✎ Issue 20: Doubt & Fear
Scandalicious
✎ Lee Taemin ✎
"Three weeks," Onew clasps his hands and gives us a wide smile even though he is really tired. "Three weeks until our new mini album will be released. Hwaiting!"
The morning dance practice is over. We are going for our individual activities now before gather again for the night dance practice to optimize our dance since our new track has a quite difficuly moves.
We want to make sure that we will do our best for our fans who have waited for our comeback. I don't want to disappoint them as well since I am the main dancer of SHINee.
I want my groupmates and fans to be proud of me and, of course, I want Hayeon to be amazed by my performance.
Sure she has watched me performed live before during the end year special events and other stages since we're together but this is our official comeback.
Who doesn't want his girlfriend to compliment him for doing the best?
"Will you come tonight, Noona?"
I send the short text message to the contact which I named 'Areumdaun', hoping that she will reply it before I start my recording for Immortal Song 2.
Two weeks have passed since Valentine's Day and everything is going well. At least I think so.
We are busy preparing for our comeback stage while Hayeon is diving between the details of SHINee to write a good biography. That's why I only met her twice for the past two weeks.
Both of us work really hard lately so I don't want to bother her with a surprise visit at night. Sometimes I returned after midnight, sometimes she has fallen asleep earlier, and sometimes we are just too tired.
When she is visiting us, five of us will check her writings, acting as editors for our own biography book.
None of us ever brought up the proposal on Valentine's night topic in our conversation. However I know that she took it seriously and it's more than enough to make me happy.
Every morning I wake up, I never forget to send her a text message, just to greet her so she will never forget that I love her. Everything is just perfect for me now.
Except the fact that Hayeon looks slightly different when Onew is around.
I don't know if it's just my feeling but Hayeon looks awkward whenever Onew is talking to her. She will avoid his eyes and answer him as short as possible, as if she doesn't want to talk with Onew.
In the other hand, Onew actually treats Hayeon a little bit special. It's not just me. Minho also last week when Onew just finished talking with Hayeon on phone to confirm our schedule.
Minho argued that Onew was actually in love with Hayeon. He said that based on the way Onew talked to her. Not to mention that he did blush when Key helped Minho to .
At first I laughed at it, knowing that it's hardly possible to happen but somehow I started to be anxious when I saw them standing next to each other, even because it's just for a simple discussion about our biography.
As if there is something between them that I can't get into. As if there is a secret that they don't want to tell me. As if there is something special that keep them together.
Maybe it's just a childish jealousy or maybe I just miss Hayeon too much.
It must be that.
My phone vibrates, a notification of a new text message. My lips turn into a wide smile when I see the name of the sender.
"Will come for sure. Hwaiting for your recording today, Saranga."
Finally. I will meet Hayeon again after one week. She replied my message like usual. There is nothing changed.
I must be thinking too much. It's not good to grow suspicious over my own groupmate. Especially to doubt my girlfriend, right?
✂ ✂ ✂
I open the door to the rooftop slowly, making sure that it will not cause any sound. I take a peek to find the girl I love, standing with her back facing me.
Hayeon told me that she arrived earlier at our agency building and she would wait for me at the rooftop, in case I would return earlier from my recording.
And I did.
So here I am right now, going to surprise her since I didn't tell her that I have arrived. My groupmates are on their way here so I guess I have around ten minutes or so with Hayeon.
Alone.
People barely come here especially on night time. I don't know why because the view from here is really beautiful. I guess people just don't know how great this place is.
I sneak behind her before wrapping her waist with my arms and whisper to her ear, "Jagi..."
Hayeon gasps in surprise. Her cheeks turn to red when she turns to me to complaint, "Taemin! You surprised me!"
"Neomu bogosipeo," I kiss her hair, inhaling her sweet scent that makes me feel calm. I always love hugging her from behind, holding her close to me until she can feel my heartbeat.
It's a good thing that I'm taller than her. I love the feeling of having her in my hug, the warmth of her embrace, and everything about her.
I really love her.
"Nado," Hayeon replies, closing her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder comfortably. "Mianhae, Taemin, that I can't meet you too often lately."
"Don't be," I loosen my hug so we can look at each other face to face. I caress her cheek as I plant a kiss on her forehead, "I always have you in my dream, Jagiya."
She smiles shyly and hits my arm playfully, "Aigoo, jinjja... Who taught you to be so cheesy?"
"I wonder who," I step closer to her, tilting my head slightly to close the distance between us. "It's the person I want to kiss right now."
I press my lips on hers lovingly, enjoying every second of sharing a kiss with her. Hayeon clutches my shirt, making my heart to beat out of control.
Unfortunately the moment is interrupted by her phone ringtone. She breaks the kiss, muttering an apology before she answers the phone, "Yeoboseyo? Waeyo, Onew-ssi?"
My heart feels a pang when I know who is calling her. Onew. How often does he call her actually? He does know that Hayeon already has a boyfriend, doesn't he?
Wait. I'm overreacting, aren't I?
"Ara, ara," Hayeon replies calmly. "I'll arrive soon at the dance practice room."
Hayeon ends the phone call before turning to me, biting her bottom lip with apologetic look, "The others have arrived. I guess you need to meet them now."
"Don't you feel strange...," I let out a question, trying my best not to sound jealous. "...that Onew Hyung called you first instead of me, his groupmate?"
If only she laughs it off like what she always does when I , I will not worry of anything but, this time, it's obvious that Hayeon is nervous because of my question.
"E-Eh? Mwoya?" she clears nervously and heads to the door. "Gaja. They are waiting."
With that kind answer, is it wrong if doubt is slowly growing inside of my heart?
✂ ✂ ✂
"Stop!" Onew announces out loud and I immediately stop my dance. I turn to him who gives me a confused look, "Gwaenchanayo? It looks like you're not focusing on your steps."
I rub the back of my neck, murmuring an apology. My eyes meet with Hayeon's. She looks at me with worried eyes, probably wondering why I keep making mistakes during the night dance practice.
For the first time since I'm with Hayeon, she actually becomes the reason why I'm distracted from my activities. This never happened before.
"Why don't we have a break for a while?" Jonghyun suggests, giving me a supportive pat on back. "Fifteen minutes will do."
Onew heaves a sigh and smiles warmly to me, "Fine. Fifteen minutes. Go grab something to drink, Taemin. I know you're tired but let's do our best, okay?"
I nod and fake a smile since I don't want them to worry about me. Trying to act as usual, I look at Hayeon and ask her, "Noona, would you like any drink? I'm going to buy something."
Actually I don't need to ask her since I'm going to buy her coffee, her favorite drink at night, no matter what she will choose. Besides she looks really tired and I know it just by a single glance.
"Ah, coffee," she answers, staying still on her seat with laptop on her lap. "Gomawo, Taemin-ssi."
This time her smile doesn't really help me with my anxiety. The fact that she acted nervous when I mentioned Onew's name still haunts me and I don't like it at all.
One by one of us leaves the dance practice room. Jonghyun and Key go outside for a while to get some fresh air while Minho accompanies me to buy stuff. Onew chooses to stay behind so he can do cross check for our schedules.
Meanwhile our managers leave to meet with the CEO, reporting about our progress for the comeback day.
"Aigoo!" Minho groans. "I forgot to ask Onew Hyung about his drink! What does he want?!"
"I'll ask," I volunteer and tell Minho to wait while I return to the dance practice room. Both of us don't bring our phones so we need to ask him directly.
When I'm metres away from the room, my heart races with fear. From the slightly opened door, I can see two person are sitting side by side. So close that the girl puts her head on the guy's shoulder.
Onew and Hayeon.
I can't really see their faces from this far but it must be them. I freeze on my feet. As if I lose my voice, I just stand there, speechless.
As if it's not enough to crush my heart, the next scene I see is one of my biggest fears ever, that one day I will not be the only one in Hayeon's heart.
At first Onew just looks at her face and then, slowly but sure, he kisses her lips.
This can't be happening.
__________
Glossary #20
- Neomu bogosipeo (너무 보고싶어) : I miss you so much. 'Bogosipeo' means 'miss you' while 'neomu' means 'too/so much'.
- Nado (나도) : me too.
- Yeoboseyo (여보세요) : hello, used when you answer a phone call.
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