Previously…

Jinyoung took Mi Young home after their little date and left…

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A few days had passed and it was only one day left to Christmas.

“Ilwoo-ah, don’t you think we should go to visit hyungseokkie? It bothers me when I think about the fact that he has to spend Christmas all alone in that lifeless graveyard.” You said and took a sip from your hot chocolate.

“Yeah, we should. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being able to visit him often…” Ilwoo sighed.

“Tsk tsk if I were you, I would visit him every week! My little brother is probably scared… he probably feels lonely and sad” you said with teary eyes.

“Yeah…” he said and started staring at his mug.

“I miss him…” you said and a tear escaped your eyes.

“Oh c’mon… no need to cry… we’ll go visit him right now.” He gave you a hug.

“I’ll go get ready.” You got up and made your way toward your room.

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It took you a few 3 hours to go there, but it was totally worth it.

You both went and sat down on the soil next to his grave.

“Hey Hyungseok” you both chorused.

The atmosphere was really gloomy. All the graves were either black or white and the sky was cloudy. The place was colorless which made it more lifeless and gloomy.

Ilwoo started talking to Hyungseok first for like 15 minutes.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Maybe this way, you would feel more comfortable.”Ilwoo said after he finished talking.

“Thanks…” you said and moved your gaze toward Hyungseok’s grave.

“Ah seokkie…” you sighed.

“See, I’m wearing the shoes you gave me last Christmas.” You pointed to your red, muddy sneakers.

“You must feel so lonely… if only I could, I would spend the whole Christmas night sitting here right next to you. After all, this is the first Christmas you’re gonna spend without us.” You said as a tear escaped your eyes.

“I’m so sorry… the few days before you left us, I was acting really mean towards you… I will never forgive myself for the things I did...” you said as your eyes started to well up with tears.

“I hate myself…” you rubbed your tears away.

“Seokkie, I miss your innocent smile… I miss the warm hugs you used to give me… your cute round eyes… I miss the times when mom used to scold you and you would run toward my room, burst in, crash into my embrace and start crying and complaining about mom… I really wanna hug you tightly right now and tell you that everything’s gonna be okay…” another tear escaped your eye. “I just want to stare at you while you play with your toys… squish your cute chubby cheeks… I want you back seokkie, I want my little brother back.” You continued to sob.

“Our home feels so empty without you…” you paused for 5 minutes “Why did you leave so early? I promised you that I would teach you how to ride your bike… you promised me that you’ll be sitting next to mommy at my graduation party, looking at me as I would go up the stage to get my diploma.” You said as tears continued to roll down your cheeks.

“But don’t worry… I’ll be joining you soon… I promise… and you have to promise me that you’ll be the one who comes to take me, ok? We’ll be alright as long as we’re together… so just wait until then.” You said and rubbed your tears away, giving him a faint smile.

“Oh, I forgot something… Merry Christmas!” you smiled.

After about a minute, Ilwoo came back again.

“Are your brother/sister talks finished yet?” he asked and hugged you. He couldn’t stand seeing you sad.

“Yeah, we can go now.” You said and pulled away.

After biding your goodbyes with your little brother, you headed back home.

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“I feel much better now…” you said and dropped your weight on the couch.

“Yeah me too” Ilwoo said and sat down.

“Mi Young… I have to tell you something really important.” Ilwoo said after 10 minutes of silence.

“What is it?” you asked.

“Are you sure you can handle what I'm about to tell you?” he asked totally serious about what he wanted to say. You just nodded curiously.

“Um… you know your surgery?” he asked and you nodded.

“What about it?” you asked.

“I met up with your doctor a few 4 weeks ago…” he said.

“And?” you asked as you patiently waited for his answer.

“You have to go to the hospital in March instead of April.” He said.

“Why?” you asked calmly.

“For chemotherapy…” he said.

“Oh… f-fine” you said.

“The doctor said that if you go to the chemotherapy sessions, the risk of the surgery going wrong would be much less” he said and you nodded as a sign of understanding.

“I-I’ll go get changed.” You said and got off the couch.

You went inside your room and locked the door behind you.

You went in the bathroom and closed the door shut.

You stood in front of the mirror and started staring at your reflection.

 Your phone’s ringtone could be heard from outside but you didn’t bother to go answer it.

“Isn’t Christmas supposed to be filled with joy and happiness?” you asked yourself as you continued to stare at your reflection in mirror.

“This doesn’t look like me… this is not me. I wasn’t like this before…” you continued to stare at your reflection.

“Why should all this be happening to me?” a tear rolled down your eye.

You then grabbed the shaver and started shaving your long hair off your head slowly as tears rolled down your already wet cheeks.

You couldn’t stand seeing your hair fall off little by little after every session of chemotherapy, so you decided to get rid of it yourself.

After doing so, you took another look at your reflecti