Chapter 22: The story behind my back

I was sitting there at Starship’s meeting room. Youngmin and I were waiting for our managers. The contract would be over in a couple weeks but our managers were discussing some things about it.

Youngmin seemed distant these days. He was cold to me again and I didn’t know if it was helping me to forget about him or to make me feel worse. Our managers finally came in the room and took seats.

“Guys, I think you both probably guess why we came here. The contract will be over in two weeks, which means you should announce to the press that you two aren’t in a public relationship anymore. But, there’s a little inconvenience about it. The people will know you were dating because of a contract if you finish your relationship one month after the drama airing. It’s too obvious”

“So, what’s the point?” I asked crossing my arms. I hated their long stupid explanations.

“We want to make the contract longer. Or you can sign a new one” Youngmin’s manager answered.

 Are they kidding me? There’s no way I’m going to sign a new contract. I’m trying to forget about this jerk. The more I’m away from him, the better.

 “That’s not possible” Youngmin said looking away.

“Youngmin… your public image will be damaged and…”

“I don’t care. If you’re trying something to keep me here it won’t work. Don’t involve Sumi in this” he rolled his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” I looked at them puzzled. “Anyway, I agree with Youngmin. I won’t sign any contract. You told us it was over in two weeks and we’ll stay with it. I don’t want to make anything longer”

Our managers were shocked. What they had planned hadn’t gone that well. They probably thought we would just fall into their trap with their stupid explanations of how it was the best for us but honestly we were tired of being used as dolls they could play with.

Youngmin went out of the room without even saying a word leaving our managers talking. I went out too. I knew it was rude because they hadn’t finished talking but I was so upset about that situation.

Youngmin was speaking on the phone. Yeah, I know I shouldn’t listen to his conversation but he’s been weird the last few days.

“I know it hyung but they’re forcing me to do it. I can’t say no to my parents” he was walking from side to side of the hallway. “Leaving Boyfriend doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you. You’ll still be my friends”

Leaving Boyfriend? What? He’s crazy, right? Why would he do that?

“Hyung, it’s not that… Hyung! Hyung!” he looked angst at his phone and then kept it in his pocket. Then, he turned to me. “Mushroom head you shouldn’t listen to others conversations. It’s impolite”

“Why are you leaving Boyfriend? Do you want to be a solo artist or something like that?” I crossed my arms.

“Aish! You don’t know anything and you’re getting wrong conclusions” he laughed.

“Then, what is it? You’ve been weird these days and I hate that I don’t know what’s going on” I looked away upset.

“You won’t be able to handle the truth, believe me. I don’t have the courage to tell you what’s going on”

“Then you should. I don’t care what the truth is. I can handle with it”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s me the one who can’t handle to tell you”

“Don’t be so ‘mysterious’ that it doesn’t fit you”

“Let’s go somewhere else” he pulled my wrist and dragged me with him.

He took me to an ambulant restaurant with tables and chairs on the street. It just had rained so the pavement was wet and the wind was blowing softly. It was about 7 pm.

“Mrs. Lee, bring me a bottle of soju please.” He said to an ajumma; that stupid jerky and his drinking habits.

“You shouldn’t drink that much” I said while I was roasting the pork meat.

“Don’t scold me piggy and eat. And don’t you dare to drink alcohol. You don’t have tolerance to it” he smirked.

Youngmin drank about ten bottles of soju and he finally seemed a little bit dizzy, but just barely drunk. He really had alcohol tolerance.

“So, piggy I just want you to forget about me” he said. He definitely was drunk now. “I know how you feel, wanting that person to be by your side but at the same time worrying about that one to be happy”

“I’m not in love with you. So stop saying nonsense things” I scoffed and looked away. Of course I was lying but I didn’t want Youngmin to know about my feelings, or to show them.

“You are. I caught you. The way you look at me, it’s exactly how I look at Ji Eun” He came close making me look at him. I gulped. “And you know what I hate the most? That the way I look at you is the way she looks at me” he lowered his head.

“Youngmin you’re misunderstanding me”

“I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s why I told you to stop liking me, to go with Taemin or someone else. Sumi, you should stop before you end like me. Look at me! I’m so miserable. Stop before you end crying every day, before you can’t get me out of your head for years, before you won’t be able to love someone else. It’s easy to do it. I’m a jerk who doesn’t deserve to be loved”

“Don’t say that. Everyone deserves to be loved”

“I don’t. I’m the worst person in this planet” a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Youngmin” I took his hand nervously. My heart jumped a little but I was concerned.

“My parents introduced me Ji Eun when I was twelve. They told me she was going to be my future wife. I didn’t understand those things at that time so I just made a new friend. We both became friends in a few months. We came to the conclusion we had something in common: our dreams. She wanted to become a famous ballet dancer and I wanted to be a kpop singer. So, we promised each other we would fight for our dreams together. No matter what, we should achieve our dreams before getting married”

“That’s cute. Then, what happened? Why is Ji Eun so rude with you?” I asked.

I really wanted to know the story behind them. I couldn’t understand Ji Eun’s attitude towards Youngmin. Sometimes she seemed nice but others she seemed to have resentment towards him. It was so weird. And since Youngmin was drunk; why not to ask?

“Well, my parents always knew Kwangmin and I wanted to debut in a kpop group. They never liked that idea. My father owns a music academy, so they always wanted us to take care of the family’s business. Even then, they knew we were so obstinate about our dreams. So they offered us something: they would pay a company to make us debut in a kpop group as long as we quitted when we were eighteen for studying business at university”

“Woah! Your parents are so mean”

“So, I agreed. But Kwangmin didn’t like the idea that much. He said he wanted to get into a company as a trainee and debut like normal people. That paying was cheating. But, that meant a lot of time and we didn’t have time, our parents would make us take care of the business sooner or later. But, in front of Ji Eun’s eyes I disappointed her. She said I only achieved my dreams because of my parent’s money not because of my talent. She said I disappointed her and in front of her I was just a person that cared about fame and fortune. After that, she said she couldn’t be with an idol because she didn’t want my fans to hate her. I really had a chance with her before debuting but I lost it all… When I became an idol everything changed and she told her parents she didn’t want to marry me anymore and her parents respected her decision. My parents didn’t like the idea and told me I should get her back but to me it was almost impossible with my new schedule. I was so excited about being an idol. But then I saw she was right. I wasn’t there because of my talent but because my parents paid for it. There were so many people that wanted to be in my place but they couldn’t because my parents paid for it. I felt so wrong” Youngmin drank another shot of soju.

There was an awkward silence for a moment. I couldn’t believe what he was saying but in some way I felt identified with him.

“Sometimes we’re able to do anything to make our dreams come true. Even things we never imagined. I know it wasn’t right what your parents did but I cannot say either I don’t understand you. I became a tomboy for debuting. My dignity and pride was the price if you want to look it in that way. So practically I also paid for becoming an idol. So what? We both know it’s worth it when we’re on stage.  I know you Youngmin, you love to sing. You didn’t become an idol only because of the fame but also because you love music”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. My birthday just passed so I’m leaving Boyfriend after all.”

“What? Why? You shouldn’t quit to your dream. You can also earn money being an idol.”

“I made an agreement with my parents and I have to respect it. Piggy, you don’t know my parents. They are able to do anything in their hands to get what they want, even killing people. Well, maybe killing people is too much, but you get the point” he hiccupped.

“Youngmin, I can’t believe you can’t say no to your parents. You’re such a baby” I laughed at him. But in fact, I couldn’t believe he was leaving Boyfriend, it just broke my heart.

“My parents and Ji Eun’s parents want us to get married again. Ji Eun only accepted if I quitted to Boyfriend and go to study with her overseas. Our parents want to run a business in Europe. They want to open a Music and Dance Academy, fusing both of the companies. We’ll take care of the new business while we finish our studies for the university. Then, when we’ll be twenty one, we’ll get married and stay in Europe to administrate our families’ business.”

“So, you’re not only leaving Boyfriend. You’re going to study abroad and then you’re getting married” I gulped.

My eyes widened in shock. The idea of Youngmin getting married was too much. There was something I couldn’t handle with now.

“That’s why I told you the truth was crazy. Ji Eun now shows more open to me. But now my friends hate me for abandoning them. I don’t know what to do”

“You have always loved Ji Eun. Sometimes you have to make some sacrifices for the ones you love. If you think it’s worth it, then do it”

“It’s what I don’t know anymore. Abandoning my dream of singing on stage and get married with Ji Eun or to keep doing what I love but say goodbye to Ji Eun. It would be easier if I knew Ji Eun’s feelings. I really tried to forget about her piggy, I did. But it didn’t work.”

“So, do you want to get married or no?”

“I never had another choice in my life. Since I was born, my destiny was decided, my whole life was planned. If something goes out from what is planned then I feel weird, because I never imagined something different. I never had the liberty of making my own decisions, because all of them were already made. I’m Jo Youngmin, the heir of a big Music Academy, the one who will be a big business man and have a nice family with Jung Ji Eun. If it changes, then I won’t know who I am” a tear rolled down through his face.

“Youngmin, don’t say that…”

“But then, there’s this big dilemma. What if what was planned for me doesn’t go that well? My wife doesn’t love me. What will I do? Being miserable my whole life. But what if it works? What if I can make her fall for me? Will I be able to forgive her for all the time she ignored me? Will we be happy together? I hope so, because we don’t have another choice. Our destiny was decided even before we were born”

“Youngmin, you can change that ‘destiny’ if you want so”

“But I don’t know if I want to change it or not. It’s complicated.”

“Why is it complicated? If you love Ji Eun and you think it’s worth it then go and study next to her. Eventually the things between the both of you will be better. But if you think being an idol is more worth it, then stay as one”

“How do I know the difference? How can you decide so easily? Aren’t you afraid of failing? What if what you imagined goes wrong?”

“Then you’ll start over again, but at least you tried it. That’s how the life works. Sometimes you’ll success and others you’ll fail, but the most important is to never give up. It’s better to try and fail than never even tried it because you were afraid”

“You’re right. You’re always right piggy” he sniffed.

“I can’t believe what’s been going on in your life. I thought you were just being a jerk as always” I looked down. He sighed.

“I’m going to miss you” he suddenly said. I looked up to him with teary eyes. “But I have to let you go. You don’t deserve someone as jerk and weak as me. You’ll be very successful because you’re so strong. Thank you so much for being my friend Piggy Mushroom”

“Don’t say goodbye to me. And stop thinking I like you because I don’t” I looked away.

“Ok, I’ll believe in your words” he smirked.

“Why is it like this? I can have any girl in this world except Ji Eun… and you of course” he laughed.

“Because Ji Eun is jealous of you. Don’t get me wrong but the reason why Ji Eun got mad at you wasn’t because your parents paid for becoming you and Kwangmin idols. She was mad because you could achieve your dreams and she couldn’t, even with her parents’ money. You won people’s heart with your charisma and that got her jealous”

“That’s not true. Stop talking about Ji Eun. You don’t know her” he frowned.

“Ok, sometimes we fall for people who don’t deserve our love. But I hope Ji Eun changes her mind and finds out that she has someone amazing right behind her back. I hope she’ll still be able to turn back and realize that your feelings towards her had always been sincere”

“Just don’t speak like if you knew piggy.”

I stood up my seat holding back my tears. This was too much to me. I felt like my heart was being stabbed like a hundred times.

“Good luck Youngmin. Don’t worry, I’ll forget about you and I will stay away from you as you want. I’m leaving”

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Youngmin’s life is so complicated.

What should he do? What should Sumi do?

Thanks for reading and for supporting my story.

Ppyong!