Chapter 23: Never learned how to say Goodbye.

I stopped in front of a grocery store. My clothes were soaking wet because of the rain but I didn’t care anymore. I sat there and hid my head on my knees to cry.

My heart was broken. I really wanted to forget about Youngmin, but the idea of him leaving so far away was just too much. Not only that, he would get married in three years. But even the worst of it: he would quit to his dream.

Tears continued falling from my eyes as flashbacks came to my mind. Images of Youngmin on stage singing and smiling to his fans appeared in front of me. He was so happy, and his voice was so sweet even when he still had to improve I could see he had tried to give his best every time he made a performance. If I couldn’t love Youngmin as his girlfriend, I could at least look at him from distance as a fan.

But that wasn’t even possible now. Why would he do that? Why would he quit only because of that stupid girl? Normally I don’t hate or dislike anyone but this girl was getting me out of my nerves. She treated Youngmin like a toy. Not even the jerk of Jo Youngmin has treated a girl like that. Ji Eun just calls him when she feels Youngmin is useful and now I think she just wants to go to Europe but her parents won’t let her go at least is with Youngmin.

But he’s so blinded that he can’t see that. He’s just so confused and thinks she actually cares about him now. But what can I do? He loves her so much. There’s nothing that I can do for making him stay. I’m useless.

 “Why did you run away piggy? Let me take you home”

I looked up and found Youngmin in front of me. He was drunk and his eyes looked puffed from crying.

“I’ll go home by myself. You can’t even drive. You’re drunk” I looked away.

“I can drive” he stated.

“No, you can’t. I’ll call Kwangmin to pick you up”

Yes, I was freaking worried about this jerk driving drunk. Love is like that, it makes you stupid.

“Kwangmin, it’s me, Taylor. Youngmin is drunk. I’ll be glad you would pick him up. He can’t drive home”

I hung up after making sure I explained Kwangmin where we were. He sounded worried. Was he also leaving Boyfriend? I didn’t know actually, but their parents are the meanest persons I’ve ever known.

“So, piggy… Please don’t cry, don’t shed tears for such a like me. My heart breaks when I see you crying. I just can’t stand hurting you” Youngmin said in whispers.

“Then you should stop being so stupid. Babo! You’re the one who makes me cry”

“Why didn’t I meet you before? Before I was stuck into this trouble”

“Don’t say those things Youngmin” I sniffed. His words were making it worse.

“Will you miss me?” he suddenly asked. From what I could smell he had drunk even more.

My heart wasn’t prepared for saying goodbye. I didn’t want to talk about it. So, I just ignored his question.

“Kwangmin will come soon. You just have to wait.”

“I’ll ask him to take you home too”

“It’s not necessary. I’ll call my manager. I need to talk to him too. But I’ll wait till Kwangmin comes” I sighed.

“Piggy Mushroom Head, my sweet and lovely piggy. I… I feel so lost. Let’s sing a song” he sat next to me.

“Stay away from me. You’re drunk” I pushed him away but he rested his head on my shoulder again.

“Piggy piggy oink oink. Mushroom Head head.” He sang in a weird tone of voice. “I should be a song writer, uh?” he laughed stupidly.

“Just stop. You’re so stupid” I rolled my eyes.

“Piggy piggy oink oink. Mushroom Head head is angry at Jerky. Piggy piggy oink oink must be hungry and wants a kiss from jerky” he continued his ‘song’.

“What? That doesn’t rhyme. And I don’t want a kiss from you. Ugh!”

Kwangmin came after some minutes. Youngmin was half asleep on my shoulder. My heart was beating so fast. It was something I couldn’t avoid when he was close to me.

“Oh! My hyung is such a disaster” Kwangmin came over us and helped Youngmin to stand up.

“Yeah, he drank a lot of soju” I replied.

“I guess he told you the truth” Kwangmin sighed. “Did he really have to get drunk for doing it?”

“He didn’t have the courage to make it sober”

We sat Youngmin in the back of the car and I sat next to him. Kwangmin got in the driver’s seat.

Youngmin rested his head on my shoulder again. I removed his hair from his face. He was asleep now. I stared at him. How did I end like this? How was I supposed to live without him? I caressed his cheek softly and sighed feeling a hole in my heart.

“Taylor, I know it will sound weird if I ask you this but… Can you ask Youngmin to stay?” Kwangmin suddenly spoke. I raised my head and bit my low lip.

“Would it make any difference?” a tear rolled down my cheek.

“I know you’re special to him. Youngmin, he’s changed since he met you; even when he tries to ignore it. I know your request can make the difference”

“It seems you don’t know your brother that well. Nothing will make him stay at least Ji Eun changes her mind. My opinion is useless”

“Could you at least try it?” his words sounded pleading.

“I’ll try it. But when he’s sober” I finally said.

I wanted him to stay, more than everyone else but I wouldn’t make any difference. Youngmin is very headstrong when he wants something. And he wants to be with Ji Eun more than anything else in this world.

Kwangmin took me home and said goodbye. I felt my world was crashing down. I walked into my apartment and changed into my pajamas. I lied on my bed. But even when I tried to sleep, I couldn’t; again, I found myself crying for Youngmin.

The next day I woke up and went to school. Youngmin didn’t assist to any of our classes. I was worried but I also had to go to the company building for our rehearsal.

My phone rang and I answered gasping. The rehearsing was quite difficult these days.

“Sumi. Can we talk for a moment? I’m outside the building of your company” I recognized that voice. It was obviously jerky.

I went out and found him there. He was wearing an elegant black coat and grey pants. His hair was perfectly placed back showing his forehead. He was so handsome, my stupid and handsome jerky.

“Why did you call me?” I asked kicking a rock on the ground.

“I wanted to say goodbye before leaving” he hugged me. I pushed him away.

“What? So, you’re really leaving. Just without thinking about it…”

“Piggy, I thought about it”

“No, you’re just quitting to the only thing that you felt like you could belong. Why are you making this?”

“Piggy… I…” He patted my shoulder.

“You what? You’re in love? C’mon Youngmin!” I scoffed. “Don’t quit to your dream just because of that stupid girl”

“Sumi, she’s not just a stupid girl. She’s my everything”

“Stop saying nonsense things” tears rolled from my eyes again. Damn! I was so tired of crying.

“Calm down. Please” his eyes filled of tears. He really seemed sad.

“Why are you making this Jo Youngmin? Why?”

“Sumi, I can’t hold you now. I thought I could do it. I thought it was okay to hold you as my friend. Honestly…” he paused for a moment trying to breathe properly and sighed. He was crying now too.

“Honestly, I don’t want to let you go. But I have to do it. I can’t be that selfish. I can’t keep holding you when I don’t feel the same. It’s the best for you. You should forget about me and find someone else”

“Youngmin, this isn’t about me. This is about you leaving. Don’t change the topic”

Youngmin looked away. He was trying hard not to break down. What was wrong with him?

“Youngmin, I know you. You love singing, being on stage. Your face brightens every time you do a performance. Your eyes fill of life and your smile becomes sincere. Why are you going to quit to that?”

“You don’t understand it piggy. You’ll never understand it. So, please don’t judge me”

“Ok. Let’s say you’re in love with that girl. In that case I perfectly understand how you feel, because I love you.”

I stopped for a moment and breathed deeply. Those words that were so meaningful to me were said without thinking.

“But I would never quit to my dream. Not even because of you. Because if you really loved me you would understand it’s important to me”

Youngmin was speechless. He didn’t expect the sudden stupid, weak and desperate confession coming from my lips.

“She doesn’t love you. She just uses you like a toy. So please don’t make fake illusions and open your eyes”

“Shut up, you don’t know her”

“It seems I know her better than you. Youngmin don’t make this mistake. You can regret later”

“Piggy, it’s not only because of Ji Eun. It’s also about other things you wouldn’t be able to understand. I have to do it. I don’t have another choice”

“Why? Why don’t you have another choice? Because you don’t want to see another options. Youngmin stop being so childish”

“Just stop! I came here to say goodbye. I didn’t want to end in bad terms with you. But look at you. You’re just judging me as always and making me cry like a dumb. There’s nothing you can do for making me stay. So you can keep your speech for yourself”

His eyes were so cold and his mouth was pursed. He turned his back to me and breathed before walking away. It was the end. The day I feared the most had come. And there was nothing I could do to avoid it. He was leaving and I couldn’t make him stay. My heart was destroyed. My pride was hurt. But it didn’t even matter.

“Youngmin! Please don’t leave.” I ran to him and gave him a back hug.

“Piggy, I can’t stay” his voice trembled.

“I love you” My words spread in the air like a nervous whisper.

“I’m sorry. But I can’t love you back”

Those were the last words I heard from him before he disappeared from my life. He just went to Europe leaving me heartbroken, leaving me lifeless.

The time passed by but my heart was still hurt. I cried every night for him. I couldn’t sleep because of him. But eventually my crying became less frequent and the dreams about him seemed more distant. Even then, Jo Youngmin, still was someone I couldn’t forget completely. After three years, he still had a place in my heart.

“I just can’t understand anything!” Changbum complained.

“Me neither” I chuckled.

“Hey! Guys, what are you studying? You look like zombies” Taemin made a cute ‘zombie’ face.

“It’s History of Art” Changbum replied resting his head on the table.

“Oh! That subject is the worst. I’m glad I already passed it”

“Yes, you’re lucky Oppa” I smiled.

Changbum and I now were studying arts at Seoul University. Taemin was also studying at the same school but he was a year ahead us.

“How have you been?”

He sat next to us at the cafeteria. He had his banana milk on his hand. He was too old for banana milks but he likes them too much. Even though, he had a masculine mature side now instead of his childishness. I wondered how Youngmin would be by now. Would he have matured?

“Well, we have been studying for our exams. So we haven’t slept a lot.” I sighed.

“I see. Hey Sumi! I heard you’ll film a drama soon” he elbowed me cheerfully with a mischievous smile.

“Yes. But I’m acting as a second character. It’s great and it fits to my schedule”

“Yeah, but hyung told me he’s acting at it too”

“Who of your hyungs will act with her?” Changbum asked curious.

“Minho hyung, he said he might probably kiss you” He said teasing me.

“Really? Woah! I didn’t know. I bet Yoosun will be jealous of me” I took one of my French fries.

“I wish you and hyung could be together for real” he ate the French fry I had on my hand.

“You want him to be with me because you don’t like that Sulli and him are good friends”

“How did you know? I don’t like anyone being around my girl”

“Sumi…” Changbum muttered. He was staring at his cellphone shocked.

“What?” I tilted my head puzzled.

“Nothing.” He kept his cellphone.

“What is it?” I could see he was reading a news article.

“It’s not that important. What character will you be playing?” Changbum asked joining to our conversation.

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Youngmin left now leaving Sumi heartbroken.

Will this be the end of Piggy and Jerky’s love story?

Please look forward to the next chapters.

They’ll be related in Youngmin’s POV :3

Thanks for reading ;D

Ppyong!