A,N: This chapter was rewritten but I screwed up and lost that versionT__T 

Lillie looked at her to-do-list for the day and sat at her desk.

The day before Jules scolded Lillie because she hadn't told Jinki that she loved him. And that night she truly tried to do it but failed. After that they only talked on the phone and that wasn’t something you could say through a phone call. It was complicated and she needed to find the right moment.

Her ex-boyfriend told Lillie that he loved her so many times and in the end he was the person who hurt her the most. Love wasn’t like that, it couldn’t be. Love don’t make you cry!

That is why it couldn’t be something casual that you tell people just because you want to. You need to feel it and find the appropriate moment to reveal it to the other.

Jinki was different from ex boyfriend and he made her heart tingle and expand with happiness. He made her smile.

Now she knew that she never loved her ex-boyfriend, she tried to believing that maybe it would make things easier, that if she let him touch her and showed that she liked it that the abuse would stop but things didn't go that way. She didn't love him, she didn't want him to touch her, he never stop hurting her.

Lillie was also scared to tell Jinki that she loved him. There was a high chance that he didn’t love her, that his feelings for her aren't that intense, just like it happened ti her. What if he never loved her? You can’t force love.

"Wake up!" Jules whispered in her ear, Lillie didn’t notice her approaching her desk.

"Sorry I was thinking..."

"I know! Don’t think! When you think your brain complicates things even more. Are you going to the fansign today? "

"Yes!"

"You look like a secret agent! You are going has an undercover fan which is actually a girlfriend that once was a fan! How wicked is that?!”

"Lower your voice! What if someone hears you! "

“Bring me an autograph from Jonghyun!"

"I'm not going to ask him one especially for you!"

"Why not? I think I deserve it after so many hours listening to SHINee! "

"Aish annoying! I will ask him the next time I’m with him! "

Jules leaned over her desk and kissed her cheek. For her skinship and demonstrations of affection were so easy. For Lillie it was the opposite.

"Lillie you are a cutie! Oh and go with your neck showing!"

"Hm, why?" She asked curiously.

"When Jinki sees that you no longer have his mark he will be willing to do another! Men are possessive Lillie! Seduce your man! "

The younger girl blushed.

“Do you think so...?”

Jules blinked one eye at Lillie that looked at her as if she was the dating guru.

"Try it! Gotta go, I have lesson to teach now! "

"What are you doing?"

Jinki sent her more texts in the recent days and they spoke via KakaoTalk all day. Lillie had no idea what changed but he seemed to be making an effort to talk with her more.

They didn’t talk about anything in particular, mostly their daily lives, things they liked or just flirting with each other. She always smiled like a fool when she received a message from him and it was hard to hide from her coworkers how her phone kept her more busy later. Sooner rumours would start spreading, she was sure of it.

"I'm getting ready to get out of work."

"Are you going to have lunch?"

"No! No time for lunch today! I’m going to another place. "

"Where are you going without me? : ("

"I'm going out with Jules!"

Lillie didn’t want to lie to him, but she wanted to show up at the fansign and surprise him. If she told him it would be ruined.

"Are men going?"

"Are you worried vampire Jinki?"

"Just a little ...”

"No men! But you know that there are many walking around on the street..."

"You're provoking the vampire? He can’t live without your neck! "

"Yeah, but he's now busy preparing his signature to the fans."

"And the teeth ..."

">. < Would you like me to hit Dubu?"

"I wonder what that tokki suffers .”

"In fact he sleeps with me and I have given him many kisses ..."

That soft toy was very lucky and one of her most prized possessions.

"I’m so jealous!I'll kill that bunnie when I see him ! Stealing my girlfriend ^ ^ "

"Relax vampire Jinki I sleep with him but I dream of you! I love you! "

Lillie freaked out as soon s she finished writing it. Luckily she didn't send it immediately. She stared at the words while she bit her lower lip. She could send it like that and wait to see if he said it back. However she erased the last 3 words before sending it.

"* _ * I have to go! After the fansign we can talk more! Vampire Jinki will be thinking about you <3_"

Lillie giggled reading his last message. He surely didn’t even dream with the possibility of her going. It was going to be a good surprise!

If he is was coming to her, she would go to him and end up with those dreadful days without seeing him. It wasn't as good as a date or being alone with him but it had to do by now.

Lillie turned off the computer and collected her things to leave. Her stomach complained since she didn't eat much at breakfast because she woke up late. She checked the time on her phone and groaned. Once again she was late and didn’t have time to eat. The fansign was far from the place she worked at and she had a train and a bus to catch. After seeing Jinki she could eat.

Lillie made her decision and turned around to run out of the room but almost bumped against Jinho. He followed after her calling her name but she pretended not to hear.

"Oh this is so exciting!" Minseo exclaimed clapping her hands.

Lillie nodded, but excitement wasn’t what she was feeling. It was her first SHINee fansign and of course she was happy, but she was also hungry and her legs ached. She was standing there waiting for one hour already when they started guiding the fans to their seats. Her arms ached because she was grabbing the heavy bag with his coat. She lied to Minseo saying it was a gift for him, when in reality it was his coat.

It had his scent, she knew because she worn it a lot of times at home only to smell him.

Lillie would probably end up in a mental asylum in the future with the things she did because of Jinki.

SHINee was late and the fans moved on their seats starting to get anxious. She was also anxious and the idea of surprising him didn’t seem like a good idea now. All eyes would be on Jinki and all members and fans would take pictures and make videos of them and their encounters with other shawols.

What if she did something that could betray her and they filmed it and realized that Jinki knew her and not only as a fan?!

The scary thought made her shiver and Minseo asked her if she was feeling cold.

“No, I’m nervous!”

"Don’t worry! I’m sure you will do well in front of Onew. Just be yourself!”

Lillie chuckled awkwardly nodding her head.

“And I’m sure he will love the coat you bought for him.”

Lillie smiled tightening the grip on the bag with the coat. She could send him a message, he might check it before he arrived to the venue. Surprising her favorite vampire now could be dangerous.

“So who is your favorite member?” A girl beside Minseo asked them.

“Minho! He’s perfect!” Minseo answered immediately.

“Onew!” Lillie answered in a low voice, adding in her mind that he was also her boyfriend. “I fell in love with his voice and smile.”

It was true. The first time she heard him sing was enough to charm her and then he smiled in such a magnificent way that she could never stop looking at him.

“Oh! I also like Minho a lot! But my favorite member is Key!" As soon as she said it a wave of screams and squeals made the girls look at the stage. The SHINee members arrived and sat on their chairs. It was too late for Lillie to warn Jinki now.

The group of fans quieted down to let the boys talk and then the fans lined up to get on stage and meet them.

While walking to the line Lillie took her time observing Jinki. He didn't seem to notice her and he looked so handsome. Lately she always saw him without makeup and in comfortable clothes but today - all because of SHINee’s stylists - he was wearing a red sweater, black pants and jacket, his hair was slicked upwards and his eyes had eyeliner making him look absolutely y.

Since she stopped admiring her boyfriend Minseo touched her back pushing her forward to join the line.

“I know he looks breathtaking!” her friend chuckled “And did you notice Minho? He looks so good in yellow!”

He probably looked good in any color though. Lillie looked briefly at Minho and the others. They were all so handsome anyway. However...her eyes wouldn’t stop drifting to her boyfriend. He was too bright, his presence was too magnetical to her and she couldn't take her eyes away from him. She was after all in love.

The line started to get shorter, and her turn approached quickly. Jinki was the last one she would get to meet and that made her even more nervous. Not only she was worried with the way he would react, if she would give herself away, but she was also going to met her idols. She still had the other 4 men to greet and talk with. Minho, Taemin and Kibum didn’t know her but Jonghyun did and she wondered if he would recognize her.

Lillie watched while Jinki greeted his fans smiling so brightly that she was afraid one would get blinded, as blinded as she was with love. No wonder so many people admired him. He was such a sweetheart, gently talking to the fans, accepting their gifts…

Lillie swallowed hard and stared at the bag she was holding. She could have said that that was a gift but the truth was that she didn’t bring any. Everyone brought gifts for all the members and she brought some candy for the members but for Jinki she only had the coat that actually was his in the first place. The realization that she didn't bring anything to give him downed on her and Lillie panicked turning to Minseo.

"Minseo did you bring gifts? "

“Yes. I brought a letter for each of them and for Minho I brought a small framework painted especially for him. Didn’t you bring gifts? "

“Yes, but I don’t have anything for Onew."

Minseo raised her eyebrows confused “Isn’t the coat for him?”

Lillie ignored her and searched inside her bag for a pen.

"Do you have any paper or envelope?"

“Are you kidding me Lillie?! Are you going to write a letter now? "

"Only for Jinki!" In the letter she could tell him about the reason she came there, and how she wanted to surprise him, and how she forgot a gift for him but would give him anything he wanted later. Also she could tell him more things, like things she didn’t have the courage to say to him personally. Things he could read later in the car on his way to another schedule and not in front of her. It would make her so embarrassed.

"I don’t have an envelope, but I have that notebook that I always carry with me." Minseo added realizing that Lillie wouldn’t change her mind.

“Tear a sheet and give it to me please!"

Minseo blinked her eyes and smiled incredulous. Who gives a torn sheet from a notebook to her idol, moreover without an envelope?!

Nevertheless she did what Lillie asked her.

“Can you please turn over so I can use your back to write?” Lillie joined her hands in a silent apology and Minseo sighed and turned around. “I’m sorry!”

Lillie placed the sheet of paper against Minseo’s back and tried to focus and ignore the way the line moved once again. She was running out of time.

Peeking at the person behind her and making sure that she wasn’t going to see what she wrote, Lillie started to pen down the words.

“Hello oppa!”

That was embarrassing already and made her cringe.

“I know you must be surprised to see me here, but I really needed to return the coat because I use it every day. "

That sounded like a desperate insane girlfriend so Lillie scratched the last part.

“Hurry up Lillie!" Minseo requested.

“Actually I really wanted to see you! I miss you and you're so wonderful! It makes me a little jealous how you smile so much at everyone! You need to smile brightly at me too! >_ <”

“Lillie it is almost our turn .... Quick!!" Minseo was right and Lillie reread what she wrote. She was acting like a jealous girlfriend but not too much, just enough to sound cute.

The queue was decreasing in size and Lillie had to finish the letter in a hurry.

“From your Tokki, I love you!"

The last words made her cheeks so hot that she folded the improvised letter quick to not read them again. Lillie let the folded letter slip inside the bag with his coat and turned to Minseo.

“No matter what happens don’t let me take this paper from inside the bag, alright?”

Minseo mumbled a confused yes and Lillie turned to face the table with the SHINee members. It was almost her turn and there he was so close, her boyfriend dressed as a Onew, his stage persona. It wasn’t much different from his usual self, just more playful and more groomed.

He was saying goodbye to a fan that was talking to him, and raised his hands and waved her a sweet goodbye while smiling brightly, which made Lillie melt down. Then he looked in her direction and she unconsciously hid behind Minseo. He frowned as if he suspected something but his attention soon fell on another fan. Luckily for Lillie because Minseo was even shorter than Jonghyun and wouldn’t be able to protect her from his eyes.

“Oppa read my letter!"

“Yes!" Onew replied to another fan smiling as always.

Sometimes he wondered how he didn’t dislocate a muscle from smiling so much. He usually was in a good mood but he also had moments when he didn’t feel happy, when it was hard to offer the fans a natural smile. However he still did his best. They deserved it, he owed his career to them and he loved them as much as they loved him. Because of his fans he could sing, he was loved and admired in his own country and was even able to experience new things and above all he could help his parents.

Dream girl, their song started playing on the speakers and Jinki sang along with the lyrics while he waited for a new fan to approach him.

“When it started is not important~ I only see the perfect you in my eyes~ In this gray world, only your red lips shine ~The moment I try to kiss your lips~ I awake from my dream”

A shiver ran down his spine and Jinki blinked his eyes looking around the venue. He felt watched which was ridiculous because of course he was being watched. Many shawols were there, taking pictures of the members every movement, filming every smile. A female’s voice caught his attention and he looked at the cue of shawols waiting to climb on stage to join them. He heard the name Lillie and like a magnet his eyes searched for her. It was ridiculous. She wasn’t there and it was probably only someone that shared the same name as hers. There weren't many foreigners on the cue though.

“Your face is still so clear ~The heat of your hand that I held is still warm ~You come to me at night but disappear in the morning~ I can’t just let you go like this every day”

Jinki wondered if it wasn’t his imagination only playing a trick on him. He was in love and everything nowadays seemed to remind him of her.

He scratched his head and greeted a new fan that offered a bag with gifts to him.

“Baby I know this is all a dream but ~ Baby, oh please, don’t leave me”

The queue quickly decreased and Minseo climbed on stage, facing Key. The order was Key, Minho, Jonghyun, Taemin and Onew.

So Lillie had to survive her encounter with the others before she was able to meet Jinki. She stepped behind Minseo and waited. Her friend was clearly checking Minho, her hands trembling while she offered her album to Key.

Lillie’s turn came quickly and she gave a step forward to face Kibum, while Minseo squealed beside her in front of Minho her bias.

How to describe Kibum?! He was perfect and she wasn’t sure she would be able to articulate any word to speak with him. Should she use korean or english?!

“I’m your fan!” Lillie blurted out in korean giving him the gift she prepared to him, making Key laugh.

“That’s good!”

“I mean, I’m everyone’s fan!”

Kibum nodded grabbing the album from her hand and she swallowed hard realizing that sooner or later he would find out she was dating Jinki. Would take make meeting him even more awkward?!

“What name should I use?” He asked gently looking at Lillie that her dry lips admiring his beautiful eyes.

“Lillie!” She managed to say watching his beautiful long fingers holding her album.

Kibum hesitated while writing her name and looked at her and then she noticed his eyes drift in the direction of the other side of the table where Jinki was but he didn’t say anything. Did he suspect anything?!

Kibum gave the album back to her and she thanked him stepping behind Minseo that was all flustered still speaking to Minho which offered her one of his boyish deadly smiles and held her hand briefly making her melt.

Minseo dragged herself to Jonghyun who had no queue already and Lillie gave her gift to Minho and struggled to open her album on the page for him to sign.

"Hello!" Minho greeted her in english with a sweet smile and she groaned loving them even more than she did before. “Thank you.”

He grabbed the album she offered him and Lillie watched him sign it.

“Your eyes are beautiful!" She had no idea what more to say. There was no way she could put down in words how much they meant to her.

"Thank you! What’s your name?"

“Ah! Lillie!"

“Oh!!" Jonghyun exclaimed beside Minho and his eyes met with Lillie’s. She panicked because he clearly recognized her and they were in a public place.

“What are you..." he looked at Onew and lowered his voice "...doing here? He knows?"

Minseo was on Taemin's queue and looked at them in a suspicious way.

Lillie's eyes widened and Jonghyun kept quiet acting as if nothing happened. However by then Minho and Key already noticed that something was wrong.

"Lillie ahhh!" Minho mumbled realizing what that meant. He smiled writing her name and then returned the album to her.

"He will love the surprise! " Jonghyun said as soon as she joined him. He accepted her gift and signed her album stealing glances at her.

"And I hope I'm forgiven for what happened last time!"

"Yes! Everything is forgotten! "she grinned at him.

“I hope to see you next time.” He gave the album back to her and Lillie walked to Taemin that was smiling brightly at her. Did he knew already too?

“I’m a big fan.” Lillie said giving him the gift she prepared.

“Your korean is really good.” Taemin praised her thanking her for the gift.

She offered him the album for him to sign and then dared to look at Jinki.

Her boyfriend was busy talking to a fan who had offered him flowers. Minseo was behind the girl looking with puppy eyes at Minho and didn’t seem to notice anything suspicious.

"Thank you for coming! Hope to see you soon!" Taemin said, returning the album to Lillie that was surprised to see that he signed it with "for Lillie."

He must have noticed the conversation between Jonghyun and her. Lillie blushed and thanked him before she stepped behind Minseo.

That was it! She was finally meeting Jinki. Apparently she wasn’t the only one waiting for the moment since Jonghyun was grinning looking at her briefly before his attention turned to another fan.

Lillie waited patiently while Minseo talked with Jinki and after she gave gave him a letter and collected her album she left the stage.

Lillie didn’t say anything and only waved at him with the hand that had the album for him to sign.

Jinki froze staring at her as if he did not believe his own eyes.

“Hi.” She said cutely feeling like an idiot.

“I don't know...believe…” He stumbled on his words and Lillie raised her eyes alarmed to the staff behind him.

“Me neither...oppa!” She acted out as a shawol would, or at least like a more outgoing version of her fan self would.

“Ahh....” Jinki’s eyes drifted to the fans behind her and back. That was certainly dangerous since they were being constantly filmed and photographed.

“I brought you a present.” Lillie said placing the bag with his coat and the precious letter over the table. He grabbed it and peeked inside. One corner of his lips raised adorably and she grinned.

“A coat…”

“Well, coats are useful if you want for example to go out at night to the park or something. You won't be cold anymore. It's very warm, I tried it. It’s big enough for two people and a bunny!”

He chuckled covering his mouth adorably and Lillie wished time would stop. In a way it did, when she was with him she completely forgot about everything else and that was why it was dangerous.

He gave it to the staff tanking her and then his warm eyes fall on hers again. Lillie rushed to give him her album and he signed it - way slower than he usually did - peeking at her once in a while in enigmatic way that she loved.

Lillie noticed how Taemin was watching them now and how she had a fan behind her already.

Jinki finished signing and closed the album sliding it on the table back to her.

“Thank you for coming.” He said, the words dancing on his lips “Be happy and healthy!”

“I am...I will!” She said giggling like an idiot, which no one would find weird since he could make any woman in that room feel like that anyway.

Lillie walked out of the stage her legs threatening to fail her. It was ridiculous how her body was acting like that when she has been with him for hours now, when she was hugged and kissed by that man already. It was amazing the power his Onew persona had.

Minseo hugged Lillie and she barely could hear her enthusiasm while she told her about her meeting with Minho.

“....he even grabbed my hand!” Lillie nodded trying to get herself together and hugged the album against her chest.

She did it! She didn't realize until that moment how special that moment was to her. She spent the last years wanting to meet the ones that changed her life even though they didn't know anything about it. Jinki didn't either, how SHINee gave her the courage and the idea of leaving her country to South Korea, far away from her old life and her fears. If he only knew what that moment meant to her...She did it, she met five of the most important people in her life.

With epiphany came also sadness because she was so nervous and focused in Jinki that she failed to tell the boys how much they meant to her. Lillie looked with sadness to the table, her eyes briefly meeting Jonghyun’s. No, she would meet them again, she was sure, and then, then she would tell them.

There were only a few fans left and Jinki searched for her in the crowd but with no success. Wherever she was he couldn’t see her. Maybe she left.

The event eventually ended and SHINee said goodbye to the fans. While the staff collected their things the members rested on a private room before they moved to their next schedule - a recording of a show.

“That was a great surprise!” Minho patted Jinki’s back and he only nodded, his phone in hand, busy texting his girlfriend to know where she was.

"Where are you? Are you still in the mall?"

 

After a few seconds he received a reply.

 

"My friend left just now. I'll eat anything and then leave. Why? "

 

"But where are you? Which store?"

 

"WHY? You can’t mean that you are coming to meet me. We will get into big trouble if people see us!"

 

"Answer me! It's important! "

 

"I'm near the place where the fansign was, on the bench in front."

 

"I’m going to speak with manager Minho. I will be back! " Jinki announced leaving the room. He almost bumped into Kibum that was coming back from the bathroom.

This chapter was a freaking mess. So bad I cringed reading and rewriting it. It grew in size as you can see and I changed parts and added things, cut others but it makes more sense now. If I could I would totally change it since it sounds very ridiculous to me now, but well I can’t. I hope you enjoy this new version of it, that makes way more sense. Thanks for reading it again.