Truth is, sometimes I miss you so much

I can hardly stand it

[Broken Mountain, 2005 Movie]

Few months later, on fine summer breeze. . . .

A body lying on the fine pink bed. Well, honestly, all of the ornaments inside this room is oh-so-pinky, only one or two objects that’s not pink, and it’s just the floor and the door, other than that, it’s all pink. The owner of the room was still lying on the bed with floral thick blanket covering her body from the coldness of the air conditioner.

 “Happy burfday to you. . .,” a sweet voice come inside the room with hand holding a small birthday cake and one candle in the middle of it. “Happy burfday to you. . .” the owner of the room stirred a bit, soon after that, she opened her blanket, blinked for few moments before finally realized someone presence in her room.

“Happy burfday. . . happy burfday,” that person now sitting on the edge of the bed with birthday hat on her head. “Happy burfday my moonshine,” you smiled sweetly to her.

She woke up and hugged you tightly. “Where is my kiss?” you asked while pouting to her. She then kissed you, started from your forehead, both of your eyes, nose, cheeks and the last she peck your lips.

“Happy burfday, moonshine. . . now, close your eyes and make a wish,” you ordered her. She did what you told her to do and after seconds, she opened her eyes. “Done?” she nodded. “Now blows the candle,”

“Thank you so much appa,” she hugged you again when she done blowing the candle.

“What’s your wish?” you asked curiously as you put the cake on the bedside table.

“I wish. . . . it’s secret,” she answered. She now 6 years old, a 6 years old pretty little lady that never fail make you smile through the pain all this time.

“Appa will have a meeting after school, so do you mind if I ask Ms. Anne to accompany you until I come?”

Ms. Anne is a kindergarten teacher where Luna studies at. She is very kind, pretty and single, no doubt about that. Ever since you told her about your condition—study and work at the same time—she willingly to help you to take care of Luna after Luna’s school time is over. Sometime she will bring Luna to her house to accompany her since she lives alone here in LA. And some other time, you will ask her to spend the day with Luna in your luxury apartment.

You got this luxury accommodation—luxury apartment, luxury car, etc—after you got your first school report after two months studies in LA Business School. Your school time start from 9 am till 2 pm, and after that you will drive to your office to work as assistant director of marketing department in Samsung Co. in LA.

Back to Ms. Anne, or you usually call her Anne. She is a year older than you. Her family live in Minnesota and she chose to live here alone because she loves LA, that’s what she said to you when you ask her why she want to live here alone by the way. She is 10 cm shorter than you but has slim and fit body like a model. Sometimes the way she smiled, make you feel awkward, that’s why you never talk too much with her.

“Sounds good. But promise me something,” she said and sit on your lap.

“What is it, Princess Luna?” you asked and held her tiny waist.

“I want a dinner with you and Ms. Anne tonight, and that’s final, pwease *read: killer pout added*”

“Aish, why you always use that pout to me?” you whined.

“Because I know, appa can’t resist my cutie poutie,” she claimed cutely.

“Arraseo. Dinner tonight. Got that, princess. . . now wake up, we both have to school in next hour,” you said and left her room.

Your POV

Hara-yah, today is Luna’s 6^th birthday. She grows up very well, she is as pretty as you, and well honestly she is prettier than you. I’m sorry for not celebrating Luna’s birthday together with you. You know, right? I’m in LA now, studying while working to the better future of Luna, I want to provide what the best for her and that’s what I’m trying now.

Hara-yah, Luna and I have a good time while we’re here. Even though at first I admit it, it hard for me. Very hard. I think this is the hardest thing I ever do. But I know if you’re still here, you will give the same advice to me; to move away and draw a new life without her.

I found it hard, Hara-yah. Even until now, it’s still hard. I can’t deny it, I miss her so much, and I miss her like crazy. I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her touch, and I miss everything about her. Hara-ya, to tell you frankly, I’m all good outside but inside, I feel soulless. But I prefer to pretend I’m alright, I won’t make Luna sad because of what I feel, after all this is what I’ve decided, I can’t turn around and give up, for Luna.

“Ms. Bae, the meeting will be in 15 minutes,” your secretary aka assistant said through the phone.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon,” you said.

Hara-ya, what if this feeling I have for her never changed? What if I still love her after what she did to me? Do you will call me crazy? I can’t erase her like I’m deleting the wrong word with the backspace button, Hara-ya. I’ve searched of how I can over from her, but the answer is still same, I can’t do that. My heart is still longing for her, my mind is full of her.

Hara-ya, could you send my message to God? Tell Him to protect Taeyeon from anything that will harm herself, make her happy no matter what, and let Him tell her that I still love her here.

₪

“Ms. Anne, thank you for accompanying Luna today” I said my gratitude to the woman in grey blazer in front of me. “I always burden you,” I added as I scratched my back head.

“Ah, it’s okay. Luna is good girl,” she said and patted Luna’s head gently.

“How about dinner together with us?” she seemed surprise and I quickly added some words to her, “It’s Luna’s birthday, she asked me to have dinner with you too,”

“Why you didn’t tell me, Luna?” she asked sweetly, I bet with that voice of her and beauty faces of her, many men queuing up for her.

 Luna didn’t answer, she just hide her face behind me. “She just a bit shy, Ms. Anne. So, shall we go now?”

She just nodded as approval. She sat beside me on the passenger seat, while Luna sat at the back seat. There is nothing we talk about during the ride, she just busy with her phone, while I’m focusing myself on the road.

I don’t have any feeling for sure to Anne. She just like a friend of mine, her kind-heart really impresses me. How I wish I’m over Tae now. Maybe I can open my heart to Anne. I smiled bitterly. I’m still hoping for the woman named Taeyeon, how pity I am now.

“Appa, can we eat Korean food, pwease? I want to eat Korean food,” Luna said breaking the silent in the car.

I took a glance to Anne. “Eum Luna. . . how about we eat pizza or steak? That’s more delicious, appa guarantee it for you,” I took glance again to Anne before looked at Luna from rear-view mirror.

“It’s okay, Soo. Don’t refuse what Luna wants. After all, it’s her birthday, right?” she said and smiled to me. The way she called me Soo, it remind me back to Taeyeon again *sigh*, it's really hurts.

“A-are you sure?”

“Of course. I want to try Korean food too,”

“Okay then,”

@ Korean restaurant in LA

After we ordered several kinds of Korean food, I brought out the birthday present that I had prepared to Luna.

“Ta-daaaa,” a small pink box—it’s her favorite color by the way—now lying down on the table. Luna looked at it with glittery eyes of her.

“Appa, is this for me?” she asked.

“Yes, moonshine. And happy burfday to you,” I kissed her forehead.

“Gomawo appa. May I opened it?”

“Go on,”

Me and Anne just looked at the enthusiasm that Luna showed to us when she opened her gift, well this is her first gift after we stayed here in LA, so maybe for her it’s kinda special.

“It’s cute appa,” she squealed happily when she found a necklace with butterfly pendulum on it.

“Let me help you, Luna,” Anne said and put the necklace to Luna’s neck. “You look beautiful,”

Should I open my heart to Anne? But, my heart fully to Taeyeon until now, I can't hurt Anne and I don't want to hurt her also.

“Thank you Ms. Anne,”

Somewhere in Seoul

“Taeyeon-ah, you got package,” Sunny squealed when she entered the dorm. “Where is this danshin go?” Sunny mumbled to herself.

Taeyeon was in her room, reading a new lyric of the new ost song that she will record tomorrow. She plugged her ears with the earphone so that she can concentrate with the song.

Sunny poked her shoulder, made Taeyeon turned around and looked at Sunny who holding a small box on her hand.

“A package for you,” Sunny said. “Tae, don’t use earphone too often, that’s not good for your ears,” Sunny reminded her and unplugged the earphones on Taeyeon’s ears.

Without asking Taeyeon already know that this package must be from one of her fans out there who willingly spent their money to buy some gifts not only for her but also to other members. She is glad, after all, their fans gave so much attention to them, and in turn she will give them the best she can.

“Aawww. . . it’s pretty,” she said and pulled out a necklace with butterfly pendulum on it.

“There is a letter,” Sunny pointed.

“To: My ultimate bias, Taeyeon

All I hope is you like this present, be healthy as always and be pretty as usual

♥ Your fans, ‘S’”

“It’s from ‘S’ again?” Sunny mumbled. It’s been few months, Taeyeon always receive some gifts with the same initial on the letter. Taeyeon didn’t realize it, but Sunny, yes she realized it. She kept thinking about who the ‘S’ is? She, by the end, kept the letter on the secret box in her room, she need more proves to make her assumptions true.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annyeong guys #waved excitedly

Now, now. . . Ms. Anne is coming, aaahhh, ottokhae???

#Pacing back and forth