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Beyond the Bright Life of a Star by SkyBluePlains
Review by coolgirlaamy
Title (4/5)
Well, I quite like this title. It’s very relevant to the story and gives a good insight into what the story is about before you even look down to the description and foreword. It also stands out from the other story titles on this website - for some reason, I feel like it seems quite sophisticated and the words flow together quite well.
However, I did have one issue with the title which is why I have chosen to take off a point. I feel like it’s a little too long for a story title. I myself have used a long title a few times but with your title, I feel like it would work better if you took off a few of the word since I don’t think they all need to be there. I personally think that it would still sound good if it was just ‘Beyond the Bright Life’ because it still gives an insight into what the story is about. However, I do think that as a writer you can choose whatever title you want - this is just my personal opinion.
Description and Foreword (7/10)
In terms of your description, I feel like it is completely fine. There is nothing wrong with it and it works quite well to summarise your story. You managed to create a good description with a reasonable amount of detail to give an insight into your plot but you managed not to reveal the whole story to me (and I really hate when people do that). There’s nothing else that I really have to say so good job!
I was quite disappointed with your foreword. I mean, the foreword is the place where you can really attain your readers’ attention and really draw them in, yet you haven’t chosen to use that opportunity. You don’t really need to do much in a foreword but you could put a short excerpt from the story into the foreword. I personally think that it’s the best and most successful way of getting a reader to read the rest of your story and move on to the next chapter. I mean, you could use anything. In my opinion, that scene where Sunggyu starts destroying the dorm would probably be the best since it links to your description and shows how much his mentality is affected because of his worries and everything.
Plot and Originality (30/30)
There are many stories out there about idol life and what is going on behind the scenes. I’ve came across so many in the few years that I have been using Asianfanfics and I normally really don’t like them. I normally find that many people just seem to use the same ideas and don’t think out the box. They only think about what happens and they don’t focus too much on their feelings. However, thank god you don’t do that!
Your story definitely, for me, stands out from the rest of the idol stories. You are focussing on something which is actually likely to happen to idols. You’re focussing more on the feelings of these idols, Sunggyu in this case, and I really like this aspect of your story.
This story gives an insight into the life of an idol and all of the troubles and the turmoil that comes with it. Like you mentioned in the description, there are so many eyes watching these idols, focussing on their every move, picking out the slightest of mistakes. (We’ve all seen those videos on Youtube showing idol mistakes). However, we don’t ever think about what these idols think about our comments, we don’t think they would even notice. But your story shows us that they probably do know and they would be affected by our words and criticisms. Your story shows that idols are actually real people, they’re just like us and they have feelings and like I have said before, I really liked that about your story. Everything isn’t just happiness and rainbows for them. They go through many troubles, they get upset, angry, possibly even cry. They’re real people.
Characterisation (20/20)
For some reason, I feel like Sunggyu is probably the best idol that you could have chosen to be your main character. I mean, any idol would have fit in this role but somehow, I can see Sunggyu being like this in real life, especially because from what I have noticed, he does get teased a lot and gets many criticism compared to the other members.
I feel really bad for him. I feel like I want to cry because he is experiencing so much pain because of all of things that is happening to him. He just seems helpless and he can’t do anything to try to make himself feel better. His character is very realistic and he acts like any person would in this type of situation. He wants to make himself better than he already is though it would harm his health and he compares himself to the other members since he feels that they are better than he is. Then when other people want him to confide in them and tell them what’s wrong, he can’t because doesn’t want to admit that there is anything that is actually wrong.
I feel like Sunggyu is a very relatable character and I myself, do feel the same way that he does. I compare myself to other people - I think I’m fat sometimes, I don’t feel like I’m as pretty or as smart as the other girls, I only notice the criticisms. You have managed to create a really good character and I don’t have any criticisms for you in this section so well done.
Writing Style and Language (27/30)
I like your writing style. You managed to find a good balance between description and dialogue. You were also able to capture the different scenes quite well as well as capture Sunggyu’s emotions and feelings really well too. So good job. However, I do have one slight criticism about the writing style. Sometimes I feel like your writing is actually lacking style. The sentences sometimes don’t flow very well together and I feel like I am getting bored and tired reading the story. It isn’t anything too major and this is just my personal opinion so don’t worry too much about it since the writing style does improve more over time.
As for the language, grammar and spelling were fine. I did notice a few occasional errors which just seemed like typos so there isn’t anything too major. If you are worried about these then you can just proofread your work when you have time since I did notice that you did say a few times that you didn’t edit the chapter.
Flow (10/10)
I had no issues with the flow of the story. Everything happened at quite a good pace for you to capture the details and give enough description without too much of it. I don’t feel like there is anything I can mark you off for here so you get full marks in this section!
Total (93/100)
Well done! Your story will be on our featured list. I’m also very sorry that it took me so long to write this review - Divergin1004 went on hiatus and I was busy with school and prom committee etc so it took me a while.
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