Jongdae switched on his Apple iPod, put on his Dr. Dre Studio Love limited edition and leaned himself on the wooden chair beside the window in the kitchen. Then he scrolled over his playlist to search for a song that suits his current mood. His eyes caught the song on number #20. He pushed the play button and let the song hummed into his ear.

Again today, you say pointless things

Why are you doing this,

why are you stressing me out?

Things can’t always be good every day

But you say that I changed

when I’m just whatever these days

Will you understand me with your wide heart?

Will you wait a little for me with your big heart?

                It was raining heavily outside. He sighed. Even the whether knew his fidgety. Today marked the seventh day he officially became her boyfriend. But honestly, he never felt that he was being completely veracious to her and to himself and Jongdae didn’t know why. After the ‘waiting’ incident at the cafeteria six days ago, he realized that he was starting to question himself about everything.

I wanna say love you I wanna say love you

But I don’t think I’m ready yet

I wanna say love you I wanna say love you

But I guess I’m still thinking of something else

Every night Every day Every time

Even when I’m with you (when I’m with you)

Every night Every day Every time

I think of him (I think of him)

Every night Every day Every time

Even when I’m with you (when I’m with you)

Every night Every day Every time

I think of him (I think of him)

                He wondered whether he’s really ready to start a new relationship again, whether he had already moving on, whether she really likes him and most importantly whether he wasn’t stonewalling between her and…..Minki.

Yesterday, you said it several times

You ask me where I’m looking at so blankly

At your question, which I can’t answer

I just hang my head low and shed tears

Then with a sadder face, you look at me

You look at me as if you know something is up

No no no~

                He knew that they were just best friend but looking at how she worried and cared about him made him thinks that there were something more than just friendship between those two. Today wasn’t so different than the days before. She still didn’t focus on the lecture but instead she was busy glancing at her cellphone, waiting for a call or a text from Minki. Even during the lunch time, she still could not focus on him when he tried to prate with her because she was always staring at her cellphone all the time.

I wanna say love you I wanna say love you

But I don’t think I’m ready yet

I wanna say love you I wanna say love you

But I guess I’m still thinking of something else

Every night Every day Every time

Even when I’m with you (when I’m with you)

Every night Every day Every time

I think of him (I think of him)

Every night Every day Every time

Even when I’m with you (when I’m with you)

Every night Every day Every time

I think of him (I think of him)

                He glanced at the silver ring on his ring finger. Suddenly he felt like wearing it for the whole day today. He knew he missed her. He missed her badly. But she’s gone. And realizing that just made him felt worst. Jongdae thought sooner or later his cerebrum might ravage because all of these things kept popping inside his brain and messing it up.

Sorry Sorry I’m sorry baby

I’m so sorry

Sorry Sorry I’m sorry baby

Everything, everything is my fault

Every night Every day Every time

Even when I’m with you (when I’m with you)

Every night Every day Every time

I think of him (I think of him)

Every night Every day Every time

Even when I’m with you (when I’m with you)

Every night Every day Every time

I think of him (I think of him)

                He looked at the tiny raindrops that fell on the window as it cascaded down along the thin glass and finally disappeared from his sight when it reached the bottom of the window. Why couldn’t all of his anxiety disappear easily like that too? Jongdae sighed again. Maybe he should fix everything and return it to its original condition back. He rather let himself hurt than makes others hurt because of him. Yes. That’s the best thing. He should let it go. Maybe right now he should learn to put others ahead of him. He’s not a selfish person and he wanted to prove it. So that’s it, everything will go back to where it belong tomorrow. He promised to himself.

Sorry Sorry I’m sorry baby

I’m so sorry

Sorry Sorry I’m sorry baby

Everything is my fault~ *** 

****************

                “You’re coming back today?” I asked him.

                “Yeah. Maybe I’ll arrive at Seoul around 3.00 pm.” He answered.

                “You want me to pick you up at the station?”

                “Nah. I’m fine.”

                “But it’s raining heavily in here right now. You might catch a cold.”

                “I’m not a kid. I’ll be good.”

                “Are you sure?”

                “Hey, listen. I’m okay. You don’t have to be so concern about me. Besides, you should worried more about Jongdae than me. He’s your boyfriend remember?”

                “He’s fine. You’re not.”

                “Are you sure about that?”

                “Yes of course. I’m always with him since the day you gone back to Busan.”

                “Well, if that’s true then good.”

                “But Minki.”

                “Huh?”

                “About your girlfriend—“

                “Why?”

                “Did she try to contact you or anything while you were there?”

                “I texted her the night after I arrived here. Telling her about the whole thing, but she didn’t reply. Maybe she was too upset since I didn’t pick up her calls the night before. But I’m already used to it. She’ll be okay again if I bring her on another romantic candle light dinner when I get back there.”

                Oh God Minki, if you only you know what really happen that day.

                “Owh. Ow..kay.”

                “Well then I’ll see you later.”

                “Okay.”

                I ended the call and threw my cellphone on the bed. I still haven’t had the guts to tell Minki about the day that I accidently blurted out everything that I didn’t mean to his girlfriend. And today Minki’s coming back so I need to explain everything to him before he meets her. I tried to contact his girlfriend a few times before to explain to her what I really mean that day but she never pick up any of my calls or reply any of my texts. I felt so horrible.

                Suddenly I remembered Jongdae. I didn’t see him since yesterday. Since it’s weekend, so we didn’t go to college. I kinda miss him though. But looking at all the problems that I’m facing right now, I could not pay much attention to him. But I think he’ll understand. I know he will. Because he always does.

                But I didn’t know that I was wrong this time.

****************