"The more you remember your most bad memory, the more it will be easy,,,young saeng ssi,,you have to remember the bad ones, it will help you clear everything the next,,,,But you have to accept that you had your bad memories, the accident, the things had happen before that,,,you should accept them so that your brain will remember those,,it will definitely hurt you but that is the best way to recover everything,,everyone have their past, even worst than you had,,,accept those bad memories,,,

This words was plugged on young saeng's brain,,from the time he exited the hospital,,all this things were brought in his own world..he thought of it every ticking sound of the clock,,,bad memories,,does he have bad memories..what memories? those were the questions he asked while on his car, driving home after the consultation from the doctor,,,his mind wasn't at the present time,,it was traveling somewhere else, the place where he could possibly found the answers, he was driving but he wasn't focus,,Accept those bad memories,,,,this words were ringing in his mind repeatedly like a thousandth times already..

*screech***

He immediately step on the break to stop when he notice he didn't saw the red sign on the cross lines,,,it's time to stop,,his chest was hit on the wheel, good thing he was quick in stopping the car,,but the moment he look at the front, a memory of an accident flashes behind him...."he was running with his tears and hyun joong behind him when suddenly a fast car came to hit him,,,

He shut his eyes and squeeze them right away,,,shaking his head to clear his mind,,that scene was the last scene he had seen when he met the girl name uee at the basement few days ago,,,

"why am i crying that time? what am i to hyun joong?,,and that girl,,,hyun joong didn't seems to care for her,,,he mumbled, asking non stop, asking questions that had never had an answer,,,Is hyun joong my bad memories,,is he?,,he assumed, but no,,,he saved me, how could it be him?...he bit his lower lip and burried his face on the hole of the steering wheel when some car horns was pestering the silence of his mind,,,he look up to the traffic signs, it was green,,he started the engine again and sped up, avoiding the noises of other cars,,,he slower down when he turns to the road where they live,,,

He exited from his car and the first erson he had seen was the man he haven't with for a coule of days since the last day they had tour,,

"Hyun~~hyun joong,,he uttered in low tone as he lowered his head,,he felt pain without reason, he just felt it,,it's ripping his heart into pieces,,,he hated it,,,

.....

.....

Hyun joong was sighing non stop on the top of his chair while waiting for the director's call for the shooting to resume for his upcoming video,,,it was lunch time and it is their break time, it has been exactly 84 hours, since he last seen his man's face,,,he was busy for those 3 and a half days shooting his new upcoming music video,,and it was just once when he called the boy through phone and it took only 10 minutes, it's just a simple hi and hello and the rest was silent,,,the latter never drop a minute of call for him,,is he that mad at me? was the question he always mind even at the scene of his mv,,he is unconcentrated to his work for those days, good thing he is professional that he could cope up with his mistakes quickly...

The director finally called and shoot the last scene for the day,,he took it seriously so it ended perfectly as expected,,,the director shouted for the end,,he took a sip of water given by his manager and he told everyone that he wil gonna leave first..he took his way on his car and there sat for a couple of minutes,,,it was too early to go home,,,he inserted his key car and flip it softly and the engine started..he drove and headed to the place that was on his mind,,,

After just few hours driving, he step out from the car, he stood right infront of the doorbell and face the monitor,,ready to press the red button to ring it but he stopped his finger on doing it a centimeter away, he remembred the boy had mentioned that it is the day he will meet the physician and psychiatrist,,,he step back and lean unto his car with two hands on his pockets and legs crossed, waiting for the boy to come, maybe,,

"hyu~~hyun joong.. a voice spoke from his side, he knows that there is someone came by due to the screech came from the car that had stopped few seconds ago,,,

"How are you,,he asked making a small grin on his face looking straight to the latter's direction...

"i'm good...a simple answer from the other..

"that's good...he replied as simple as the other did,,

"what.are.you.doing here.?....an installment of words to the question from saengie had made..

"Want to see you....he replied again with a smile...confident and not hesitating to let what he feels out..

"you didn't came this past few days,,,i thought you are mad at me,,, were the words saegie had told after...though hyun joong had thought of the same before..

"i'm busy,,he answered,,parting his from the car door and free his hands from the tight pocket of his jeans,,he faced the boy,,

"why?, aren't you mad at me? the boy lowered his head,,,i missed you too,,he added in his thought only..he wanted to say it out but he doesn't know why..he doesn't know why he misses this man,,,,they were just bestfriend to over react his feelings,,,he somewhat wonder, does the man knows something about him having the feelings like that,,is it the cause of the accident,,is it the bad memory he needed to remember first, is hyun joong the real bad memory of him?having a feelings to his bestfriend maybe the reason they were arguing before the accident, that flashback, the run away he did before the accident...,,,

"why would i be mad at you..unless you cause me something horrible,,,hyun joong said,,,i am not,,,he repeated...

"i was being too mean to you that day,,,i'm sorry,,,i just don't know why,,saengie is trying to explain but he himself cant find the reason,,,he was just being annoyed everytime he remembers the face of the girl, those eyes were fierce, those eyes of that girl wanted to say something, those eyes, that tight grip on his arm from that girl was a mean of worries,,,

"forget it,,you were just confused,,,don't push yourself more,,it would just hurt you,,,hyun joong said, he walk closer to the boy and lift the head, 

"But that girl..she is your girlfriend right? that day when she held my arm,,the cause of my headache,,,i saw her in my mind,,it's like a dream,,,you are with her, i got mad, i run and you followed me, but i don't know why,,,saengie told,,he look at the man's eyes,,,his grip on the man's clothes tightened,,,

"don't force yourself,,,you will remember everything, just take it slow huh?,,,hyun joong said cupping the latter's face and press his lips on the forehead....

Young saeng froze with that action,,,why this man act like a someone whose not just a bestfriend,,aboyfriend?,,hugging him, embracing him, cuddling him, and now kissing him on forehead,,,he was confuse but he accepted all of those,,,he never confronted the man about this acts,,the truth, he likes it, he felt it was just too normal for them both since they were too close,,,

For hyun joong, it doesn't matter now how he act infront of his lover,he misses him so much,he was dying for the emptiness of the space beside him,,he wants to place young saeng again to his side fullfilling that empty space, his heart was too hurt whenever saengie mentioned about them being just a bestfriend which is a big lies,,he wants to take the boy to his embrace, to his arms, he wanted to capture those lips again, that warm and soft texture of the skin, that refreshing morning scent of him, the smell of the boy's hair after bath,,,he misses all of this things,,,

"the doctor said, i need to remember the worst part of me,,,the bad memories i had before the accident,,,and that would help me start to regain everything,,,hyun joong what happen before the accident.?..i know i am not prepared to face the bad memories but~~~~saengie said while resting his chin on the other's shoulder,,,

"I will tell you when you're prepared,,,i don't want to make it more complicated,,,just tell me if you'r prepared, i will tell you then,,,,hyun joong cut the boy who is still in his embrace,,,,i'm sorry i can't tell you now, i'm not prepared too,,i want to be with you for now,,,i want to hold you,,i know you'll hate me if you knew what was that flashback you had,,,,he thought..

"let's get inside,,,people were staring at us,,,,,saengie whispered as he notice every passerby were looking at them,,there weren't any people around, it is a well secured subdivision anyway...he felt his cheeks burning in red,,,he wasnt used to this yet since he had loss his memories,,,he felt it was too embarracing to be hugged by a male like him...

Hyun joong pulled out and just smirk at the boy, he pinch the reddened cheeks of him and pat him on the head,,,

They both headed inside,,,the house is too silent,,no one's on the living room, his father is in work, his mom was out to the market maybe and the only person present in the house is his grandfather who was then at his own room, resting,,,they just both headed upstairs,,,it was just normal for hyun joong to get inside saengie's room but saengie is not comfortable being alone with the man though they already slept together at hyun joong's place,,,he pick everything that he thinks it makes the room too messy...

"Saengie, stop it, i used to see those mess,,, don't try to impress me,,,hyun joong spoke in a joke..

"i'm not trying to impress you,,i was just in a hurry when i woke up,,i woke up late anyway and i had to see my doctors..saengie explained rolling his eyes to the man,,,,,,

Hyun joong stopped the other's arm in picking non stop,,i said stop it,,,he repeated,,,but the other insisted to let go of his hand,,,,

"It is messy,,i'm not used to this mess too,,,,,saengie said..

Hyun joong seems to can't stop the boy,,he pulled him on the right hand and held him on the waist,,they both bounce down on the bed accidentally and unexpectedly,,,their eyes met,,seeing each other's soul with those almond shape eyes,,,saengie's heart jumped again, he felt he is blushing again,,the heat coming from his head came to his ace,,it maks goosebumps on his skin as they both intimately no gap at all..

Hyun joong lean closer,,he was about to give in again when he snapped out and  just burried his face to the latter's neck, he inserted his hands under the back and hugged him tightly,,,"don't go away again,,,,i don't want to miss you again,,,he uttered under his breath, enough whisper for saengie to hear every words,,,they stayed in that position for about a couple of minutes....

Saengie closed his eyes when he saw the other leaning more closer, he was actually expecting a move from the other which he won't do refuse about,,but what he felt is a breath coming from the other's nose soothing and giving a shiver on his neck and hands that slid under him and finally a tight hug, he heard him whispered the words, he likes them,,he somewhat expecting more words from hyun joong..words that would satisfies him, but even though hyun joong speaks longer, there are some words that he long for, and those were being one of the puzzles that he needed to complete...

"hyun joong..did i confess something to you before? saengie asked after a few minutes of silence..

"what confess? hyun joong questioned not pulling out from the other's nape...

"just, something that we misunderstood and,,,and,,,,,saengie sighed,, he can't continue,,he can't seems to ask it,,he has no confidence,,,"just forget it,,maybe i was just imagining too much,,,,he added decided not to ask anymore,,he was afraid to embarrass himself from the quesions he wants to ask,,,,

"what is it? hyun joong insisted,,,

"nothing,,just forget it,,,he response,,,,did i say that i have a feelings for you that time? he just rather asked it through his mind,,,hyun joong..you're.hugging.me.too.tight..i.can't.breath...he said instead pretending to be choked of losing his air,,,

Hyun joong loosened his hug,he lift up his head and face still closer to the boy...i'm sorry,,,he said,,,,i love you,,,those were the words you confessed to me,,,and i love you too,,,he thought,, answering through his mind,,,he formed a curve line on his lips and flop down on the boy's right side..."let's sleep,,he added as he placed his arm on the angel's stomach and closed his eyes..

Saengie hold unto the arm that was on his stomach,,he looked on his side and stare at the man's face,,,why do i feel so strange hyun joong,,,and you act somewhat strange too,,,am i falling for you?, did i fell in love for you before that's why? do you love me? what kind of love? is it for bestfriend only? hyun joong when can i get those answers,,,those were just few questions he wanted to have an answer as soon as possible,,the questions he was curious about,,,he knows he was straight, he knows hyun joong is straight too,,,they are celebrities in the first place and there is no reason for them to go on a relationship that makes a scandal to them both,,,he stared more closer to the man's face by turning to his side and face the other completely,,,he trace the eyes, the nose, and the lips,,,his heart beaten too fast when he stopped to those lips,,he somewhat want to feel those,,,he was crazy he knows it himself but fantasizing about his bestfriend is the weirdest thing he had ever done since he came back to korea,,,this man is engage, to a beautiful woman like uee, there is no point of pushing himself to the man,,hyun joong can't give the love of a lover to him, that was he told is mind,,am i crazy in love with you? tell me hyun joong, what was the reason we fought that day?

"Hyun joong? he spoke softly, calling the an pretending to be sleeping,,

"hmmmm? hyun joong replied with the hum,,,

"do you love uee? since when did you got engage with her? he asked all of a sudden...

Hyun joong just sighed and pulled saengie again more closer to shut him up....he intentionally inched his fac to the other,,he knows saengie was staring at him, just like before,,,he felt it and his heart is telling him,,the boy lost his memory but he act like the saem as before,,,

"arrasseo..i won't ask again,,,so stop being too close on my face,,,im not comfortable....saengie said pouting and trying his strenght to pull back away,,,

"sleep...hyun joong uttered again tightening his hold to the boy with his wide smirk,,,,

"haissstttt,,,you.....hashhhhhh,,,,hyun jo~~~~~ong,,,saengie tuned as he was pushing the man away...

"stop it,,just go to sleep...you'll break your bones if you keep pulling away because i don't have plan to let you go,,you owe me that day you yelled at me,,so stay still....hyun joong said...

"mwo,,you said just forget it,,,saengie exclaimed placing his palm to the man's chest to keep him away from his face...

"i change my mind,,i just thought of it,,you need to pay me for that...so stop moving,,,we'll be hurting ourselves,,,hyun joong said again grabbing the hand on his chest and lock them in between their chest as he filled the gap between them again...

"aishhhhhhh..what the~~~~saengie mumbled but was cut...

"don't~~~don't ever cursed if you planned to,,,,hyun joong cut the boy and hissed...eyes still closed but he knows what expression does the boy is giving now,,the pout is there, those pout, he always captured those lips whenever the boy pouts infront of him so he decided not to open his eyes to avoid any temptation of his desire to kiss the boy....it's dangerous,,,

Saengie chuckled..the more he fight for the grip the more hyun joong tightening the grip,,the more he was pushing him, the more hyun joong is pulling him closer...he gave in, the man was way to strong compare to him thouh they were both male but the other had enough strenght than him...he can't just win over him,,he soften his body and stare again,,he lean closer and suddenly gave a peck on the man's nose all of a sudden, he himself was shocked to that move, he widened his eyes and became more stong to able to turn around and back face the other to avoid the man's gaze if ever the sut eyes will open widely,,

Hyun joong opened his eyes and saw his lover facing back to him,,he smiled widely and came closer to the boy cuddling him as he placed his nose to the nape, sniffing the scent,,i know you did it,,you naughty,,he commented..

Saengie hit the man's head using his shoulder by wiggling it,,that was just a thank you for not getting mad at me,,,,he defended himself with  crying tone...

"arrasseo..arrasseo...hyun joong just agreed,,he felt how embarrassed the boy is,,,he just smiled and kept in silence...until boh of them fell on their slumber...

......

......

Kyu has been thinking for 4 days in a row now since the day he had seen someone that looks like saengie infront of his building,,,he was thinking if he just eyed to a wrong person or not,,,he stood up from the couch on his office and decided to leave his workplace,,,he needed to confirm something,,,he drove towards a familiar road,,,heading to saengie's house,,he was about to exit his car when he saw  familiar person,,the man is wearing sunglasses but he knows who it was,,,it is hyun joong PJMEnt artist, young saeng's lover,,,

"what is he doing here? he mumbled while observing the moves of the man, the man was standing infront of the gate but stepped back again, he saw him just lean unto the car and didn't rang the doorbell,,it was passed 30 minutes already and the artist is not moving from his spot,,,he was just looking side by side and then down...

Kyu's jaw dropped when the man flashed a smile on his side, he traced where the man smiling at and with his surprised he saw another man that looks like his bestfriend young saeng..his eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat,,,it was indeed young saeng he saw the last time, he confirmed it with his own twin eyes,,,he blinked them several times and gulped looking down his lap,,he lift up his face again to reconfirm,,,it is really young saeng, heo young saeng,,,but he is with hyun joong?, he thought while shifting his eyes to each of them...

"hyun joong knows everything? he mumbled asking the now obvious fact...he remembers how hyun joong denies whenever he asked him the whereabouts of his talent....and he just get an answer of blaming him for the lost of the boy....

He was about to exit his car again and go to the two but he was stopped when he saw hyun joong pulled the boy to his embrace,,,it was seems to be a serious talked,,is it just their first time to meet again too,?,somewhat this question pass by his curiousity....he stayed inside his car and just watch the two until the couple disappeared infront of the house and cna't be seen with his sight..,,he started his engine and just left the place bringing the news,,he needed to meet young saeng,,,and he will do meet him and talk to him,,,thats the simplest plan he had made while driving away the front house,,

......

......

Uee went to the place where hyun joong was taking his shoot but she was too late when she arrived at the parking space and saw him entering his vehicle,,,,she stayed inside and drive when his fake fiance started to run the car,,,she stalk him, she parked her car just a house away from where hyun joong had stopped,,she was watching his fake fiance, every moves,she blinked her eyes couples of times when she saw someone is coming and it is young saeng,,,,it was really hateful to watch for her and it is painful to know that his fake fiance's real love came back,,, she envied the boy since long time ago...what she was curious about is why the boy needed to hide,,,she recalled when hyun joong threatened her to shut and not to tell everyone about young saeng,,,

"Hyun joong~~~he mentioned in whisper...her tears fell down when she saw hyun joong held young saeng into an embrace...she misses how hyun joong hugged her before,,how he cuddled her before but now hyun joong is just a fake fiance to her and the hug and kisses she wanted the most were given to the other...

She was about to go when she saw another car on the other side of the road as she glance to that direction,,,she saw it,,it wasn't clear but she saw the guy inside when the door swung opened and the guy was about to exit the car but then that car door just shut close again,,,she figured that guy inside,,"it's mr Kim? young saeng's agaency? she mumbled,,he knows it too? but why he was just stayed far and not going to them?, he mumbled continuously with some confusion too with  raise eyebrows,,,the second time he glance to the couples direction, the two were gone already and there the other car owned by she supposed to be mr.Kim left,,,and so she drives away too...bringing another heartbreaking scene to her..

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ok,,arrasseo,,mianhae,,really sorry for this late late updte,,i was sick this past few days until now and i didn't able to make an update,,,,forgive your authornim,,,,please do comment and subscribe or upvote if you want,,thankyu for waiting,,,hope to see more comments,,if not,,well,,keke don't worry i will still make an update,,,