11/8/12:

A/N:  Thank you for being patience with me.  I have posted up chapter 16.  This one is a little longer than the rest of the rest of my chapters since I’m going to end the story soon.  Please don’t be upset and continue to stay with. I have more ideas and more stories in mind that I want to share with you all but I want to finish this story first.  Again, I will not rush this story but I won’t drag it out either.  I will post up as many chapters as needed to make the story a very good one and have a great ending.  Please comment and let me know what you think.

You wake up drenched in sweat and screaming for dear life.  You are gasping for air while your body is shaking tremulously.  You slowly lift up your shaking arms to reach over to turn on the lamp to shine some light into your dark room.  Every night since Jiyong started treating you so cold, these nightmares began.  You never said told anyone because you swear that you are just going crazy. These dreams, they are becoming too realistic.  Majority of the time, you aren’t sure if you are sleeping anymore or if it is really happening.  You down the bottle of water that is sitting on the table and almost choked as you hear a voice in the distance.  You look around the room, trying to see if someone is really there or if you have gone mad.  The voice is getting closer and you can feel a breath by your neck.  In pure shock, you sit still and the voice, the voice whispers in your ear.

“__________-onni.  You promised to love him!  Don’t let the love die like this!  How long are you going to push him away, push me away?  How long are you going to denied your feelings and keep hurting yourself?”

 “Chaeyoung-ah?” you said confusingly.  You see a white figure slowly walking towards you.  You felt a little frighten but than you can feel the warmth coming from her.  It really was Chaeyoung.  She reaches her hand out and covers your eyes.

“Sshhh Onni and just remember.  Remember the feelings…”

Before you can get ask what is going on, flashbacks starts to invade your mind. The visions that you can see and the voices that you hear are suppress memories that you have forgotten.  Like a movie, the past is playing right in front of you. 

You see yourself running to the hidden park where you are suppose to meet up with Chaeyoung.  You have some news to share with her.  You see her sitting down on the grass in the open field so you run as fast as you can to her.

“Chaeyoung…Jiyong confessed his love to me.  Mianhaeyo !  I know that you love him but I-I-I’m so confused.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m afraid of being hurt again Chaeyoung.  What if love wasn’t meant for me?  What if he stops loving me in the future Chaeyoung?  My heart wouldn’t be able to take it!”

“Yah Onni!! Why are you thinking so much about it.  Jiyong is nothing like Jung-Su.  He truly loves you.  If you love him, you should tell him before it’s too late.  Lucky for you, he loves you and not me.  We are all best friends Onni, but I love him too.”

“Mianhaeyo Chaeyoung-ah!  I know it must hurt you to hear this!”

“Aniyo Onni.  There is nothing else I rather hear in the world than to hear that my two best friends are in love and will love each other.  All I want is for you and Jiyong to be happy.”

“Aigoo, I’m so lucky to have you Chaeyoung-ah.”

“Onni, just tell him your feelings, arasseo?”

You squeeze your eyes as you try not to remember the past.  Why, why does Chaeyoung want you to remember these past memories now?  Why must you have to suffer every little bit of regret again?

“STOP IT – just STOP IT Chaeyoung-ah” you scream at the top of your lungs while trying to grab her hands that were around your eyes.

“_________-onni, Jiyong and I are getting married.  I would love for you to be my maid of honor.  Would you do that for me?”

“Ne, why wouldn’t I do that, pabo?  You are my little sister; I would love to be in your wedding.”

“Ne, Onni.  I’m so happy.  I know that Jiyong will never love me as much as he loves you, but that’s okay with me.  As long as I have both of you in my life, I’ll be happy forever.”

“Aniyo Chaeyoung-ah.  Jiyong doesn’t love me.  He loves you. Onni is very happy for you both.  I’m glad that he was able to move on and found someone who loves him just as much.”

“! ! !  Chaeyoung-ah!  Why are you making me remember these en meories!  I don’t want to remember.  I don’t want to en remember Chaeyoung-ah!  It hurts!  en make it stop!!” You said still screaming while tears are falling down your face like a waterfall.

You cover your ears with both of your hands hoping that it will help stop the flashbacks.  “I can hear you!  I can see you!  I can feel it again Chaeyoung-ah.  Please stop making me remember!”

You see yourself taking a seat in Manager Nana’s office while she goes grab some tea.  You can remember how fast your heart was beating when she told you his story.  Tears are coming down more now and you are sobbing uncontrollably.

“You see, he was married once before and that’s when I saw him at his most happiness.  He was married for about 3 months until a horrible accident happened.  It was about 3am and he and his wife were leaving a party that was being thrown by his record label.  As they were driving home, his car was struck by a drunk driver, killing his wife on impact.  He was in coma for about 2 months.  When he woke up……. he didn’t remember much.  A-All he asked for was his wife.  After being told what happened, he hasn’t been the same…..His mother was a close friend of mine.  He just wasn’t the same. There was no more happiness in his life.  There was no one for him to turn too.  He sold their house and moved into this complex.  Tomorrow will mark the 5^th year anniversary of her death.  Please just talk to him.  He has accepted that she is gone, but he hasn’t healed his broken heart.  I know this is too much to ask, but would you just please be a friend to him?”

Everything that Manager Nana said to you stabbed you in the heart.  You can remember how hurt you were to hear his story and how determine you were to help make him feel better.  You didn’t even know who he was at the time; all you knew was that you wanted to help fix his broken heart.  You can feel Chaeyoung’s hand wipe away the tears that are falling down your face. With your eyes still being closed, the flashback continues.

“To start a friendship you should at least know his name. His name is Kwon Jiyong…”

“Kwon Jiyong…Kwon Jiyong…my Jiyong” you hear yourself saying out loud.  The way his name rolls off of your tongue makes your heart skips a beat. Everything about Jiyong is perfect.  “Why am I so afraid Chaeyoung-ah?” you asked in a whisper voice.  Before getting a response, more flashbacks invade your body. 

You see yourself walking through a hidden park that is filled with beautiful flowers.  You see the huge oak and willow tress with butterflies flying everywhere.  There is a huge open field in the distance and a little creek flowing along side you.  Hanging from one of the oak tree is a swing set.  You know this memory.  You replay in your mind almost every day.  It was the first time you had a dream of Chaeyoung.  You see yourself following the laughter that you heard from a distance. You remember how your heart was beating faster and faster when you saw Chaeyoung dancing in the open field. 

“________onni! Why are you so sad?  I’m so happy that you are back!  Jiyong & I have been looking for you ever since you left us without saying a word.  I know that you blame yourself but it’s not your fault.  I should be the one saying that I am sorry.  I knew it was difficult for you at our wedding but not once did you complain. You never once showed me that you were hurt, instead you helped me plan my wedding.  I knew you loved Jiyong. I knew that he loved you a lot too.  I want you to know that I never wanted to take your place but I loved him also.  Please _______onni, I never seen him fully happy ever since you left us.  I tried to make him smile but I only got so far.  I knew that he loved me, but he didn’t love me as much as he loved you.  I can see it in his eye ____onni that he still thinks about you.  He did try looking for you and no matter how many times he failed, he never gave up.  We never planned for it to be this way, none of us did.  I’m happy that you came back Onni.  I just have one favor to ask.  Would you please take care of Jiyong and love him?  Love him for the both of us Onni….please open your heart again and love him….”

At that very moment, Chaeyoung released the hold that she had around your eyes.  You open your eyes and try to adjust your sight to the light that was now beaming through your room.  You see Chaeyoung standing right in front of you with a heavenly smile.  Her touch was warm and her movements were extraordinary.  She pulls you in for one of the warmest embrace you have ever felt.  She whispers into your ear and you can hear her voice cracking.

“Onni, remember what you promised me?  You said that you were sorry for not being there when Jiyong and I needed you and that you love me.  You promised me that you will love and take care of Jiyong for the both of us.  Onni, I know that none of this will make sense to you right now, but it will eventually.  Please understand me and trust me on this.” 

You nod your head in agreement with her question. Of course you remember what you promised her.  No more tears can come out even though your heart is still heavy.  You understand now why she was doing this.  You understand that not only were you and Jiyong hurting, Chaeyoung was also hurting with you both.  She won’t be at peace until she knows that you two are happy together.  You remember how much Chaeyoung use to try to make you happy.  She always put your feelings and thoughts first before herself. 

“Onni, have you ever loved someone so much you will do anything for them? Not the expression, but literally do anything for them?  When they know that they are your heart and you are their amour and you will destroy anyone and anything that will try to harm them.  That’s how I feel about you Onni.  You are my heart and all I ever wanted to do was make you smile.  So please Onni, please listen to me and just smile back.”

You stare at the ghostly figure of Chaeyoung and smile.  She is right.  You need to stop hurting Jiyong, Chaeyoung and especially yourself.  You close your eyes and burry your face into her neck and held on to her.  Her body feels so warm and her touch is un-judgmental.  You open your eyes when the warmth went away and you felt nothing but coldness.  That’s when you realize that she left and again you were alone.  You are always alone.  The loneliness, the emptiness, and the numbness are a slow and painful death to you.  You want to scream at the agony but no sound can escape your mouth as you are used to suffering. 

You get out from your bed and look at the time; it is exactly 3am.  You walk out to your balcony and look up at the stars.  Life is too short for regrets and how many regrets were you trying to give to yourself?  You contemplate if you should go knock on Jiyong’s door to see if he willing to talk to you.  After much debate, your legs start moving and you are standing outside of his apartment.  It’s usually around this time when Jiyong wakes up from having his nightmares as well.  You wonder if he is still having them since he hasn’t been sleeping next to you. Oh how much you miss having his body by your side. 

You take a deep breath and knock on his door….