- RE-UPLOADING THE LAST TEN CHAPTERS BACK -  

                I stared blankly at the two plates of spaghetti in front of me. I was hungry, but I didn’t have the appetite to eat. Minki’s reaction just now gave me quite a shock. I felt so guilty and I felt like I didn’t deserve to live. I’m the worst and the most horrible friend ever and I deserved to be treated that way.

                “You should eat that while it’s still hot.” Haera unnie came and sat beside me.

                “I’m waiting for Jongdae.”

                “Oh, he’s coming here for lunch?”

                “Yeah. I asked him to.”

                “You’re okay honey? Because you don’t look like you are.”

                I looked at her and gave her a weak smile.

                “Well, it’s okay. You can come and talk to me when you’re ready okay? I’ll always be here for you.” Haera unnie smiled and patted my back.

                “Thanks unnie.”

                “No problem. Oh, look. Jongdae’s here.”

                Hear unnie pointed his finger at a young man who just walked in. Jongdae approached us and smiled at her. Haera unnie smiled back and left us.

                “Hey.” I spoke first.

                “Hi.” He smiled.

                Honestly I felt like I wanted to hug him and cry as hard as I could but there were too many people in the café right now.

                “Come on, sit down. I made spaghetti. You must be hungry right?”

                So we both sat and started eating. The atmosphere was kinda awkward for a few seconds. I didn’t even know why. Maybe because the last time I met him was 48 hours ago. I wanted to tell him what happened, but he looked like he had something to say too.

                “I have—“

                “I wanna—“

                He looked at me and I looked at him.

                “You go first.” He said.

                “No. It’s okay. I think you should go first.” I said.

                What I didn’t know was letting him to talk first that day was the biggest mistake I ever made.

*************

                “I don’t think we’re doing the right thing now.” Jongdae tried to sound as calm as he could.

                “What do you mean?” she looked confuse.

                “This relationship.”

                Jongdae could see that her expression changed in an instance.

                “I was wrong. I should not have asked you that day. I’m sorry.”

                He felt like there was a big lump in his throat because it was so hard for him to say those words just now. He knew he didn’t mean it at all. But this is for her own goodness.

                “I still can’t forget her. And I know that I will never can. Whether it’s you or any other girl in this world, nobody can replace her. I can never move on. I’m sorry.”

                Liar. You’re such a liar Jongdae. Using your late girlfriend was just an excuse. Shame on you.

                “These past few days were amazing for me but at the same time were suffocating too. I always felt guilty to her and to you. And I wanted to end it.”

                Jongdae could not bear looking at her face right now. He knew if he looks at her he can never finish his words. So he kept staring at the spaghetti.

                “So I’m gonna get this straight. I want to end this relationship. Now and forever.”

                He could not hold his desire to look at her anymore, so he glanced at her face a bit but then he regretted doing that because he could see that her eyes were glistening and he knew she’ll burst into tears in any second. Jongdae didn’t want to see that. He didn’t want to see she cries because of him. 

                Please don’t cry in front of me. I’m sorry. I’m doing this for you. For you and Minki.

                “I hope you’ll understand. I’m sorry.”

                Jongdae didn’t want to waste any precious seconds so he quickly stood up and walked away from her without even looking back or giving her any chance to say anything. He knew if he stays even for another minute, he’ll end up taking back what he said and come back to her. He realized what he did was cruel. But he wanted her to be happy and in his so called Einstein’s brain, this was the correct way.

                If only things were explain clearly between both sides, no one will get hurt. But Jongdae’s brain did not successfully manage to interpret that message to him.

******************

                My mind couldn’t seem to process what’s happening right now. I only remembered Jongdae’s last word “I’m sorry” and the next thing I realized he was walking away from me without even looking back.

                Jongdae….

                I stared at the empty chair and a plate of half leftover spaghetti in front of me.

                Jongdae….

                I did not understand what just happened. But I felt like bursting into tears right now.

                Did he just….left me?

                That’s it. I could not hold this pain anymore. I wanna cry. I wanna cry as hard as I want. I didn’t care about what everyone in the café will think of me. I lose my best friend and my boyfriend today. Screw my pathetic life. Damn it.

                I didn’t know how hard did I cried but when I heard Haera unnie and Jungshin oppa running towards me and calling my name with a voice full of worrisome, I knew I had cried like I never did before.