You stand there holding a bouquet of flowers in your hands watching your best friend walk down the aisle to marry the man you loved.  She is absolutely stunning in her white wedding dress.  Her skin is flawless, her make up is perfect and she has the most beautiful glow coming from her.  The church is decorated so beautifully.  There are white rose petals scatter all over the floor with crystal stars hanging from the ceiling.  You look at him and he has the biggest smile on his face.  He was dressed in a white tux with his blonde hair slick back.  Jiyong never looked so good before in your life you thought. Standing by Jiyong was YoungBae, his best man.  YoungBae looked at you with hurtful eyes.  You can’t look back so you kept your head down.  You can also see that Seungri, Daesung and SeungHyun were all looking at you.  They all know what you are going through.  After all, you guys were all friends.  You decided to take one last look at this man that you loved and you couldn’t help but pay attention to his eyes.  Jiyong’s eyes are filled with nothing but love.  The love that he once had for you and you can’t help but have a very heavy heart.  This could have been your wedding but you were too afraid of falling in love again.  Numerous times, Jiyong has confessed to you that he has fallen in love with you.  Each time he gave a confession, you kept pushing him away.  Even though you felt the same way towards him, you just couldn’t bring yourself to letting him know.  You had bad experience with the word “Love” and the last time you were hurt, you vowed to never be hurt again.  Due to your stubbornness and coward-ness of being hurt, you are now the maid of honor at his wedding.

Jiyong was everything that you can ask for.  He was kind, sweet, understanding but best of all, he was one of your best friends.  It is everyone’s dream to marry someone who is also their best friend, right?  Well, now that dream is one of your worst nightmares.  You aren’t mad or even jealous.  You are just very disappointed and upset at yourself.  You didn’t listen to your heart and kept pushing him away.  You never thought that he will ever leave your side.  Each time you pushed Jiyong away, he came back stronger and harder.  Then last time you pushed him away, he actually left.  Jiyong left and the person who helped comfort him was your best friend.  You knew that she had liked Jiyong but you never thought that he will actually love her back.  “This is your own fault.  You let him get away.” You kept repeating those words to yourself. Your best friend finally made her way to the alter which woke you up from your daze.  Her dad, who was like a second father to you gave her hand to Jiyong and made his way back to his seat.  He looks at you with tears in his eyes and quietly mouths to you that it’s going to be okay.  Since he was like a father to you, he knew your feelings towards Jiyong.  You smiled at him and quickly looked down.  You can’t bear to show him the tears in your eyes and especially the tearing in your heart.

She looked at Jiyong and you can tell that they were happy.  You can’t help but have tears come to your eyes. This is it.  You will never get the chance to be with him again.  Jiyong interlocks his fingers into her and walks with her up to the priest.  She turns to you and smiles.  Your heart feels like it is going to jump out of chest, you can just die right there.  You smile back, making sure that she doesn’t catch on to the bad feeling you are having.  Again, you are not even mad at her or Jiyong.  You are mad at yourself.

The priest proceeded with the wedding.  The priest stated “If anyone objects to this wedding, speak now or forever hold your peace.”  You wanted to just scream to Jiyong.  You wanted to tell him that you were sorry and that you were wrong.  You wanted Jiyong to know that you do love him, no it was more than love, you wanted Jiyong to know that you were unconditionally in love with him.  But you knew you lost your chance.  You stood there and didn’t say a word.  You had to remind yourself to breathe.  They exchange vows to love and cherish each other as long as they both shall live.  At that very moment, your heart stopped.  Tears can’t help but fall from your eyes.  She put the ring on his finger and he put the ring on hers.  You stood there, silent.  Your heart was breaking and you swore the whole world can hear your heart break.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride.”  These were the words that officially broke your heart into millions of pieces.  “I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Kwon Jiyong”.  These words will haunt you forever, “Mr. and Mrs. Kwon Jiyong.”  You followed the happy new couple out of the church and  faked a smile during all the photos. 

It was time for the reception.  You sat at the table but you couldn’t bare to look at Jiyong and his new wife.  His new wife, your best friend.  You hate yourself for feeling like this; they are your best friends.  Why aren’t you happy for them?  Are you that bad of a person?  These bad feelings, why can’t you fight it off you thought to yourself.  As the night proceeds to take place, you couldn’t help but feel even heavier hearted.  It’s officially over.  Your chances of being Mrs. Kwon Jiyong are over.  You look at Jiyong and he gave you that smile.  That sweet side smile that you absolutely love.  You couldn’t help but smile back at him even though you were dying inside.

Jiyong comes up to you and sticks his hand out to you.  “Would you like to dance with me?” He said smiling.  You wanted to say no but how could you say no to the face that you were so in love with.  You grabbed his hand and walked to the dance floor with him.  The rest of the BigBang members see you walking to the dance floor with Jiyong.  For the past couple of hours, the band has only been playing fast pace songs. YoungBae, Daesung, Seungri and SeungHyun all got up and ran to the stage, they wanted to do something special for you and Jiyong one last time.

YoungBae grabbed the mic and said “We will like to slow this dance down.”  Everyone in the room started to grab their partners and made their way to the dance floor.  You turn to look at your best friend and she smiled.  She nods her head as in giving you an “it’s okay, dance with him” sign.  The music started to play and YoungBae started to sing their Hyung Taebin’s song “Without You”.  This song brings back so much memories as Jiyong used to always sing this song to you.  You can’t help but smile a little bit inside as you replay those memories in your mind.  Jiyong puts his arms around your waist and brings you close to his body.  You put your arms around his neck and laid your head on his shoulder, snuggling your face into his neck.  As the BigBang members start to slowly sing the song, Jiyong starts to slowly rock with you side to side.  Jiyong bends down to also lay his head on your shoulders.  You can feel his breath on your neck and couldn’t help but savior that moment.  As you both are moving from side to side, you felt something wet on your shoulder. You lift your head and turned to look at Jiyong.  His eyes are closed but there are tears coming down.  How can someone so beautiful be shedding tears at this time you thought.  Jiyong opened his eyes and just starred at you.  He lifts his head up and rests his forehead on yours.

“______-ah, thank you for being here” Jiyong said.  You can’t help but just keep looking him in the eyes and tears are falling down from your face.  He takes his hands and wipes away your tears and tells you that everything will be okay.

You can’t even say a word to him.  You just want to stay there, in his arms, in his embrace.  You wished that this moment will last forever.  Jiyong looks at you and brings you even closer to his body.  You turn and looked at the rest of the BigBang members and noticed that YoungBae has tears falling from his eyes as well.  They all do.  They were all there from the start, especially YoungBae who has been both Jiyong and your best friend since childhood.  They know about you and Jiyong’s history.  They know how much it hurts you right now and no matter what they do, they can’t help mend your broken heart.  YoungBae sings the finally verse of the song

“Tell me why, why baby, why I just can’t live without you......I guess I have to live without you…”

At that very moment, you can’t help but break down.  You rest your head on Jiyong’s chest one last time and inhaled his scent.  Oh how much you are going to miss this.  How much you are going to miss being in his embrace and yet again, you have no one to be mad at but yourself.  Jiyong grabs your chin with his hands and lifts your head up to look at him in the eyes.  You pay attention to all his facial features. His well defined jaw line.  His perfect shaped nose.  He was the definition of perfect.  He lifted up his hands and slowly wipes away your tears.  He leans in slowly and softly and gave you a kiss on the cheek.  You step back, you can’t do this anymore.  Your heart can’t take it anymore.  You move away and start running towards the closest exit you can find.  You hear Jiyong calling your name…..

“_____-ah….._____-ah…please don’t leave”

You made it out the door and ran towards the nearest bathroom.  You go into the stall and locked it.  You lean up against the wall and replayed this whole nightmare in your head.  The wedding, the vows, the song BigBang sang and the last dance you had with Jiyong.  You slowly slide down the wall and pulled your knees up to your chest.  You wrap your arms around your knees, bowed your head and cried alone…..