✎ Issue 21: Juliette
Scandalicious
✎ Lee Jinki ✎
There I told her about one of the things I never told everyone else, not even my groupmates. It's just a childish memory for some people but I really treasured the moment.
I always wanted to be a singer since I was little and practicing at this place was my habit. When I noticed that someone carved a shape on the tree trunk, I couldn't help but to be curious about the person.
As a young kid, I just did whatever I wanted without thinking any further. Who would have guessed that this person actually motivated me until this very moment.
"Cheonsa," I murmured the nickname I used to mention the mysterious person. I grinned bashfully, "It's cheesy, isn't it?"
No respond.
I looked up at Hayeon who had her eyes widened as if she just saw a ghost... or, more likely, realized something that really surprised her.
"Waeyo, Hayeon-ssi?" I asked her, worried that I just did something wrong. "Ah! It's not the kind of story you want, right? M-Mian, I thought I-"
"Lee Jinki," she cut off my apology, mentioning my full name even though we're alone now. "Lee Jinki. Your family name is Lee."
"E-Eh?" I blinked in confusion, tilting my head slightly. "Ne... Wae? Gwaenchanayo, Hayeon-ssi?"
She didn't answer my question. She avoided my gaze, biting her bottom lip nervously. That's when a realization hit me.
"Lee," I spoke out loud to get her attention. "I wrote my family name on a letter that I left for 'Cheonsa'. Are you... Hayeon-ssi, you're 'Cheonsa'..."
I swore I saw her cheeks turned into pink shades. She was good enough to quickly change her expression, faking a cough to reply me as calm as possible, "Mwoya? How is it even possible?"
Not feeling satisfied with her answer, I gave her another question to return our topic back to what it was, "Hayeon-ssi, I really think that you're my first love."
Finally. I said it to her.
Hayeon looked at me with disbelief look, "Now that is ridiculous. I told you, Onew-ssi, I was in Japan when you're elev-"
"When is your birthday, Hayeon-ssi?" I interrupted her complaint with a simple question.
"M-mwoya?" she rolled her eyes. "My birthday is 1 April. What does my birthday have to do with your first love, Onew-ssi?"
Everything was calculated in my mind instantly. I took a deep breath before I answer, "It's July 2000 when I met my first love. It's when my mother celebrated her birthday. It's five months before my twelfth birthday."
Hayeon still didn't get it. It's obvious from her expression.
"April 2000. You celebrated your tenth birthday, didn't you?" I told her about my analysis. Our birthdays were far from each other and I finally figured it out right away.
Just because our was two years apart, both of us thought if I was eleven, then she must be nine at that time. She was actually ten years old when we met and I was actually going to celebrate my twelfth birthday on December 2000 but all I remembered was it's far from my birthday.
"Are you still in Japan when you're ten years old, Hayeon?" I didn't bother to call her with the suffix anymore. My heart was racing impatienly.
Was it wrong for me to wish a 'yes' answer from her? Was it wrong if my heart told me that she was indeed my first love?
"Ani...," she answered slowly, covering with one of her hands. "I had returned to Seoul on my tenth birthday..."
From her eyes, I knew that she finally remembered it. She shook her head with confused look, "The black forest cake I gave... It's the one I wanted to put at Appa's tomb..."
I was right.
It was her.
Hayeon was my first love.
✂ ✂ ✂
My eyes look back at the reflection of the mirror, looking at the girl who is busy with her laptop. She stops for a moment to cover her yawn before returning her gaze to the screen.
It's our night dance practice session and Hayeon comes to write down whatever she can for our project together, the very first biography book of SHINee.
Two weeks have passed since the day I found out that Hayeon is really my first love. On the very same day, I also knew that she is my 'Cheonsa', the one who motivated me even though we never met.
It is such a small world.
Unfortunately she doesn't look really happy with the fact. In fact I think she slowly starts to draw distance with me, avoiding me whenever it's possible though she still works as a professional.
After the short date, if I can take it as a date, she said that she would consider about writing down the 'first love' part in my chapter and I didn't know how to react.
It's supposed to be exciting to meet your first love coincidentally but it feels the other way.
Maybe it's because she doesn't feel the same or maybe it's because she has a boyfriend already. I guess my heart just beat for her again ever since we met after twelve years.
Right when she already has a boyfriend.
Is this disappointment engulfing my heart?
"Hayeon-ssi," I call her name and take a seat next to her. Everybody else is out to take their break time but I take it as a chance to talk to her. "Are you mad at me?"
She flinches a little but manages to stay cool. Hayeon takes off her glasses and closes her laptop, "Aniyo... I was just... shocked, I guess."
I smile and fold my legs, leaning against the mirror behind us, "Nado... but I think I'm really lucky. How many people in this world can meet their first loves again after years?"
Hayeon clears awkwardly and mumbles, "I have a boyfriend, remember?"
Her statement stabs my heart with an imaginary knife. I know it. Of course I remember but I guess my heart just doesn't want to.
"Arayo," I fake a smile as she rests her back on the mirror, just like what I'm doing. "I guess I'm not lucky enough."
"Museun marieyo?" Hayeon asks but I just give her a smile, not feeling that I want to talk about it at the moment.
If only I met her before she met her boyfriend, would I have a chance to win her heart?
"Nega joahaneun noraeneun mwoya?" I ask her out of blue, trying to break the awkward atmosphere. "SHINee's songs, of course."
Thankfully she goes with the flow. She looks at the ceiling, thinking of a title, "Juliette. It's beautiful and lovely."
"Care to listen to the ballad version?" I ask a rhetorical question. I make sure that I'm not going to crack my voice before I sing the refrain part of her favorite song in slower version from the original.
"Juliette! Yeonghoneul ppachilkkeyo
Juliette! jebal nal ppada jwoyo
Juliette! dalkomhi jomdeo dalkomhage
Sokssagyeo naui serenade"
I stop singing not because I'm tired but because I suddenly feel Hayeon's head rests on my shoulder. I carefully hold her still to realize that she fell asleep.
"You must be really tired," I smile at her sleeping face. "Cheonsa..."
She is just this close to me. I'm holding her in my hands yet I can't have her. It's actually really painful.
My gaze moves to her lips. She wears a soft pink lipstick today and I feel like I'm pulled into her. I shift away her hair with my fingers, barely touching her face so she will not wake up. Slowly I lean closer until our lips almost meet.
Right when my lips almoust touch hers, I stop and slap myself mentally, cursing my foolish attempt, "Pabo ya, Lee Jinki. She has a boyfriend."
I can't. No matter how much I want her to be mine, I just can't do it this way. Her heart belongs to someone else.
I take a really deep breath and hold her shoulders firmly instead of hugging her close like what I want to do, like how I want her to stay with me.
I take a really deep breath and hold her shoulders firmly instead of hugging her close like what I want to do, like how I want her to stay with me.
"Hayeon-ssi?" I decide to wake her up since I don't want anyone else to have another idea if they see us together so close. "It's alright if want to return now. You look really tired."
She rubs her eyes slowly and mutters an apology, telling me that she is going to wash her face first.
After that it looks like Hayeon stops to avoid me. It will be a lie if I say I'm not happy with it but there is something else in my mind.
Taemin doesn't smile at all during the dance practice. Not even when we have finished and returned to our apartment.
He is just tired, Minho assures me, but my leader's instinct keeps telling me that it's not that.
I really hope that I'm wrong this time.
__________
Glossary #21
Museon marieyo (무슨 말이에요) : what do you mean?
Nega joahaneun noraeneun mwoya (네가 좋아하는 노래는 뭐야) : what is your favorite song? It's an informal one.
Extra - Juliette lyrics:
Juliette! 영혼을 바칠께요
Juliette! 제발 날 받아 줘요
Juliette! 달콤히 좀 더 달콤하게
속삭여 나의 세레나데
Juliette, I’ll give you my soul
Juliette, please accept me
Juliette, sweetly, a little more sweeter
Whisper my serenade
__________
Author's Note:
If you're confused with the timeline, here are some notes to help! ;)
Please note that in Korean, they are counted as 1 year old when you're born. Please do tell me if I'm wrong with this issue since I read some different information about it as well.
Onew's birthday is December 14, 1989, while Hayeon's birthday is April 1, 1991.
They met on July 2000, making Onew was 11 years old since it's not his 12th birthday - December 2000 - yet (in Korean). Meanwhile Hayeon was 10 years old since she had celebrated her 10th birthday in April 2000.
It's kind of confusing, isn't it? ;)
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