[January 2008]

[Mi Sun POV]

Darkness.

Darkness is all I see, all I feel, and all I hear. The feeling is like being locked up in a dark empty room. There’s nothing in there except for you. At first, you would be scared. But after a while, you’ll end up getting used to it. All you would do is sit and wait until someone would let you out, as if you’re some prisoner waiting to be freed. Except this dark room does you wonders. It gets you thinking… about, well, everything. Your thoughts and memories are the only things to keep you company.

This is what I am.

It feels like I’m underwater instead of being locked in a room. At first, I would have rather picked the room. But being underwater seems to be more suitable. I would keep swimming, trying to reach the surface. But every time I try to move an inch, I would get suffocated. It was as if moving would make me lose the remaining oxygen I have. It still scares me actually. Even when I stay still, it feels like the water is pulling me down deeper. Like it’s keeping me from the surface.

I would struggle all the time, trying to keep myself from going any deeper. I would think I’m drowning, but I’m still alive, aren’t I? At least, I think I am. Time is slowly losing me. I don’t know how many minutes have passed… or is it days? Weeks? Years? Either way, I’m still doing the same routine over and over again. No matter how much I try, I end up getting deeper and deeper into the darkness. I’m losing my patience in this.

Sometimes, I would think this is a dream. I would become hopeful and think that I would wake up soon in someone’s arms. I don’t who that someone is, but at least I’ll be awake. Things like this keep me going. For some reason, thinking of being in that someone’s arms encourages me to keep trying. I want that feeling of warmth.

But since I’m underwater instead of a dark room, the strong water is keeping me from my own mind. The deeper I go and the harder I struggle, little by little, I’m losing everything.

My thoughts…

My dreams…

My ideas…

My memories…

All disappear.

~O~O~

[Author POV]

He would check on her daily, bringing one flower each day. Eventually, there are already 7 vases of a dozen flowers in the patient’s room. Daesung refuses to throw them away, even the dead ones. He wants her to see how many times he came in her room, he wants her to know how much he misses seeing her soft brown eyes, and most importantly, he wants her to know how long he’s been waiting.

It’s January 2008.

It’s been 5 months since that accident, 5 agonizing months for Daesung. And Mi Sun still hasn’t woken up from her coma. Daesung sits on the chair he’s been occupying every time he visits her. He takes a brush and starts brushing her now long hair. He hums a random tune as he brushes. He looks at her face, as if she’ll open her eyes and he doesn’t want to miss it.

He stops brushing after a while and simply gazes at her face. She’s still beautiful as ever, He comments in his head. Daesung caresses her cheek softly. He smiles weakly.

Her face isn’t as bad as it was before. Before, she had a bunch of scratches and bruises on her face. Now, it’s only a couple light scratches. She still has a cast on her leg, though. And she still has that huge band-aid on her arm because she lost so much blood.

He takes out a wet towel from the small tub on the table and starts dabbing her face with warm water. He loved taking care of her like this whenever she was sick and she didn’t get to go to school with him. He did everything for her when she was sick. And he didn’t mind it. He would give her a piggyback ride whenever she wanted to go somewhere, he would make her food and feed her, he would brush and wash her face when she fell asleep…

But now, it all seems different. It’s because she doesn’t smack him for treating her like a baby, because she doesn’t complain about all the cheesy stuff he does for her. It’s different because she doesn’t kiss him back whenever he would. It’s different because he can’t look into her eyes and find the love for him swimming in them.

A beep interrupts Daesung’s thoughts. He glances at his watch and he lets out a long and deep sigh. He looks back at his love. He rises up from the chair and gently kisses her forehead.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” He whispers to her as if she could hear him at all. “I’ll be back again. I love you.”

He looks back at Mi Sun one more time before he leaves with a set of heavy footsteps.

He has to leave. He can’t stay there forever, no matter how much he wants to. After that accident, he came back to his parents after he recovered from his own set of injuries. Thankfully, it was only minor for him, unlike Mi Sun who ended up in a coma. Daesung’s parents welcomed him back with open arms. His parents felt guilty, feeling such a burden whenever they see their son come home quiet with a bowed head every time he goes back to that hospital.

For the first two months after the accident, Daesung stayed by Mi Sun’s side 24/7. He would hold her hand and hug her tight whenever he would wake up from a nightmare about Mi Sun herself. He missed a lot of school in those two months. So, Daesung and his parents made a deal: They would let Daesung visit Mi Sun whenever he wants, but he needs to follow the plans they had for him and his future. Daesung quickly agreed, he would do anything just to see Mi Sun… No matter how much it breaks his heart to see her lifeless everyday.