UNSTOPPABLE TEARS.

The doctor regularly checks my mind. 

Of course he checks the emotion-section too.

"You seem very happy lately."

"Yes, I know," I answered and smiled at him.

Lately I began giving everyone a smile.

People on the street, students in school. 

Everyone gets one. If they want or not.

"What happened to Sahee?"

"She is so happy."

"Something must have happened."

The people in school spoke about me, as always.

But this time it was not because I broke someone's wrist.

I was happy. 

Chaeri was never happy.

She just pretended to be.

Liar.

"Sahee?" I turned around.

"Lu Han-ssi?"

"I was-" he stopped. "You said my name?"

"Actually yes. Why? Is there a problem with that?"

He smiled at me. "Uh, no I was just wondering. 

You never say my name."

"We don't meet that often," I said. "So, why did you call me?"

"I thought, we could go and eat something together.

Only if this is okay for you, of course."

I nodded. "Yes, of course it is, Lu Han-ssi."

"Okay. Then see you after school?"

I agreed and left for the cantine to meet up with Minah.

She was waiting outside the school bulding. She was angry.

Obviously she saw us.

Me and her ex-boyfriend.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked and followed Lu Han.

He slowed down a bit. "There is a nice restaurant right here.

It serves the best quality beef. It's very fresh."

The restaurant looked fantastic. 

It was modern and everything looked really new.

"Wow," I could just say and sat down on the chair opposite to Lu Han's.

He ordered for me.

I somehow could feel that he was looking at me.

After some minutes passed, the beef was served.

It was still raw and so we had to cut it into smaller pieces.

"Wait, I'll do it," I said and grabbed my chopstick and the knife.

It felt so strange holding chopsticks. And a knife.

"Shouldn't I?" Lu Han looked at my hands.

I shook my head and carefully tried to cut the beef.

"Wait!" Lu Han said but I already

cut myself.

There was this kind of pain. 

It didn't feel like pain.

It was like a shock going through my whole body.

My hand began to shake and Lu Han quickly put the knife back to it's place.

My hand wasn't badly injured.

It was just a little cut.

"Is everything okay?" he asked and slightly pulled my hand towards him.

My hand felt numb. I pulled my hand back.

"It's okay," I said and tried to smile.

I tried to take a look at my hand. 

Two fingers were cut.

They were not blooding.

There was just a cut.

No blood at all.

"See?" I waved my hand in front of his face,

so he could see it wasn't blooding.

He called the waiter and asked for plasters.

"Just to be sure. Is it really okay?"

I nodded quickly. "You should cut the beef, I think."

Just seeing him eat made me happy.

I didn't smell the beef. 

I didn't taste it.

But seeing his expressions made me think, that it was tasty.

I already forgot how food tastes like.

"Thank you so much," I said and bowed a little.

"No, I want to thank you." Lu Han smiled at me brightly.

"It was the best day for me since a long time," I explained.

"Did you know that I thought the same?"

Lu Han looked in my eyes. 

He came a bit closer and took my unharmed hand.

His hand felt so warm and protecting. 

This time it was Minah who watched me.

She was looking at me.

She knew everything I did in school.

One day she waited for me at my locker.

"Minah?"

"Sahee." She didn't call me unnie anymore.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" I asked.

She tried to hold back her emotions. "I saw you."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you and Lu Han.

You knew that I love him!"

She threw me against the wall. 

"Why are you doing this to me?

How could I know you wanted to be with him?

There's nothing going on between us!"

Something moved in the corner of my eye.

He was here. 

Minah saw him too and let me go.

My body did something unexpected.

It just dropped on the floor.

My knees hitted the ground hard.

Someone helped me up.

It was a student. I think his name was Baekhyun.

My head was hurting.

Minah was running towards Lu Han.

He made a step backwards.

Minah stopped and looked at him.

She began to cry.

Everybody was looking at me.

Something blurred my sight.

My whole face began to get wet.

Tears.

I cried.

I remembered that I was still leaning on Baekhyun.

I let him go and thanked him while crying.

I left the school, while wiping my unstoppable tears.

"I think something is wrong with me," I said.

The woman put her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"Oh no, my dear. This is no malfuntion. This is real sadness."

"But I don't want it," I sobbed. "Stop it."

She let me go and wiped my tears with her thumbs. "No."

"This will stop, when you think it's time to stop," the doctor said.

"People can't control this either," the woman explained.