✎ Issue 22: Lie
Scandalicious
✎ Seo Hayeon ✎
It's almost eight at night but I still haven't had my dinner yet. I'm not too hungry and my focus is stuck on the very first personal chapter for Onew.
First love.
It's the theme to start his chapter... or at least that's what I planned beforehand.
Now that I have found out that I am actually his first love, I don't think I can write it that way. It's not only because I can't start the chapter, I'm also confused with what I should do with the deal.
One month before my deadline due to the deal I signed and I must prepare another good idea about a big, scandalous news regarding the leader of SHINee, Onew.
For the very first time in my career, I think there is no way out from this problem. It's dead end and there is nothing I can do to help myself.
It's me who signed the contract without reading it. It's me who planned to find Onew's first love. It's me who agreed to be a journalist with an alias. It's me who needs to take the consequences.
My eyes stare at the laptop screen which is showing the draft for the first chapter. I have described Onew's first meeting with his first love and all I need is to type the name of the lucky girl...
...which is me.
How could I forget that moment? I did remember giving a black forest cake to a boy but how could I know it's Onew? It's just a random happening and I didn't really remember it anyway.
"Aigoo...," I heave a sigh, closing my eyes with exhaustion. I rest my head against the back of my sofa, trying to think of another alternative way but I know there is none.
Not after the conversation I had with Cho Sunbae two days ago.
✂ ✂ ✂
"Hayeon," Cho Sunbae looked up from her computer screen with a welcoming smile. She rested her back against the chair and intertwined her fingers together, "What brought you here?"
After thinking about it for days, I came to a decision where I should ask if I could just give up on the contract by changing the 'star' for next scandalous news.
On our last conversation, she agreed to let me work with the biography book as the exchange of an article about Onew as long as I could reveal something new about him in the book.
I found it. I knew it. I could reveal it to the world but I just couldn't.
Why?
It's not because of my promise to Taemin. My promise was I couldn't publish a story if the person didn't agree with it. However Onew did agree to let me write about his first love, didn't he?
Call me selfish but what I worried about was myself. I hid my real identity behind a pen name because I wanted a peaceful life. Revealing my name as Onew's first love was definitely not my favorite choice.
Besides I couldn't imagine what kind of expression Taemin would give to me if he knew about it.
"I hope it's a good news," Cho Sunbae gave me a sharp gaze. "Is it about Onew?"
I cleared my throat nervously and looked back at her, "If I... If I don't manage to publish a big news about Onew in the biography book, can I just write another article, Sunbaenim?"
Cho Sunbae frowned, "What happened to the fearless ex Libris, the one who can write whatever she wants? Are you trying to say that you're going to give up with Onew's issue?"
I didn't like to be challenged like this but I tried to keep my head calm as I replied, "Aniyo. It's.... I think it will be better to bring up another issue. Just that."
"You know the deal, Hayeon," she said with dangerous tone. "Your career is on the line. We have faith in you and we don't want you to fail. You got that when you signed the contract, right?"
Right. I signed it. Even without anyone to force me to sign it.
"Give me one good reason to let you not to write about Onew from SHINee," Cho Sunbae didn't move her eyes from me. "You're our best journalist in Masquerade and I really want you to stay, Hayeon."
I clenched my fists, trying to find the good reason. It's because Taemin was my boyfriend but how could I tell her? It's because Onew's first love was me yet I couldn't tell her.
I excused myself from her office room but she stopped me, "Hayeon."
"Ne?" I turned back to face her. She put a serious expression when she warned me.
"You know that I'm going to protect ex Libris. I just hope you don't give up on your pride, Hayeon."
✂ ✂ ✂
"Seo Hayeon."
I type my own name on the word processor, right after the description of Onew's first love. I read the paragraph once again and think that it's really perfect...
...if only that name is not me.
The knocks on door snap me back to my senses. I quickly put down my laptop on table before rushing to open the door since I know perfectly who is outside.
"Taemin!" I smile happily when I see his face. Though I really want to hug him just so I can forget about my work for a moment, it's too risky. I open the door wider so he can step inside.
He just flashes me a weak smile as he takes off his shoes, heading to the sofa like what he always did. However he looks unusually tired and not good tonight.
Instead of giving me a kiss on forehead or calling me 'Jagiya', he just sits down, heaving a sigh. Did something that I don't know happen?
"Taemin," I sit next to him and tilt my head slightly so I can take a good look of his face. "Gwaenchanayo?"
He nods with a forced smile, patting my head, "I'm just tired. That's all."
I don't believe him. Maybe we've just been together for three months but I know that he is hiding something. Taemin is too kind that he doesn't want me to worry about him.
"Geojinmal hajjima," I pinch his cheeks to brighten up the gloomy atmosphere between us. "Malhaejjuseyo..."
Once again Taemin just gives me his smile. This time he takes both of my hands with his and kisses my forehead, "Jeongmal gwaenchanayo, Jagiya."
I really want to keep asking him but I think it's not the right time. I pout and pull my hand away before I stand up, "I'll get something to drink now and don't give me that sad smile when I come back!"
When I return from the kitchen with a can of green tea in my hand, I find Taemin is reading something on my laptop screen and he doesn't look happy with it.
My eyes widen in shock when I remember what I left on laptop before I opened the door for him: the document about Onew's first love and my name in the end of the paragraph.
In a flash, I throw the can on the sofa before I snatch the laptop away, hugging it close to my chest. My breath becomes shorter as my heart also beats faster.
Did he read it? Did he see my name there?
"Who is Onew Hyung for you?" his question crashes me down. He read it. Taemin read it. How could I be so careless?!
"I can explain it," it's the only sentence I can say. I actually don't know how to arrange words now. It's like I forget my vocabulary for a moment. "It's not like what you think, Taemin."
He looks away and sighs heavily. He doesn't even say a word but my heart is aching painfully now. I have a bad feeling. A really bad one.
This feeling has been haunting me since two weeks ago. That night when I had talked with Onew, the reason why I thought he doesn't deserved the scandalous news written by me on purpose.
I remember I fell asleep but that's that. When I woke up, I continued with my work while they had their dance practice. That night Taemin didn't send me any text message.
I didn't mind it because I thought he was too tired. Besides he texted me the next morning, apologizing for not bidding me a proper good night. I thought everything was alright.
He did change slightly. Taemin had excuses for not visiting me for the past two weeks. He only called me once and it's because I left him missed calls. The frequency of his text messages decreased slowly but sure.
He is busy. I know that and that's why I don't complaint...
...but I guess I was wrong.
"I know you two became close but I never thought...," he stops, still avoiding my gaze. "I just can't, Hayeon..."
What?
Taemin stands up and tucks his hands inside of his jacket, "Hayeon, you should have just told me if I'm not enough for you."
"J-Jamkkaman!" I blurt out with panic tone. "Museun sorilhaneungeoya?"
I will never forget the way he looks at me. His voice is wavering and his eyes are glistening, "I never thought letting you to work with us in a project would turn everything this way. If I knew that you would choose Onew Hyung, I would never let you work with us."
"You can't never forget your first love," he forces a smile that breaks my heart into pieces. "Now I know why he kissed you, Hayeon Noona."
What did he just say?
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Glossary #22
- Geojinmal hajjima (거짓말하지마) : don't lie.
- Museun sorilhaneungeoya (무슨 소릴하는거야) : what are you talking about?
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Author's Note:
If you're still confused with the chronology of Onew and Hayeon's meeting, here is a timeline to help you.
I hope it doesn't make you more confused though.
Thanks silversorbet for the idea! :)
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