47
Defence
“We didn’t leave because we wanted to make sure you were ok,” Yoona said calmly, looking at her sincerely, “and we wanted to talk.”
Victoria looked at her then turned her attention to the ceiling. “What’s there to talk about? Can’t it wait?”
“No, it can’t wait.” Yoona protested.
“Yah, you shouldn’t be acting like that,” Taecyeon scolded lightly.
Victoria shot him a glare.
“Actually, after you out I think Taecyeon was more worried than I was,” Yoona confessed trying to make her feel better.
Victoria detected a note of sadness in her tone and turned to look at Yoona before glancing toward Taecyeon. What was this she was feeling? With no time for an excuse they wouldn’t accept, Victoria decided to go with it just to make up for last night’s scene.
“What?” she asked looking blankly up to the ceiling.
“Where did they take you?” Yoona went first.
“I can’t say,” she simply replied.
Yoona kept herself from giving a sigh, “What did they force you to do?”
“Plenty.”
“Can you answer seriously?” Taecyeon said from the side.
Keeping her eyes on the white ceiling she gave in, “I was young, how was I supposed to know where we went? Somewhere behind the mountains, near the border to the sea. A place with no name.” Victoria paused. “90% men, 10% women. It was an area of male supremacy. They forced me to do things, learn things I would never have learned in this city.” Victoria searched her memory. “Whether it was warm or cold, the women threw me outside for crying so often. I possibly stopped crying as a child my second week there. And life as a teenager, well…lets see…other than being forced to learn through combat you could say I was constantly harassed. Even though I was bruised up I was forced to go on trips with the men…you know…what I constantly did…”
“All the men at the base love me and that means you should give me just as much attention.”
Taecyeon’s expression tightened at that remembrance of So Young’s words.
As if Victoria read his mind she said, “And if you’re wondering whether I was ually harassed, assaulted, or …it could have happened.”
Yoona felt close angrily wondering why Victoria spoke of it as nothing.
“Am I that defenseless? Do you think I’m easy?” Victoria asked them while shooting them hard glances. “The girl from yesterday…she wasn’t good with defending herself, was she?”
Taecyeon knew she had a point. So Young merely looked weak with her punches.
“Maybe they did things to her, but I started carrying a gun at a much younger age than she. I was forced to mature at an early age.” Victoria explained. “I traded blows with the others, the men, just to show them that I was an equal.”
She heard their slow breaths echo in the thick walled room.
“Is that enough info?” she asked.
Yoona returned her gaze, “No. You’re not saying it all.”
Victoria didn’t retort.
“Fine,” Yoona got up, “I’ll leave. But I’ll be back anyway. So prepare the rest of your story for me to hear.” Yoona turned to Taecyeon. “Let me know the date of her discharge when you find out, please. You should get some rest as well.”
With that the door opened and closed quietly.
Heaving a sigh Victoria closed her eyes planning to sleep again. In that moment she felt her hair being brushed aside purposely by Taecyeon. The tone of Yoona’s voice earlier remained in her mind and while pressing her lips together she reached up and grabbed his hand, finally opening her eyes.
“You…” she started, “do you like me?”
He stared back at her stunned with the question. Victoria put his hand down and let go of him.
“Whether it’s you, or Donghae, I don’t want it.” Victoria told slowly. “So…don’t swoon over me.”
“Get some sleep. I know you’re exhausted.” he suggested.
There was no yes, or no as an answer to her question. What was he so conflicted about? Victoria turned her face away and closed her eyes, yet even then, she could still sense him sitting there as a sign that he wouldn’t leave her alone in the hospital.
- - - - -
A long warm shower was all it took to send Yoona off into dreamland. When the sun had turned down and the moon had risen she woke up late in the evening but didn’t get up. The lamp on the bedside table lit up the room dimly giving the room a mysterious feel underneath the calm. It flowed up and down like a strenuous pattern. Her breathing was hallow but quiet. Her body felt tired and lazy, but her mind was awake and her eyes carried on with its exploration of her surroundings.
She turned her head and stared at the light coming from underneath the lamp’s cover, which came down like an umbrella. Maybe it had been the silent black dream she’d had or maybe it was the uneasiness she was slowly beginning to feel.
There it was, ringing in her ears again. Its loud booming noise that it always made whenever the bullet shell flew out. But for the first time, this impact, this feeling she was having was the first she’d felt since her career as a Sherriff began. Yes, she’d taken the offense and shot others before. Yes, she’d shot others in defense of herself and others. But never had she shot anyone and killed them purposely.
The feeling was sinking in. An image of Victoria lying there helpless to the girl, who was standing above her with gun pointing down at her, aiming for her head came into picture before her eyes. It had just merely been an act to save a friend from dying. But the feeling was sinking in.
She’d killed someone and she saw that person die.
It was a fact, not a truth. Yoona gripped both her hands into fists as she lay there silently. Did she feel guilty? Yes. Silence rang in her ears before she started wondering if Victoria had ever felt guilty for taking a person’s life. Of course, Victoria was, as well, a human being. She had feelings. The little friend Yoona used to know was a really soft hearted girl. Underneath Victoria’s stubborn façade, she was sure that the little girl still existed somewhere.
And for once, Yoona wanted to know if Victoria was scared to put her trust or believe in someone. For 14 years, had Victoria been neglected heavily? Recalling from earlier, as Yoona dug deeper into her lone thoughts, she recalled that Victoria didn’t go into details of those 14 years. She merely summarized everything up with two or three paragraphs.
Yoona felt worriedly lost in thought. Taecyeon stuck so close to Victoria’s side that she almost couldn’t bear to look on. What was with him? He seemed so straightforward at first…but now she couldn’t read him anymore. Ever since that night at the banquet, ever since he found out everything else, it had felt like they had became distant. For some reason, it bothered her.
Or was she just being foolish? Being tempted by her own assumptions? Why had she been bothered in the first place by who Taecyeon liked? Why should it matter to her? Yoona felt irritated now.
But they had been living together…
Now that thought was itching at her ever more. Had anything happened while they lived together? What about the things they’d talked about? She felt so curious.
Without wondering why, she became prompted to give him a call. Taecyeon answered after a couple of rings. While waiting for him to answer she felt unbelievably impatient.
“Hello?” his quiet voice answered.
“How is it over there?” she asked.
“Victoria’s been sleeping ever since you left. The doctor said she’s going to be weak for a week or so, but everything’s well. Oh yea, he said she can be discharged Thursday.”
“That’s good to hear,” Yoona commented, “are you tired? Have you eaten?”
“I have. Have you been up this whole time?” he asked.
“I just woke up,” Yoona answered.
“Get something to eat then. I’m sure you’re hungry.”
“What about you? Are you going to head back to your apartment?”
“I did a few hours ago. I’m planning to sleep in the hospital until Victoria gets discharged.” he explained.
The conversation Yoona had been enjoying at first slumped downhill before she picked herself back up, “Sounds like a good idea. I’ll see you tomorrow morning then.”
With that she hung up.
- - - - -
Slipping his phone into his pocket he opened the doorway and reentered the room where Victoria was sleeping soundly. It had felt like an extremely long day. It was hard to believe that after their argument he’d been held as a hostage to lure Victoria out. Now that he was finally recalling every moment he shivered. Shaking the fear off he sat down on the chair by the bed and studied her.
Even with her eyes closed she resembled a little insecure girl who’d never experienced warmth her whole life. 14 years of life in the base definitely surpassed the 12 years of life she should have lived as a normal girl. In majority maybe Victoria had never been happy at all. It was a pitiful thought.
If Victoria ever went back to her parents, as he hoped she would, he could imagine how much life she’d give them. For a long moment he asked why it had been Victoria, who’d gone through so much pain. Why had it been her, who’d lost every single moment of her life? Why did she have to live so unfairly?
He felt his heart go out to her. Inside her angry eyes she must be so scared, he thought. He recalled the moment he’d discovered her at the terminal. Victoria had looked so worn and broken. How insecure she must have been to have just left on such impulse. Taecyeon regretted that he hadn’t been understanding of her since the first moment she’d threatened him to let her stay.
The way she stared at the new television, the way she always looked through the DVDs, the way she watched water run out of the faucet, and the way she’d followed him through the grocery store. For once, he was more than glad that he’d bought her the cookies she’d asked for. It must have been so long since she’d eaten something so sweet.
Since the moment Victoria began turning her back on him, since the moment she became more aggressive in front of him, since she’d confessed everything…he wondered if that was her way of protecting him from everything else. She probably didn’t understand the meaning of being protected or protecting but she’d tried. One thing he was sure of was that she understood the fear of death. How many times had she been shot? Stabbed? Beaten?
“Are you crying?” her voice shattered the silence.
He shot his mind back to reality to find Victoria staring at him.
“Why?” he questioned.
She snorted, “Sure you weren’t.”
Turning away he heard her heave a loud sigh. Neither of them moved for a minute. Victoria suddenly inched her arms up and tried to push herself up.
“What are you doing?” he asked making his way toward her. “Do you want to sit?”
“Yea…”
“I’ll help you,” he offered half sitting on the bed as he slipped his arms underneath her arms and tried to help pull her up. “Does it hurt? Do you feel any pain?”
Victoria scrunched her face up from the tearing muscles she felt at her side. Because of biting her cheeks from inside she couldn’t answer him.
“Does it hurt?” he repeated.
She gave a repressed shout while half leaning against him, “Ah!”
Stopping he moved back to glance at her but while doing so he felt their cheeks slightly brush against each other. He wanted to say an apology but instead they glanced at each other’s eyes shyly. It had been a while since he’d been so close to anyone. It was such a concious feeling. Her breath landing against his skin. As he slightly leaned closer, he felt her hesitating while pulling herself back. On impulse he tightened his arms around her pulling her closer before giving her a five second long kiss. With half opened eyes he searched for her reaction. Victoria didn’t move at first and he assumed that he’d surprise her. However, all thoughts melted when Victoria tilted her lips toward him and kissed him in return. Naturally responding back he casually hugged her and felt her hands gently hold him.
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