BOM

I stared at the horizon; my thoughts seemingly floating. I’m worried. And I’m also confused. I just got off the phone with Dara and she sounded sad, miserable. She tried so hard to sound cheerful, but I know her too well to know that she’s just faking it.

She asked for my help. She wanted to start a new life. She badly wanted to forget her past, to forget Jiyong.

But why do I have this feeling that that’s not what she really needs?

“Ms. Park,” her secretary called through her intercom, “Mr. Kwon is here to see you.”

“Send him in.” I replied and walked slowly towards my swivel chair and sat.

Jiyong entered my office and something’s off. I can’t pinpoint what’s wrong, but it feels like he’s dragging each step towards me. It feels like a dark cloud is hanging above his head. I motioned for him to take a seat and he obliged.

“So, what br—”

“I have something to say,” Jiyong interrupted what I was going to say while looking me straight in the eye. “And I need you to listen to me first before saying anything,” he continued.

I was about to open my mouth and tell him that I don’t have any interest in what he has to say but something in his expression stopped me. His eyes were pleading.

“I know you hate me right now,” Jiyong started and I had to roll my eyes because I wanted to comment that “hate” doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel for him now. “And I understand why you feel that way,” he continued, “but please know that I also hate myself for doing that to Dara.”

I scoffed. How dare he mention my sister? And he hates himself? Pfft. He was the reason why Dara wanted to start a new life. He was the reason why Dara had asked to travel across the globe and start anew in some foreign land. Someplace away from her and her father.

“I know that whatever I do won’t bring back the past. It won’t ever change the fact that whatever I did, it changed Dara. It hurt her. And I’ll forever regret what I did. I’ll forever carry the burden that because of some pride and immaturity, I’ve ruined the chance I might have with the only girl I’ve ever loved.”

My eyes widened with what I’ve heard. The only girl he’s ever loved. Loved? Am I really hearing it right?

“Loved?” I asked as I stared straight into his eyes, hoping he could see the burning hatred I am feeling for him as of the moment. “Loved, Jiyong? I wonder if you really know the meaning behind that word.”

Jiyong stayed silent for a minute, his hand clutching something that I cannot see clearly. He looked down and I noticed a sad smile spreading across his lips. And for a moment, I saw that Jiyong was lost in his thoughts. I had to clear my throat to break the awkward atmosphere.

Jiyong looked up at me and stood up from his chair. He slowly made his way towards me and stopped when he was standing in front of me. He stretched his arm out and offered me whatever he was holding a while ago.

I looked down and saw the same picture I saw in his office. It was of him and Dara. And by the looks of it, it was taken so long ago. Back when they were in college.

“I know you’ve been wondering why I still have a picture of me and Dara. For a while back, I was wondering too. Why I kept that picture. But then I realized something,” he said, and he took a deep breath before continuing.

“At first, when I was with Dara back then, all I could think about is how to win that stupid bet. And as days passed by, the more time I spent with her, the more I get to know her, at the back of my mind, I was starting to like her. For real.”

“But I was an immature prick with no common sense. I ignored what I was feeling and went on as planned,” he stopped for a second as he turned away from me and walked towards the glass window and stared at the setting sun.

Jiyong placed both his hands on his pockets and sighed deeply before continuing.

“And before I knew it, I started to fall in love with her.”

I had to prevent myself from gasping out loud. I can’t believe I’m hearing this now. People always tried their best from lying in front of me because I have this ability to see right through them. I always know when people lie in front of me.

Jiyong turned to face me and I cannot believe my eyes. Every doubt of him lying to me was washed away with what I saw in his eyes.

“I was starting to fall in love, and it scared the hell out of me,” his eyes shone with unshed tears. “It wasn’t the kind of love that took you by surprise, it was a slow burn. The kind of love that creeps up on you slowly, and before you know it, it has already enveloped your whole being.”

“And I’ve never felt anything like that. It was so new and so raw that it scared me. It scared the out of me, so I did what I do best and tried to ignore the feeling and thought that it would probably go away.”

“But I was wrong,” he sighed, “it didn’t go away. It only intensified. And when I was ready to grovel and ask for Dara’s forgiveness, I can’t find her anywhere. It felt like she disappeared from the face of the earth.”

“She was with me in California,” I replied automatically, my resolve weakening at this point.

“I know that now, Bom,” Jiyong replied with a sad smile. “I had to do something to take my mind off of things. So, I focused on our company and somehow, I’ve managed to ignore the feelings I have for Dara. I became so busy with work that I was somewhat forgetting her. And I think it was best for the both of us.”

“Though a part of me still wants to ask for her forgiveness,” he looked at me and sighed deeply.

“And then she came back, with you,” he chuckled silently, and I had to prevent myself from smiling. I really can’t wrap my brain around all of what he said. It was such a revelation.

“I didn’t recognize her at first, maybe because subconsciously, after all these years, I wasn’t ready to face Dara yet. I wasn’t ready to hear her say that she cannot forgive what I have done to her. But then fate have something else in mind, and as you know, the rest is history,” he finished with a small smile.

We stayed silent for a minute. Jiyong just stood in front of me while I was lost in my thoughts. What Jiyong just said shed a light on their past. It was from a different point of view and I never knew that I needed to hear his side. And I thought back to my actions. How I tried so hard to keep Dara away from Jiyong, afraid that he might hurt her again.

But I was wrong. I can see that now. Though Jiyong might have hurt Dara in the past, I don’t think he will ever do it again. But I still have my doubts. I still feel the strong urge to protect my sister.

“You’ve really hurt her, Jiyong,” I softly said.

“I know,” he sadly replied.

“I don’t want to see her in the same state she was in when I first met her,” I said, “She was so broken that I felt really helpless. And from then on, I vowed to myself to protect her at all cost. Dara tried so hard to rebuild herself, but I know it’ll never be the same. She’ll never be the same, Jiyong.”

“I know,” he repeated. “And I have myself to blame for that,” he sighed once more. “But I need to talk to her, Bom,” Jiyong pleaded. “I need to ask for her forgiveness, properly this time.”

I studied Jiyong’s face. And I saw desperation. Maybe this is what they both needed, Dara and Jiyong.

“I don’t want to see her get hurt again, Jiyong.” This time, I was the one who pleaded. “She’s been through so much already.”

Jiyong just nodded.

“I would never hurt her again, Bom.” He acknowledged. “And if she really doesn’t want to see me anymore, if seeing me would just be a reminder of how I hurt her in the past, I promise I’ll vanish.”

“I really just need to have our closure. We both do.”

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DARA

It was a long day at the office. There was a steady stream of meetings after meetings and to say that I was exhausted would be an understatement. But I liked it. It took my mind off of things and got me so busy that I didn’t even notice the time.

I just didn’t want to go home yet because there, I’ll be alone. Once I go home, it’ll just be me and me alone. And for the time being, I don’t trust myself with my own thoughts. It might lead to actions that I might regret later.

So here I am, casually strolling along the park. Wanting for the sun to set. It has always been my favorite part of the day. Sunset. I just love watching as the sun slowly descend and hide in the horizon, replacing the once brightly lit place into a peaceful darkness. And sunsets always remind me that no matter what happened, every day can end beautifully.

I settled myself on the grass, drew my knees and clutched them together. I rested my chin on knees and looked straight ahead. My gaze focused on the slowly setting sun. And I can’t help but to let my thoughts adrift.

A lot of things had happened in the past. Most of them are good memories, some are not. But they are all something I cherish. Even the worst ones. Those memories made me who I am today. Those memories get me by when I feel so lonely in this foreign land. They were my companion.

I know I’ve asked for Bom’s help for me to start a new life. It was such a good idea back then. Move to a different place. Far from everyone from my past and try to forget the bad memories that comes with them. I’ve tried so hard. Really really hard.

But I just can’t seem to shake them off of my thoughts. Especially Jiyong.

Who would’ve thought that moving on from someone is this hard? It shouldn’t be this hard, right? Especially when all I’ve had are bad memories of him.

No, it’s not all that bad.

I shook my head, as if shaking the thoughts away. It’s not helping me if I’m contradicting myself like this. If this continues, it’ll take me a long long time to move on from this.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the beautiful sight ahead of me. I drew my hands and placed them on my side and tried to erase the previous thoughts from my head. I closed my eyes and savored the afternoon breeze that blew past me.

And it somehow calmed me.

“Hi,” a voice said. A very familiar voice.

I opened my eyes and was greeted by a very familiar brown orbs. And It was staring right at me. I know I had to look away. But I can’t. It feels like there’s a magnet between us. Keeping our gazes at each other.

“Hello,” I replied after I got my voice back. I cleared my throat and hoped that it would somehow break the tension between us. I broke our gaze and focused my sight anywhere but him.

What is he doing here? I asked to myself. Confused as hell.

“How are you doing, Dara?” he asked, and I can see in my peripheral vision that he is facing me.

I sighed. Pursed my lips and thought hard of a reply.

How am I really doing? I asked myself and I cannot seem to think of an answer. Because I really don’t know.

“What are you doing here, Jiyong?” I blurted out. Last time I saw him, I told him to stay away from me. So, I was confused as to why he is here. In London. Beside me.

There was a long silence that enveloped us. No one said a word. I mustered up all my strength and faced him, only to see him looking at the sunset. A small smile plastered on his face. I can’t describe this feeling.

I love watching the sunset on my own. It was my own form of solitude.

But with Jiyong here beside me, enjoying the majestic view in front of us, with him smiling softly as if this is where he’s supposed to be. I just can’t help but feel at peace. Everything just felt right. And right at this moment, I’ve decided to just not think of the past for a moment and just enjoy this majestic sunset with the man beside me.

I heaved a deep sigh for the nth time and turned towards the sunset.

“So beautiful,” I heard Jiyong commented after a while, so I turn to him only to see him looking right at me. He offered me a smile and I reciprocated with one.

We stayed like that for a long time. Me and him beside each other. Gazes locked. And I can feel my heart beating erratically inside my chest. I tried to look deeper into Jiyong’s eyes but all I see reflecting in those beautiful brown orbs are sadness. And it made my chest hurt. Seeing sadness in his eyes.

There’s really no point in denying it now. I still love this man. I still love Kwon Jiyong. Would I ever stop loving him? Time will only tell.

“I’m sorry,” he said after some time and I had to choke back the sobs that are threatening to escape my lips.

I’ve heard him apologize repeatedly. But this one, it felt different.

“I know sorry won’t cut it,” he said as he reached for my hand and held it. “But it’s all I can say, Dara.”

“If only I could turn back the clock and go back to that time, I would do everything differently, Dara,” he said as he tightened the hold on my hand.

“I would’ve never approached you and wooed you only to hurt you in the end,” single tear escaped his eye and with my available hand, I wiped it away.

“I’m so sorry for being so immature and insensitive that I didn’t think about what you would feel. All I could think about was the satisfaction it would bring me. I got so scared that I ignored everything else.”

Everything about his apology felt different. It feels like he was saying goodbye and it was suffocating me. It was then that I realized that it will never stop. Me loving him. Tears started to fall from my eyes, and I can hardly breathe but I was trying so hard to open my mouth and tell him that it’s okay. I forgive him.

But no words came out. Only soft sobs. And I angrily wiped them away and looked at Jiyong. Hoping that he could see what I really wanted to say in my eyes.

Jiyong wiped my tears with both his hands and smiled sadly at me, his own tears falling. He pulled me in and placed a soft, lingering, kiss on my forehead before enveloping me in his hug. And I had to close my eyes to keep the tears from falling.

“It seems like I just make you cry all the time,” he choked on his own sobs and I tightened my hold on him. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

We stayed like that for the longest time. Enveloped in each other’s warmth. The sun has already set. And the moon is starting to make its way towards the vast sky.

“I know you said that I should stay away from you,” Jiyong started as he pulled back and looked at me. “But let me have this moment with you for a short while,” he said as he hugged me once more, tighter this time. As if he’s afraid that I might go.

“And after this, I promise you, I’ll never bother you again,” he softly murmured against my hair. “If staying away would be the only way for you to forgive me, for you to forget the past and the hurt I've cause, then I’ll disappear from your sight.”

And I know, right this instance, that he was saying goodbye.

I badly want to tell him that it’s okay. That I forgive him and this time, I mean it. I badly want to tell him that I love him still after all this time. But something’s holding me back. Fear.

Jiyong, I know you’re hurting too. We both are. I badly want to tell you I love you. But I’m scared. I’m scared that I might end up hurting like I was in the past.

I hugged him tighter, letting him feel the beating of my heart inside my chest. Savoring this moment I have with him. Coz this might be the last. This might be our goodbye. Our closure.

Sunsets are always a reminder that whatever happens, every day can end beautifully. Maybe every sad story can have beautiful endings too.

Maybe this was ours, Jiyong.

Our ending.