64
Defence
“Who?” the woman asked as if taken aback then moved her eyes about before she nodded. “The CEO?”
“Oh…is that what he goes by here?” Victoria wondered aloud.
The woman stared at her with a strange expression as if she couldn’t believe that Victoria didn’t know that.
The woman smiled again, “Do you have an appointment with him? Can I have your name and what you’re here for?”
“Oh…” Victoria leaned away from the desk, “I’m…”
“Victoria!” a voice shouted from behind.
Spinning around she spotted Donghae just walking in through the doors. A happy smile on his face. With no desire to destroy it Victoria smiled in return.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I wanted to see you,” Victoria told.
She noticed his face brighten up. Good or bad?
Pressing her lips together she went on, “Can we talk outside?”
- - - - -
Taecyeon walked in through the doors pulling at his jacket with a neat, clear smile on his face that definitely defined his good mood. Once he stopped by the front desk the receptionist jumped up in her seat.
“You just missed it!” she bellowed.
“What did I miss?” he wondered.
“A woman just came in for the CEO!” she excitedly told. “She was so pretty too! Definitely very different from his former fiancée.”
“Is that all?” he became uninterested.
“By different, I mean really different. She didn’t even call him by his general label, CEO. Instead she called him by his name and acted clueless.”
Taecyeon frowned, “Who came in for him?”
“I think the CEO called her Victoria.” the receptionist pointed a finger to her chin in thought.
Taecyeon turned around to look around then turned back to her, “You said she just came in?”
She nodded in reply. Without an explanation he darted out the doors and ran halfway down the block toward the lot. Turning here and there he didn’t spot them anywhere. His heart raced. Why did Victoria come to see Donghae? And of all people, why him?
- - - - -
They should have taken the car instead of walking so silently along the sidewalk. The quietness of their breaths were killing Victoria while she thought hard of how to start the conversation. A usual small talk was boring and led to no where. It would just turn the atmosphere awkward.
They passed some window shops then a bakery and donut store. Amidst the crowd of a traffic of people Victoria noticed lovers sharing laughs, holding hands and crossing the street side by side. On instinct she turned to find Donghae’s attention elsewhere other than the couples. She wondered, then, if he had a yearning to do the same.
“You asked me if it’s possible to love two people at once. Why would you? Isn’t one person enough?” Taecyeon’s voice rang in her ears.
Why had she ever bothered asking him such a thing? She never knew he’d put it into thought. She never thought he’d ever ask her that and cause her to doubt herself.
“Lets sit here,” Donghae’s voice broke into her thoughts. “I don’t know how long you plan on walking but I’m getting tired.”
Victoria stopped to realize that they were on an empty trail laid out with bricks in the ground. It curved around the corner and she couldn’t see where it went anymore because of the white fence winding along the area. Thick and short green bushes grew inside the fenced area as well as some short stubby trees. She had never seen the area before. Sitting down she glanced at the identical bushes facing them.
“Did we walk for a long time?” Victoria questioned.
Donghae gave her a warm smile, “Not really, I’m just lazy.”
Victoria gave no response and turned to explore the bricks on the ground with her eyes.
“Where were you planning to take me? I was sort of hoping you had some sort of surprise for me,” Donghae expressed, “I’m kind of disappointed that you didn’t say anything along the way.”
She found that her mind was blank. She didn’t know how to start it and she didn’t know what to say…of all the things she’d thought of last night.
“I’m really happy that you came to look for me this morning. It feels like I’m starting another day on the right foot.”
Victoria’s heart tightened into a knot. How could she destroy his smile? The guilt would kill her.
“You said you wanted to talk? Why aren’t you talking?” he wondered.
She wish there were somewhere nearby where she could hide herself and just pretend she never went to look for him that morning. Yet, at the same time she was also aware that she needed to talk to him. Tell him what she’d been wanting to say since…he’d wanted to start anew.
“Hmm?” he went on. “Victoria?”
Words ran through her mind. Her heart flushed and her blood rushed. She couldn’t clearly explain it. Killing him would be the same as killing herself…
“Victoria?” he reached his hand up to touch her arm worrying whether she was ok or not.
“I,” she started, “thought a lot last night. I thought a lot. I never quite understood it in the beginning but I caught on. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t. Every time you ask something of me it’s so hard to turn you down because I really like your smile and sometimes I’m afraid I won’t be able to hear your voice anymore. I don’t want you to remember me, but I’m also greedy for you to remember me.”
Donghae didn’t want to know where she was going. He wanted to interrupt but her face expressed so much pain that he couldn’t.
“A while back, you said you wanted to know where you stand in front of me. I can tell you now…you’re there. There is a place for you but I can’t give it to you. I’m going to have to turn you down again. It’s not possible for us to start over because I’m not willing to go there. I’m sorry…that you had to meet me.” Victoria never looked at him. Her eyes had always been on the ground.
“What do you mean you’re not willing? There can’t be something that’s holding you back,” Donghae pleaded, “I don’t care if I can’t have a spot in your heart. I just need a spot by your side.”
Desperation had completely taken him over. He couldn’t let it go just like that…
“I’m greedy too. If you’re greedy why can’t we just be greedy together? Why can’t you just give up and let your desires take over? I’m not willing to step out of your life. I need you, Victoria. You need me too, I know you need me too.”
“So can’t you…hold me just once?”
His aura screamed. Her heart trembled. She wanted some comfort.
“I’m sorry,” all the guilt was beginning to crush her and the only words she found in her heart were those two words.
Why was it so hard to hurt him?
“Thank you for teaching me how to skate, taking me out to eat, giving me the opportunity to feel like a person again, and thank you for taking me on my first date. I promise I won’t forget it,” once she held her head up to look at his saddened, shocked face tears welled up and fell one by one.
Victoria let out a cry and leaned forward to hug him, burying her face in his chest. She couldn’t allow him to watch her cry and she knew she wasn’t crying just because of him. The tears were also because of Taecyeon and Yoona, people she couldn’t let go.
- - - - -
Donghae returned to his office when his shift had already ended. The lobby was empty and barely anyone had stayed behind for work. Sitting back in his chair he loosened the tie around his neck and shut his eyes. He was tired, drained of tears. Victoria had left right after and he knew he couldn’t expect to see her again. The only question that approached his aching mind was: Why did it have to happen?
- - - - -
When Victoria arrived back at Taecyeon’s apartment she smelled fresh cooked food from the doorway. Her eyes grew wide and she hurried in to find Taecyeon in the kitchen preparing a meal. There were already plates of fresh rice set out on the table and two cups of water on the side.
Taecyeon turned around sensing her presence and smiled right away, “Hi, Missy.”
Victoria couldn’t bring herself to smile in reply so instead she half turned her face away unsure of how to respond.
“What’s wrong?” he asked holding up the spatula in his hand.
Summing up her energy that had gone she smiled, “Don’t go to work tomorrow.”
Taecyeon raised an eyebrow anxiously waiting to hear the rest.
“Lets go on a date.” Victoria suggested.
“Date?” Taecyeon repeated then crossed his arms mischievously. “I only go on dates with people I like.”
“Then we don’t have to go.”
“Uh…wait! I’m just kidding. Lets go tomorrow. Tomorrow, ok? You promised.”
- - - - -
“Is Ok Taecyeon in?” Donghae questioned Secretary Jung when he walked through the door to give early reports from franchises they owned.
“Ok Taecyeon?” he repeated clueless holding onto a stack of papers.
Donghae stared back at him.
Secretary Jung cleared his throat, “No. I haven’t seen him.”
“See if he called in sick. Right now.” he emphasized the last two words.
“But…the reports,” Secretary Jung pointed to the reports in his hand.
“Later.”
Wincing he backed out and came back in after rushing through the long hallway. While making his way to Donghae’s office he wondered why Donghae’s office had to be set so far away from everyone else.
Opening the door he said right away, “He’s not in. Called in sick at seven this morning.”
***The saddest line: “Thank you for teaching me how to skate, taking me out to eat, giving me the opportunity to feel like a person again, and thank you for taking me on my first date."
***Get ready for heart break
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