Chapter 61
Defence
It was half an hour later when she left Victoria’s house and returned to her car. On the way to the apartment she felt anxious yet happy that she’d see a smile on Victoria’s face. It was feeling like forever since she’d seen her friend.
When she rung the doorbell no one came to the door. Yoona rung the doorbell again and again insistently before Victoria came to the door looking drained. There was something about her that felt different.
“Are you ok?” Yoona first asked without a greeting. “You look tired. Have you been doing well alone?”
“Ah…” Victoria turned and put a hand up to her face as if to block her eyes from view. “I’m ok. I just…didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Have you been up all night?” Yoona stepped in closing the door after her.
She felt worried, heartsick. Questions pondered her mind as she wondered if it had been the right decision to tell Taecyeon to move out.
“I’m ok. I feel better, really.” Victoria tried.
Yoona glanced at her without a word and walked into the kitchen setting the container of food down.
“I brought some porridge for you,” Yoona explained, “Mrs. Kim made it.”
Victoria’s face became overfilled with feelings of longing and regret, a sad expression. She quickly wiped it away and smiled as if she hadn’t felt sad at all. And while she ate, Yoona found herself staring at Victoria’s blank expression. It was as if she were holding back all emotions that should have been poured out. For some reason, Yoona felt that without seeing Victoria tear up made everything even sadder.
“Is it ok? It’s good, right?” Yoona asked trying to get something out of her silent friend.
Victoria looked up with a very happy smile, that of a child’s. “It’s just like old nanny Kim to make this. I can hardly recall how it used to taste like…but I do recognize the ingredients she put in here. I enjoy it.”
After lunch they sat around and talked about some shows on the TV before Yoona left. When she walked out she concluded that something about Victoria was off.
- - - - -
The door closed and Victoria was once again enveloped in silence. Sitting on the couch with knees up to her chest she leaned her head against the top of the couch. Homemade food…she’d never tasted anything like that in what felt like a lifetime. How thankful she was to Yoona for bringing Mrs. Kim’s specialty for her eat even though Victoria couldn’t express any of her thankful feelings.
She didn’t want to imagine how heartbroken Yoona would be again when she would no longer be there. To Donghae, as well, she’d have to tell him…he was just a person she’d met by accident. All he was to her was just a normal man, another friend she’d just come across. And Taecyeon…
Victoria couldn’t imagine it. What should she say? What could she say?
The impact against her legs the first night they met when he ran into her had been marked so clearly into her body that it was engraved so deeply into her still mind. The morning he’d arrived back at the apartment to find her having a conversation with Donghae to when she’d threatened him to let her stay.
A light smile marked her lips then when she recalled his shocked facial expression.
Memories seeped into her veins. When he first brought her to the store for clothes, when she had her first meal with him and when he asked her why she always wolfed down her food, when he bought her a cookbook, his scolding were all embedded into her brain. The phone he bought her that he claimed was so expensive and made her carry around made her almost want to laugh till she cried. Then came the banquet and the reunion with Yoona at the hall. Everything seemed to fly in her mind.
The four weeks at the apartment had been so seemingly slow but seemed to have gone by so fast. In that short period of time Taecyeon had discovered her identity and she’d given away all her secrets to him before moments of awkwardness developed between them. Victoria’s heart let out a leap when she recalled how Taecyeon had found her at the terminal. She had really not expected anyone to come for her. It touched her, he made her feel glad that she would have been missed…but yet, at the same time it was hard for her to accept.
Her life had only seemed to crumble before her eyes after she landed in the hospital the night after their argument, the night Taecyeon had been taken hostage by So Young. All of a sudden, then, she was tangled up in a web of misery along with Taecyeon, Yoona, and Donghae.
And now…she had approximately six days left. Only six days to cut off all her ties.
- - - - -
Walking into the small café he had often frequented before he had found the job at Donghae’s business, he ordered a cup of coffee and sat down to enjoy the view of the long winding street outside. Once he had relaxed himself he thought back to the memories of the cool new city he’d arrived in.
Far away from home, far away from anyone he knew, all by himself. It had been new and things had quickly fallen into place after he’d settled down completely. For a long, long time he sat there thinking slightly of his family and the few friends he had. Memories of the words of confrontation from Victoria about being lonely gently swung into his memory as a mellow melody came on through the radio.
Of course, who else, other than her, would know loneliness as well? Taking a sip of the hot coffee he let it burn his tongue then recalled that Yoona had been just as lonely. For the first time he wondered if Donghae, the rich boy as he was, had grown up lonely as well, seeing that he was an only child.
During the half hour that he sat there thinking of nothing, he watched the sun slowly slide down the edge of the earth.
The door opened and closed after him. The wind splashed by gently yet harshly before he walked toward the car parked across the street. It was then when he grabbed the handle to open the door that he paused. A sudden emotion had overcame him and his calm expression from earlier disappeared from his face. As a car whizzed by his mind quickly became clouded by thoughts he’d been suppressing since he’d woken up in the kitchen.
She restrained him from worrying, she did whatever it took to stop him from worrying. She would have gone as far as to beating him up to get him to leave her alone. She had been so insistent that he didn’t care, but he couldn’t help it.
He was worried.
What was she doing? Was she bored? What was she eating? Did she still have food? Who was keeping her company? Was she afraid staying by herself?
Pulling the door open he got inside and cruised along the road for a while.
After an eternity of silence Taecyeon found himself stepping out of the car with a bag of fried chicken in his grasp while he stared out at the lit window coming from the apartment that was rightfully his. He couldn’t see her shadow looming about so he hoped that she was sleeping instead of sitting quietly.
Opening the door he walked up the stairs and searched for the key in his pocket. Unlocking the door as soundly as he could, he twisted the doorknob. Taecyeon was unsure to why he was so cautious about not making a noise. Maybe he didn’t want to alarm her or maybe he was hoping to surprise her.
When the door opened he first looked to the hall ahead of him then to the right where the kitchen was.
It was silent. No one was in sight.
Where was she?
Finally turning to his left he found her sitting with her knees up to her chest, arms around her knees, and her head down on her arms. Her long hair trailed over her shoulders. She looked grieved.
For a moment he just stood there and stared at her. His heart sunk, he felt pained to see her like that. He was worried about whether she had been feeling alright the past two days and if her wound was healing up properly.
Reaching his hand out he purposely twisted the doorknob loudly and when Victoria looked up he turned his head down to his shoes to make it look like he’d just stepped in and hadn’t yet seen her. After managing to get his shoes off he looked up to see her looking at him with angry yet relieved eyes. It was the kind of look he received from her every so often and it felt nice to see it again.
“What are you doing?” he asked after she had purposely decided not to greet him. “Are you hungry? You didn’t eat, did you?”
Victoria just stared at him before turning away, she didn’t move from where she stood. A victorious smile overtook his lips glad to know that he wasn’t about to be kicked out from his own apartment. He hoped that her anger had cooled from the other day’s argument.
The longer he looked at her, the more he felt like just going over to her, taking her hand, and leading her into the kitchen where they could eat together. However, he knew the scenery he imagined didn’t quite suit the way she was feeling. Turning away he walked into the kitchen to set up the table first hoping that she would later follow.
When he set out the rice and the plates on the table Victoria came in and sat down. They were quiet.
“Are you feeling better? Do you want to go to the doctor’s tomorrow?” Taecyeon suggested.
“I already went,” Victoria replied without looking up.
And he felt it then that she wanted to avoid eye contact.
Why?
The mood in the air hadn’t turned from great to worse, nor had it gone from worse to great.
“So, don’t worry about me,” she told then added, “and…you don’t have to keep coming over. I’ll notify you if I ever need anything.”
“In short, you don’t want me around?” Taecyeon rephrased the question into other words that made him want to become angry.
Victoria was quiet before she looked up at him with eyes that told him to back off from another oncoming argument. Too late, it was already in the air.
“So, I can’t get angry? I can’t worry and I can’t think about how you’re doing just because you think I’m not decent enough? Am I not qualified to be someone who can be there for you? But Lee Donghae can do it all?” the words flew out of his mouth rashly.
“If you feel that way then don’t show up in front of me. If you feel that you’re not qualified then you probably aren’t qualified to be anyone to me,” Victoria calmly replied.
He was at a loss. “What do you want me to do!”
“I said before not to do anything.”
“I can’t help not doing anything when I know you keep building that ice cold wall around yourself and I keep feeling like I need to break it down just to get to you again. Why do you keep doing that? Do you like to see me frustrated? Or are you afraid of getting hurt?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Victoria said. “I’m not afraid of getting hurt, is this something else which you’ve assumed about me? Am I that narrow minded?”
“Yes, you are!”
Victoria snorted at him, “You’re childish.”
“You are, as well!”
Silence overcame them and Taecyeon sat down at last. Neither made a move for their eating utensils.
He wanted to apologize, she wanted go apologize, but the words couldn’t make their way through their mouths. He was angry, still brooding over the fact that she hadn’t taken anything he’d said seriously. Victoria wanted to apologize but apologizing would make things too easy for him. It would be a forgive and forget. In other words, she’d be allowing him to easily step through her wall. She couldn’t be having any of that at the moment.
After a minute Taecyeon placed a cup of water in front of her and walked out.
Giving her some space and giving her some time would probably be better than trying to suffocate her with more arguing. He was bound to come back the next day anyway. He knew that for sure.
- - - - -
Victoria cleared the table and went straight to sleep. However, her eyes were wide awake even at six in the morning. Giving up sleep she got up woefully and ran around the gym. After an hour run she finally dropped to the ground and sat cross legged with sweat pouring down her face. The pain she’d been numbly feeling from the gunshot wound was no where to be felt at the moment. She took the sign as a positive one. The wound was probably healing up properly this time.
She’d been cooped up too long in the apartment, though it had only been a couple days or so. Releasing the tension from her cramped up muscles felt awfully nice. Lying down on the mat she stared up at the ceiling with her chest heaving up and down in order to catch her breath.
5 more days…just 5 more days…
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