70
Defence
- - - - -
After Donghae left, Taecyeon sunk to the ground drawing his knees up to his chest. Leaning his head down against his arm he couldn’t find the strength to get back up. All he did throughout the night was cry and cry some more.
He was angry with the fact that Victoria had knocked him out so easily, he was angry that Victoria had pretended everything had been ok when nothing was. He felt so bitter that he grabbed her clothes and tossed them off the couch only to, seconds later, crawl and pick them back up. Hugging them close he sobbed some more. He’d never hurt so much before and he felt as if he’d never be able to wake up to another bright day with the sun shining down on him.
- - - - -
“Victoria passed away two nights ago.”
That sentence stung his heart the moment he started onto the road. It had seemed just like yesterday when Victoria had pulled him from work to talk. Why had she thanked him for so much when he had barely done anything for her? Her uncertain expression when he talked about marriage crept into his mind before the image of kissing her after her first date cropped up into his memory. He was weeping before he realized it. Aware of his crazy driving he swerved off the white boundary line into the other lane and stopped at the curb.
“How dare you…how dare you…” he mumbled the words through his sobs.
He would never be able to hold her again nor would he be able to try to give her comfort.
“I’ve been alone for a long time and I’ve always taken care of myself. If things didn’t happen then why would it happen now?”
Idiot. Victoria wasn’t invincible…she was just…stronger than the rest.
Tears continued strolling down his face. She had been so special, so dear to him. He had been willing to do anything for her…but it’d all slipped away when he began wavering toward his mother’s proposal of a marriage. Why did he start hurting her then? Why did he start treating her like an object? How much had he burdened her? How much trouble did they give her? For how long…had they tortured her with their own feelings when Victoria knew she couldn’t give anything back?
His tears eased a bit when he realized Victoria had been hiding her pain.
- - - - -
“Dear, shouldn’t we get Yoona to eat?” her mother asked quietly from the kitchen. “We have to force her to eat…I’m so worried…”
“Just leave her alone,” her father said putting an arm around her mother, “it’s not easy to forget all that she’s been through. Yoona…will be able to pull herself together. Has our daughter ever failed us?”
Her mother didn’t reply but leaned against her husband’s shoulder.
Back in Yoona’s room she lie crying on her bed recalling Victoria’s fight with that man. How she had withheld the pain scorching her body when she tried to hold the man back from hurting her. Yoona felt her heart throb. Why couldn’t she have done something sooner? If she had been able to jump in successfully she could have helped Victoria pin down that man…but all she had done was stand there in shock. What had she been so scared of? Victoria’s torn hand? How ruthless she was against that man? Why hadn’t she moved sooner!!
Yoona put a hand over her face trying to muffle her oncoming sobs. Why…did Victoria decide to leave so shortly after their reunion? Why hadn’t she given them both some more time to be together? Yoona had been so selfish during that time…chasing Taecyeon…why hadn’t she thought about the possibility that maybe Victoria had feelings for him too? Why had she been so blind to it all? Yoona hated herself for being so careless. There were so many things she should have paid attention to when she hadn’t.
Why hadn’t Victoria allowed the man to kill her instead? She would have died for Victoria any day…
It was unfair…why things turned out the way it did. She hurt so much that she couldn’t even describe the pain. The only way she could express it was through her worthless tears that did no good.
The next morning after a silent breakfast her mother knocked on her bedroom door.
“Donghae’s here to see you,” she said.
Yoona got up from where she’d been sitting staring at a childhood picture with young Victoria for the past hour and joined Donghae on the porch. He was sitting on the white chair by a rounded table they kept under the tilted porch roof.
“How are you doing?” he started.
Yoona didn’t reply.
“I haven’t been doing good either,” he told. “Other than bawling like a baby in my room, I also realized the many good times Victoria left us. But we’ve been unfair to her during the time we’ve had her.”
Yoona let her gaze remain on the round table. Why was Donghae speaking to her like this?
“I think…we’ve hurt her many countless times. Our affection for her might have become burdening for her. We pressured her too many times without knowing so,” Donghae went on, “Victoria might have been in the wrong for keeping everything away from us, but that’s the only crime she committed. We hurt her more than she did us…so, why are we sitting here feeling like we’ve been in more pain than she has?”
Yoona felt tears ooze out of her eyes, “Because she died alone!! She planned to do it alone! And in the end…she was scared to die.” Yoona sobbed as she brought a hand up to her eyes. “Why did we let her go alone? I should’ve gone with her…she was so scared…she was so scared…”
Donghae felt tears crawl up into his eyes. “But she didn’t take us with her. It only proves that she wants us to continue our lives. Shouldn’t we live it out for her?”
“Live what out?!” Yoona shrieked. “How am I supposed to live with the last moments of Victoria’s life fading in my arms? How am I supposed to forget her pain and her sorrow? I’ve lost my friend two times…not once have I been able to keep her. How am I supposed to live with that? How am I supposed to continue living?”
Yoona covered with her face with both hands.
“I can’t think anything else…but that Victoria did it for us. Don’t you want to make her happy by living for her? Because I do. The happy girl as she was wouldn’t want her friends grieving for ten years with no direction in life. We shouldn’t disappoint her.” Donghae tried. “This…is how I see it.”
Yoona cried for a minute more before removing her hands off her face and looked at her teary ex-fiancé.
It had been a week now since Victoria had left. Yoona had been suspended from her job and her gun had been confiscated. On an early Sunday morning after visiting Victoria’s parents and Mrs. Kim, Yoona had another destination in mind. Donghae’s words had done some trick on her and her pain had ceased a bit but the sorrow of losing Victoria never died.
Stopping her car beside the apartment she stepped out and walked up the white stairs toward the door. She knocked on it three times before discovering that it was unlocked. Stepping in, the first view that welcomed her was the trash lingering on the ground and the disgusting stench it gave off. Taecyeon was no where in sight. Picking her way through the mess, Yoona headed toward the bedroom where she found him laying on the bed with Victoria’s furry coat she’d seen her friend wear countless times. She’d heard from Donghae that Taecyeon never once went in for work and during that week a mustache had started growing on his face.
“Taecyeon. Ok Taecyeon.” Yoona called.
He didn’t reply. In another attempt to awake him she reached for the coat and pulled it. Taecyeon tightened his grip and opened his eyes.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked roughly.
“Get up,” Yoona ordered.
Taecyeon didn’t.
“Are you going to let Victoria see you like this?” Yoona questioned.
She clearly saw tears fill his eyes and felt immediately sorry.
“You haven’t gone in for work and your house is trashed. Is this how you plan on living?” Yoona asked.
Taecyeon stubbornly closed his eyes.
“Victoria…would be disappointed with how you’re treating yourself, don’t you think?” asked Yoona.
Taecyeon reopened his eyes and quickly sat up grabbing the collar of her shirt.
“Why are you talking about her?! You have no right!! Not unless you bring her back will I come back!”
Yoona stared at his messy face and put a hand on his, “She’s not coming back because she died in my arms that night.”
A tear escaped and ran down his face.
“Don’t you feel sorry for her?” Yoona questioned. “Victoria hoped to protect us by sacrificing herself and what use are we making of her effort?”
“Get out,” Taecyeon demanded letting go of her.
“Donghae has decided to live for her and I, too, have decided to do the same. All because I don’t want to make her efforts for us go to waste,” Yoona explained. “We’re in the wrong for living, yes, and we’re also in the wrong for mistreating her while we had her. Lets not hurt her anymore by mistreating her again. Victoria’s funeral will be this Saturday, I hope you pick yourself back up. Don’t let Victoria see you like this.”
Yoona eyed him one more time before walking out of the apartment.
Saturday flew by and Yoona arrived at the small building with Victoria’s parents, Mrs. Kim, and her parents. They had decided to keep it a small one as the public media had been kept from hearing about the news of Chairman Song’s daughter.
A thousand dollar coffin had been bought for Victoria’s body and her parents had dressed her in a white gown hoping to rest her in peace for eternity. Yoona found it hard to walk up to the coffin but before the ceremony began she did. Tears erupted in her eyes realizing this was the official farewell. She wanted to tell Victoria not to be afraid, that she wouldn’t be alone forever. Yoona wanted to let Victoria know that she hadn’t died for nothing.
Donghae was first among the guests to arrive and Yoona was surprised to see that his mother had arrived with a bouquet of flowers for Victoria. They smiled at each other as Donghae walked pass. A small crowd of relatives arrived around noon and Taecyeon finally came two hours later. He had shaved and was dressed in a neat black suit that made him looked more handsome than he looked at work.
Victoria was buried the next day.
- - - - -
Taecyeon glanced at the brown boxes beside the bed where he’d stored Victoria’s belongings. He wasn’t planning on donating them but keeping them for memory’s sake. Slipping his coat on he headed pass the kitchen where Victoria’s cookbook sat on the kitchen table. It had started snowing a week after Victoria’s burial and the ground was covered in white and frost. It was a sight, he decided, Victoria would have loved to see. Getting in his car he drove off.
“Morning, Taec. Where are you going?” the receptionist greeted as he walked in.
“Going in to see the CEO.”
Headed toward the elevators Taecyeon rode up to Donghae’s office and found him sitting inside speaking to Secretary Jung. When the door opened Secretary Jung walked out with a greeting to him. Walking pass him Taecyeon opened the office door. Donghae looked up immediately expecting Secretary Jung but his expression changed to a soft one when he noticed it was Taecyeon.
“I came for this,” Taecyeon explained handing him a white envelope with the words ‘Resignation letter’ written on it.
“Why?”
“I’m not planning on staying in Seoul.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“What about Yoona?”
“I have yet to tell her.”
Donghae remained silent before saying, “Then…good luck. I’ll see you next year.”
“Next year?” Taecyeon repeated.
“I know I’ll see you visiting Victoria because I’ll be there as well.”
Taecyeon smiled. “Thanks.”
Donghae raised his eyebrow confused.
“For talking to Yoona who passed on the word to me.” Taecyeon told. “I’ll see you next year.”
Yoona was home when he got there. They both talked outside.
“Are you getting your job back?” Taecyeon wondered.
“In a month or so.” Yoona replied. “But I’ll be on probation.”
“Better than nothing.” Taecyeon smiled.
“What are you doing here?” Yoona asked. “There seems to be some other motive involved.”
“I came,” he started, “to say goodbye.”
Yoona’s smile faded.
“I’m going out of the country to find a new place where I can find peace. Korea…has too many troubles for me.” Taecyeon replied.
“What about…” Yoona didn’t finish. She had wanted to say Victoria…but recalling Taecyeon’s sorrow over losing her she couldn’t bear to see him sad at the sound of her name.
“I’ll see you next year.”
“Next year?” she repeated confused.
“We’ll see each other again when we visit Victoria. There won’t be a year where I won’t make it back to see her,” Taecyeon promised. “So, whenever you can, go keep your friend company and I’ll write you as well.”
Yoona smiled. “Sure. We’ll see each other soon. A year isn’t long.”
Three days later with no familiar destination in mind Taecyeon boarded a plane to Australia. Maybe when he flew into the sky he would be able to get a closer look at heaven and probably see Victoria smiling there, perhaps.
***This is perhaps the worst ending in all my stories. But I had no other way to end it.
***THANKS MUCH for the SUPPORT everybody!!!! I certainly hope that you enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it =D
***I made a happy poster as a farewell.
***I'll see you guys again in my other stories!
***If you're interested, I'm working on Their Kingdom Panorama starring Donghae & Victoria and Give Me 120 More Years starring Onew & Nana
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