This is for. . . US
Accidentally Love
Once I think being away from you
Is the best for me
But I’m wrong
Now I’m more miserable than I ever before
You took a heavy step before step inside your boss office. Luna was beside you tangled your forefinger in her hand and swayed it back and forth. You took a deep breath and knocked the door.
“Come in,” you heard your boss aka alpha marketing planner director said from the inside with his identical fatherly voice. “Oo. . . Soorin-ssi. Have a seat please. . . Luna, annyeong. . .,” he smiled to Luna.
“Annyeong granpa,” Luna bowed to him politely and sit beside you like a good girl she is.
“So I’m sure there must be something to talk with me,” you seemed surprise at his correct guess.
“Ah, d-dae, sir. . . it’s about your. . . eum. . .,” honestly you’re a bit hesitate to talk about this to him, but in other way, you have to talk about it too no matter what.
“Let me guess. Is it about my offer to you about a week ago?” you just nodded weakly, a combination of shy and guilty.
“So, what’s your answer??” he leaned his back to the backrest and put his hand on the armrest.
“I would like to take the chance. . . . but—,” you looked at Luna who now looked at her-so-called grandpa with her serious facial expression.
“Oh. . . about this little angel here—come here Luna, here sit with me,” he tapped his thigh and motioned Luna to sit on it. Luna did what he said with happy face of course. “You don’t have to worry about this little angel of yours. . . . you can bring her with you, right Luna?”
“Dae, granpa,” Luna beamed happily as she took his phone and played with it on his lap.
“So, there is no problem then. Should I process the documents you need now??”
“D-dae. . . ah, yes,” you nodded again, another hint of guilty build inside your heart.
Ever since you decided this, your mind and heart trembled, arguing each other more than ever before. Your mind told you to go to US and leave all of the pain here and start a new life there in US, while your heart telling you not to go and drop the chance, your heart telling you to stay, to fight for Taeyeon. But your mind always has many reasons to make you doubt; ‘she chooses Wooyoung over you, dumb! What are you hoping for?’ , or like ‘Come on, Soo. You’re loser here. Go get your out from here!’ or something like ‘American girls are so much better, what are you waiting for?!’
“Just take some rest, Soorin. You seem tired. I’m the one who handle all of the documents you need,” he patted your back gently. “You can start to pack your things now,” he smiled to you before closing the door.
“Who wants cotton candy??”
“Appaaaaa,” Luna raised her hand. “Me, appa. . .me. . me,” now she jumped excitedly.
“Me too, Soorin,”
“Me three,” your two co-workers blinked their eyes cutely like a puppies.
“Arraseo, let’s go get it,”
“Yeah!!” Luna and the 2 co-workers of yours cheered happily.
₪
Your POV
“Appa, do I have to bring my blanket too?” aigoo, my moonshine always know how to make me smile.
“Just leave it here, moonshine. I’ll buy a new blanket for you once we get there,” I looked at her who still sat there across me while looking at me packing her clothes and stuff into her own travel bags.
“Appa. . .,” she called me softly, just as soft as Hara ever called me when she still here around us, chatting with us, teased me to be sure. Ah, how I miss her presence now.
I stopped packing her stuff and looked at her who now sitting with her legs cross. I sit there too, copy her way to sit. “What my moonshine thinking now?” I asked her and examined her facial expression. Her chubby cheeks, pointed nose and doe-like eyes, ah. . . she is really beautiful. Many men will queue up for her in the future.
“I wof appa,” she uttered sincerely, I can looked it through her eyes. “I won’t make appa disappointed to me, I promise,” I chuckled upon hearing what she just said.
“Appa love Luna too. . . . hmmm. . . how about we go to amusement park tomorrow?”
“Hmm, let me think first, appa,” she answered while put her forefinger on her forehead, acting like the best thinker ever. “How about. . . we just stay at home?”
I tilted my head and looked at her with are-you-sure-look. “Eh?”
“I just want being here in this house as long as I can before we leave the day after tomorrow. . . can weeeee? *added the killer pouts ever*,” ugh, that pout will be her big weapon to me from now on. I think how I can resist her with that cutie poutie face like that.
“Okay, we will stay at home tomorrow. . . watching Disney Channel or CN for the whole day,”
“Yeay!!!” she jumped and ran to me and hugged me from behind. “You’re the best appa in the world,” she said and then kissed your cheek lovingly.
Ah, why this heart hurt so much? It makes me having a hard time to breathe in and breathe out. It’s like an open fresh wound, slicing even deeper when I’m breathing. I closed my eyes and tried to manage what happen inside me, but then Taeyeon’s face appeared with her wide smile smiling to me, showing off to me how happy she is now with someone beside her that I already know who is he.
Is this what people say heart-broken? Is this what people feel when they’re heart-broken? So much pain. It feels like drowning in the open sea with body full of wounds. The pain is unbearable. Knowing someone you love happy with someone else is killing your soul and body apart. But why people once said you have to let her be happy even if it’s not with you?
Sometimes people can say that easy because they never experience it on their life, right? Soo, close these memories of her from now on, you have Luna and more stuff to do there, make Hara and your parents proud of you, Soo. I cheered myself. I bitter-smiled, how pity I am, cheering for myself.
“This is for the better,” I mumbled and then looked Luna was lying there while her thumb with her sleeping-angel face. “This is for you, Luna. I want a better life for you. . . . for us,” I caressed her cheek with my thumb and tugged her hair behind her ear.
₪
“Make me proud once come back here,” the director said and patting my back when we’re in Incheon Airport. He insisted to send me and Luna here, I feel like he is like my father. “Luna, be a good girl there and don’t forget to call grandpa, araseo?” he carried Luna and then kissed both of her cheeks, the unclean shaved mark on his face tickled Luna a lot when he kissed him, make this cutie giggled and rubbed her face immediately.
“Aye-aye grandpa, roger that,” she saluted to him.
“Wish me luck there, sir,” I said before I get into checking area.
“I always pray to the best for you. Fighting!” he said and he waved to us.
“Good bye grandpa. . . love you so much,” Luna shouted. She waved to him with her right hand while her left hand pulled her pinkish travel bag. “Goodbye eomma, I will visit you someday,” I heard she said that but I pretended careless about it. “Goodbye mommy, Luna wof mommy,” I reached her hand and hold it tight.
“Whoa. . . appa. . .,” her eyes beamed in so much disbelieved when she saw the big airplane—correct that, it’s an airbus for sure. “The plane is really big and long,” she said while looking through the window the airbus. “We will ride that?”
“Yep,” I replied shortly as I gave the tickets to the stewart.
“Appa, it’s huge,” she said in English, make the air crews chuckled to see her mesmerizing moment once we got inside the executive class of Korean Air.
“Hellow pretty little lady,” the beauty-no-doubt air crew greeted her. She handed a lollipop to Luna, but she seemed hesitate to take it, she looked at me like she asked my permission to take it.
“Go on, you may take it,” I said and she gladly grabbed it.
“Thank you,” she said and walked fast to me and then she sat right beside me.
Somewhere in Seoul
“What happen with Taeyeon these days?” her vocal coach asked Tiffany when she saw cloudy moody Taeyeon when she practicing.
Tiffany sighed and looked at the kid leader Taeng. “Something happen with her heart,” Tiffany let out her sighed.
“Oh. . . something happen between her and Woo?” Tiffany shook her head, denying it almost immediately as soon as she heard Wooyoung name being mentioned. “So?”
“Ahh, you wouldn’t understand, unnie,” she said and walked to Taeyeon.
“Tae,” she sat besides the zoning out Taeyeon and held her hand firmly. “Talk to me, Tae,” she pleaded to the latter, but all Taeyeon did just give Tiffany her smile, a weak one.
“I’m fine, Fany-ah,” she replied weakly and then stared out the window again.
Ever since the incident that happened, Taeyeon become more silent and she more like Jessica who always spazzing out. Even though her body is here, but her mind and soul were at somewhere else. She is soulless, too much pain inside her heart make her numb to whatever happen around her, make her careless about the care and attention that people give to her.
Soo, I miss you so much. What are you and Luna doing now? Do you guys miss me? Soo, I love you so much, Taeyeon’s heart whispered to her.
“TAEYEON!!!” someone’s shouted after opened the practicing room door rudely. It’s Jessica who standing there with her furious eyes. “Go get your out from here and follow me!” she said and pulled Taeyeon’s hand.
“Where do we go, Sica-ah?” she asked still with her weak tone.
“Do you think just zoning out like you always do will solve your problem, huh?!” Taeyeon just stared on the ground and shook her head meekly. “Then let’s go and meet Soorin now!” she dragged her out of the practicing room.
“But Sica-ah, we are—“
“No buts!” Jessica warned with her forefinger in front of Taeyeon’s face.
Jessica knocked her forehead as they car drove away to the specific apartment. “Why this thing can invade my mind sooner?” she said as she looked desperately to Taeyeon.
Yes, as her friends, they should think about this kind of thing when they know about the problem that hit Taeyeon. But looked what they do? They just stay there; do nothing or more specific, a bit scared of what Kikwoo oppa had said to them. But hell, she is well known as hard-headed princess too besides ice princess, she didn’t scare anymore. She just felt useless for not doing it since the first time.
“Do you love her, Tae?” Sica asked out of the blue, hit Taeyeon realization. She nodded as the answer. “Have you ever try to talk to her?”
She shook her head. “I. . . I’m too afraid Sica-ah. . . I’m afraid of my c-career. . . I’m af-afraid of. . . our group w-will ruin because of me,” she finally confessed.
“Tsk. Pabo! You afraid will ruin your career and our group. . . but look at you now, you ruin yourself, Tae. And that’s the horrible and the stupid thing that you ever done, Tae.” She folded her arms on her chest.
After a long riding with Jessica so much blabbering inside the car and made Taeyeon’s ears become as hot as the sun, finally they arrive in front of the apartment. Taeyeon looked at Jessica like she was confirming ‘do I have to get inside?’ with her eyes and Jessica gave her of-course-pabo-stupid-dumb-kid-leader-Tae! look.
She has been knocking the door for 10 minutes already, but there is still no answer from inside. It’s weird, usually she has come home at this hour, Taeyeon thought and looked at the watch on her phone.
“Maybe she still at her office,” Taeyeon gave up and stopped knocking on the door.
And at the same time, a middle-age woman just got out from her apartment. She smiled to Taeyeon and Jessica warmly.
“Oh, you’re Taeyeon and Jessica, right?” she asked with her happy tone.
“Dae,” they bowed together.
“Aigoo, you’re really pretty in real,” she caressed Jessica cheeks. “Oh, you here to look for Soorin?”
“Dae, we’ve been knocking but there is no answer from her,” Jessica quickly replied.
“Of course, my kids. She left about 3 hours ago to the airport,” the middle-age lady said.
“Bwoh?! She. . . airport? Why. . . where?” Jessica who being shock become stuttered all of the sudden.
“U. . . U. . . US. . . USA,”
“America?” Taeyeon muttered almost inaudible.
“Yeah, that’s right. . . . America.” She clapped her hands.
“But why?” Jessica asked again.
“She said she will live there,”
Taeyeon’s world started to crumble down, her knees feel weak as it’s can’t support her body anymore and she started to limped down while her hand d her chest hardly. The pain increased more and more and slow but sure become unbearable in matter of seconds. Crystal liquids flowed out from both of the corners of her eyes. Its tears.
“Taeyeon!” Jessica immediately bended down and held her face.
“Wae, Sica-ah,” all of her emotions flowed out, most of them are pain, hurt, and regret. Why she is not coming here right after she saw you and Luna at that day? Why she has to be so afraid to lose her career over loving you? And why she just realized it now that you are the precious one in her life and she can’t live without you? Why regret always come late?
“Goodbye Korea, Goodbye Tae. I will always love you,” you uttered in low tone when the plane took off from the airport.
"Just kill me, Sica!!" Taeyeon grabbed the ice princess's collar with so much power. Tears never stop flowing out from the corners of her eyes. She felt meaningless right after she heard that.
"Tae. . . don't be like this!" Sica growled and took her hands to calm her down.
"Wae???!!! Wae people always do this to me?! Why I can't be happy with her, WHY?!!" she covered her face, crying hard, made the middle-age woman startled at them.
"She must. . . . she must be have a reason, Tae. . . trust me," Jessica voice softened and cupped the latter face with both of her hands.
"Yeah, she has her own reason. . . and you know what is the reason??" she looked fiercely to Jessica. "It's because of me. . . I'm the one who make her choose this way. . . I hurt them. . . I hurt Soo, I hurt Luna too,"
Jessica shook her head, tried to convince her once again. But failed because Taeyeon swayed away her hands and ran aimlessly and ignored Jessica's shout to her. She is broken, inside and outside. Her heart, don't ask about that, it's totally mess, like a bomb just invaded it, nothing remain, but only pain.
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Ram pum pum pum. . . .
Lalalalalalalalalalalala # dance
Hi guys. . . what's up?
Ahhh, anyone want to kill me??
Please don't, I wanna see F(x) comeback first. . .uuuuu yeah. . .
Anyways. . .please comment. . .
#chu
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