Title: No Ordinary Fangirl
Author: Saranghaebeast
Reviewed by: -CherryBlossoms

Title: (3/5)

To be brutally honest with you, this title is quite common throughout AFF. There're many similar titles. I wasn’t very interested since I have been reading AFF for quite some time and such titles don’t intrigue me at all. I have to say I wouldn’t have clicked your story if I came across it.

However judging on the title itself, the title does hint at that romance and comedy aspects and which in fact the genre of the story is. The title is sweet and simple unlike some which goes on forever. I gave points for these positive criteria.

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

Your description was indeed a great start in showing your writing skills. It lured the readers in and it got me thinking about what the story could be about - how Seungho knew Minhyun. The description was quite good however I do not like the different colours that were used. If you want to make your description stand out, then perhaps try italicized the words. Adding a colour would not only make your story messy and also, very unappealing. The idea of letter was original and I had a great time reading it; it somehow urged me to read on but then the colours used actually made me think otherwise.

Moving on, your foreword was simply your author’s note. Try adding a little prologue or extract without giving too much of your plot away so that the readers can catch a little glimpse of your story. This means that the readers will know what to expect from your story, arousing their interest in reading your story as well.

Overall, I found your description/foreword alright but please bear in mind that having different colours will not always be the best thing to do in a story.

Originality of Plot: (13/20)

Your plot was a typical romance story in my aspect. I wasn’t too keen in reading stories on romance but yours was really fun to read because you incorporated comedy into your story. Every romance do have drama and you were able to portray that really well.

Minhyun and Seungho were the cutest pair I have read and I find it funny how most authors write about how the two actually ended up together. On the other hand, you started your story from the beginning of their relationship which was rather original and rare to read about. Your plot was great and I can see that the relationship with Seungho and Minhyun was stabilising. It does make me wonder how the future chapter will develop.

The only issue that bothered me was the cliché plot ideas which you utilized in your story. The fangirl aspects as well as living with MBLAQ, they were just too predictable. I would have hoped for some surprise or something that makes me curious and wanting to click ‘next’.

Next time, do try to think of more creative and innovative ideas to capture the reader’s attention. Most would have read similar stories to yours and the ideas would have make them bored. Think realistically and I am sure your story will have more original ideas involved.

Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation, Spelling): (18/25)

Your language was acceptable but there were lots of language mistakes that are frequently occurring.

1. Punctuation – Your punctuation are great however your ellipses are used wrongly at times. You should always remember that ellipses have three dots and a space after. Also you sometimes forget to put apostrophe where necessary.

Example: '' Yahh.. Yong MinHyun,wake up. Its late already.''

Suggestion: '' Yahh… Yong MinHyun,wake up. It’s late already.''

You should have three dots after ‘yah’ and ‘its’ is used when you're referring to someone’s possession. To shorten ‘it is’, you should add an apostrophe making it ‘it’s’.

2. Colour Usage – Like the foreword/description, using a different colour in your story doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be able to stand out and capture the readers' attention. I don’t really find it appealing when there are more than one colours involved. Using black is perfectly fine and if you want to make some writing different, either use bold or italicized it.

Example: * MinHyun's POV *

Suggestion: * MinHyun's POV *

Overall, the use of punctuations was your main problem. Apart from that, spellings were quite accurate and although I spotted one or two, there weren't much. Same goes for your grammar so good job for that!

Writing Style: (7/10)

Your writing style is not bad but like I've said earlier, the colours you used can pose a real bother to readers at times. It is original in a way but it might not appeal to some readers. However, I do like how you make your story comedic and fluffy especially the adorable moments the couple shared.

Characterization: (8/10)

I do find that you've described your characters well and I can really get their personality flowing.

You managed to portray Minhyun well in the story. She was sweet and she seemed very happy being together with Seungho. Their relationship was really cute to see and I cooed along while reading the story. They loved each other and were inseparable. The little moments they had together was quite fluffy to see as well and I am looking forward to seeing more of their personality coming out.

Flow of Story: (8/10)

The flow was near-perfect however I do think that at times it went a little too fast and some chapters went a little too slow for my liking. There were inconsistency in the flow (or pace) of your story. The beginning was fast and you slowed it down but then you seemed to be stuck in that moment, making it seemed even slower.

Perhaps try to think things through and arrange your points before writing out the actual story; this makes it easier to balance your pace and keeps your story flowing smoothly.

Ending: (-/5)

No ending as of yet.

Overall Enjoyment: (4/5)

I was quite pleased reviewing your story and the only thing to watch out for is your colours which I've stressed far too many times and your use of punctuations. Apart from that, well done with your story!

Total: (68/95)

Bonus (Poster): (1/2)

The poster was not too bad but it wasn’t blended well and the poster didn’t really capture the theme of the story. Perhaps you might want to consider requesting from our shop - Arts of Royalty?

Total After Bonus: (69/95) = 73%

Ohkay people. i swear i was so happy when i read about the review :) -Cherryblossoms was either being extremely kind or i am really that awesome OTL. I was happy when i read the review but i was still dissapointed with the score i got, i could have dont better so here is a big thank you for the readers who stuck with me throughout this whole time while i err-ed once and again! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. And here is a sad news people,this story is really really going to end soon. 1 or 2 more chapter at most. But dont be sad people cause i am writing a whole new one! I will post the link up once i created it! :) I hope you people would support me at the new story too ohkays? Leave comment behind about the reviews! :) Peace out! :)