“Aray naman, Yuyu! Bakit ka nanghahampas?” 

 

Sa totoo lang, hiyang-hiya na ako sa friends ni Yuyu. I feel like in the short time they have gotten to know me, I have not made a good impression at all. I haven’t taken the time to get to know them. Palagi pa akong nauutal, umiiwas.

 

Plus it was a bit embarrassing when Winter and Ning saw me get mad…almost. Di nila ako kilala, di pa nga good impression ko sa kanila tapos they will just see me lose my temper? Nakakahiya.

 

Ayokong isipin nila na I’m that type of person – like yung mga rumors na naririnig nila about me are true.

 

That time at Giddy’s, I almost lost it ng nabangga ako ng isang girl. I’m a very patient person pero pinagsisigawan kasi ako when it wasn’t even my fault. 

 

Muntik na mawala temper ko if it weren’t for Winter. And to be honest, it was a bit unnerving yung ginawa niya kasi it was unexpected. For a moment, nawala sa isip ko yung mango shake. 

 

The next thing I knew, nasa CR na kami ni Lia and pinupunasan niya ako sa panyo na binigay ni Winter. 

 

 

 

Na feel ko yung lagkit from the mango shake and bumalik yung inis ko. I looked down at my shirt and I got annoyed at the stain. I liked that shirt pa naman!

 

“KK, good thing Winter was there and she had these flannels for you.” She commented while wiping my arm. “She was so quick. I didn’t even know she was there.” 

 

Inalis ko yung flannel sa shoulders ko and stared at it. “Right.” I grumbled. Good thing. 

 

“Take your shirt off na and change into Winter’s flannel.” 

 

I turned around to change. Sinuot ko yung flannel ni Winter and I got a whiff of it. It smelled…calming? Parang mix of lavender and new baby smell. Does that make sense? 

 

I buttoned it up and while looking down, I couldn’t help but get a whiff of her collar. Ang bango kasi. It was distracting…in a good way. Di ko na namalayan that I was unconsciously commenting about it. 

 

“So, Winter smells like a baby, huh?” 

 

“What?” Napalingon ako ng mabilis.

 

Lia was smirking at me, eyes filled with so much mirth. The whole mango shake incident was thrown out the window. 

 

“You said Winter smells like a baby.” She took a step forward and brought her face near my neck. Inamoy niya yung shirt tapos tumango. “You’re right, she does.” 

 

I just grunted while I fiddled with the sleeves dahil na rin sa hiya. Mainit din kasi masyado yung flannel, a little too thick so I just rolled it up. Tinali ko na rin buhok ko. Masyadong mainit. 

 

 

 

I thought my annoyance had ended there. 

 

But the universe thought it was a good idea to ruin the fun at Yuyu’s audition. Ang bastos kasi ng mga lalaki. I was so close to kicking them in the face. 

 

Lia gripped me tight. Her nails were digging in my skin and I knew she did that not just to stop me but herself too. Kasi nanginginig na siya when one of them started saying na hindi marunong tumanggap ng compliment ang mga babae.

 

The nerve! 

 

But then Winter spoke up and so did Ning. Inexpect ko yun from Ning but not from Winter. 

 

Kasi, she just seems like a chill person. She seems to go with the flow. Soft spoken and minsan makulit when she’s with Ning. Halata naman na mabait siya and aware siya sa paligid niya.

 

I just didn’t think she would speak up like that. 

 

It took a lot for me to calm down, actually. Kasi my thoughts were all over the place. Kaya nga ako nag taekwondo to work on my patience and self-control pero I almost lost it there.

 

And after that, it occurred to me how they could’ve seen me use my skill to attack instead of defending and bigla akong na disappoint sa sarili ko. 

 

I had berated myself a lot after that. Ayaw ko kasi na ma misinterpret ako, especially with Yuyu’s friends, given na may “reputation” na ako sa school. 

 

Nakakahiya lang. 

 

Kaya umapaw na yung hiya ko kanina at hindi mapigilan na mailang at hampasin si Yuyu when I saw her walk up to the cafeteria.

 

Nawala pa sa isip ko yung pagsauli ng flannel kay Winter. I really did plan on giving it back to her pero…it was all too much. 

 

Nagulat talaga ako kanina when they sat beside me, well Ning did, sa cafeteria. At first, it was okay because they were just eating quietly. Until Ning turned to me and sighed frustratedly while looking at me.

 

Akala ko may nagawa akong masama. Ning just looked exasperated sa akin kasi.

 

Nawindang lang ako sa mga sinasabi niya. It’s like my brain couldn’t process anything she was saying because what was she even saying? I tried to remain calm as much as possible pero hindi ko kinaya.

 

Hindi ko na alam kung anong itsura because I’m pretty sure I was obvious about my discomfort. And trying to look calm while being uncomfortable…is a bit…impossible?

 

Mukha yata akong tanga.
 

I couldn’t handle them anymore. It’s not like they were saying bad things to me – opposite nga eh. They were showering me with compliments. 

 

Akala ko naman kakayanin ko yun. Pero kasi si Ning...hot daw ako? I don’t think anyone looks hot in this uniform. 

 

Hot as in naiinitan, yes, Lia would agree, too. But hot as in physically attractive? Are we looking at the same awfully fitted skirts? 

 

And then sinabi nila ulit yung Mama Mary thing and di ko na kinaya. Sobrang init na yung pakiramdam ko. And I was just forgetting about that whole thing pero bakit ba gustong-gusto nila akong tinatawag na Mama Mary?

 

Good thing Winter didn’t say anything. I was thankful for that.

 

However…I became hyper aware sa surroundings ko. 

 

I tried to avoid looking at her as she looked at me. Ang hirap maghanap ng ibang titingnan sa cafeteria. Bumabaling palagi yung mga mata ko sa kanya. 

 

At one point, we made eye contact and I hadn’t realized that I was frowning and gripped my phone too tight. But I noticed every curve sa kilay niya, yung pag scan ng mga mata niya sa mukha ko. 

 

It was a bit unnerving when she was so close and just openly looked at me as if she was studying my every reaction at what Ning and Chaeryeong said about me. 

 

Winter and her ridiculously distracting gaze.

 

Why does she even look at me like that? 

 

Para akong hindi makahinga doon. 

 

I’m so used to people talking about me  – talking bad things about me – behind my back pero not like Ning na harap-harapan. And I should be glad kasi they were all nice things naman.

 

But…

 

I’m just not used to it.

 

Kahit sila Lia nagsasabi ng ganyan sa akin. It’s just…I never saw myself like that. I think I look okay, yes, but not to the point where I would be called Mama Mary.

 

Iba na yun! 

 

That is Jesus’ mother! 

 

So, when they mentioned Winter’s Mama Mary comment again, I panicked. Bigla akong tumayo and hinanap si Yuyu. 

 

And luckily for me, I saw her walking towards us so I ran straight for her and hinampas ko siya. Di ko na kinaya yung hiya ko. 

 

“Where have you been?!”  I almost screamed at her. I panicked, okay? 

 

“Anong nangyari sayo? Bakit ka kabado at namumula?” Yuyu held my arms na, stopping me slapping her any further. And then she held my hands habang tinitingnan niya yung mukha ko na namumula na rin. 

 

“Ewan ko! Bakit ngayon ka lang?” I whined. Tinry kong kumawala sa hawak niya. She let go of me then. “What were you doing?” 

 

“Sorry, Yuyu. I had to do something for the class kasi.” She explained.

 

“Bakit?” Hinampas ko siya ulit. 

 

“Aray, ano ba? Yuyu naman.” Hinihimas niya yung braso niya and I immediately felt bad and reached out to soothe her arm na hinampas ko.

 

“Sorry, Yuyu. Your friends kasi…ugh…basta!” Tumalikod ako at aalis na sana but she held my arm at hinihila pabalik sa cafeteria.

 

“Saan ka pupunta?”

 

“Library.” I should’ve just gone there in the first place knowing wala si Lia and Giselle during lunch. Edi nakaiwas sana ako. 

 

“Hindi ka kakain?” I was actually starving na but when I looked back sa cafeteria, nakatingin si Winter sa amin. No. I don’t think I could handle another one of their barrages. 

 

Nakurot ko si Yuyu na hindi ko sinasadya and nag-sorry ako ulit when she yelped in pain. 

 

“Basta. I have to go na. I’ll see you later na lang.” 

 

Mabilis na akong naglakad papuntang library. I didn’t dare look back at baka makita ko ulit yung pagtitig niya. 

 

Just the thought of it made me shiver. 

 

I shook my head. Why should I be even thinking about those eyes? 

 

Weird. 

 

I sighed in relief when I finally got in the library pero nawala rin agad yung relief at napalitan ng inis when I saw her again.

 

Library again?

 

Bakit palagi ko na lang siya nakikita dito

 

Was the universe really testing me? 

 

Bakit tuwing nakikita ko siya, gutom ako? It just makes my mood even worse. 

 

So I tried to find a seat somewhere far, somewhere quieter, and somewhere I wouldn’t see her. 

 

Pumunta ako sa may sulok and naupo dun. Thankfully, I brought my airpods so I could listen to music while reading. 

 

I had also set up a timer sa phone ko so I could have more time to leave before my next class. And maybe even have time to go to the cafeteria before my class because yes, gutom na ako. 

 

I regret some of my decisions pero mas nauna ang hiya ko kesa sa gutom ko. 

 

If only they didn’t say those things, I might have stayed.

 

So, pinandigan ko kahit kumukulo na yung tiyan ko. At mag advanced reading na lang. Nasa library na ako eh. Might as well. 

 

I managed to read a couple of pages and made some notes na din before my timer went off. Inayos ko na gamit ko and left. I was glad to know that she wasn’t there anymore.