. It was his fault, she was waiting for him and then when he didn’t show up she was too depressed to eat.

“ARE YOU CRAZY?” he asked making her smile again. His girlfriend was an irresponsible masochist “last time you almost fainted on me!” he meant the day of the recording where SHINee was all worried with her. That seemed like ages ago. He said he loved her back then.

They already had so many beautiful memories together, so much more powerful than the sad ones. Then why was she always focusing on the bad times when the good ones were the most memorable ones?

He stood up and grabbed her in his arms once again.

“Why?” she asked holding on to his neck.

“What if you faint on the way to the car? Let’s go eat something! I know the right place. Let’s be a little crazy today!”

She sent him a questioning look before hiding her face on his neck. This time it wasn’t painful anymore. His therapy actually worked. It was nice to be on his arms, so romantic. She sighed happily and he pulled her closer to him.

Lillie knew nothing did change. A few screams would never change the fact that he was famous and their relationship was complicated. The same problems existed, but just knowing that Jinki also saw them as problems was enough to know that she wasn’t alone. He was by her side, and maybe together they could find a solution.

“You came!” Minho cried in happiness when Lillie entered the restaurant with Onew. The same one they went together on their first real date.

Just like last time they entered as friends, not holding hands and this time SHINee was waiting for them on the private room.

“Lillie came too…” he said mentioning her and she greeted Minho, Jonghyun, Taemin and a man she didn’t know. He was tall and was wearing a beanie, hiding his black hair. She didn’t recognize him so maybe he wasn’t famous.

“Then everything is well?” Minho asked and Onew gave him the thumbs up while Lillie pretended that she didn’t see anything.

Lillie felt a little like an intruder but Onew insisted that she needed to eat well and he had promised to have dinner with them before, besides if she was his girlfriend she needed to meet with his friends.

“Oh this is Lillie, my girlfriend.” Jinki introduced after hugging the man she didn’t know. They seemed close and he smiled at her saying how happy he was to meet her but the only thing she could think about was how beautiful it sounded when Jinki said she was his girlfriend.

“I heard a little about you. The mysterious L!” Lillie bowed to him shyly “I’m Jae-Sun. This guy friend and also a dancer in my free time.”

“Which is almost none.” Taemin commented receiving a reproving look from the older man.

“Can we eat now? I’m famished and I have a recording in one hour…” Jonghyun asked grabbing a piece of meat and putting it on the griddle.

Jinki sat by Taemin side and pated the spot by his side for Lillie to sit. He started cooking the meat to both of them while everyone talked. Lillie watched them curiously. She never saw SHINee in a situation like that. But where was Key? She didn’t know if she could ask so she took advantage of Minho telling a joke out loud to lean to her boyfriend whispering.

“Where is Key? Is he well?”

Jinki finished chewing and answered her.

“He is filming We Got Married. He will be here later. Probably arriving soon.”

“We Got Married? Oh no…”

She stared to the front suddenly losing all her appetite. Jinki grabbed her hand on her lap and pulled it to his own lap, his fingers caressing her hand noticing her tension.

“Don’t worry. It’s only a show.”

“Would you do it if you were invited?” she asked suddenly, probably too loud because everyone seemed to be watching them now.

“No. He can’t. He is dating. Only if he lied about it.” Kibum said from the door, closing it. “Finally I’m here! I’m so hungry!”

He sat between Minho and Jonghyun pulling them apart and grabbed a piece of meat from Jonghyun plate like it was nothing.

Jonghyun complained but the younger man didn’t seem to care.

The mood was weird now and everyone ate in silence. Jinki started putting food on Lillie’s plate and elbowed her to make her eat.

He watched Lillie eat embarrassed and everyone was too quiet. Onew needed to do something.

“I can’t film We Got Married. No chicken would marry me…” Jinki said pouting making the others chuckle.

“I would!” Lillie said blushing making Onew look at her. She just admitted that she was his chicken.

“So romantic!” Minho teased with a joking tone.

Even though it was silly and Lillie was embarrassed, that comment made the mood change once again and everyone was talking and joking.

Jinki grabbed a piece of meat and put it on Lillie’s plate gently.

“Aren’t you a noona?” Jae-sun asked watching the interaction. “You should be the one putting food on his plate” He chuckled teasingly making her feel uncomfortable. She was probably the older one at the table and besides she was a foreigner. He liked to tease them; they always had the most interesting reactions.  

“It’s ok!” Onew said quickly putting more food on her plate. “He is just joking.”

Lillie grabbed a piece of meat and put it on Onew’s plate.

“Done! Do you want me to feed you?” she asked abruptly grabbing a piece of lettuce.

“Sure!” he answered surprised while Jae-sun chuckled at her upset reaction.

“We should go to the norembang one of these days!” Jae-sun suggested watching Lillie feed Jinki “Do you sing well?”

“Not really…” Her first “date” with Onew was in one too. That day was truly a trip to the past. Even though the idea of coming back there was nice, she wanted to go alone with her boyfriend.

“She already sang for me.” Jinki proudly mentioned remembering the video she sent on Christmas. She kicked him under the table making him cry in pain. That video was a secret!

The others didn’t seem to notice though.

“We all should bring our girls and go. You too Jonghyun and Taemin…and well Key can invite his fake wife.”

Kibum chuckled making Lillie glare at him. He wasn’t even denying the invitation. If he invited his fake wife then Lillie wouldn’t go. Faithful to Jules until the end!

“You too Minho!” Jae-Sun added watching the taller man eating.

“He is not dating anymore!” Taemin informed stealing a piece of Onew meat.

“I have someone in mind to invite.” Minho said with his mouth full.

“Really?” Jonghyun asked surprised. “Do I know her?”

“Kind of...”

“Kind of? What answer is that?” Jonghyun asked upset with Minho mysterious answer.

“We should do it then.” Kibum happily agreed eating his food.

Lillie stared at Kibum trying to burn a hole in his head, while Jinki pretended that nothing was wrong.

“Are you still upset with me?” Jinki asked pulling her softly closer to him.

After leaving the others, they decided to go for a walk beside the Han River. It was late already and it was cold so not many people were outside and that was a blessing for them.

She stared at him expressionless. He was wearing the stupid sick mask, but his eyes showed Lillie that he was worried.

“I’m sorry if I don’t act like a noona and don’t take care of you.”

“But you do. The last time you took care of me I think I hit the state of nirvana.”

“I’m not joking!” she said even more upset thinking about Jae-Sun words.

“I’m not joking too. I hope you can take care of me again very soon…”

She tossed his hand away and started to walk quicker making him accelerate his pace, almost running after her.

“Ya…I was joking. I mean I wasn’t but you know what I mean.”

“I do Mr. ert”!” she stopped so abruptly making him almost bump into her.

“Do I look older than you? I mean do I look old?”

Lillie looked concerned and Onew just chuckled and linked his arm with her.

“No. You are too childish to look old.  Why talking about this now?”

“Because suddenly age seems like an important thing.”

“What do you mean? It’s not like we have a huge age difference. And Jae-Sun was just trying to tease you. He is like that with everyone.”

“I know but still. Just see how age almost ruined Rin and Jonghyun relationship.”

“Well she is older than you…”

“I’m almost her age Jinki.”

He held his pace and stared at her.

“Are you thinking about going on blind dates to marry too?” he seemed actually worried.

“No, you idiot! I’m dating you!”

“Do you want to marry Lillie?”

Lillie wasn’t expecting that question. It almost sounded like he was proposing. She lost all energy in her body and her legs seemed like jelly.

Our eyes have stopped, can’t hide that fluttering feeling on my face

Like filling in the blank of a riddle, little by little, I’ll fill you in

“W-what are you talking about?” she joked hitting his arm playfully. She couldn’t even think about it without feeling butterflies on her stomach, her heart almost exploding. “Marriage….pfff…I’m not marriage material. Who would want to marry me?””

“Me!” he said, not a hint of teasing on his expression. He seemed sincere and she stopped laughing. That conversation was becoming too serious and she didn’t want to think about it now. Not tonight when everything seemed to be fine between them once again.

“That’s not funny Jinki!”

“I’m not joking!”

“Stop that!” she hit his chest stepping away from him.

“I mean it. I don’t mean now I mean in a few years, maybe after I came back from the army and…”

Lillie couldn’t take it anymore. He was making her hopes rise and building fantasies on her head.

“We need to talk!” she said pulling him to the middle of the trees.

“Talk? I mean everything I said!”

She pushed him against a tree and he gasped with the impact, too startled to say anything. He watched her look around the trees probably trying to see if anyone was watching them.

“What are you doing?” he frowned watching her amused. “Are you going to punish me for wanting to marry you? Maybe me? I like that!”

“Stop it! And yes, I’m going to punish you for joking about something serious.”

“I’m not joking!” He said starting to get upset. Why didn’t she believe him?

Lillie took his sick mask and kissed his lips making him stop talking. He held her in his arms, his hands holding her against him while her lips moved with his. She opened his coat, her hands sneaking inside his sweater making him gasp against her lips. Where was his shy girlfriend? She caressed his stomach while he on her lower lip slowly releasing it.

How about taking off that mask? Be honest, what do you think of me?

Will I explode or not? Dangerously trembling, I hold in my breath and hide it           

He stared into her eyes, all thoughts vanishing from his mind. He wanted her and unfortunately he couldn’t take her to the dorm. Manager was sleeping there tonight, with the solo purpose of keeping distractions away from them. Every member knew that even though the manager would deny it. Manager Minho was preventing his boys from being with their girlfriends more time than necessary. If he only knew Onew was there with Lillie and not with the other SHINee members…

“Aish…” he groaned his forehead against hers, her hands still caressing his skin, slowly going down to his pants teasing him,  his own hands moving down to her .

“What?” she asked worried with his reaction.

“I wanted you to take care of me!” he said sadly making her smile.

“I can…” she looked in the direction of the car and he realized what she meant.

“You want to have in the car?”

“NO! King of the ert tokkis! I’m cold. I just want to make out… Besides here it’s dangerous.” She blushed and he cupped her face caressing her cheek.

“I am ert! All your fault. You attacked me first! If I’m the King you are the Queen!”

“You were joking with a serious matter!”

“I wasn’t joking!” he repeated and she pulled herself away from his arms walking on the direction of the car.

Lillie was going to go around the car and sit on the passenger seat when he pulled her slightly and opened the backseat door.

“You don’t want me to have back pain again, right?”

The last time they make out on the front seat he complained about his back the following day.

“You really want to have ?” she said not louder than a whisper and he smirked.

“Just make out in comfort.” They both sat on the back seat and he quickly kissed her, his hands caressing her legs, not wasting any second. “Please stop me if I’m going too far” He whispered on her ear, kissing her neck, gently leaving marks on it.

Dynamite – I am all over the place

I can’t hide my burning heart anymore

I have sufficiently (hey you) fallen for you

I melt you with my light                 

Lillie closed her eyes, her hands running on his hair. That wasn’t the night she was expecting when that day started. By now if he had showed up to take her on the romantic gateway, they would be at a cabin making love in a bed. However just being on his arms was enough for now. It had to be.

She moaned, when he caressed her s, his lips moving to hers again. She answered back fervently, pulling him more to here so he was leaning over her.

The only sound inside the car was their breathing, and the noise of their lips against each other.

Jinki kissed her neck again, while she caressed his back. He was too lost in her now, his hands sneaking inside her dress searching for her . She opened her eyes staring at the ceiling of the car and suddenly a crazy thought crossed her mind.

“Did you make out with anyone before me in this car?”

Jinki stopped immediately and stared at her not believing that she was capable of questioning him at the moment, let alone about other women.

“Really? Do you really want to know that? Right now?”

“I-I don’t know.”

Lillie realized her mistake looking up at him and his eyes. He was on top of her, his hands half way to her and she was asking him things like that.

He sighed and kissed her lips again.

“You did; didn’t you?”

She couldn’t help it. Lillie couldn’t stop thinking about My-Young. She was his first love, a sweet, beautiful noona…

Jinki sighed; she was not going to give up. Lillie was back to her insecure self.

“Yes.”

“With her?”

He knew who she meant. Her…

“Yes, on the front seat!”

“Not the back one?”

“Not the back one. Does it really make any difference?” he asked confused, his hair a mess because of her caresses.

She stared at his sweet red lips and the way he was looking down at her, his body over hers. He could have dated HER before but now here he was with Lillie.

“No. I guess it doesn’t. Still I’m happy I’m the first girl you take to the backseat of your car.”

“You are the first girl in almost everything for me Lillie, even the crazy questions, weird dates…”

“I am?”

“Yeah. Stop torturing yourself with this. Can we go back to what we were doing?”

“Did you go on a vacation with her?” Lillie attacked him once again.

“YA!” he groaned siting on the seat. The mood totally ruined.

“I was joking!” Lillie sat up too. “But did you?”

He chuckled after a while. She was too adorable acting jealous that he caressed her cheek gently and lovingly.

“No. You will be the first one, like you are the first one in almost everything worthwhile. Hopefully the last one too! I meant what I said earlier.”

“Wait! Let’s not…”              

“No. You wait. Give me some time and I’ll show you what I mean.”

“You mean...” she couldn’t even say it. Marriage!

“You know what I mean. Can we get back to the kissing part now? Any more questions?”

“No. “She looked at him like a child being told off and he kissed her softly.

“I love you. Can I kiss you now?”

She smiled circling his neck with her arms and kissed him back.

That was her answer.

The countdown is on my side in the end

I put my everything into it and send it to you

“Hum” Jinki hummed against her lips, his hands caressing the soft skin of Lilies thighs while she caressed his neck.

“Maybe we should stop!” she said softly and he nodded panting.

He wasn’t sure he could control his ual impulses any longer.

“I-I have to go home!” he stuttered siting up and adjusting his hair. His manager would kill him if he didn’t sleep enough hours.

Lillie sat up too and stared back at him. His ears and neck were the color of his lips and she couldn’t help but smile.  He seemed a little lost too and it was all her doing.

“Are you ok?” she asked smirking and he looked at her sideway.

“I just need a few seconds to collect myself.”

Lillie caressed his thighs teasingly and he grabbed her hand taking it away.

“You are being cruel! Someone needs to drive!”

His bunny eyes made her laugh and she stared at his pants.

“Are you…you know?”

He frowned at her, knowing what she was asking, her eyes set on his crouch.

“I’m not! Can you stop looking at me like that?”

“Your pants don’t lie!” Lillie said pointing out to the zone in question. She her lips teasingly trying to use her y yet innocent voice “Want my help?”

“Get out!” he said suddenly grabbing her hand and making her point to the door. “I need to be alone for a while. You are making it worse!”

Lillie chuckled and opened the door of the car.

“Don’t take too long calming dubulge. It’s cold outside” She watched his lost expression and offered her help again. “Are you sure you want me to go? I don’t mind helping you. Now I know how!”

“Ya! Get out!” he complained closing the door on her face.

I will run to you and hug you

And go above to the sky – feel it

Lillie stared at it sadly knowing he was watching her from inside the car and probably thinking the same that she was. If she helped him that would end up in …

And he didn’t seem to want that, maybe because it was also risky or maybe because he wanted to do it the right way with her.

Lillie moved away from the car. If someone was there taking pictures she didn’t want to be seen around it.

She didn’t walk far away though. She forgot her bag and coat inside the car. Lillie rubbed her hands and touched her pink cheeks. He wasn’t the only one needing to calm down. She felt too. Lillie walked for a little, the cold breeze clearing her mind, and returned back. She was going to open the door of his car and tell him that she didn’t mind to have in the backseat when she saw him open the door and come out outside.

Damn! She still wanted him and he looked recovered already.

Jinki smiled watching her walk slowly back to the car, rubbing her cold arms, her nose pink.

“Hi princess!” he said making her frown before opening the passenger’s seat door for her.

“Princesses don’t get kicked out from their carriage.”

He sat on the driver seat and the car.

“They are if they are making princes even more aroused.”

“The prince is weak to the princess charm…”

“Totally! How can he resist the chicken Princess, queen of ert tokkis?”

He reversed the car looking at the rear view mirror and left the parking lot.

Lillie put her seatbelt and stared at him.

“What do you want to ask now?” he inquired clearing his throat that was still upsetting him.

“Nothing.” Lillie actually had like 1000 different questions about his ex. “I’m just staring at my boyfriend. He will be away again right?”

“I’m sorry.” He lamented “we have practice until Wednesday and then we are starting the tour.

“World tour…”

He nodded smiling, looking excited.

“All the good food I’m going to eat...”

“And the fans you are going to meet!” Lillie was one of them before. Waiting for the day she would see him sing in a concert, all shawols screaming their names. And look at her now, having him sing special for her. 

“Ah so exciting!”

He was so happy to go on this tour even though that meant being away from her for weeks once again. She couldn’t be mad at him. He looked so cute talking about the countries he was going to visit and the surprises they had planned.

Suddenly he parked the car in front of a convenience store.

“What are you doing?” she asked watching him pick up his wallet from the car glove compartment.

“I need to buy something. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He ran outside leaving her alone in the car. She tried to see what he was doing inside the store but she gave up after a while and looked to the front.

He make out with HER on that seat. Only the thought made her upset. Was she a good kisser? She was definitely ier! Lillie stared at her reflection on the side mirror. She needed to work on her y side. What if My-Young was good at cooking too?

That doesn’t matter; she was having cooking lessons now and she make out with Onew on that car a lot already. She was probably winning by now. But for how long did the two date?!

Attention! Throw away all of the misunderstandings till now without promise

Pay attention to only me from now on, forget everything else

Your head will spin and you will pay attention even with confusing thoughts

Understand me? I’m different from other guys

It’s you!

What was she doing?! Being jealous for no reason! Lillie hit her forehead and rubbed the spot after.

“What are you doing?” he asked, returning to the car and witnessing the scene.

“Nothing!”

He sat by her side, with a small plastic bag on his lap and caressed her forehead.

“Why did you hit yourself?”

“I was trying to make the bad thoughts go away.”

“Did it work?”

“Yeah. Now I can only think about the pain!”

He chuckled and kissed her forehead.

“That’s why I love you!”

“Because I hit myself and act like a crazy person?”

“Because you are crazy like me! And besides you are the cutest and sweetest girl I ever met!”

“You are forgiven already. We even make out on the back seat. No need for more sweet words.”

“But you liked it. Don’t lie!”

Don’t shed tears any longer

I can’t change anything in this world with you

(Hold tight to me)

Become my shining star tonight tonight

“I did!” she caressed her cheeks acting cute while he took something from the bag.

“Here. Let’s start making your romantic dreams true.”

She stared at the package on his hand.

“Pepero? Really?”

“Yes! Let’s kiss then…”

Lillie burst out laughing in anticipation while he opened the package and took one pepero stick from inside it putting it on his mouth and approaching her for Lillie to bite on the other end.

She smiled before doing it, slowly, bite after bite approaching each other until their lips connected. He bit the stick breaking it in half and both ate their pieces staring at each other, a smirk on his face. Maybe following her romantic dating ideas was not that bad, but he needed to make things more interesting.

Jinki kissed her then, his hand pulling her by her neck closer to him so he could kiss her more deeply. His tongue touched her lips making her part them so he could taste the chocolate inside . She hummed feeling his tongue inside , and her hands instantly went to his chest caressing him.

He moved away his lips and she almost combusted with the vision.

Dynamite – I am all over the place

I can’t hide my burning heart anymore

I have sufficiently (hey you) fallen for you

I melt you with my light

“So?” he asked huskily “Was it like you imagined?”

“How many does a package have?”

He stared at her not understanding.

“Let’s use them all!” she said grabbing the package from his lap and he chuckled.

“Ok. I can buy more if you want…”

She grabbed another pepero putting the chocolate on and he bit the other end, his lips moving closer to each other again, his eyes not leaving hers.

That was the best pepero they ever tasted.

“Right now they are on the other side of the world!” Lillie mentioned stirring her soup and staring at Jules who was in front of her.

“I know!” The older girl retorted still reading her magazine, her spoon halfway to .

“You should have called Key before he went.”

“I sent him a message.”

“That isn’t enough.” Lillie insisted, unintentionally splashing her old pink t-shirt with soup.

“It is. We agreed to talk when he comes back. Besides it isn’t even a real marriage.”

“Still, I would kill Jinki if he did something like that.”

Jules chuckled and raised the magazine she was reading so Lillie could read it.

“Is SHINee leader dating My-Young? The mystery of the couple rings” was the title on top of the page.

Lillie sulked in pain and stared at her soup.

“That’s all lies!”

“I know that but the rest of Korea doesn’t.”  Jules put the magazine down and started reading.

“Why is only Onew wearing a couple ring? That’s the biggest mystery for fans and the media who now searches for the couple items they wear. Last week the leader of SHINee was seen with the same blue sneakers My-Young used at a fansign….”

Jules looked at Lillie who was avoiding her gaze.  

“Should I read more?”

“No thanks I’m already depressed!”

“I’m sorry Lillie. I was just making a point here. Key marriage hurts me, I can’t deny it, but it’s all a lie.”

“Then you won’t watch the show when it airs?”

“Are you crazy? Of course I will watch! I need to know the enemy!”

Jules stared at her magazine again and flipped the page and Lillie got up to take her bowl back to the kitchen.

“Why aren’t you eating more?”

“Suddenly I lost my appetite!” She couldn’t get fat; My-Young was like a super model. Study your enemy, Jules was right. She was going to search everything about her and all news linking her to Onew. Then probably obsess over it a little…

Someone rang the bell and Lillie ran to open the door.

It was a delivery boy with flowers, a set of beautiful red roses.

“Wow!” that felt familiar and after thanking the boy she returned to the living room.

“Jinho again?” Jules asked amused and Lillie shrugged. Jinho didn’t go in any trip this time, what was his idea?!

She put the flowers down on the table and searched for the card opening it.

 “Tokki! Are you surprised? You weren’t expecting this right? I miss you already and I wanted to make you smile….besides red roses are passion right? I love you~ Your vampire, Jinki

P.S: I’m winning to that idiot admirer of yours! I gave you more flowers now!”

“OH MY GOD!”

The countdown is on my side in the end

I put my everything into it and send it to you

I will run to you and hug you

And go above to the sky – feel it

“What?” Jules asked curiously taking the card from her friend’s hand.

Lillie grabbed the flowers happily.

“I can’t believe he did this!”

“Oh so sweet! I’m jealous!”

“Well he messed up a lot!”

Jules chuckled grabbing her magazine and taking her bowl to the kitchen.

“I’ll be on my room if you need anything!”

Lillie only nodded and searched for a jar to put her flowers on water right away.

That was when someone rang the bell again and she went to open.

The same boy was staring at her.

“I have another one, I’m sorry I forgot…”

Lillie grabbed another bouquet of red roses smiling. Jinki went out of his mind!

She danced her way back to the living room and grabbed the card.

Her reaction was totally different this time, her hands started to tremble and the roses fell from her hands to the ground.

“Who is it?” Jules voice came from her room.

“Jinki send me more flowers!” Lillie said trying to keep her voice steady.

“Oh isn’t he romantic lately?!”

Lillie stared at the roses on the table, symbolizing passion, and then at the roses at her feet. They were the same roses from the same flower shop, but the red on those was like blood.

She picked them up quickly and put them on the table, as if they were burning her hands a buzzing sound on her ears, making her feel dizzy. She grabbed the first bouquet and run to her room closing the door and placing the roses on her bed.

In one hand she had Jinki card and on the other she had the second card, the one her hands crumpled without her noticing.

Come and get me

Lillie unfolded it with her sweaty hands trembling and read it again.

“Hello my love. I know you were probably expecting this. Destiny can’t keep us apart. You are mine and my heart is forever imprisoned under your spell. My devious witch…forever yours Alex”

Her heart was beating crazily and she didn’t know what to do. He knew her address now, he probably was spying on her for a long time, probably even in Seoul. She needed to know where Jinki bought the flowers. Who was that company and if they sell to people outside Korea. Wait…the same store. Was he following him? She stared at the card again. There was no mention to Jinki or a boyfriend, so maybe it was a big coincidence.

Come and get me

She panicked and ripped the little card into the tiniest pieces that she could manage.

Lillie couldn’t involve anyone in her mess; she needed to solve it alone. She was going to find out where Alex was and tell him to leave her life once and for all. She was stronger now and besides she had someone she wanted to protect. She wouldn’t let him get near Jinki, even if that meant ruining her happiness or her life.

Come and get me

This is coming to an end....

So nervous...Im afraid to plan this ending...

I dont want it to end...

*cries*

Im not happy with this chapter...I wrote and rewrote and meh.

Oh well coment and stuff...

(if you still reading. I know its getting big and some people gave up along the way...sorry...=/ )

I will never write a fic as bigger as this one...

I know i'll hit the 30 chapters mark...

And this chapter is HUGE!

oh well bye bye - feel it

BONUS: