Letters to JongIn by -heartfelt

Review by Shiina

The Title (4/5)

The title is very straight forward and short which is what I like. I don't know why but when I read the title I just pictured a man reading letters peacefully next to a window with sunlight streaming in. Maybe that's just me, but that's the image I got. I didn't like how it was too simple though, it wasn't very eye catching. 

Description and Foreword(10/10)

Wow. Your description has one word, wow. It was very interesting to read. You gave a brief description of the characters, but not too much. I really like that short paragraph of what, I think, is a snippet from the story? Especially the last part, it just makes me curious as to what actually happened for it to be uncut, un-crashed and un-gone. Wow. I really like it so much, which is why this is so short. I want to jump straight into reading.

As for the foreword, I think its nice that you're crediting everyone. 

Plot and Originality(28/30)

The plot is very original and very interesting. I really liked the theme you had going on; it was different to what other people would've written if they did a letter theme. Your plot was very clear and concise which made it easier for me to understand. I really really like how you had kind of a mysterious aura over your story and it made me want to read more because I wanted to know what was going to happen. I can't really say much about the plot because not much has really happened yet. 

Characterization(19/20)

You went very deep with Kyungsoo and that's really good. In most of the stories I have read the main character has been depressing, but I guess that makes everything more interesting. He is a very interesting character, at first he was very depressed, but then, as the story progressed, I found out that he can be happy sometimes and he has people who he could count on. This character progression was very good, I got to know more and more about him as I read the story. You didn't give me too much to take in at the start, but you didn't give me too little so that I would be confused. 

Writing Style and Language(22/25)

First of all, you have no spelling errors which makes my life so much easier xD. 

Secondly, you put a lot of commas into your sentences. I think those sentences could be split into two instead of putting a comma there.

For example: 

"Well, I am almost positive, and a part of my heart hopes that you don't know who I am, because I'm sure that if you did, then you would probably only know me by what you've heard, and sadly, I'm sure those things aren't going to be nice things."

It should be,

"Well, I am almost positive. A part of my heart hopes that you don't know who I am because I'm sure that if you did, you would probably only know me by what You've heard. Which sadly, aren't going to be nice things." or something along those line. Just make sure to not over-use the comma.

Another thing you also do is use the word "and" a bit too much. As in when you're listing things you would use, and to list them. You did fix it after awhile, but I'm still going to fix it:

"You know those days when you open your eyes and your heart feels heavy and your breathing feels forced and you can see the unhappiness in the light coming through your window?"

It should be, "You know those days when you open your eyes and your heart feels heavy, your breathing feels forced and you can see the unhappiness in the light coming through your window?"

In your third chapter you wrote "neverless;" that should be "nevertheless". Don't worry, I got in trouble for the same thing. In an essay I once wrote "netherless". 

There were not many spelling errors in your story but I did find some grammatical errors in there. I do understand that sometimes what feels "right" isn't right for others. I might make sense to you but it might not make sense to others and that is why its important to proof-read or give it to someone else to proof-read. 

Flow(8/10)

Your story had a nice flow and I did know what was happening most of the time. Although there were some parts where I was completely lost because it was going a bit fast. Especially the parts where Kyungsoo would go off topic, that made me a bit confused. 

Total (91/100)

* I would firstly like to apologise for the short review. There wasn't much to read and I was also quite busy around this time and wanted to get the review done quickly.