I felt like floating. 

 

When I finally realized my feelings for Winter, I felt relieved. I didn’t know why I was thinking so much about it. Tama nga si Yuyu. Why did I have to think too much about it when I said it myself na Winter was not hard to like?

 

Winter was…is very easy to like.

 

And I’m not going to lie and say I don’t like the things she does for me. I do. But it’s what she makes me feel when she does those things for me. 

 

It feels nice.

 

And masarap ang feeling nice. 

 

Actually nagpanic pa ako first when I finally acknowledged my feelings for Winter. Every time I think about it, natatawa lang ako. 

 

“I like Winter,” I said to Yuyu. 

 

“Finally. Tagal mo naman ma realize yan. Naiinip na kaming lahat actually.” 

 

“Oh my god, Yuyu,” I panicked. “I like Winter. Oh my god. Yuyu, what do I do?” I looked at her frantically. Napahawak ako sa shoulders niya and shook her. “Yuyu, I like Winter holy . WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?” 

 

“We did,” she said na parang bored na siya. She’s so done with me. 

 

“Well, you didn’t try hard enough!”

 

“Ay wow, kami pa yung masama?” 

 

“Sorry,” I whispered. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Napaupo ako beside Yuyu. “I like Winter,” I said again. This time, with a smile on my face. “Yuyu, can you believe it? I like Winter.” 

 

“Paulit-ulit, Yuyu? Gusto mo tawagan si Winter at sabihin yan sa kanya?” I pushed her off the bed. “Aray naman!” 

 

“Sorry.” I pulled her back up on my bed. “Ikaw kasi. This is new to me kaya! I don’t know what to do.” 

 

“Sabihin mo na kay Winter na gusto mo siya.”

 

I rolled my eyes at her. “Easier than done. Have you forgotten? Baka mahiya ulit ako sa kanya.” 

 

“Yuyu, no! Hindi pwede. Ayoko makita ulit yung pagiging awkward mo. Ang sakit sa mata.” 

 

I sighed. “I know. We actually have playful banters now!” Just thinking about those times is making me kilig. 

 

Honestly, why hadn’t I realized sooner? That’s why I panicked around her. Lahat ng sinabi ni Yuna before was kind of spot on. Naiilang ako sa mga pretty girls, especially if they make me feel some type of way. 

 

First it was Yeji, although she really doesn’t count. Pero si Doyeon. How I was with Winter before we became closer was exactly how I acted with Doyeon. Nervous, nauutal, and umiiwas. 

 

Ang cringey ko pala. 

 

“Iniimagine niyo na kayo no?” Yuyu teased and elbowed me. “You had your look…yung faraway look mo kapag nag-daydream ka.” 

 

“Shut up.” 

 

Tumayo siya and umupo sa swivel chair ko. She spun around before she faced me. Ang serious naman. 

 

“Anong gagawin mo?” 

 

Actually, now that I think about it. I don’t know.

 

“Ewan ko.” I looked down, fiddling with my rosary ring. “What should I do?” 

 

“Edi lumandi ka pa!” She snickered. “Sawa na ako makita kang nauutal.” 

 

“Hey…it’s not my fault girls are so attractive.”

 

“So, attractive si Winter?”

 

“Yes?” I said questioningly. Noon ko pa lang sinabi na nagagandahan ako sa kanya. “I always thought she was pretty naman.” 

 

“Yan ang sabihin mo. Winter, you’re so pretty. I like you. Ganyan!”

 

“Yuyu, grabe I don’t just like Winter because she’s pretty.” 

 

“Bakit mo nga like si Winter? Ano ang nagparealize sayo? Confused ka pa two days ago.”

 

“Well, diba I was questioning whether I liked her or not dahil sa mga ginagawa niya through the bet. Pero kanina kasi when she was singing, I realized a lot of things. I like being with her. I like how she makes me feel when I’m with her. And I like everything about her.” 

 

Her eyes widened sa mga sinabi ko and mouthed ‘wow.’ “Dapat pala nirecord ko yun. Send ko na lang kay Winter.” 

 

I threw a pillow at her and she caught it, laughing. “Umuwi ka na lang if you’re just going to tease me! Nakaasar ka. Help me kaya?” 

 

“I have been helping kaya? Kung hindi sa bet ko, hindi kayo maging close ni Winter.”

 

That was true. This was all Yuyu’s doing. Yung sinabi niyang this time we make sure you get the girl rang through my ears. A familiar rush of heat coursed through my neck and ears.

 

Can I get the girl? 

 

“I guess.” 

 

“Alam mo Yuyu, continue mo lang yung pagkasweet mo kay Winter. Diba tinetext mo siya? Damihan mo pa! Paano mo ba nilandi si Yeonjun before? Yun din gawin mo!”

 

Now that I think about it, I don’t know what I did? Kasi, it was kind of different lang. Hindi ako yung nag initiate, I just reciprocated. I mean, yes, I think naging sweet naman ako as a girlfriend pero prior na naging kami, I just accepted whatever Yeonjun was doing. I just reacted to everything he did.

 

I was already nice and sweet towards Winter. But was I affectionate? I guess I could be? I could try naman to show affection towards Winter. Sana hindi ako mahiya at the last minute.

 

Pero no. I’ve decided that I will always be brave KK. Hindi ko sayangin ang November. 

 

I will show Winter I like her. Give her her favourite candies like I did today.

 

Actually, did she like that? Hindi ko nakita reaction niya because we all left so quickly. 

 

Or baka pwede kong tanungin si Winter if I can pick her up sa bahay niya? Pero nahihiya ako. I think that’s too advanced for me to do. 

 

I also just realized my irrational jealousy kanina with Yeji was because I already liked Winter. Yes, I wanted to give her those snacks. Yes, I wanted to talk to her about her favourite snacks. It was just too bad that I couldn’t. 

 

Yeji kasi. er. 

 

Paano ba magpigil ng kilig? Because this is the second time I’m finding myself breathless at the sight of Winter. And it’s not like may nagbago sa pagmumukha niya. It’s just that, I think I’m noticing more of her.

 

Since Winter’s hair has grown, tinali niya ito in a loose ponytail, some strands of her hair falling to the side of her face. And ang cute lang niya when the wind blew past her face and she just closed her eyes and crinkled her nose. 

 

Para akong lumipad papunta sa kanya. I decided to hug her again. She stiffened but not like last time kasi she slowly melted in my embrace this time. And then she wrapped her arms around me too.

 

The warmth that spread through me was very much welcomed. Parang ayaw kong kumawala. I just wanted to stay there smelling Winter’s lavender and baby smell. 

 

“Good morning,” I whispered in her ear before ako umalis pagyakap sa kanya. Ang lamig tuloy ng feeling. Pwede hug na lang kami ulit? 

 

Namumula ulit siya. Was this my doing? 

 

“Morning,” she mumbled. 

 

I smiled. Pero at the corner of my eye, I couldn’t help but notice Ning eyeing Winter and I. 

 

Ako ba tinitingnan niya or si Winter? There was just a look of concern kasi.

 

When I saw how Winter reacted with my hugs, I thought it would be easy to make moves like that. 

 

Pero hindi.

 

Kasi nahihiya din ako ng slight and Winter seemed more taken aback so actions ko rather than accepting of it. 

 

Ang stiff lang niya kasi. I think I’m doing something wrong.

 

Because at the library, I sat beside her instead of across from her like I usually do. I had casually leaned against my chair and draped my arm on the back of the chair, resting it there. 

 

I was even bold enough at mag lean forward para basahin yung libro niya kahit hindi ko naman maintindihan. Napaatras lang kasi siya like she didn’t want to be near me.

 

So, inalis ko yung arm ko sa chair niya and just did my work. I needed to hand in my proposal for my thesis next week na. Minsan kasi nakakadistract if Winter is just sitting pretty next to you. 

 

And it’s even more distracting when she reads and she’s mouthing the words, her lips moving ever so slightly. 

 

I couldn’t help but stare.

 

Nagulat lang ako sa pinag-iisip ko because suddenly I wondered what flavour lip balm Winter was wearing. 

 

I had taken a break from doing my work at chineck yung phone ko. Bigla siyang napabuntung hininga and groaned. 

 

She was even squeezing the bridge of her nose. 

 

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked, worried. I ran a comforting hand on the small of her back.

 

She rubbed her eyes and went back to reading her book. “Yeah, nakakainis lang yung problem. Ang hirap.” 

 

“Sorry, I couldn’t be of any help.”

 

She just smiled at me. Ang soft lang niya tingnan. I had to fight the urge to cradle her face in my hands and caress her cheeks with my thumbs. 

 

Grabe na pala ako. Kung ano-ano na gusto kong gawin kay Winter. 

 

Control, self. 

 

Nakakainis din pala mag pigil. It’s kind of frustrating that I want to do more than just sit beside her and offer her a smile.

 

And it’s even more frustrating because it’s not like I don’t want to do those. It’s just that I can’t. First, I get a bit shy. Secondly, I don’t know if Winter would really welcome those kinds of actions from me. Thirdly, nahihiya ako ng slight. 

 

So I could only look.

 

And sometimes titingin din sa akin pabalik si Winter only for me to avert my eyes. Minsan naiisip ko if Winter sees how she makes me feel. Because I get visibly red lang when I’m around her now. 

 

Sigh. 

 

Yung frustration ko is very obvious din pala. Because Lia noticed my balled up fists and pursed lips when I thought about how I wanted to smooth the wrinkles on Winter’s forehead and couldn’t.

 

We were walking around lang trying to pass time before our next class and my mind was just occupied by Winter.

 

Winter.

 

Winter.

 

Winter.

 

“You okay, KK?” Lia reached out for my hand and caressed it. Slowly, nawala yung tension ko. Pero I was still frowning.

 

And instead of telling her I was fine, I whined. “Why is Winter so annoyingly pretty, Lia?” I huffed. “I just want to ughh—!!!” 

 

This earned me a laugh from both Giselle and Lia. Ang saya siguro nila now that I’m openly talking about my feelings for Winter. 

 

“KK, are you done being confused?” I nodded. Giselle chuckled. “Aw, our little gay-gay is all grown up. So, have you made progress?” 

 

I only groaned, frustrated. Kasi anong progress ba ang nagawa ko? I think wala. Weak, weak KK. All I do is daydream about Winter.

 

I sighed before looking at both of them. “I don’t know what to do. Kasi every time I try to be closer to Winter, she just kind of freezes. She probably hates me or something.” 

 

“No way. Winter likes you for sure. No one looks at someone like that and hates you.” Lia said, as a matter-of-factly. 

 

“What do you mean Winter looking at me like that? Like what?” 

 

“With heart eyes, KK.” Tumango si Giselle in agreement. 

 

Really? I hadn’t really noticed. 

 

“What did you do when you found out you liked Yeji, Lia?” I asked, instead. I knew how they got together but if we were to really go from the very beginning, Yeji did not like Lia at first. Masyado daw mareklamo. 

 

So I was curious how Lia managed to get Yeji to fess up. 

 

“I told her, duh!” Lia rolled her eyes. “I don’t beat around the bush, KK.” 

 

As much as I want to just flat out tell Winter I like her, parang hindi ko pa yata kaya. 

 

“I’ve never done this before.” 

 

“What do you mean? You literally had a boyfriend before!” Giselle said incredulously. 

 

I glared at her. “No, I know! But that was different. He did everything. But I mean confessing and doing things? First time ko to.” I whispered. 

 

Nahiya ako bigla. Para tuloy akong nawalan ng experience from the love department. I think it’s just easier when people confess to you and you reciprocate their feelings. Mas mahirap pala if you try initiating things. 

 

“Just make landi, KK. There’s literally no difference. The only difference is that he has a hotdog.” Lia said and I couldn’t help but laugh. Kaming dalawa ni Giselle, tawa ng tawa trying to hold in our laughter habang naglalakad kaming tatlo papunta sa Flying Nuns. “Gosh, who knew liking Winter would be this hard for you.” 

 

My eyes widened before I covered Lia’s very loud mouth. Napatingin ako around us to see if there were any students, or worse, Sisters, roaming around. Buti na lang wala. 

 

I hissed at Lia. “You’re so loud!” 

 

She only rolled her eyes at me. Since nasa labas na kami and open na open sa sinag ng araw, of course, she couldn’t help but complain. 

 

As usual.

 

“I know we’re in a Catholic school but I feel like I’m in hell. It’s so mainit!” 

 

She was pulling on her tie and uncuffed her sleeves. Tinago niya muna cufflinks niya before she rolled her sleeves.

 

Just then, nakita namin si Ning and Winter walking towards us. Bigla akong nahiya and tucked my hair behind my ears. 

 

Nanlaki mga mata ni Giselle. “Oh my god, KK, you must really like Winter. You did your move!”

 

“What move?” I asked, confused.

 

“You tuck your hair behind both ears when you like someone,” she laughed. “You did that with Yeonjun and especially with Doyeon. A whole lot with Doyeon.” She winked. 

 

I immediately fixed my hair to cover my ears as I could feel the heat rush to the top of my head. I did not know I did that! 

 

“Hello mga Ates!” Ning called and Lia only narrowed her eyes at her. “Biro lang.” Then she turned to look at me. “Bakit ang pula mo Karina?” 

 

Tumawa lang si Lia and Giselle. I only cleared my throat. “Uh, ano, mainit lang.” 

 

I looked at Winter briefly and ugh, I could just pinch her cheeks. Ang init lang talaga kasi and her fluffy cheeks were flushed.

 

Ning’s eyes brightened before siya nagsalita. “Tamang-tama, papunta kami sa prayer room!”

 

“Prayer room? What are you going to do there?” Giselle asked. Napakamot din ako sa ulo. Mag ro-rosary ba sila dun? 

 

“Magpapalamig. Gusto niyong sumama? Bagay na bagay ka dun, Karina.” She smirked.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Ipagdarasal ka namin. Mama Mary.” Lia burst out laughing that Giselle had to cover while she was giggling herself. Ang lakas kasi ng tawa. Grabe tuwang-tuwa. 

 

Kinurot lang ni Winter si Ning. Pero nagpipigil lang din siya ng tawa. “Joke lang. Tara na malamig dun. Pray over tayo for good health.” 

 

And then she did the sign of the cross.

 

Lia and Ning were walking ahead of us. I was walking behind them with Winter and Giselle at the very back. 

 

Hindi ako mapakali. Kasi when we were walking, I accidentally brushed my hand against hers. Winter didn’t seem to notice but then I was overthinking. Aga